


Jar of Hearts

by Zafona



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Big Brother, Bigotry & Prejudice, Café, Complete, Destiel - Freeform, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Inspired by Music, Internalized Homophobia, Jar of hearts, Jealousy, Love, Love Confessions, Love Story, M. Night Shyamalan this bitch, M/M, Pie, Plot, Plot Twist, Plotty, Romance, Rough Sex, Secret Relationship, Self Confidence Issues, Sex, Singing, Smut, Suicide Attempt, Valentine's Day, Wedding, awesome big brother, good guy Michael, jealous!Dean, oppressed, pie sex, self discovery, volunteering, what a twist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-28
Updated: 2013-08-20
Packaged: 2017-12-21 13:59:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 41
Words: 119,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/901101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zafona/pseuds/Zafona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>February being the supposed 'month of love' people seem to forget that it's also one of the coldest times of the year. Valentine's Day themed events in a cafe turned bar is how Dean managed the courage to speak to the locally famous singer and somehow score a date, a relationship, and a man he didn't deserve out of the deal. Destiel college/uniAU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own the characters or the songs referenced in the story.

February. Dean ruffled his jacket up to his ears and hunched his shoulders as the cold wind yanked at his body and tried to weasel its way through him. He was walking up the front steps to his college campus building; he'd only been out of his car for a few minutes and still Jack Frost nipped at his nose. Goddamn February, so cold and grey and miserable. It was one of those months that just made people want to jump off a bridge and hit the solid ice below. Not just because it was one of the dreariest months of the year but also because of the 'holiday' that landed in the middle of it.

February wasn't really a warm time of the year, as much as people liked to pretend that it was the cold nights that made the warmest memories they were full of shit and they knew it. Valentine's Day; the day for lovers. That warm fuzzy feeling when you pass around over-priced cardboard and terrible tasting chocolate, but mostly when you receive it. Another commercial holiday to show people how popular they, how cared for.

At least that's how high school had been, college was different. Somewhat. People were older, yes, but that didn't make them smarter or change their choices. And really they weren't even that much older, just out of high school most of them and it was just another year of school. So for those college students with the cash to buy a locker for the year or semester, and the ones that were also socialites and gorgeous, receiving a valentine in the locker was possible.

And Dean did, he'd opened the creaky metal container to watch a bunch of little folded notes and cards flutter down to his feet, as well as a few wrapped gifts like chocolate and candies. A small smile crept to his lips as he heard some giggles down the hall. It was forced; he always gave that smile just in case the person who had hidden the notes was watching him. It was habit already; he wasn't even sure where it was coming from anymore. Dean stooped to pick the cards up and put them in a neat little pile as he prepared for his class. He'd always received these little cards and letters in high school, stuffed in his locker, his desk, hidden in his back pack or somewhere else that he'd stumble across it later.

Dean took the pile and as much as he wanted to throw them out he put them back inside for when people weren't watching. He looked around and sighed, no one had bothered to give it to him in person, no one had the guts to do it or he just wasn't good enough. "Hand it to me or don't bother." He muttered as he closed the locker door and started away.

"Hey Dean!"

He looked toward the higher pitched voice and smiled as a few girls scurried over to him, "Ladies, good morning." The Winchester charm was on and at full blast, the half smirk-smile, cheeky tone of voice, half-lidded eyes, and even a slight bit of eyebrow movement. Dean Winchester wouldn't be caught dead talking to pretty girls without it.

"Happy Valentine's day, Dean." A few of them handed over a card each, but nothing expensive. After all, men were supposed to do the high end shopping right?

"And to you too," His smile was heart melting as he took the cards, "I actually have something for you ladies, as well." The girls giggled excitedly as he secretly reached into his locker to sneak out a few things that others had placed in it for him. He was overly proud of himself for leaving his the lock open overnight for this exact reason. "Here you are," Dean gracefully separate the items and gave one to each girl, all of which were more than happy to even get anything from  _Dean Winchester_.

He'd have been lying if he'd said he wasn't the shit, everyone wanted a piece and that was more than all right by him. Dean gave them a wink before continuing down the hall toward his class, passing by a few people handing out little heart-shaped sweets and snatching a few from the platter.

Valentine's Day, a day for the wicked, a day for the loved, the kind, the lonely, and all an excuse in one way or another. Validation wasn't a word Dean would readily use to describe it but he didn't bother to give it much more thought than that. If someone would ask he'd tell them that Valentine's day didn't prove you were worth anything, that it was just a reason for another person to feel good about themselves for either giving or getting. No one had a pure motive on Valentine's day and that's why he treated is as joke.

Love was real, he'd agree with that. Unconditional? Pure? Healthy? Dean wouldn't have said so.

The day went on and classes passed, people were excited about their plans and Dean had been asked several times what his were. Was he going to go have a romantic evening with someone, ask someone out on a first date, or maybe just go to a club and party? Every Valentine's Day was a different answer between those options, but this one seemed different somehow. Dean shrugged to the last person who asked, looking around the hall for an answer that could help him out. His eyes settled on a bulletin board where a poster had been tacked recently, a pretty little thing that stuck out from the rest with an amazing bit of photography styled with what looked like hand-rendered type.

It read:

" _Valentine's Day at The Jar; good company, good entertainment, great times."_

"There, I'm going there tonight." Dean pointed at the poster after a quick skim of the advertisement. He just wanted to give an answer but apparently it was now set in stone, judging by the way people lit up about it.

"I've heard about it," Jo nodded with a smile, "The event they're holding started last year and it's a lot of fun, at least worth a few hours. I'm glad they're doing it again."

Dean looked at the poster a little better with a bit of a nod to Jo insinuating he'd heard her, reading quickly to see where it was. "A café," he muttered mostly to himself,  _'Well could be in a lot worse places.'_

"I'd love to go! Call Jet, maybe he'd enjoy it." She nudged his arm as she made her way down the hall at his side. "Better than going to the bar every year."

"Agreed," Dean smirked and ruffled her hair up, "But I don't know if he'd want to go to a café-"

"It's the one right next to the campus, it's run by a pretty weird dude so during the day it's a café but at night they serve drinks like a bar." Jo informed him as she fixed her do, trying not to grumble about it like a schoolgirl. She was in university, damn it, she should be above all this little sister crap.

"Might be easier to convince him than I thought." Dean grinned, flipping out his phone.

* * *

Showing up early was for squares but Dean wanted a good look at the place. It was about 7pm and as Jo had mentioned earlier it was definitely a café but he could see the bar, the stools and the alcohol storage as the barista traded off with a barkeep. It was a very cute little place, Dean noted as he looked up at the walls. There were fine art pieces strewn about, some abstract as hell, there were a few environment pieces and animal paintings but what really got Dean was the photography bits. He hadn't really realized he was a bit of a fan of it until he'd seen the coffee shop's style; whoever their photographer was he had a certain technique. Particularly, Dean enjoyed the silhouette pieces, there was one shape in particular that held his attention; the profile of someone with short wispy hair, a profound nose and jaw, and just the hint of long lashes.

As Dean admired the artwork and the ambiance of the place, he came across the small stage. It almost looked like a shorter version of a runway or a catwalk, the microphone was on a circular piece that stuck out from the rest and further into the crowd. Dean smiled at it and picked a table that would be a great position to see their entertainment for the night. Valentine's day? In a café-bar? The odds were good that they'd get some sexy lady dancing up there and he wanted the best seat in the house.

A waitress went to his side almost immediately, the uniform a cute and slimming kind of piece that Dean thought for sure was vaguely based off a French maid. He gave a smile and ordered a coffee and a piece of pie, it was at least an hour or two before the real fun started, might as well get some pie time in.

Time ticked by, he watched some people trickle in, the workers rushing about to put up the last of the decorations, some of the coffee shop people leave before it got too rowdy, and then finally his friends showed up. The first one in was taller than him, shaggy brown hair and a mean neutral look. That didn't last long, however, as he spotted Dean and lit right up. "Dude!"

"Jet, good to see you." Dean smiled and rose, catching Jet's hand in a quick shake before they pulled each other in for a solid smack to the back.

"You too," Jet grinned as he pulled away and chose a chair, "Been a while since you went back to school, hardly ever see you."

"Tell me about it, guess I forget with everything going on." Dean smiled, about to sit down when he spotted Jo walking in with an older man on her tail. "Jo! Benny! Welcome to the party." He called with a laugh, bowing his head as Benny tipped his hat.

"Shut up, party don't start 'til we walk in." Benny joked, earning himself a smack from Dean on the arm.

"Don't quote bad music, man."

"Noted. So where's the party?" Jo looked around, admiring the scenery and decorations. "It's really nice in here though."

"They'll dim the lights yet," Benny sighed as he lowered himself into his chair, "Gotta set the mood."

Not moments later did the room darken and the bar light up, people already moving to get their first drinks of the night. The chatter grew and soon the room was over taken with sounds of people having a good time, there were couples at the single tables and groups at the larger ones, a few double dates and some even just single people at the counter. And a café worker passed everyone; all given a jar, a pen, and several little paper hearts. Dean looked at the smile on her face and motioned toward his new items, "What're these for?"

"Oh, well it's our Valentine's day event. Everyone writes their names on the hearts and can put a heart in the jar of the people that they like. Winner gets a date night package, movie tickets, and dinner in participating restaurants of their choice." She smiled brightly and motioned toward the pens, "Get writing, there'll be jars to put your names in soon enough."

Jet chuckled and clicked his pen a few times, "Well at least all of our names are fairly short or this'd be a pain in the ass."

Dean smirked, "Yeah, seems kind of stupid doesn't it?"

"Just write your damn name, Winchester." Jo punched him in the shoulder as some sick form of incentive.

Dean listened but didn't see much of a purpose to it, maybe he'd go hit on a few pretty girls and get a free movie out of it. And if the date went well then that would mean sex at the end too, not really much of a gamble. The only problem was he'd be disappointed if he didn't get a lot of hearts in his jar.

However the evening picked up and soon there was too much going on for him to really care about his stupid jar and the paper hearts. It was fun, at first the music was just played from the speakers and there were several karaoke singers to start the night off. People who already knew what was up were wandering around and checking out the different jars they might put their hearts in. The event and evening would officially start in a few minutes and by the look of it there was a man on stage setting up the microphone for their entertainment. Dean smiled; excited for the different possibilities of who he'd get to see up there.

"Hello everyone," A young woman stepped out to speak first, her uniform slightly different from the others. Dean recognized her as the bartender; he glanced over to see a few others were passing out drinks that night. A few people clapped when they saw her on stage, some whistling at her and the general 'she's hot' reaction. "Settle down, single boys." She winked which only got her more attention, "Alright, alright, and ladies!" More cheering for her, the room getting loud and Dean realized that this little coffee bar was actually pretty popular. He wondered why he'd never come here before.

"Okay, okay. Let's get on with this game, shall we? For those of you who are new to this, you were all given a few things when you got here. The jar is yours, hold onto it because you're gonna need it to win. Everyone was given ten hearts; you need to put your name on them for them to count, okay? The point of this is to put your hearts in the jars of people you like, the person with the most hearts with names on them at the end of the night gets the date night prize."

Jet smirked and looked over at the others, "If we really didn't care we could pool our ten in one person's jar and we'd be done with it."

"You don't know that it'd work. Besides, this sounds like fun." Jo smiled and looked around the bar.

"And I guess we've left you all waiting for too long, haven't we? Let's get our entertainment out here! Tonight's a treat for all of you, by much request Valentine's Day this year will be sung by Castiel Novak! Let's give our beautiful babe a round of applause!"

Dean couldn't say he wasn't intrigued by the name, Castiel? It was so different, exotic. He sat up in his seat as the curtains moved to reveal the band set and the lights behind them silhouetting the figure coming forward. That quickly vanished to reveal a trim man in a fitted suit. It wasn't even one of the plain suit and tie kind of things either, the colours matched, there were extra pieces to the suit like a vest and other things that Dean couldn't ever name if he tried. This guy looked  _sharp_ , it reminded him of something Jo had said once about women in lingerie and men in fitted suits.

Only for a moment Dean fooled himself into thinking this person wasn't gorgeous, this man couldn't possibly be beautiful or catching. But whom was Dean kidding? Everything about his walk caught the eye; the slight sway of his hips and shift of his back was subtle but provocative. He reached the mic and shook the bartender's hand. "Thank you, Rachel."

Dean nearly melted in his seat from the voice, staring up as this Castiel turned toward the room of people. That  _face_ , those  _eyes_ , he was beautiful.

"Good evening everyone! Let's give Rachel a round of applause, thank you Rachel." He'd taken the microphone from her so elegantly, his voice was smooth and had the hint in it that he could be as rough and tumble as anyone else. As the clapping subsided he smiled out at the patrons and Dean swore he'd lost the feeling in his legs. "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you all for choosing me tonight. And if you didn't then let me show you why you're wrong."

"He's cute," Jo whispered, earning a shrug from the guys at her table aside from Dean, which only caught her attention.

"Let the event begin, and I'll start it off with something slow, we'll be taking requests throughout the night so come on up and we'll see what we can do. In the meantime we'll be covering Alanis Morissette's 'Head over Feet'." As the band started to play and Castiel began immediately.

" _I had no choice but to hear you._

_You stated your case time and again._

_I thought about it."_

Dean couldn't think of anything as he listened, watching the way Castiel was so into the music, the song and the feeling of the room. He wasn't going to sing any of the douchey songs where they go on about how hot someone was, he was singing love songs. And the way he did it, he really believed what he was singing, or at least he was really good at putting the passion into the words as if he were truly in love with whomever the song was meant for.

" _You've already won me over, inspite of me._

_An' don't be alarmed if I fall, head over feet._

_An' don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are._

_I couldn't help it,_

_It's all your fault."_

Castiel had looked throughout the crowd and Dean could have sworn they'd locked eyes, like Castiel was staring into him and connecting with him. Like maybe Dean was the person this love was meant for.

"Dean?" Jo nudged him and snapped his attention back to the table. "You paying attention?"

"Yeah, sorry. What happened?" Dean turned to look at everyone, trying to ignore the smirks on their faces.

"Just talkin' 'bout you." Benny glanced at Jet who only smirked in return.

"Come on, let's enjoy the evening." Jet lifted his bottle, "To every sad soul at home drinking alone, this is for you guys."

"You're an asshole." Jo kicked him under the table, barely getting a reaction.

"And you're abusive." Benny smiled and clinked glasses with Jet as the others did the same.

The evening continued on and several times people came up with requests, love song after love song. Castiel had stepped down to let someone else take the stage to say something to their girlfriend or boyfriend. When he came back he started with another song that Dean had the free moments to listen to, a cover of Alicia Keys' 'Fallin'' and Dean couldn't believe the vocal chords on this stunning man. With every song, cheesy, dorky, or otherwise, Dean could feel something slipping.

And with enough alcohol in everyone's systems it no longer mattered what was going on. The others had scooted off to talk to people to fill their jars, hoping maybe they'd win the prize. Dean didn't care; he would have much rather sat and watched this apparently famous café performer sing his heart out to the love struck patrons of the bar. Dean's mind had protested to this, staring at a man when there were beautiful women to hit on. But again, the more alcohol he drank the less it seemed to matter. And even then he hadn't been drinking all that much, it was just the atmosphere of the place. Everyone was giving everyone hearts and hurrying about to talk to almost everyone.

Dean's jar was already pretty full but it was nothing compared to the jar that sat on the stage at Castiel's feet. It was nearly over flowing and after each song Castiel had to bend over to smush the little paper hearts further down. This time when he did Dean called over from his seat, which was right in front of the stage so he was easy to hear. "How about Everlong by the Foo Fighters?"

Castiel looked up and Dean felt a jolt in his spine, an awkward little smile coming to his lips to try and show confidence. "You got it, baby."

Dean felt his mouth go dry as the music started up, something a little older and a bit of a different beat than the other songs that had played. Castiel had a beautiful voice and he did the song justice, Dean had lost himself in it all as the song played out.

" _And I wonder,_

_When I sing along with you;_

_If everything could ever feel this real forever._

_If anything could ever be this good again._

_The only thing I'll ever ask of you,_

_You've got to promise not to stop when I say when."_

The song ended and Castiel took a slow breath, "Alright everybody, that's it for me tonight! Thank you again, I love you all. Everybody have a good night, stay safe."

Dean felt a little empty to watch Castiel leave the stage, taking his little jar with him. And then Dean realized he hadn't put his hearts anywhere, but who to give them to? Well Castiel seemed to be the only person to catch his attention so they should go to him. Dean's decision was quick, to the point, and entirely naïve. He hadn't realized that being face to face with Castiel would bring anything out in him, and yet there he was, struggling to get to the bar where the singer had taken a stool.

"Hey stranger," Dean said as he leaned over Castiel's side, catching the other man slightly off guard. "You got room in your jar for my heart?"

For a second those blue eyes just blinked and stared at him but soon Castiel's face cracked a smile and he laughed, openly and outwardly laughed at Dean. "Oh! Oh my god!" He wheezed for a breath as Dean stole the bar stool next to him, "That made my night."

"Well I'm glad I could return the favour." Dean turned on the charm to the best of his abilities, not overly dramatic or cheesy but enough to keep Castiel's attention. "You sing here often?"

"Every Friday night," Castiel's smile stayed though it had grown a little subtler. Beautiful really was the only word that Dean's mind could produce to describe him. "You enjoyed it?"

"Very much, you have a beautiful voice." Dean was glad he managed to get the word out.

"Thank you, what's your name?" Castiel eyes glanced down for a second before snapping back up to meet his and Dean felt his tongue go numb.

"I'm uh… Dean, Dean Winchester." The slight stutter seemed to bring a laugh out of the other man who finally got his first drink of the night.

"Well Dean, it's a pleasure to meet you." Castiel tipped his head before taking a swig from his beverage, something a little fancier Dean noticed.

"Likewise."

The floor was cleared of tables and the music started to play louder, more upbeat and people started to move onto the dance floor that had been prepared. Castiel looked over there with that half smile, just quietly observing things but it was enough of an opening for Dean to take the hearts from his pocket and place them all in Castiel's already full jar. The blue-eyed stranger hadn't missed the gesture, however.

"For me?" He looked up and Dean was surprised to see even a hint of shock there.

"Yeah," Dean grinned, starting to feel cocky in the fact that Castiel seemed to be giving him more attention than anyone else.

Of course that was somewhat short lived when a few girls came to get a picture with him. Castiel of course couldn't say no, his sweet demeanor, Dean realized, wouldn't allow it.

' _He's… such an adorable guy.'_  Dean felt his pulse quicken as Castiel smiled in the quick little photos, one after another because more people came to do the same. A few autographs because it seemed polite to do it. Dean couldn't believe he hadn't heard about this place sooner, though a Friday night is when he would have been in a bar or a club, not in a supposed café right outside the campus grounds. "Looks like The Jar is my new favourite Friday night hang out," He mused with a smirk.

"Really?" Castiel raised an eyebrow as he sat down again, surprising Dean a little. Castiel wasn't supposed to have heard that. "You aren't bothered by the fact that we do covers?"

"I'm serious, and it doesn't bug me. Why reinvent the wheel, right?" He knew it wasn't the same when it came to music but it seemed to get Castiel's smile back. "So I have a question for you."

"Shoot, Romeo."

Dean chuckled and shook his head, leaning forward a little more seriously he said "You have any raisins?"

Castiel made a face, his nose scrunched up and eyes narrowed, brow furrowing as he tried to make sense of the question's possible meaning. "Uhm… no?"

"No? Then how about a date?" Dean waggled his eyebrows as Castiel immediately caught on to the pick up line.

"You are terrible, Dean Winchester!" Castiel laughed and turned away, his smile wide from ear to ear. He glanced at Dean who only wiggled his eyebrows a second time to suggest the same, getting another laugh out of the singer. "Alright," Castiel conceded evenly, an air of confidence and excitement about him. "A date it is, let me give you my number."

And even as they counted everyone's hearts that night, even when it was all over and Dean had that number in his phone, he was still dumbstruck. He'd just asked out a man, a performer, a locally famous singer named Castiel. And Castiel was classy as fuck, as Dean had come to know over the course of their evening. Classy, alluring, graceful and kind, Castiel managed to show all these things in the span of an hour or two.

All of those things and more, and Dean had stepped out of his beliefs and comfort zone to ask him out on a date. Of course, Castiel won the prize at the end of the night, which meant a movie and dinner. When he went up to receive it he looked directly at Dean with a wink but that was all the public awareness that got out.

"Figures," Jo smiled, "of course the guy singing for us all night would get the prize. They shouldn't let the staff play."

"He volunteers, actually." Benny shrugged, "From what I hear anyway."

"No kidding?" Dean looked over, "So he's got a second job then?"

"Dunno, I just know that he's related to the guy that owns this place."

Dean looked down at his phone and the number it held, the name spelled out in the same typeface as everything else even though Dean felt like maybe it should be more unique. More like the man he'd just met. But that was probably just the alcohol talking. He was sure he'd regret this decision in the morning.


	2. Chapter 2

At first he thought maybe it was just a dream, Thursday night had been the first Valentine's Day that he couldn't quite believe had happened. Making breakfast the morning after was mostly quiet, he didn't want to wake the rest of the household with loud music or anything. However he caught himself singing every now and then, just little bits he'd remember from the night before, "And I wonder, when I sing along with you. If everything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever feel this good again…"

"Dean?" Sam's sleepy head peered at him from the dining room, which was conveniently connected to the kitchen where Dean had been busy making breakfast. "How'd last night go?"

A chuckle escaped the older Winchester as he shrugged, "Not sure how to describe it-"

"You met someone!" Sam was immediately bright eyed and bushy tailed, sitting on a chair and leaning forward excitedly. "Well? Who is she? What's she like? Is she upstairs right now? Did you bring her home?"

"Whoa, calm down there." Dean immediately turned back to the eggs he was preparing, trying not to face his little brother. Sam of all people would recognize his expressions, know something was up. Best to keep his eyes and face away from Sam's sights. "Don't you have homework or something to do?"

"You know I do," Sam smirked and glanced over at Dean's cell phone, precariously left in the middle of the table. He eyed his brother for a second before quietly scooping the device up and sifting through it for the new cell phone number. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a nosy relative. "Mostly just preparation for the LSAT though, you know that already."

"Well then go prepare or something." Dean sighed, scraping the scrambled eggs onto a plate, leaving space for the toast and bacon frying. "But if you must know, no there's nobody upstairs-"

"So there  _is_  someone!"

' _Goddamn it.'_  Dean thought miserably.

"Castiel? Interesting name."

The name burned into Dean's head, his eyes widening as he turned to see Sam with his phone, "You little shit! Give that back!"

Sam grinned, he was incredible at getting information from Dean. Had he known for sure this person Dean met was named Castiel? No of course not, but Dean's reaction gave it all away. "You haven't texted her yet, what's going on Dean? Need some help?" Sam was already out of his chair and scooting backward, keeping the phone angled away from Dean who was starting after him.

"Sam," Dean warned low, his eyes glaring holes through the pesky 22 year-old.

The evil little smirk on Sam's face before he bolted made Dean want to collapse into a heap of nothing. But that didn't mean he'd let Sam get away with it, if anyone figured out the person he'd met the night before was a guy he'd never live it down. He'd probably have to move away, change his name, Dean Smith or something. He shuddered inwardly. The bathroom door slammed shut and Dean crashed into it just as hard. "Sam! Open this door! Give me back my phone you little twit!"

"Dean?" Mary walked over from her bedroom, an eyebrow raised and concern edging into her features. "What's going on?"

"Sam's being a brat mom, don't worry about it." Dean offered a smile before pounding on the door again.

She chuckled and started toward the kitchen, "Boys, can't live with 'em."

Dean continued to smile at her until she was gone, his serious face taking over again as he threatened his little brother through the frame. "I'm going to gut you, you know that?"

"She replied," Sam said as he opened the door, tossing the phone into Dean's surprised and fumbling hands. The triumphant walk of his was enough to make Dean want to strangle him, but instead of getting some kind of revenge he looked directly to the text conversation Sam had started.

_D: Good morning beautiful_

Dean fought the urge to die right there.

_C: Hello Dean, you're up early_

_D: You're up too_

_C: Touché. So we going to pick a day for that date or did you change your mind?_

_D: No, no, of course not. I was actually going to ask you if tomorrow evening works_

_C: That sounds lovely, Dean. What time?_

That was where Sam had stopped, just leaving it there for him to pick up where he'd left. Dean's hands felt twitchy as he walked awkwardly to the dining room again, he'd left his breakfast there so it was as good a destination as any. Really his mind wasn't in the game, he was only able to think about what he was going to do Saturday evening. A date with a man. A date with a man? He was about to do something homosexual. Against the way he was raised, against the beliefs he'd grown up with, he was about to go on a date with a man.

Maybe he could back out now? Before his reputation was altered, before people that knew him as a lady-killer, lady's man, womanizer, whatever else saw what he was about to do. Before his family saw it. What would they say? The oldest, the strongest, the one that was meant to pick up the family torch and carry it was about to do something queer? It didn't fit his personality, did it? He was masculine, manly and tough as he needed to be, he would never lust after another man.

But then he couldn't get that smile out of his mind. It was so natural and clear, lacking any kind of deceit or lies. It was bright, lit up his face and a room all in one. It was beautiful, sincere, and endearing.

Dean shook his head, no. That didn't matter, he'd seen a lot of pretty smiles before. He'd just have to tell Castiel that this was a mistake.

But that  _name_  rolled through his mind like thunder.  _Castiel_. He could say it to himself over and over, in fact he already had the night before. Castiel, it was sweet and elegant, delicate but all kinds of powerful. It sent a shiver down his spine the more often his brain repeated it.

He hesitated, his thumb flicking over the buttons on his phone as he started to return the text. He wasn't sure what to say. Turn him down? Accept it and go on the date? What could it really hurt, right?

_D: I'll pick you up around 7 maybe?_

Dean waited, his bottom lip curling in to be bitten and dragged between his teeth over and over. He ignored Sam's little smiles, Mary's curious looks, and even the cooling breakfast in front of him. The following few moments felt like years as he waited, maybe he'd waited to reply to the last text too long? What if Castiel was angry with him? What if-

A little ding had Dean's attention faster than his mom's pie, and that was quite the accomplishment.

_C: Of course, however I probably won't be able to make it home in time, do you think you could pick me up from the animal shelter on Elm Street?_

Dean made a bit of a face at that, animal shelter? Why couldn't this guy go out and pick a cat to adopt earlier in the day? Regardless he wasn't about to just say no on that count.

_D: Sounds good, I'll be there around 7._

And that was that, his date had been made official and it was the next evening. He reread the texts again, and again until he'd memorized them. Part of him wanted to thank Sam but he was too masculine for shit like that. Instead he punched his younger brother in the shoulder and walked off to go 'work on the car' or something.

It really stuck out to him, how Castiel had used his name in his replies. It felt different than if he'd just said 'that sounds lovely, what time?' It felt much more intimate, and the thought of that scared him a little. He couldn't help but ask himself what he was doing, what the hell was going through his mind as he went through with this? This was a man he'd asked out. Castiel had the same set of genitals that Dean did, short hair,  _stubble_ on his face, and a deeper voice. Everything he'd remembered from growing up and school said this was wrong, his attention should be on the opposite sex.

So then why did Castiel captivate him like he did? With those eyes that shine, pink kissable lips, and hair that he just wanted to run his fingers through? Dean couldn't bring himself to explain it but regardless he'd at least keep his mouth shut about it. He stopped questioning it as he raided his wardrobe for something decent, his mind no longer in the game to do so.

"I don't own anything good enough!"

Sam snorted a laugh into his coffee and had to put it down, his eyes flicking up toward his mom who rolled her eyes at the drama of her children. "You boys need to move out or something." She joked after placing a plate of food in front of him.

"C'mon, I'm focusing on school right now, I can't get a job to pay for rent too-"

"Just eat, you lazy kid." Mary kissed the top of his head.

* * *

Saturday. It was barely six and Dean was already showered, dressed, and ready to head out the door. He knew it didn't take that long to get to the shelter, but somehow he managed to convince himself he could make the trip last an hour. That was about ten minutes ago when he'd left the house. He was now parked outside the building. "Yeah this isn't creepy or desperate or anything…" He muttered to himself as he cut the engine and leaned back in his seat. His mind started to fill itself with thoughts of Castiel, the way he looked in that suit and how badly Dean wanted to take him out of it.

He paused and considered that again, he hadn't actually sexualized Castiel that much. He'd been obsessed with the look of him, yes, but also very interested in who Castiel was as a person. Dean shook his head and ran a hand down his face, that also wasn't normal behaviour for him when it came to people he went out with. But what was normal for him? He hadn't exactly gone on many dates in the past year. Each time he'd been with someone it was a one-night stand and after that he'd mostly just taken off and not called back.

Castiel was different. They'd only spoken for a few hours at the café but Dean could already tell the difference. Castiel was better than a one-night stand, he was someone whose presence demanded respect at the very least. Dean bit his lip and looked at the clock, finding that he'd only managed to kill about five minutes with thinking. And it was that moment Dean realized he couldn't just wait around until 7. "I could go inside early, why not? It's an animal shelter." He muttered as he stepped out of the car and strolled across the road.

Dean wasn't sure what to expect. He'd assumed Castiel was in there wanting to adopt an animal or something. Opening the door Dean immediately noticed a body hunched over on the floor, a nice set of jeans clinging and sliding down an ass he somewhat recognized. This person was reaching underneath a suspended shelf, on their hands and knees, rear-end in the air. He paused to admire the sight, thinking to himself that maybe attraction wasn't what he was feeling for Castiel because clearly he still enjoyed- Dean froze when the person sat up, short dark hair coming into view now.

"Oh," Castiel turned to look over his shoulder, a bright smile spreading over his face, "Hello Dean."

"Uh…" Dean was at a loss for words. Somehow he'd managed to trick himself into thinking that ass belonged to a woman. His brain was so used to staring at women's behinds that he really and truly believed that Castiel bent over on the floor could be nothing else. "Hi. Whatcha doin' down there?"

"Getting Richy out from his hiding place." Castiel lifted a long, furry thing that Dean could only make a face at.

"Is that like the wiener dog version of a rat?"

"It's a ferret," Castiel corrected him calmly, getting to his feet and placing Richy on his shoulders. "You're early," He smiled at Dean over his shoulder again as he went to put the animal back in its cage.

"Yeah…" Dean shrugged and looked around, "Figured I'd come look at the animals with you."

"Look at?"

"Well yeah, what else are you doing here?"

"I volunteer here a few days a week." Castiel said as he went to sanitize his hands, "I enjoy it."

Dean blinked a few times, his mind telling him that that probably made more sense than Castiel picking out a cat to adopt at 7 in the evening. "That makes a lot of sense." He murmured as he watched the other male move around the shop, carefully catching the free and loose animals and putting them back in their proper spaces. Castiel was wearing nice jeans as Dean had already noticed, a tight fitting black shirt that rode up very easily, and a green smock over his front for whatever reason the shelter asked him to. Dean was really enjoying the sight, he smiled as he leaned against the counter, not even caring that there was an older dog roaming around and bumping his legs every now and then.

"You're really good with them." He mused, "You work alone?"

"Only at the end of the day, in the last hour or so." Castiel rubbed his hands down the front of his smock, sliding them backward to rest on the curve of back right above his butt. If that wasn't the hottest thing Dean had seen so far he would like to desperately remember what topped it. "Sorry, you must be really bored."

"Not at all, actually its nice to see you more down to earth and less of a celebrity on stage."

There was that laugh again, the one that made Dean want to do everything in his power to stay right by Castiel's side in order to hear it again. "You're cute, you know that?" Castiel smiled again, or continued to do so, Dean couldn't remember anymore. In fact his brain nearly short-circuited at the compliment.

"You haven't looked in a mirror, have you?" He grinned in return, hoping he was witty enough for another laugh. Castiel scoffed instead, a lighthearted sound that was good enough for Dean.

"No, if we were talking about physical attractiveness I wouldn't define you as… cute." In that little pause Castiel's eyes trailed down Dean's body and for the first time in a long time Dean felt self-conscious. Worried about Castiel's opinion of him, what he thought of what he saw.

"Then how would you describe me?" Dean couldn't find anything else to say, he had momentum with the style of flirting he'd chosen and he couldn't stop now.

Castiel however didn't reply with words, his eyes were half-lidded for a split second as he curled his lower lip in to bite it playfully. He chuckled and went back to setting up for the rest of the night, Dean staring in shock at the same place, not sure what to say. "If you'd describe  _me_  as cute then I'm doing something wrong."

Dean turned his head just in time to see Castiel winking back at him before bending over the counter to reach something without having to open the little swinging door. It was like he was displaying himself just for Dean, though maybe his ego was a little on the high side at that moment. "You uh… You're not doing  _anything_  wrong, Cas."

Castiel snatched up the keys and swung them around on his finger before pushing them into his pocket. "Thanks, I actually really appreciate that." His innocent little smile was such a lie and Dean knew it. There was something about this one, this guy that he couldn't shake.

Soon the smock was off and Castiel retrieved his heavy winter coat from the back room. "Alright, let's get this show on the road."

"Fantastic, I'm starving." Dean found it a bit easier to think straight when Castiel covered himself entirely in a bulky coat that left everything to the imagination. And at the same time his face, that smile,  _those eyes_  were still far too distracting. Despite himself, Dean had a good feeling about this guy.


	3. Chapter 3

"Wow," Castiel breathed out softly, approaching the Impala with a kind of grace Dean couldn't keep his eyes off. "This is your car?"

"Yeah, that's my baby." He felt the pride swell in his chest and a little bit of irregularity in his heartbeat. The next words out of Castiel's mouth could make or break the rest of the evening. Dean didn't particularly like people who didn't appreciate his car, he didn't care if they weren't savvy with the mechanics of a vehicle but as long as they didn't dis her it was all fine by him.

"I can't believe how great it looks, it must be like 45 years old." Bright blue eyes skipped back toward Dean, a little smile spreading across Castiel's lips, "You're a car guy, aren't you?"

Dean felt the heat in his cheeks as he smiled but tried to ignore it, "I know a thing or two." He ran his hand along the hood affectionately, "But enough about that for now, you still got your winnings from Valentine's?"

"Of course," Castiel grinned as he produced the coupons from his pocket. Dean was a tad surprised, sure the coupons were thin plastic but Castiel's pants fit so well to his hips that Dean thought for sure he'd notice anything in those pockets. "There are a few options for the dinner so let's get to picking."

A fancy restaurant wasn't what Dean was expecting and to his relief Castiel wasn't particularly keen on the idea either. There were a list of places that would accept their gift from the Jar cafe and among them were a few high-end places, some mediocre, and then there were even some fast food kind of locales. It was weird to see such diverse eateries accepting the coupon but then again it was a Valentine's Day thing so that made some sense. Not to mention Valentine's Day had fallen on a Thursday night, meaning most people would have saved their goings out for the weekend anyway. It was a nice approach and Dean was glad for the options as they sat together in the Impala checking place availabilities.

Cas sat quietly looking over the different locations in his phone, to see what was closest to them as well as a decent theatre. Dean couldn't help but stare at the way he curled his bottom lip in as he thought, chewing lightly on it unconsciously, slowly driving Dean a little crazy. He hadn't quite met a guy like Castiel before, or anyone for that matter. Dean had been the popular jock in high school, the guy who was too busy scoring women to really try with his grades or volunteer work. He met people like himself, hung out with people like himself, never really trying to talk to the 'goody-two-shoes' kinds of people. Castiel would have been one of them, the extra curricular, volunteering, student-council kind of guy. Cas was gay to boot, meaning he would have been on the bully radar for sure, or at least avoided like the plague.

"Alright," Castiel finally spoke up, smiling over at Dean who tried to look like he'd been doing anything but staring at him. "I don't want to do anything too fancy but a free meal would be wasted on something cheap like fast food. So here's what we do; we go to a semi-formal place with sit-in dining like Montana's, there's one close-ish to here. It's a bit further from a theatre but since you have a car I wouldn't worry too much about it, sound good?"

"Sounds fantastic, I think I know which one you're talking about so let's get a move on." Dean put her into reverse and backed off the animal shelter's lot, still smiling like an idiot with a light blush on his cheeks. The way Castiel lit up with his plan was too cute for a man to ever be, bright, devious eyes glinting in the evening sunlight and that telling little smirk on his lips. No man could ever be that way, could they? Able to do these things to Dean Winchester, prom king in high school and straighter than a meter stick?

 _'Straight, huh?'_  He thought unamused to himself,  _'Still gonna play it up straight even though you're on a date with a man?'_  It was a good question really; one he decided he'd answer at the end of the night.

"So you said you usually work Friday nights at the Jar, you worked yesterday too?" Dean asked without taking his eyes from the road for too long, he didn't want to stare again, especially not while driving. Dying from embarrassment is all good but dying for real because he was a bad driver was entirely different.

"Yeah I did, it was pretty busy. You'd be surprised at how many people save their Valentine's Day celebrations for the weekend."

"Isn't that what we're doing?"

Castiel blushed a little, "I suppose."

Dean knew he should have said more but he was stuck admiring the pink in Castiel's cheeks, the way it radiated and only seemed to increase the attraction Dean was feeling. "So uh..." he tried to force himself to speak, say something, anything to keep the conversation going. He couldn't let the first little while of their date be spent in awkward silence, not with Castiel. "You... sing a lot of cover songs, ever think of writing your own?"

"I actually only seem to sing cover songs, I've written some before but nothing was good enough. It's not what the people want to hear, you know?" Dean was mesmerized by Castiel's movements and little habitual quirks; a slender hand running through soft, dark hair, pink tongue darting out to wet dry lips every few sentences, and of course the way his eyes started low and flicked up to meet Dean's. "They want something popular that they all know the words to, something they can dance to, et cetera. I've managed to weasel in more my tastes since I started but I'm still stuck with a lot of their line up."

Dean furrowed his brow, "That kinda sucks."

"Yes but I can't really do anything about it, it's not that big of a deal really." Castiel's fingers trailed on the indents in the seat below him, his eyes drifting down to them like they were trailed by magic or something. Though if Dean really thought about it he'd have realized it looked more like Castiel had wanted to say something.

Of course, he was too dense for that kind of realization. "Got any other hobbies?" Luckily Dean unconsciously caught a hint he hadn't been able to notice he should have. He did, however, notice the little way Castiel sighed in relief and looked up with that smile again.

"Plenty though I doubt you're interested in hearing me talk about them."

"I guess I'll learn them over time," Dean winked across at Cas who barely reacted all, it was the most subtle thing and yet more powerful than anything else he could have done. The little seductive movement of his eyelids as his eyes drifted along Dean's torso briefly before meeting Dean's gaze, as well as the way his lips quirked up at the corners sent a small shiver running down his spine. How was that even fair? He was the one who made a hint at them going out, how was Castiel allowed to get the satisfaction of getting him to squirm? "You're cheating, I'm pretty sure." Dean chuckled as he pulled into the parking lot of their chosen Montana's.

"Cheating? How so? And in what?" Castiel furrowed his brow to try and hide the way he was forcing down a smile, adjusting the collar of his jacket to cover his neck properly and shield him from the cold wind outside.

"In this whole flirting thing, I'm pretty sure you're cheating."

"Again, how?"

"Not sure yet, but even when it's my move you get me blushing and it's supposed to go the other way around." Dean nodded mostly to himself as he shut the car off, not seeing Castiel out of the corner of his eye as his date leaned over and lightly pecked his cheek.

"Who says you have to get me blushing?" Castiel whispered in his ear, a husky, breathy few words that nearly lit Dean's face on fire.

"You little-" He was about to retaliate but Castiel was already hopping out the other side, a fading laughter as he closed the door behind him. Dean caught himself smiling after the man, and not in some stupid 'I'm going to get you' but in pure adoration. A feeling he didn't think he should be even thinking about this early on, he hadn't even decided if he was really going to do this 'gay' thing. But that was a whole different story, wasn't it? This date wasn't about being gay; it was about going to dinner with another guy. Dean had had meals with his male friends before, no harm no foul. No one was saying he was gay for Castiel. A relationship wasn't necessarily 'boyfriends', they could be just friends. That was possible too.  _'Getting ahead of yourself.'_  He thought before climbing out and following Castiel to the front door,  _'One step at a time.'_

"For how many?" The greeter was smiling at Castiel when Dean caught up, quickly stepping into place beside the other man to try and seem like they were together but not.

"Two, please." He asserted ahead of Castiel, trying to pretend he didn't see the little look on Castiel's face when the slightly shorter male glanced his way. Dean could even feel the tips of his ears burning when Castiel's fingers laced in between his, their hands clasped together.

The woman smiled even brighter and grabbed two menus as she started walking, "Right this way, gentlemen."

"Thank you," Castiel spoke for them now, as it seemed Dean's tongue was tied.

Dean wasn't sure what was coming over him, what Castiel was doing to him mentally. He was either overly excited to be holding Cas' hand or he was terrified of the public show of affection. He flexed his fingers a little, trying to subtly find out the answer but it seemed to backfire. Castiel's hand flinched and before Dean could really say anything the other male pulled away.

"Sorry, I suppose that was too forward?" Castiel spoke softly, looking away as he seated himself.

"No, no I uh..." Dean could have punched himself for this, especially when he realized that the immediate feeling following Castiel's retreat wasn't relief but regret. "I should apologize." He wasn't sure what he should apologize for exactly, the fact that he'd been trying to keep it more like friends going for dinner when he'd clearly asked Castiel out on a date? Or maybe he should apologize by saying he'd been mistaken and asking Castiel out wasn't something he wanted to do? Dean looked up and felt his chest tighten, Castiel wasn't giving him any special looks or smiles, just a neutral little expression of minor curiosity. That's all it was, and yet it still stopped Dean in his tracks. Was this someone he really wanted to let go of?

"Dean?"

He snapped out of it and focused on Castiel's face again, this time really paying attention, "Yeah?"

"Don't try to take blame for it, I kissed your cheek and held your hand, I'm sorry for moving so fast. I guess... It's been a long time since I went out with anyone and I like you, so I'm a bit awkward maybe." Castiel had looked away shyly, his hand moving to rub the back of his neck and for a second Dean thought he was falling.

"No, the pace doesn't bother me, Cas. You have nothing to be sorry for, I just wanted to apologize because I should have... told you something before tonight." Dean partially wanted to crawl under the table, to go home and take a year to think about anything he was going to say next, but instead he fidgeted with his fork under Castiel's gaze. "I uhm... I hope this doesn't bother you, but I've never really uh..."

Castiel giggled when Dean growled at his own inability to use words, "At least I'm not the only nervous one, that makes me feel a bit better."

Dean smiled back at him and cleared his throat, "I've never been in a relationship with... with uhm..."

"A man?" Castiel added gently, keeping his surprise to a minimum if he was shocked at all. Dean couldn't really tell.

"Yeah... I'm kind of new to it." Dean barely managed to meet Castiel's eyes but when he saw those baby blues were far from angry, he relaxed a little. "You aren't mad?"

"No, of course not." Cas smiled and looked down to play with his own utensils, "I'm curious though, why'd you ask me out if you aren't into men?"

"I'm..." Dean was surprised with himself when he found the words and they were actually what he was looking for, despite him not knowing that that's exactly what they were. "I'm not interested  _in men_ , per se... I'm interested in  _you_."

Castiel stopped and looked at him earnestly then, little playful expressions vanishing as he studied Dean's face. He opened his mouth to speak but the waitress arrived with water for the both of them, "Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

"Oh, uh not yet." Castiel smiled up at her and opened his, "Sorry, we'll just be a few minutes."

"No problem, darling, take your time."

Dean and Castiel took that moment to decide on what they wanted, if they were getting a free meal they might as well make it worth the while. Dean was more than happy to go with the steak dinner, Castiel settling for the ribs after debating those over some fish. They were quiet for a little longer until the waitress returned to take their orders and left again.

"Did you mean that?" Cas finally spoke up again, staring right into Dean's eyes this time.

"Yes, I meant it." Dean nodded firmly and folded his hands together on their table cloth, "I'd never considered going out with a guy before... The thought of it in high school, well, honestly it grossed me out. But I don't know why, I think it might be because I had no other words to describe something I knew nothing about and everyone else was pretty clear on the subject."

"That's high school, it happens." Castiel nodded and sipped at his water, Dean could hardly believe this guy's reaction. It was so calm, collected. If Dean had said the equivalent to any of the girls he'd ever dated they'd have dumped their drinks on him and stormed out. But Castiel was understanding and even helping justify it? It was weird. "So does that mean you want to give it a try?"

Dean thought on his wording for a little bit before nodding and trying to ramble past his own mental blockades. "I want to go out with you, I like you. What you are doesn't matter, I like who you are, so..." He could feel himself moving too fast, his mind racing for him.

Castiel waited a few moments until he pushed a little, "So?"

"So will you be my boyfriend?" Dean finally managed to ask. He'd moved faster with some of the girls from school though he remembered only asking so they'd sleep with him. This wasn't that. Definitely not. Sleeping with Castiel wasn't quite on his mind just yet; he just didn't want to lose the guy before he even had him.

Castiel was quiet long enough to make Dean sweat but soon the sound of his laughter replaced the silence, Cas covered his mouth to stifle it and took a calming breath. "Sorry, I'm not laughing at your question." he quickly verified before Dean could even gather the sense of self to feel bad, "It's just that I was so worried I'd moved too fast with the hand holding and you just blurt this out at me." He uncovered his smile and Dean could have sworn that Castiel's eyes were where stars were born.

"So then...?" Dean trailed off expectantly, not even realizing he'd stabbed the table in his anxiety.

"Yes, why not?" Castiel's face brightened even further and Dean was certain his heartbeat was heard around the entire restaurant.

The edge seemed to be off from then on, they managed to relax and enjoy one another's company. Castiel rolled his eyes at himself a few minutes after their food arrived. "I remember now why ribs was a bad idea..."

"Messiest item on the menu, good job." Dean chuckled as he cut into his steak.

Castiel stuck his tongue out before attempting to delicately eat his dinner. It didn't go over so well and half way through he gave up and used his hands. Dean didn't mind so much, surprisingly it was a nice change of pace from his usual dates, the prissy women who had to wipe their mouths every bite had nothing on Castiel snarling into his meat. All in all he was pretty excited, despite how fast they both knew they were moving. Boyfriend? After having spoken for maybe a grand total of 4 hours in its entirety, it was definitely faster than most. But then again, something his mom had always told him, there's no right speed for everyone.


	4. Chapter 4

"Alright, alright," Cas giggled and wiped his hands clean of the barbecue sauce, "I'll admit that maybe the puppies getting out had something to do with me, but only if you tell me something embarrassing about yourself."

Dean scoffed, "That story was hardly an embarrassment for you! Why should I have to tell one?"

"Excuse me!?" Cas laughed through his attempt to be serious. "I was mortified that all those puppies got free! People were so mad, it was awful!"

"No one's mad when a wave of puppies runs at them! Nobody!"

"Clearly you aren't familiar with the anger of elderly individuals."

Dean smiled, "You're so full of shit, but fine. When I was 15 my dad and I were working on this car together, not the Impala I'm driving now but a different one for a friend. He got a phone call and looked at me and trusted that I'd be able to finish it off on my own so he went in. I was so excited," He laughed a little anxiously, "Man was I excited. My dad, for the first time ever, let me take care of the last parts of the tune up. So of course as soon as he was gone I forgot everything there was to know about cars."

Cas laughed and shook his head, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't be so amused by that. It happens to all of us."

"Yeah well I managed to break something that hadn't needed fixing to begin with and in my panic to try and fix it before my dad got back I made it worse and by the end of it the car was pretty messed up." Dean ran his hand down his face, still chuckling at himself, "It's stupid because everything I kept messing up on were things I had done before but as soon as I got the responsibility and trust from my dad I just screwed it all up."

"Was he mad?"

"A little, I was so ashamed of myself, like I'd let him down in the worst way. He kind of laughed after he fixed it, told me he'd tell the owner that he found something else to fix up to cover my stupid ass."

Castiel snickered at his expense, not trying to hide or deny it this time. "Good job, genius."

"Hey, at least I didn't loose a legion of tiny dogs on the public."

"But everyone loves puppies, no one likes a broken car." Cas winked, basically admitting to his bullshit line of it being an embarrassment for him.

"That's so cheating, it's your turn. Embarrassing story, come on."

"No, no I couldn't-"

"C'mon Cas, it's only fair." Dean motioned with his fingers for Cas to cough it up, "Let's hear it."

Castiel played coy for a moment, a little glance over Dean's torso as if there was some sort of way to weasel out of the question waiting there. He found nothing and cleared his throat, "Fine, fine, when I was about sixteen, maybe seventeen, I had this…" He paused and pursed his lips together; hands coming up to try and shape something his mind was able to word. "I guess you could say it was a safety blanket, but it wasn't a blanket. I'd had it since I was an infant apparently, an old stuffed pig I'd named Ziggy."

Dean snorted at the name and promptly received a kick under the table.

"Don't you snort at me, mister!" He laughed out his attempt to be serious, "Anyway, we had a movie day in the gym and everyone was encouraged to bring pillows and stuffed things. I wasn't aware at the time that the 'bring stuffed things' was mostly meant for the girls so I brought Ziggy with me and held onto him. Everyone kind of laughed at me and I played it off as nothing but it was kind of embarrassing, no other guys had brought stuffed animals."

Dean smiled and shrugged, "That's not so bad, Cas. It's like wearing a costume to a Halloween party when everyone else thinks it's more of a slut night."

"Well that wasn't the end of it, someone snatched him from me and I pretty much lost my shit about it. Never steal a security blanket from someone, they'll probably punch you in the neck."

"Is that what you did?"

Cas curled his lips in, something Dean didn't like to see him do; Cas' lips were so pink and soft looking that hiding them was a crime. "Maybe… It was an extreme overreaction for stealing my stuffed pig."

"That's kind of awesome," Dean chuckled, trying not to seem like he was laughing at Castiel particularly, "Your first instinct was to go for the throat?"

"Yep. I'm like a black belt." The pride in Castiel's tone was closer to adorable than intimidating. That smile lighting up his face, his cheeks like a chipmunk's and eyes that displayed more emotions than words could ever share.

Dean had realized it several times before but it was dawning on him again that Castiel was something special. "Who are you?"

The question took Cas by surprise but it seemed to make him smile even more. "Depends on who you are, Dean. I'm either your worst nightmare," he'd leaned over the table and Dean had felt the need to do the same, not realizing he had until their faces were so close he could smell the barbecue sauce on Cas' breath. Their eyes met in that short pause and Dean heard himself suck in air, as if Castiel were stealing straight from his lungs with just a look. "Or I'm your greatest memory." He whispered and a shiver ran its course through Dean's spine, he couldn't tell if it was going up or down anymore.

* * *

An interesting date was what most people would define it as. Normal, generally accepted other than the immediate 'go out with me' line. Dean, however, would never describe it that way. Castiel was something else, a beast all his own with everything going for him. He was beautiful, funny, smart, and extremely generous. Dean wished he'd gotten the chance to ask Cas about himself more, his hobbies and what he liked to do, eat, listen to, etc. But he didn't.

That didn't mean he got nothing from their dinner together, Castiel was an amazing storyteller and judging by what he spoke about most, work and volunteering were major things in his life. Dean made a mental note to tuck away for future reference, adding to it that Cas volunteered in more places than just the animal shelter. That was just a weekend thing. Cas' 'job' was at the Jar cafe every Friday working for the owner, apparently his brother Gabriel. Dean wanted to make a comment about their names being so strange but he'd thought better of it, not wanting to outright insult Cas on their first date.

Castiel was surprisingly good at keeping things quiet, too. Dean couldn't get over Castiel's ability to see his discomfort and correct the situation/conversation immediately. It was refreshing to meet someone so considerate. But mostly Dean loved the way Cas had the ability to make him shiver, to control a situation with body language and a few choice words. If wrapping someone around your finger was possible, Dean was certain he was around Castiel's.

But that kind of talk would have to wait, the movies was up next and as much as Dean was interested in seeing the new action flick with Dwayne Johnson and really fast cars he didn't make a single suggestion for it. This was a night to be with Castiel, to see the things that Cas liked and try to impress him. Sure, they were already technically dating but that meant absolutely nothing if Dean didn't get Cas to fall for him the same way.

Castiel on the other hand was staring hard at the movie title names, his own mind starting to whir into a mess of its own. Of all the times he'd been out on a date in his life this one was different. He'd been asked to be in a relationship more times than he cared to remember and each time he turned them down, even after a third outing where they'd had dinner or coffee or something and got along great, Cas had still said no. He wasn't interested in dating anymore, he wasn't looking for a partner and he didn't want to curl up with some lovesick moron who'd change their mind later down the road. And yet here he was, first hour or so into the date he'd agreed to be this man's boyfriend without so much as a thought.

Part of him didn't know why but that part was very, very small and insignificant to the rest. Cas couldn't explain why but he could feel it, the way his heart beat erratically and thundering in his ears. How his skin felt prickly with little bumps each time he saw Dean smile and light up beautiful green eyes. No one had caught Castiel's attention like this before, he knew mostly that it was a chemical reaction in his brain but did that really change how he felt? He'd read the studies before, how the formula to fall in love was as simple as sharing deep, intimate parts of yourself and then holding eye contact for at least five minutes. But again, did that really change it? Did it make him feel colder toward others because he knew it was so easily manipulated and created? No. Sharing something personal like that wasn't so easy and so far Castiel hadn't managed to divulge anything deeply emotional about himself to Dean, and neither had Dean shared with him.

And still he could feel his fingers tingle and his heart race. It was amazing; he never thought he'd feel it again. It terrified him in so many ways but when Dean's fingers hesitantly brushed his and awkwardly tried to hold his hand, Castiel forgot all the fear again.

"Any movie you wanted to see?" Dean had asked and Cas could tell, right then and there, that Dean was interested in seeing something but didn't want to push for it.

Castiel smiled and looked at the titles again, this time actually reading them instead of falling into his own head and thoughts. From what he'd figured out about Dean so far, he figured he could discover the movie Dean was eager to see. Dean was only very recently out of the closet, and only to Castiel so that meant that he was probably the type to go over the top with how manly he was when he was younger, meaning his preference would be action film. Next Cas knew that Dean was a 'car guy', though he wasn't sure if it was just muscle cars or all cars. He was willing to bet money that Dean wanted to see the new Fast and Furious movie.

"Well I was thinking something like the Fast and Furious, if that's okay with you?"

Cas could have squealed at how cute Dean's expression was following his answer. Like it was some huge victory to see the movie he wanted, but also that Castiel would be willing to see it with him. Cas had shown appreciation for Dean's care originally but he'd also just shown interest in Dean's movie preferences, it was all adding up to a very awe struck look.

"That's exactly the one I wanted to see, let's get tickets." Dean grinned and led Cas by the hand to the box office line. Castiel tried to ignore the little flutter in his chest as he hurried along behind Dean's excited walk, he looked down at their hands and smiled, gripping Dean's tighter and exhaling softly to try and calm his nerves.

Dean looked around at all the people and figured it was about right for a weekend showing, especially after Valentine's Day. He had almost forgotten he'd taken Castiel's hand, like it just fit in his perfectly and didn't really need to shift or adjust. However he felt anxious the longer they stood together, people staring at them a little and making him feel uncomfortable. His fingers wriggled and his hand felt sweaty, Dean didn't know how to let go without making it seem like a big deal.

Except he didn't have to because Cas, true to his character, suddenly broke the contact with a surprised little "Oh!" He immediately started to rummage in his jeans for the coupon from the Jar. He hadn't needed two hands, Dean could see that immediately, but Cas made a point to use both hands to find the gift, "Here we are, almost forgot we needed it." Castiel smiled and handed it over, "There you go."

"Thanks," Dean returned the smile and they both knew he meant more than just 'thanks for the ticket.'

"No worries," Castiel pat his shoulder and looked over at the concession stand, "The prize doesn't cover snacks so I'm gonna go get us some, 'kay?"

"I can pay for-" Dean started but Cas was already hurrying away. "Cas! Cas come here for a second!"

Castiel paused, forcing himself to make a normal expression again before he walked back to Dean. He didn't need Dean seeing him upset, it'd make the evening more awkward than it needed to be. And besides, maybe he was overreacting again, Dean was calling him back. "What?"

Dean put a twenty in his hand, "I'm buying."

Cas scoffed softly and put it in his pocket before turning away, "You got it, tough guy."

Dean sighed lightly and went to the counter to get their tickets, he was so conflicted it was plain as day to Castiel and Cas had just freakin' met him. It was a little embarrassing, and really it was unfair.  _'Get your shit together, Winchester.'_  He scolded himself several times that evening, escorting Castiel into the movie and sitting somewhere in the middle of the theater.

Cas munched on the popcorn he'd bought and in the wave of the pre-show and the previews, Dean didn't much care for the big screen. He just watched the lights dance across Castiel's face until the café singer turned his head to look back. "What is it?"

"You're…" Dean wasn't sure what was going through his mind, there were so many things and yet nothing at the same time. "You're beautiful."

And for a second Dean thought he'd said something wrong because those blue eyes widened and watered, pink lips tightened and trembled, and a soft little sound escaped him. "I… I thought you were going to change your mind." Cas whispered back, "Holding my hand before, you really wanted to let go and-"

"I'm an idiot," Dean replied, cutting Castiel off, "I didn't mean to come across like that, I'm sorry."

The trailers were over and the open scene started to play, Cas glanced at the screen then back to his date, "We'll talk about it later, okay?"

"Yeah," Dean smiled and took Castiel's hand again, feeling the way it tightened on his. He hadn't realized that Cas had gotten slightly cold toward him after that moment in line but seeing him now, lit up again, it all seemed so obvious. In a dark theater holding another man's hand didn't bother Dean but he realized that public affection with another guy was actually an issue. It was something he'd have to bring up when they talked later.


	5. Chapter 5

The movie ended and after the imperative 'I need to pee' motion after drinking a super large cup of soda, the couple crept out of the theater and into the biting chill of a February night. Cas pulled the collar of his coat up and hunched his shoulders, his breath escaping with a puff of smoke, too warm in comparison to the outdoor temperature to stay invisible. Dean eagerly led them to the car where he started it up to let her run.

 

Castiel exhaled again, this time on his fingers to heat them, "Not a bad movie."

 

"It was alright, not the kind of thing you go to see for the amazing plot."

 

Cas laughed and nodded, "No, definitely not."

 

The silence that followed drifted with the sound of the Impala rumbling around them, the radio playing quietly in the background. Castiel folded his hands under his arms and tried to warm them up that way, "So… about what happened back there?"

 

"Yeah," Dean ran his hand up through his hair and down to rub his neck, wondering what kind of answer he could give. "I… I told you I've never done this before, right?"

 

"Yeah," Cas looked him over, not missing the extreme amount of discomfort Dean appeared to be sitting in. "You're worried right now, aren't you? Why?"

 

"I know that what I'm doing is really douchey but I don't want you to go. You're… you're something else, you really are and I know I'd be an idiot to lose that." Dean wished that words were easier but in the face of Castiel's earnest gaze and every bone in his body telling him not to screw this up, it all jumbled together until he wasn't sure what he was saying anymore.

 

Despite his inability to speak, Cas seemed to understand. "I can barely remember the day I came out, I don't think it even really happened like that." He was such a good storyteller, Dean didn't know the outcome of what Cas was going to say but he wanted to listen all the same. "I hadn't considered that I might have to explain to my family I was gay, I just assumed my choices were natural. So one day I came home with another boy from school, we held hands and even played house together like we were a married couple. No one said anything then and as I got older I just continued to bring boys home. The one time I had girls over was for a sleep over we'd planned and my father walked in on us doing each other's nails, there really wasn't any kind of coming that I had to do. I was just out." Castiel looked at him sympathetically, "So I can't imagine how hard it must be to actually change everyone's perception of who you are, so drastically from what they see of you."

 

"You aren't real, are you?" Dean was in awe of the reaction, there was no way something- someone this amazing was actually happening to him.

 

Castiel smiled a little and nodded, "I am, and I understand if you need to keep this quiet." He looked out the window; curling in his lower lip to bite at it like he commonly seemed to do when he was thinking, "Just… promise me that when we're not in public you'll treat me right."

 

 "I'll treat you right no matter what, Cas," Dean hopped over on the seat to sit closer so he could lean in better, "I promise you that." He tenderly kissed Castiel's cheek, feeling the cold skin burn against his lips as well as the light scratch of Cas' stubble.

 

Castiel felt the heat bubbling beneath his skin, his cheeks felt like they were glowing and everything started to pool in the warmth of the moment. He tilted his head back when Dean's lips trailed down, kissing gently and finding a few sweet spots on his neck. Cas arched against the seat but knew to stop it before it really started, if he didn't stop it now he knew what he'd end up doing. He reached over and smoothly guided Dean's head back up so their eyes could meet again. Cas could feel the light tickle of Dean's nose barely brushing against his, the warmth of Dean's breath reaching his feverish skin, and it all felt so perfect. "You're more than I thought you were." He whispered softly.

 

 "You'll always be far out of my league." Dean replied in the same hushed tone, each barely able to keep their eyes up for more than a few moments without glancing away to the other's lips. The seconds ticked by as their hands wandered, touching the most innocent of places in the dirtiest of ways. Castiel's fingers were drawn to the strength of Dean's jaw, carefully memorizing each shape and curve that they felt. Trailing their way along his throat down to his collar bone and back up to enjoy the heat of his ears.

 

 Dean's hands were more adventurous, one slipping around behind Castiel's back and feeling the shift of his muscles and sweep of his spine. The other hand brushed through the dark, silky locks to rest behind Cas' head, a vague guide to keep them close.

 

All the while their eyes were searching, for something more than permission, for a look that spoke the same as their own, and maybe they were studying for future reference. Each breath grew heavier, each touch a little more frantic and it was starting to feel like if they did anything they might wind up seeing lightning. But if they did nothing would it diffuse the situation? Or would they explode?

 

 In all the tension and pressure, neither of them really knew what they were waiting for. It was a silent notion, Castiel stopping Dean moments before, that they'd wait a bit for the physical. That touching this way wasn't appropriate just yet, that was the implication. But nothing was really stopping them now; they both wanted it and why drag it out? Why wait? Cas' hands drifted from Dean's collarbone and pressed against the hard muscle of his chest, dragging down his abs to his stomach and slipping over his hips. It was as sensual a touch as it was sexual and Dean wasn't sure what the shivers running down his spine were from. Wandering fingers, light whispers and soft gasping as the passion in their caresses rose.

 

Neither could explain the hunger boiling in them, and they really didn't care to. Castiel smiled as their bodies pulled together, something they hadn't quite been aware was happening. The heat of Dean's torso pressed against him, he could feel Dean's breath still and hear how labored it'd become. The swelling feeling in his belly only seemed to rush through him; it was becoming harder and harder to just stare. Castiel swallowed past the little worries in his mind and let them drift away, it didn't matter what he'd been through before or what he'd said. Dean mattered, right here and right now. He reached around to cup Dean's cheeks again and leaned in until their lips were brushing past the others' with every little movement. Seeing Dean's eyes widen just a little, the way his pupils were blown out and dark, it was quite the sight and he just wanted to drink it all in before breaking the tension apart. That moment was when they were the most tender, careful and delicate. Dean didn't want to push too far and Cas didn't want to ruin any of it. His lips parted as he grinned and whispered as simply as he could, "I'm going to kiss you now."

 

Dean let out a primal growl when Castiel made good on his promise, the warmth and even pressure when they came together was instantly satisfying and extremely arousing in the same breath. Dean could feel Castiel pressing against him, the weight behind it as Cas' mouth moved on his, eager and excited. Dean grunted into the kiss as he lifted Castiel into his lap, skillfully and successful in not breaking their first embrace. Lips still locked and hungry for the other, their hands grasped and pulled at clothing as Castiel's legs spread around Dean's waist into the perfectly slotted straddling position. Dean was quick to slip the jacket from Castiel's back, pulling his tight t-shirt off next. Cas was eager to do the same until they were skin on skin, it was still a little chilly but compared to the fire burning in him he hardly noticed it.

 

They crumpled together again, fingers slipping around the backs of the other's head, stroking and petting through each other's hair. Dean felt like a panicked teenager, like this was the first time he was having sex and he needed to touch everything and he needed to do it now.

 

In a way it was the first time, he'd never felt the subtle press of another man's dick in his lap before. Most of the time he was pretty sure it'd disgust him but the way Castiel was on him, how those pretty pink lips opened for his tongue and the way Cas gasped and moaned against him was outstanding. Every little bit of Castiel's body was new and exciting to Dean, the fitness of him became more apparent with each touch and Dean was pretty sure he'd pass out because of those hips. Cas really knew how to rock them, arching up against Dean's body and grinding to the best of his ability in their position, it all felt too good to be real.

 

 Dean let his mind go and his hands immediately moved to grope at Castiel's thighs and slid up the curve and swell of his ass. He could feel every little muscle clenching as the dark haired singer rocked against him, it was so tight and firm that Dean wasn't sure why he'd ever been afraid to do this. It wasn't like a woman's, the softness wasn't there, but that only made it more breathtaking, exciting, and possibly even a little dangerous. Castiel wasn't weak, Dean could feel it in his movements and the strength in his legs as they clenched around Dean's waist.

 

"You're confusing sometimes," Dean growled against Cas' ear as the young man leaned over him.

 

Castiel huffed a laugh and slowed down until he was just sitting in Dean's lap, dropping his head against Dean's shoulder and resting it there. "I suppose I am." His voice was husky and his breathing was heavier, Dean could feel it with every inhale that Castiel wanted to keep going. In fact his hips were still shifting forward rhythmically, not getting any kind of friction but moving all the same.

 

Dean smiled and wrapped his arms around Castiel's back, cradling the base of his head and petting his hair again. "So you want to do this?"

 

"Yes," Cas sighed, kissing the nape of Dean's neck, biting and sucking at the soft flesh there.

 

Dean gasped and let his head fall back, "Still our first date…"

 

"Don't care." Castiel growled this time, kissing harder, bruising and fervent. "Done anal before?"

 

"A few times," Dean tried to sound level but it didn't quite come out that way, desperate was a lot closer to the right description.

 

"Got anything with you?" Cas lifted his head and settled himself against Dean, enjoying the warmth they were giving off.

 

"No, you?"

 

"Back at my place," He smiled devilishly and slipped back into the

 passenger's spot.

 

Dean didn't ask any more questions other than 'which way,' pushing back to his side of the bench and flooring it out of there. The driving he was doing was probably illegal in more ways than he cared to count, but that didn't matter so much. Especially not when compared to the hot and aroused café singer next to him. Castiel leaned back and left his neck exposed, hands sliding up his abdomen to tease his own nipples, just for Dean to see.

 

 "Damn it, Cas." He cursed under his breath, his pants starting to feel painfully tight. Cas only chuckled in return, a seductive little sound that sent shivers running through Dean's body. "You wanna pinch a little harder?" He joked, figuring maybe it'd hurt and Cas would stop. Instead he heard a sharper cry from beside him, Castiel writhing against the seat as he felt himself up.

 

"Ohhhh Dean…" He sighed with a slight increase in tone at the end, higher pitched and breathy. "I can't wait." He whined as he slid a hand along the waistline of his jeans.

 

 "Goddamn it, Cas!" Dean choked out and finally pulled into the right parking space for Castiel's apartment block. "Get out of the fucking car," he demanded, pulling his jacket on and climbing out. Castiel didn't listen immediately so Dean went to his side and opened the door himself.

 

Cas squealed a little when Dean lifted him out of the car, he hadn't expected to be He-manned out into the cold with no shirt on, thankfully Dean had the presence of mind to at least grab his jacket with him. Castiel curled against Dean's chest and fished in the jacket pockets for his keys. They must have been quite the sight for anyone awake at that hour, they had seen a later movie time so it was somewhere around midnight.

 

Castiel was on the fourth floor of his building and Dean was more than thankful for the elevator. He pressed Cas' bare back against the wall and ground against him until they were both panting and squirming in desperation. The door dinged open and Dean fumbled to carry Cas to his apartment, not quite wanting to stop what he'd been doing. Another lock opened and that was it, closing the door behind them by slamming into it and getting frisky against it. Cas gasped and moaned into the kisses, dropping his coat on the floor and dragging his fingers down Dean's back.

 

Dean grunted at the slight pain before laughing softly, "We haven't even really done anything-"

 

"It's been a long time," Cas whispered and it sounded almost broken, enough to worry him. Dean lifted Castiel from the door and carried him down the hall to the open bedroom. He was glad Cas was the type to leave the door open otherwise he'd have to ask where it was.

 

"You okay?" Dean mumbled into the nape of Castiel's neck as he lowered them down onto the bed. It was so silky and smooth; the covers were beautifully done and tucked so neatly. All colours in the room matched and it was so clean, neat and tidy that Dean wanted to ask about that next. But Castiel was more pressing.

 

"I'm fine," Cas cooed softly, his body shifting and fitting under Dean's so elegantly it was a wonder that Dean hadn't lost it already. "I guess I'm just a little excited."

 

"Why so long?" Dean asked between kisses, giving Cas an opportunity to answer as he slipped down and kissed the middle of Cas' chest, slowly trailing his way lower. "You're so gorgeous, you could have anyone…"

 

"I didn't want anyone," The way he panted out his answer had something to do with Dean biting a little on his hipbone.

 

"Waiting for someone special?"

 

Castiel smiled and ran a hand through Dean's hair again, he liked to do that. It was so short and prickly at some parts while the rest was long enough to grab hold of. "I suppose so, yes."

 

Dean licked at where he'd been biting; sucking on the skin and watching it bloom with red indications of where he'd touched. It was beautiful, they were both so ready for the other, horny and groping and wanting, but when it came down to the bedroom it was so much more than just the sex. Dean hadn't experienced that, really ever as far as he could remember. And he was fairly certain he'd remember that feeling. Castiel made him want to stop, made him want to do more than fuck his brains out. Dean wanted to show Cas everything, prove he was worth keeping around despite the notion of keeping their relationship quiet. He needed to show Castiel that Cas was in good hands, cared for, adored and admired.

 

"You know when you said you would either be my worst nightmare or greatest memory?" He asked, looking up at Castiel's face tilted down toward him.

 

"Yes?"

 

"I… I don't like that answer." Dean crawled up again and this time gently took Castiel's face in his hands, pressing soft, deep kisses to his lips. Cas melted against him and returned the intimacy without doing much of anything but pushing back just enough.

 

"What would you prefer I say, then? When you ask me who I am?"

 

"I want to know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what you're scared of… I want to know what you love, what you hate, your favourite things."

 

"I can't answer all that in a few days of knowing you," Castiel whispered, tickling their lips with the teasing of such close contact.

 

"Then I'll have to stay a lot longer to find out." Dean smoothly licked into Castiel's mouth; loving how easily the other relaxed his jaw and let him in. Their tongues pressed against each other's until one inevitably gave in. It was a back and forth kind of thing and neither really cared or remembered who won the battle; all that mattered was the way they moved and slid together.

 

 The passion only grew between them as Dean ran his hands down Castiel's sides, running a finger along the edge of his jeans until he reached the button. Cas' hips jerked up suddenly at the ticklish feeling, his muscles starting to spasm already. "Ohh god… Dean,"

 

"I know, baby." Dean soothed, rubbing Cas' abdomen as he undid the offending jeans with one hand. He could see how hard Castiel's dick had been pressing up against his clothing, straining and pushing enough to possibly make indents in the skin. Dean had never been so close to a penis before, other than his own, and though he thought the idea would freak him out he felt no such emotion. Castiel was needy and bucking up subtly,wanting the clothing removed, needing Dean's hands on him.

 

The softness of the cotton fabric in Castiel's underwear was so nice to touch, Dean found out as he pulled the jeans down Cas' legs. And damn were those some fine legs, the skin just as smooth as he'd imagined. "Do you shave?"

 

"Wax, actually." Cas chuckled, "You think that's nice? I guess I should be proud of my man-scaping habits then."

 

Dean snorted back a laugh and looked up at the flushed cheeks of his boyfriend, Castiel was so gorgeous just looking down at him like he was. Dean could have said it over and over again and that still wouldn't have done it justice. Instead he smiled and tugged the jeans the rest of the way off, moving to where he noticed a wet spot forming at the tip of Castiel's boxer briefs. Dean felt his heart rate increase as he fingered the edge of the last remaining fabric, slipping one finger underneath and sliding it along the waistband.

 

Cas licked his lips and ran his hands through Dean's hair over and over, his toes curling and uncurling as he waited anxiously for the real touch of another person again. He hadn't realized how badly he missed it until Dean was down there, carefully removing the remainder of his clothes.

 

"Ohh please…" Cas whined when Dean tugged his underwear down just a smidgeon, he was already arching up and trying to earn his own friction. "Dean I- ah!"

 

Dean had started to palm him through the fabric, groping at the hardened length of his cock and massaging his balls. For Dean it was kind of fun to tease Castiel this way, using it as a good excuse to working his way up to touching the flesh and blood erection of another guy. Though 'another guy' didn't quite equate to Castiel. After a few seconds of it Dean realized he couldn't quite wait to touch Cas, he wanted to feel each vein and pulse in Castiel's arousal. So Dean went for it.

 

The moment he removed Castiel's boxer briefs he was in awe, the way Cas thrust up was damn near pornographic, adding in the noise he'd made pretty much made it so. His cock lay over his belly, heavy and already dripping at the end. Dean cupped Cas' swollen balls and gave a light squeeze before sliding his hand up the aching length. "You really haven't been touched in a long time, have you?"

 

 Cas whimpered and shook his head, his hips twitching and moving up erratically into Dean's hand. "You'd better get naked soon," he growled next, fumbling to grab at Dean's pants.

 

 It didn't take much more convincing than that, Dean got up and started with his belt, not bothering to check what Cas was doing with the bedside table. Clothing removed he returned to the bed to find Castiel uncapping a bottle of lubricant. "I can't wait," he gasped when Dean stroked him again.

 

"You'll have to," Dean smirked and went to take Cas into his mouth. The taste was salty and so different, he couldn't quite put his finger on just what it tasted like but that didn't matter. Dean dragged his tongue the underside of Cas' cock, flicking it over the tip and around the head like some kind of erotic ice cream cone. Castiel groaned and bucked into the feeling, trying not to choke Dean but not doing such a great job of it.

 

 Dean had never given head before but he'd seen enough pornos and had it done to him often enough to know what he was probably supposed to do. It wasn't immediately easy and Castiel was much better at holding out than he'd been claiming. Part way through Cas forced Dean to turn around, to crawl over top of him before he could continue. Dean had done the 69 position before but it was so different with a dick in his mouth. He could feel what Castiel was doing with his mouth and he couldn't believe his knees hadn't buckled immediately.

 

"Oh god, Cas!" He moaned around the cock between his lips, lifting his head to pant and gasp for air. Castiel was a god of falatio, he had to be. "Fuck…"

 

  Castiel chuckled and the rumble in his throat only made Dean's knees weaker. "I think," He muttered after leaning away from Dean's dick, "we should…" His hips bucked up again, his shaft rubbing against Dean's cheek as more indication.

 

"Yeah," Dean grabbed the bottle from the other side of the bed and moved between Castiel's legs. It was so sweet down there, clean and warm and Dean could probably sit around smelling it for hours if he wanted to, if Cas would let him. It'd been a while since he'd done anal before but the way Castiel was spreading for him told him it wouldn't be too much of an issue. He slicked up a finger and traced Cas' hole, the muscle slowly relaxing for him. One finger was easy, Cas barely made a noise for it though he did sigh every now and then. "You like that?" Dean smiled and looked up to see the lust blown eyes of his boyfriend.

 

Castiel pushed down on Dean's finger a litter harder, "Mmm… Do you?"

 

If Dean had blood left upstairs to spare it was gone now, "Oh fuck yes." He wanted to hurry ahead and just go in but prep was important if Cas was going to enjoy it. And Dean really wanted Castiel to enjoy it. That beautiful voice screaming his name would be the highlight of the century for him.

 

Up to three fingers Cas was down to begging, his hands were dug into the bedside and Dean's hair, "Do it," he whined, "Do it, Dean. Now, please I need it now."

 

"Shh, it's okay," Dean caressed Cas' cheek as he pulled his fingers free, the warm wetness still all over them. Unwrapping a condom and sliding it over himself was the hardest thing to do, touching himself right then and there was such a good feeling he wanted to do it again. He coated himself with extra lube, giving his dick a few pumps of attention. It was so hard; he hadn't been this excitable since puberty. Part of it was embarrassing while the rest was just a testament to what Castiel could do to him. "Ready?" He pressed the head of his cock to Castiel's entrance, feeling how the muscles seemed to pucker at just the touch.

 

"Yes!" Cas cried as Dean pushed in, not really waiting for the answer.

 

It was so hot and tight and perfect, Dean slowly put himself inside until he was pressed against Castiel's backside. It was the right move, doing this from the front where he could see his boyfriend's face. Cas was so expressive it wasn't necessary for him to make a sound, Dean could imagine it all just by seeing how his eyes squeezed shut, his mouth opened and eyebrows furrowed in pleasure. It was so human, and intense.

 

"Fuck, Cas you're beautiful." Dean groaned as he started to pull back, feeling how Cas' ass squeezed him along the way and try not to lose it right there. Castiel didn't respond with words as much as he did make a lot of noise, little cries and whimpering as Dean started to fuck him into the mattress.

 

 At first it was slow and relaxing, trying to get a feel for one another. Hands scraping down the skin of their partner, Cas rocked up against Dean in perfect timing to get the deeper feeling he'd been craving. It was so intimate, Dean thought for a moment he could almost sense what Cas was thinking. They moved together so easily that it almost looked that way. Soon they picked up the pace and Castiel forced them to switch it around, Dean with his back on the bed as Cas seated himself on Dean's dick. It was quite a sight, watching Castiel fuck himself so effortlessly. He had a lot of control over his hips and ass that Dean was in awe, he was jealous to know that Cas had so much practice. That someone else had seen this before him, had felt the inside of Castiel before he could, that someone else had known this at all. He wanted to keep Castiel to himself, to keep this between them away from anyone else's knowledge so he could be the only one to ever know how amazing Cas really was.

 

 The sound of skin slapping echoed around the room and Cas started fidgeting and angling himself and Dean differently, trying to hit something Dean hadn't been aware of. However he couldn't ever forget how Castiel screamed when he finally got it, the way his hips stuttered and his mind seemed to completely lose it, he stalled and squirmed in place. Dean grabbed Cas' hips without a second thought and started ramming up into him; if Cas couldn't continue on his own then Dean had no qualms about taking over. It only took a few thrusts before the hot release of Castiel's orgasm spread over his chest. Dean felt a wave of heat pooling in his groin, Cas sounded so wrecked and desperate it was too much. Dean's vision nearly went white as he arched off the bed, his thrusts halting as he held Castiel against him, their chests smearing the cooling seed between them.

 

Neither of them moved after that, lying together for an unknown period of time. Cas hummed softly and lifted himself free of Dean's cock. Dean sighed a response, removing the condom and throwing it in the wastebasket. They were exhausted and neither really wanted to move. Cas wiped up some of the remaining cum with a tissue from his bedside table, throwing it out as well. It bounced off the bin and landed on the floor, but they didn't care.

 

"Beautiful," Dean whispered into Castiel's hair, the café singer snuggling up against him and tangling their legs together.

 

Cas buried his face in the nape of Dean's neck and stayed there, the insistence of sleep stronger than he'd anticipated.


	6. Chapter 6

Dean sighed softly into the sheets he knew couldn't be his. There was no strange smell reminding him to wash them, they weren't coarse and he couldn't feel a single trace of crumbs from eating in bed. No, these had to be someone else's sheets meaning he'd slept over. Dean wasn't really confused, though. It was probably the first time it had ever happened where he didn't wake up hung over and delirious. He knew exactly who the warm body beside him was, though he hadn't moved much so he wasn't entirely sure what position they were in.

 

Cas smelled amazing first thing in the morning; Dean hadn't had the chance the other night to really take in the different things about Castiel's apartment and his scents and everything else. It was interesting, and not the kind of 'interesting' you say to someone when  you don't know how to not insult them with your real thoughts. No, Dean really enjoyed what he was experiencing at that moment. There was a weight on his body, his legs felt tangled and he wasn't sure if his arm was asleep or missing.

 

Dean opened his eyes and looked down at the mess of dark hair nestled against his shoulder, he could feel the light waves of hot air as Castiel exhaled against his skin and for some reason he couldn't imagine a better way to wake up. "Cas?" Dean didn't want to bother his boyfriend first thing but he had a burning desire to pee and it wasn't about to wait for him.

 

Castiel stirred, a soft sound escaping him as his muscles started to tense and stretch. He arched against Dean and held himself there for a few seconds before falling limp against him again. There was an indignant grunt of 'no' and that was the last Dean got out of him.

 

"You're a brat." Dean chuckled before slipping out from under and around Castiel.

 

He heard another disgruntled noise and knew it was yet another protest to his leaving. "Gotta piss, Cas. I'll be right back."

 

"The level of your romantic prowess is uncanny." Castiel muttered with a chuckle.

 

"What would you prefer me say?" Dean called out after discovering the bathroom was the first door on his left. He left it open so he could continue their morning banter, it was kind of fun.

 

"Pee sounds cuter than piss, if you must know." Castiel rolled onto his back and opened his eyes, smiling to himself as he listened to the sounds of Dean in the bathroom, waiting for the flush as his indicator the other man would be returning to him.

 

"I don't really care but it's good to know your preference."

 

"By the way, babe," Cas rolled his head toward the doorway as Dean walked back, grinning a little at the naked sight, "How do you feel about switching next time?"

 

"Switching?" Dean sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through Cas' hair absently, "Switching what?"

 

"Positions," Castiel closed his eyes, enjoying the mindless touch more than he would have said. "I get to top you next time."

 

"That's only fair…" He hesitated and though he thought it was subtle Castiel still looked up at him expectantly, even a little worried. "I don't know if I can…" Dean was surprised at himself; normally he would never admit something like that. He'd hold it in, he'd panic, and finally he'd back away from Castiel like some kind of beaten animal. The sense of wanting to be with Cas was strong enough to stop him, to make him reconsider subconsciously and ultimately blurt out exactly what he was feeling. It was all new, everything about Castiel and whatever it was they were making together, it was new and terrifying and that was probably what made it more electric than lightning itself.

 

Castiel's smile was in time with the same moment the sun drifted out from behind a cloud and the room almost glowed. Dean would never describe it that way though. From his perspective Castiel brought the sun out of hiding, he lit up the room and he glowed like an angel sprawled out across the bed. It was beautiful and though his following words would be reassuring and kind, Dean suddenly felt like he didn't really need them. Despite being unsure of himself, unsure of whether or not he was okay with what he was doing, Dean wanted to do this for Cas, for the both of them.

 

"You'll love it, I promise." Cas sat up and shuffled to Dean's side, his hands so warm as they drifted up Dean's shoulders to give a light massage. It was such an innocent touch and it still trailed fire on his skin. Dean shuddered against Castiel as the other pressed his belly to Dean's back.

 

"You swear?"

 

"On my mother's grave."

 

Dean turned back and looked at Castiel's casual expression, peaceful and without any distress. "You're mom's dead?"

           

"Has been since I was five or so," Cas' voice was soft despite how serene he looked, like it still kind of hurt even though he hadn't meant to let it.

 

"You should meet my mom, she'd be a great pseudo mom for you." The words were so easily spoken and Dean hadn't really considered what he'd said until Castiel's weight on him grew heavier. Cas' arms slipped under his and tightened around his torso, head pressed against his back and nuzzling gently.

 

"I suppose I could meet her if you wanted me to."

 

"I do, but I guess that's kind of weird of me to say after our first night together, huh?"

 

"A lot of what we've done is weird for a first night together." Cas chuckled and let go, slipping off the bed and pulling a housecoat over himself as he headed out the door. It was a thin, silky looking thing that made it to Cas' mid-thigh and Dean could have sworn his blood would burst from his veins.

 

"Where you goin'?" He asked, angled to get up and follow.

 

"I have to pee." Cas winked at him before disappearing into the bathroom, door closing behind him.

 

Dean smiled and fell back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling adoringly. "It is cuter…"

 

 

* * *

 

 

The day had gone better than Dean expected. He'd had too many one night stands to really count and knew that as soon as one person vanished for a period of time it was a hint to the remaining party that they'd over stayed their welcome. Cas, however, was so accommodating that Dean hadn't even realized the time ticking by. Noon came and went, they'd had breakfast, lunch, and were starting to wonder about dinner while watching old horror movies on TV.

 

It was so simple and at the same time seemed so weird. Dean absently touched Castiel, a hand in his hair, an arm around his shoulders, a light grazing of his thigh; it felt right. Cas always let him, too. Of course Cas didn't let him get away with it, there was always a return of the affection in some way.

 

And there was just something about watching old films. Dean loved it and though he hadn't realized it yet, he liked Cas even more for doing it. Their Night of the Living Dead marathon ended and Castiel stretched his arms out, surprising Dean by dropping down into his lap. "What now?"

 

Dean smiled down at the innocently blinking eyes glinting up at him, "You know? I'm not sure."

 

"Hm… We haven't talked much, have we?" Cas mused, wriggling around to get comfortable. Dean shifted and propped his legs up so Castiel could lie between them; it was nice to see how well they slotted together.

 

"I guess not. We talked before and during breakfast, making fun of the movies-"

 

"I mean," Cas sighed lightly when Dean's fingers drifted through his hair again, "I can't really think of anything I know about you. Where are you from?"

 

"I grew up here so…"

 

"What about school? What clique were you in?"

 

"I was a jock," Dean grinned and leaned back, "Good times."

 

"Womanizer?"

 

The tone of Cas' voice stopped Dean's smirk and he looked down again. Castiel wasn't looking up at him, just vaguely toward the wall of his living room. "I… I guess so. Why?"

 

"Don't-" Castiel swallowed and furrowed his brow, his jaw was clenched for a brief second before he looked into Dean's eyes again, "Don't do that anymore… okay?"

 

"Why do you think I would?"

 

"If you think you need to act normal to counter the fact we're together you'll hit on women. I know we're staying a secret and I can do that, but I can't stand there and watch you hit on someone else."

 

Dean wasn't sure what the growl in Castiel's voice was but he knew he wanted to hear it again. "What if they hit on me?"

 

"I'll probably be a bitch." Cas huffed a laugh, reaching up and ruffling Dean's hair affectionately. "You know, a very caring bitch."

 

"Obviously." Dean smirked, "So what were you in school?"

 

"Average, mostly. I was the 'gay friend' every girl wanted I suppose. I tried really hard to be different then." He was staring at the wall again, like he was seeing it all unfold but wasn't sharing the images. "I knew how to colour match, what was in style and what wasn't, how to help them with their nails and hair. I stopped doing that closer to graduation though; I just sort of dropped the persona of being every stereotype ever and did things I felt like doing. I acted less like a queen and more like myself. I don't really think I fit in anywhere…"

 

Dean responded with a soft 'mhmm' as he pet his boyfriend quietly, unsure of what to say, it sounded like Cas didn't need him to reply. "You figured yourself out though."

 

"I did. I know who I am," Cas smiled and reached up to lace his fingers between Dean's and held tightly, "Do you?"

 

"Know who you are or who I am?"

 

"Either one."

 

"I know you're an angel in disguise and probably my saving grace." Dean leaned down and kissed the top of Cas' head, "And I'm just the jackass that got lucky."

 

"You think having me makes you lucky?"

 

"I know it does. I don't know why you've even put up with this much of my crap."

 

Castiel sat up and turned around to face Dean properly, refusing to lose eye contact now. "Dean, you've put yourself down a lot since we met. Do you not see yourself as having any self worth?"

 

"I think I'm terrible in a relationship and an awful person to be around most of the time. I'm some jerk that's good at sports and, what, that makes me worth talking to?" Dean threw his hands up in a loss for words, "My entire sense of self is based on what others see not what they know of who I am but what I do that's popular and funny and whatever else. I've been an asshole most of my life and… no, I don't think I'm worth your time. Is that what you want me to say?"

 

"I want you to tell me how you see yourself," Cas took Dean's hand in his own again, lips quirking up at the corners in a shy smile. "Let me start you off by telling you what I see."

 

Dean cringed a little bit went along with it. Part of him was wondering where the bravado was hiding, the machismo that usually bellowed out in the middle of sharing his feelings and interrupted it. The rest of him shushed his mind quiet in order to hear Castiel better.

 

"You're a beautiful man," Castiel started and Dean made a face immediately.

 

"See? Physical appearance is all I have-"

 

"Did I say that?" Cas interrupted sharply and the dominating tone shut Dean right up. "No, Dean. I meant who you are, not what you look like. You have these sweet little tendencies that I don't think you even know. You watch me in a way I haven't seen anyone look at me in such a long time, you smile when you think I can't see you out of the corner of my eye, and you stutter so sheepishly I could mistake you for a ten year old with his first crush. We've been together for about two days and I've already seen these things. Why do you think I agreed to go out with you? To be your boyfriend? To be your secret?"

 

"I… I have no idea." Dean was at even more of a loss; Castiel was speaking to him with such conviction it was so strange for two days, Cas was entirely right. "You're… bored?"

 

"Wrong again. I told myself I wouldn't date anyone again, at least not for a really long time. But here I am with you, because you made me want to. I could have so easily given you the wrong number; given you the cold shoulder but I just couldn't do it. There's something about you that draws me in, Dean. You matter to me; you are worth something to me. Never degrade yourself, you insult yourself and the person who believes in you. I wish I could explain it better but all I can ever do is smile at you and watch you react to me. And I… I realized I never returned the affection you showed me that night."

 

Dean didn't know what to say as Cas rose and walked away, what he'd said was stronger than any 'don't hate yourself' speech he'd heard as a teenager. Maybe it was because it came from someone who really cared; maybe it was because it came from someone he'd decided to even admit it to. He had a reputation in high school; self-loathing didn't suite his persona so he never said a word then. And just as then he had no words now. No words but a name. "Cas?"

 

”Do you have room in your jar," Castiel spoke softly as he re-entered the room, his hands cupped elegantly together in front of him, "for my heart?"

 

It was the silly paper heart from the Jar, Castiel's name scrawled on it in silver gel-pen ink. Dean smiled, a huffed laugh escaping him as he reached over and picked the paper heart out of Castiel's hands. "There's only room for one."

 

"I think," Cas retook his place on the couch, pausing to nibble at his lower lip before speaking again. "This is going to be fun."

 

Dean looked up from the paper heart to see such life in Castiel's face that it took the breath from his lungs. It was like a spark in his mind and all he could do was grin like a fool.


	7. Chapter 7

 

 

The following week was busy with classes and Castiel was volunteering this way and that so their schedules clashed hard. They texted and Dean could already count two nights where their phone calls lasted so long that Cas fell asleep on the other end (Cas told him that he fell asleep once too so that made three evenings that one of them was left hanging). Even though they talked consistently every day, it still didn't feel like enough. Dean's skin burned to feel Castiel's, his mouth felt dry when he thought of the deep and meaningful kisses they'd shared. He couldn't wait for it and so when the next Friday came Dean went straight to the Jar. Castiel had said he worked every Friday and true to his word, after 9 pm he strolled onto the stage.

 

Dean's heart beat a little faster the moment he saw the casual sway of Castiel's hips.

 

Dean's eyes were glued to Castiel's as soon as they looked up.

 

Dean's attention was caught and held when the spotlight snapped to life and illuminated Castiel.

 

And Dean's heart was stolen all over again as soon as Castiel opened his mouth.

 

The evening was beautiful and felt like it hadn't lasted long enough, despite the few hours Castiel's performance lasted. Dean sat with a dumbass smile on his face as people were ushered out of the café/bar because it was closing time, slowly getting up and following them out. He knew Cas had seen him, he saw the little spark in Cas' performance when their eyes had met. He had no real words for it, even as he watched Castiel wave goodbye to the other workers when he exited the building.

 

Dean sat in his car watching, there hadn't really been any plans set for the evening or weekend but he felt like there didn't need to be. Castiel made it look like he was going to walk right past the Impala but when his co-workers were no longer watching he slipped in and scooted across the seat to Dean's side. "Hey baby," Dean smiled and wrapped an arm around Cas' shoulders to pull him into a kiss. Their lips were so warm together in the winter air, Cas' were as soft as he remembered from the week before and he needed them just as badly.

 

Castiel sighed happily into the kiss before leaning back again, looking up through the streetlight's twilight luminescence. His eyes glistened with the post-performance high but more than that, they were so focused. Seeing the only thing they'd wanted to for the last seven days. "Hello Dean."

 

They both smiled and kissed again, their embrace warming them both against the February chill. Dean had started the car though it hadn't had enough time to heat up. There were so few sounds in that space but every single one added to the moment they were sharing. The vents rattled with something caught inside, the car rumbled with life and a bit of protest against the season, and the radio was on quietly playing a tune neither was really listening to. Cas rested against Dean's shoulder and nuzzled him silently. It felt like they hadn't seen each other in forever, despite having spoken every single day it still felt too long.

 

"Take me home?"

 

"Gladly."

 

Pulling up to Castiel's place was so similar to the last time and yet so different. The passion was there but the actions were held in, they walked in together platonically though their fingers brushed past one another whenever they had the chance. They passed by others who were out for a smoke or some other activity. It was a Friday night and the night was still young, people were out and about and in the public eye they were nothing more than acquaintances. Castiel pushed the button for his floor and they stood perfectly still until the doors slid closed.

 

Dean grabbed his boyfriend and pinned him to the wall, ravishing his mouth with licks and kisses until Cas was forced to return the gestures. Hands travelled and tore at clothing until they heard the ding of the elevator and immediately pulled apart. Dean felt his cheeks darkening with a blush the longer it took him to realize how red Cas' lips were. They had been kissing so hard it was bruising.

 

Castiel's mouth quirked up in a smile Dean wouldn't soon forget, the devious little way he exited the elevator had Dean on his heels in seconds. They both remembered the promise, of who was on the receiving end tonight and despite all the things that should have made Dean afraid of it, he was excited. He couldn't wait to see what Castiel was made of, part of him thought it was going to be a bit cute to see Cas try to be the 'man'. The rest of him knew better.

 

As soon as Cas' apartment door was closed Dean yelped in surprise as Castiel slammed him against the wall. Strong, confident hands sliding up his body and down to his belt buckle, Dean could hear himself moaning into the crushing kiss Castiel locked him in. He'd lost his clothing faster than he'd taken Castiel's the first time and that just made his body flush even hotter. Cas was an animal, Dean stumbled back toward the bed when they made it to the bedroom, left entirely nude and exposed and just so sweetly awestruck. Cas entered after, closing the door behind with his foot as he unbuttoned his shirt. It was a wonder Dean hadn't tore him out of it earlier.

 

"You ready?"

 

Dean nodded slowly, lowering himself to sit, leaning back on the bed and relaxing into the sheets. He smiled a little when he felt the bed dip under Castiel's weight; he was excited and nervous and giddy all at once. He laughed to himself before he reached over and pulled Castiel down to kiss him again. "I'm still a little worried."

 

"I know you are," Cas whispered softly, cupping Dean's face gently and leading him back for a longer kiss. It was slower and softer, he could feel Dean relax further into the bed and that was exactly what he needed. "You're doing so well already,"

 

"I haven't done anything yet." Dean smirked, looking over Cas' face.

 

"Oh, so you haven't noticed what you've done to me yet?" Castiel growled the words as he pushed his hips up until Dean felt his swollen cock, rutting against him for a few seconds.

 

"Fuck Cas…" Dean gasped and leaned further into the bed, trying to give Castiel a little more to work with. He let his brain go numb while Castiel brought out the lube again, the reminders of his childhood suppressed for the next few hours at the very least. He didn't need to think about how his dad and mom took him to church every Sunday while Cas was gently swirling a finger around his entrance. He didn't want to think about the number of times he made a rude comment toward homosexuality as a whole when Castiel pushed one finger into him. It burned and he moaned loudly but it was good, it was a feeling that started to flood his senses and drown out his thoughts.

 

Castiel prepped him like a pro, slipping a second finger in as soon as Dean thought he was ready and scissoring after a few seconds of letting Dean's body stretch to accommodate. Each little movement and press into his body was like heaven and Dean didn't know what he'd been doing before this. Cas' touch, his presence, and his confidence were comforting even when Dean felt overwhelmed. It was terrifying to know that he'd been excited to try it but to know he liked it was so much worse. Everything he'd claimed to be growing up was such a mess now, his brain reminded him as it refused to shut up. Even drowned out it was still there, blunt and obvious that he was wrong to want this.

 

Dean would have told himself to shut up but he completely forgot to do so when the burning pleasure disappeared. It felt so empty with Cas gone that Dean couldn't stop a whimper from leaving him. "Cas…" He moaned softly, opening his eyes to see such a serene and thoughtful expression. "What?"

 

"You… don't even know the kinds of noises you've been making, do you? The things you've said to me and I haven't even fucked you yet." Castiel's face was so awe inspired and beyond elated that Dean was sure he'd somehow invented a new emotion.

 

"What? What did I say?" He knew he'd lost himself a little, to thoughts, feelings, emotions, all of it. He hadn't been aware of the reality of it, the completely raw feeling he'd have for Castiel during all of this. It made sense that he'd say things he wasn't aware of but judging by Castiel's face he'd said a lot more than a few 'pleases.'

 

"I don't think I should tell you." Cas smiled and positioned himself between Dean's thighs, his cock already sheathed and lubricated for Dean's pleasure. "It's just too cute knowing I'm the only one whoknows what all you've said to me." He pressed the head to Dean's hole and earned himself a gasp from the self-proclaimed lady-killer. "You'll be so embarrassed, thinking of all the things you've ever thought but couldn't say." Cas continued in a husky whisper as he slowly started to push in.

 

Dean whined and tensed, his body trying to compensate for the stretch and burning. It hurt but it was an amazing kind of pain that he wanted to go deeper. Cas' hand slipped between Dean's legs and started groping him, fondling his junk and stroking him carefully. "You like this?"

 

Dean was lying with his head back and mouth open, trying to nod and speak a million things and it all just came out at once. He heard Castiel chuckle softly and wished he could get inside that beautiful mind. But instead he settled for having Castiel get inside him. It was the slowest and strongest memory he'd have for a long time; the heat of Cas' balls against his ass as they came together completely wouldn't escape his mind at any point soon. He truly wished his memory would be more profound and poetic but he just couldn't spare the blood to his brain.

 

"Cas!" He heard himself say it over and over and his boyfriend had barely moved a muscle yet.

 

"Do you love it?" Cas asked as he rolled his hips carefully, pushing in and very gently pulling back.

 

"I do." Dean gasped, he hadn't even realized the way he'd tried wriggling back onto Castiel until the other pushed back. They rocked together slowly for a long while, Dean squirmed and shook and begged Cas for something, anything to make him feel more than he already was. Castiel smiled to himself, still gently rutting against his partner.

 

"You sure?"

 

"Please, Cas. Please?"

 

"Say my name," Cas demanded quietly, rocking a little harder but just a bit.

 

"Cas!"

 

"You're missing part of it." He pulled back so just his tip was in, already missing the warmth of Dean's ass.

 

"Castiel! Castiel please!"

 

Cas grinned and snapped his hips forward, gasping lightly at how tight it suddenly became and loving the sound of their skin coming together. Dean on the other hand was seeing stars and louder than he'd ever been in bed. The bed started banging against the wall as Castiel picked up a rhythm, Dean crying out for more with every new feeling.

"Oh god! Cas… yes! Yes, yes, yes!" Dean gripped the sheets and arched his back, his head rolling against the bottom of the pillow and his mouth pulling up in a smile before another yelp of pleasure.

           

Castiel grunted, displeased with the angle he was getting, so he grabbed Dean by the hips and dragged him to the edge of the bed. Now on his feet Cas propped Dean up, holding his legs as a brace before really laying into his helpless boyfriend.

 

Dean got louder with each thrust, his voice going hoarse as he completely lost himself to the feeling. It was animal, it was pure, it was bliss and he never wanted to go another round of sex without feeling it again. The climax came too soon but he just couldn't hold on, clenching tight around Cas as he hit orgasm.

 

Screaming gave way to whimpering which broke into gasping for air. It was all such a mess and glorious in its own right. Castiel collapsed with him, Dean wasn't even sure when Cas finished but it didn't really matter, he wasn't entirely sure he knew how to tell time anymore anyway. They somehow found a way to lie together, nothing making sense anymore to either of them, how long it took, who should put what limb under the other, or even if there was a role for either to play. Cas combed fingers through Dean's hair and he couldn't even open his eyes to look at the angel touching his sweaty and exhausted head. Cas' hands were warm and comforting, a feeling Dean wanted more than air.

 

He rolled over and though neither said a word, they didn't feel they needed to. Cas kissed the top of Dean's head, nuzzling his cheek against him before resting and stopping his movement entirely.

 

Dean sighed lightly and curled against Castiel's chest, humming approvingly into the after-sex-smell he found there.

 

Sleep weighed on them heavily, it was so late in the night already and they'd both had long days. But neither of them had given in yet, both waiting and thinking that maybe there was more they should do before letting themselves rest. Cas was the first to break the silence with a soft laugh into the mess of Dean's hair.

 

"Hm?" Dean didn't find it easy to form words so he settled for the exhausted grunts that came out instead.

 

"Do you really not know what you said?" The sound of his voice was so sentimental Dean felt a light flutter in his chest.

 

"I really don't."

 

"I'll give you two hints, the first; you move faster than anyone else I've ever met in my life."

 

Dean muffled a laugh into Cas' chest, "Is that a bad thing? Would you still be here if you didn't like it?"

 

"I thought I might be a little crazy or desperate," Cas murmured, he hadn't lost the sensitivity in his tone and still ran his hands through Dean's hair absently as he thought for a few seconds. "But… well, Dean I really think you're something else so here's your second hint; I love you too."

 

Dean felt his chest tighten and thought he heard it thundering instead of beating. He looked up at the glossy blue eyes that hadn't closed for sleep either, "Cas… I said that?"

 

"Did you not mean it?"

 

"I did- I do! I do, Cas. I just… I didn't realize I'd said it to you out loud." He felt his cheeks heating up and thought for a moment it might have been a big mistake going to see Castiel that night, that maybe he'd ruined something. But no, Castiel had returned his feelings already, before he knew he'd said it. There was no reason to be embarrassed. And yet he was still blushing.

 

"Dean?"

 

He looked up again and for that moment in time there was just Castiel. "Yes?"

 

"Would you say it again?"

 

Dean reached up and guided Cas' head down to his, locking their lips and kissing as deeply and passionately as he knew how. "I love you, Castiel." He whispered when they finally broke apart, "And you are the only person who has ever made me feel this way, like I might mean something."

 

Castiel blushed and it was cutest thing Dean had ever seen in his life. "I love you, too." He squeaked and buried Dean in a hug, and this time they gave in to sleep and the dreams it would bring them.


	8. Chapter 8

That was all it took. Every Friday night Dean would go to the Jar, he found a spot he loved to see Castiel from, the best angles, the best sound, all of it. Cas was amazing on stage; he had the strongest presence even when sometimes no one listened. But that only happened once when Dean was there, a bar fight broke out and people had stopped listening while they screamed for the brawlers. Otherwise Cas was a fan favourite; Dean wasn't the only one who showed up for Friday nights specifically to hear Castiel sing.

 

Dean realized that every now and then there was a love song put somewhere in the line up, and every time Castiel would glance his way. Cas had gotten wise to where his favourite spot was and always added a little flare in that direction; just a little extra that wouldn't be noticeable to anyone not looking for it.

 

One of the songs Dean loved was 'When You Say Nothing At All,' the first time Cas sang it with him in the café he'd poured his heart into it. Dean could see the strain he put himself through to make it perfect, and yet at the same time it all looked so effortless. But what really got him were the words and he knew that Cas sang it specifically for him any time that he did. 'You say it best when you say nothing at all.' He referred to every night they snuck out together, every time they lied silent in bed and held one another. The secret way their hands grazed by the other, how they ignored personal space every now and then to pass the other by at close proximity. But mostly it was a reference to the longing stares, the smiles, and impossible elation just by hearing the quietest laughter.

 

Every weekend was amazing that way, Dean would stay back after close to help clean up, the waitresses loved him and Castiel would always do the same just to speak to him. In front of everyone at Castiel's work they were barely meeting for the first time, becoming good friends and laughing all the while. Cas would give them private little concerts while they cleaned sometimes, standing up on stage and using the system to entertain them with the karaoke music playing behind him instead of the café's hired band.

 

"And I wonder," Castiel's beautiful voice took over the microphone and speakers around them, "When I sing along with you, if everything could be this real forever. If anything could be this good again. The only thing I'll ever ask of you; you gotta promise not to stop when I say when."

 

Dean smiled up at his boyfriend of a month or so, remembering clearly that that had been the song he'd requested. It was Valentine's Day and Castiel was singing love songs for everyone, taking requests whenever they fit the theme. It was beautiful, to know that Cas was the type to remember all these little things and then use them.

 

Dean went to school full time during the weekdays; he had been one of the main providers for their house during the last few years. John had gone through a major heart surgery and Dean had stayed and worked to help pay the bills, to let his mom stay home and take care of his dad. Instead of going to college or university he'd worked his ass off, and now that all the bills were paid and John was working again he could go to school, get a degree and a better paying job. Part of him thought it'd just be easier to keep working but he knew it was better for his future to go to school again. He was so thankful Sam was a genius with a full ride coming to him otherwise he might've ended up having to pay for that too. Not that he would have complained.

 

It was only a matter of time before Dean could move out, once he graduated and worked full time again he'd do it. He'd find a place that required a second renter and Castiel would 'conveniently' say he was looking for a place. Then they could live together no questions asked, he could see Cas every night without having to sneak out or lie about where he was going. It was something that he still hadn't let up on, the fact that their relationship was hidden and that no one would be allowed to know. Cas was so gracious with that; he didn't argue it or even let on that it bothered. Of course it had to, Dean thought every day that Castiel hated him for it but he wasn't sure if it was just his paranoia or intuition spiking up.

 

And while he sat at home one Sunday morning contemplating it he heard a knock at his door. But the knocking was echoing louder into the house because whoever it was opened the door as they knocked, it was more of a warning that they were on their way inside than a 'please let me in.' Dean only knew one person that ever did that so instead of getting up to greet them he called over his shoulder, "Morning, Jet."

 

"Hey man," Jet clapped him on the shoulder and grinned widely, "You just gonna sit here all day or are we going to do something?"

 

"Depends, what'd you have in mind?" Dean smirked a little before hearing several other footsteps entering the house as well.

 

"First we'd like to know why we didn't know about him." Jo had her demanding voice on so Dean knew he'd better look to see who she was referring to.

 

At her side was Castiel, shedding his winter coat in a way that ruffled his shirt up, revealing the devilish creases of his hips as they dipped below his jeans. "Uh…" Dean licked his lips and ran a nervous hand down his face, "What… what do you mean?"

 

"You've been best buddies with the singer from the Jar and you didn't tell me!?" Jo smacked him over the head with her gloves before shoving them into her pocket. "How could you, Dean? You know I thought he was awesome on Valentine's Day!"

 

"I didn't know that but now I do," Dean laughed softly; he could have exploded with relief just then. "I thought you were upset that he won the contest?"

 

"Well… yeah, I mean, sort of. Dean that's not fair, don't bring that up." Jo turned to Cas who was doing amazingly well at keeping a straight face, "Don't listen to him, he's just a jerk."

 

"I know he is," Cas snickered and took a pause to look around the place. "Wow, your home is really nice."

"What were you expecting?" Dean raised an eyebrow, doing his best to keep it like they were only 'buddies.' He hadn't had to put it to the test before, acting like Castiel was only a friend in front of everyone. They'd only ever been alone together, sure they'd been in public with Castiel's co-workers but those people had never known Dean before so they didn't have a personality to reference. Jet and Jo had both known him for ages and would be able to pin point any kind of behaviour that strayed from 'best buddies.'

 

"I dunno, probably some kind of shack judging by the way you dress half the time." Cas winked at him, Dean knew it was meant to be playful but he had to make sure he didn't see it that way in front of everyone else.

 

"I guess you know a lot of shack-inhabitors that dress like badass motherfuckers."

 

Jet snorted back a laugh and turned away, "Is that what we're calling you now?"

 

"No." Jo insisted before Dean could even open his mouth to reply.

 

"Regardless, Dean, we ran into Castiel at the Pet shelter and he remembered us as being 'Dean's friends.'"

 

Dean lifted a finger to pause her story and looked over at Jet accusingly, "You two a thing now?"

 

"Pfft, she wishes." Jet raised an eyebrow and smirked at him, "No, I mistakenly said I wasn't doing anything today and she desperately wanted someone to go with her to spy on the shelter."

 

Dean furrowed his brow and looked at Jo this time, not missing her sheepishly smile, "What were you doing that for?"

 

"Well you haven't been around a lot lately and mom said she'd seen you go in there a few times so I wanted to know why. Then we met Cas and I discovered you were an asshole."

 

"It took her far too long to figure that out," Cas piped in which earned him a smile from Jo. Dean didn't quite get it but it seemed like she really liked him.

 

"You guys sure hit it off," He decided to let that 'asshole' comment slide for now.

 

"Yeah, Cas is great." Jo curled her bottom lip in, glancing at Cas for a second before shrugging it off, "Anyway, lets-"

 

"What was that?" Dean felt a slight anger boil up inside him, was she crushing on Cas? Was Cas letting her? "What was that just now?"

 

"Nothing, Dean. It's nothing." Jo insisted and again tried to change the subject but Dean would have none of it.

"What was that look for?"

 

"Dean-"

 

"Tell me."

 

Cas blinked a few times in shock, taking a second to look at Jet who sat entirely amused and shaking his head, he didn't know either. "Dean, you're overreacting I think."

 

"No," Dean looked at Cas angrily for a second before turning his attention to Jo, "You were going to say something else about Cas, what was it?"

 

She looked more frustrated than anything else but knew she couldn't get away with not saying, "I wasn't going to say anything because I don't want to ruin your friendship, okay?"

 

"Do you like him?" Dean insisted, trying hard to sound like he didn't care. To the others it looked like he was defensive over Jo, which was exactly why she started to laugh at him.

 

"Is that why you're freaking out? You think Cas is going to be some kind of bad crush or whatever? First off, Dean, he's an amazing guy that volunteers at animal shelters, he's adorable, and he knows how to match his clothes. There'd be nothing wrong with him even if I were able to date him."

 

"Able?"

 

"He's gay, Dean." Jet answered matter-of-factly in order to end the confusion.

 

Dean scoffed and before he really thought about it he was talking, "Yeah, I knew that already."

 

Jo's eyes widened and she looked at Castiel who feigned to be just as surprised. "Cas, he knows already! See, I told you there was nothing to worry about."

 

"Uh, duh?" Jet stared at her, "I knew in about two minutes that he was into guys." Dean wanted to laugh, sometimes his friends could be the sassiest bitches he'd ever known.

 

"Dean, you knew?" Cas looked at him with those big blue eyes and Dean nearly drowned in them. He was starting to think this was all some kind of big test, to see if he could really hold out and be a fake heterosexual jackass in front of his friends and family. "It… it doesn't bother you? I know how you feel about it…"

 

Dean grit his teeth and swallowed past the growing lump in his throat. Cas was testing him, it was written all over his smug little face. "I… get along with you really well, I didn't think it needed to be brought up."

 

Jo smiled in a way that Dean wasn't sure he was going to see rainbows or stars first. "Dean, that is the most forward thinking thing I've ever heard you say. I'm so proud of you."

 

Dean made a face and looked at Jet who shrugged again. "I dunno man." The brunette muttered, "Whatever floats your boat I guess."

 

"Hey Dean," Sam trotted down the stairs, his face lighting up when he saw they had company. "Jo, haven't seen you in a while."

 

"Hey Sam, how's studying going?" Jo went to hug him briefly before backing away.

 

"Pretty good, think I'm almost ready to take that thing." Sam smiled and gave Jet a quick wave before giving his attention to the new recruit, "Who's this?"

 

In the following seconds before Jo answered Dean remembered a month ago, Sam starting the text conversation for him to get a date with Castiel. "Castiel? Interesting name."

 

"His name's Cas," Jo smiled and motioned for Cas to come forward. Dean's heart was in his throat as he watched his little brother take his secret boyfriend's hand.

 

"Castiel Novak, nice to meet you." Cas smiled sweetly as they finished their handshake.

 

"Sam," Dean watched Sam's eyes and knew the second the name was in the air Sam's mind had connected the dots. Green eyes flashed Dean's way but only for a second, "Dean's younger brother."

 

"Oh, I didn't know he had one." Cas made a point of sounding sarcastic with that, Dean's life revolved around his family so half the stories he'd ever heard involved Sam in some kind of way. It was nice to meet the legend.

 

Sam laughed and nodded, "No, I guess he only talks about me every few minutes. Might be hard to remember." He looked at Dean again, this time that weird little brother smile on his face. Dean was certain only older siblings could ever recognize it and it was driving him slowly very crazy. Sam knew. Sam knew and wasn't saying anything. How much could he tell though? He knew that Castiel had agreed to a date with Dean Winchester, he probably remembered how excited Dean seemed to be after getting it. Yep. Sam knew everything. Like always.

 

Goddamn it.

 

"Let's go to the mall, I wanna get to know Cas a bit better." Jo started for the door, Castiel's hand suddenly linked in hers.

 

"She means go shopping." Jet added with a roll of his eyes.

 

"When do I ever do the shopping thing?" Jo shouted back.

 

"Whenever you don't think anyone's looking! Shopping for plaid counts as shopping, doesn't have to be girly shit. Stop getting offended at everything I say."

 

"Shut up Jet!"

 

"Fuck, whatever." Jet waved his hand at her dismissively. "You comin' man? I can't do this on my own."

 

"Wasn't that the point of coming to my place?" Dean chuckled, going to fish his coat out of the closet.

 

"Nah, she just wanted to get mad at you for hiding a minor celebrity from her."

 

Dean once again made a face but decidedly didn't reply to that, he was technicallyhiding a lot more than that. "Well I was bored anyway, let's do this thing." Dean had a feeling that his day was about to get so much harder than he'd originally anticipated when he woke up that morning


	9. Chapter 9

The mall had been full of more people than Dean anticipated, but it didn't bother him all that much. What bugged him was the way he couldn't figure Cas out. The little twerp was roaming around like he owned the place, either that or Dean was just extremely nervous about his friends being around his boyfriend. It was so strange to see them in the same place; it was like Cas was a separate life than the others. And the realization of that thought scared him more than anything else. He'd been comfortable and happy separating the two; he liked how things were working out that they never had to overlap. But now here he was walking around in public with his best friends and his boyfriend.

 

"Cas," Jo smiled as she watched the young man stare enviously at a pair of shoes in a store window, "You're probably the cutest person I've ever met. You should be my pretend boyfriend for weekends or something, that way all the creepy dudes at the bar don't hit on me."

 

Castiel chuckled and looked at her, he knew she was kidding but decided to play along anyway, "I don't know, but I think the male version of you would be very cute. Definitely my type."

 

Dean frowned but tried not to let it show too much, "Jo, that's kind of a rude thing to ask isn't it?"

 

"What? To be my fake partner every now and then when needed?" Cas looked over his shoulder like some kind of sass queen and Dean felt the pain from the comment like a stab in the eye. "I could totally do it, is there something wrong with that?"

 

"It's kind of cheap." Jet shrugged, not even remotely aware of the tension shot between Dean and Castiel.

 

"Cheap how?" Dean looked over at him, trying hard not to let Cas get to him.

 

"Well it's sort of like cheapening what Cas' worth, you know? If I did something like that I'd have to have absolutely no self respect."

 

Cas looked down for a second when Dean's gaze went back to him, not wanting to meet it. "Either that," he smiled up at Jet, "Or maybe it's a sign of a person that doesn't feel insecure about themselves and can do what they want to do."

 

Jet paused, scrunched his face a little in thought before shrugging and nodding, "Yeah fine, or that. But nobody's that well adjusted."

 

"Come on, let's go try something on." Jo nudged Cas' arm and hurried ahead.

 

"Yeah…" Dean trailed off, thinking about Castiel's implications. Was he actually doing something to get a point across or had he just happened into the situation? The more Dean thought about it the more he realized Cas was just being himself. There were no underlying 'I'm going to test you' actions, he was just living.

 

Dean trailed behind the others a little and tugged lightly at Cas' sleeve to get his attention. The café singer glanced down first and in doing so turned his ear to where Dean was. "I'm sorry," Dean whispered in passing, continuing onward to stop the intimacy at a few seconds, just in case the other two turned back.

 

Cas smiled and followed Dean behind, "I know." He lightly brushed his hand past Dean's as he passed him to catch up to Jo's side. "Wait for me! I had my eye on something!"

 

'I think I'm the luckiest person I know…' Dean smiled warmly and quickened his pace, meeting Jet's stride until they reached the store Jo and Castiel had disappeared into.

 

"You okay, man?" Jet looked at him, raising an eyebrow slightly as he leaned a little more into Dean's line of sight.

 

"I'm fine," Dean grinned back, "Can't think of any better way to spend my Sunday."

 

"Uh, how about not walking around the mall watching people try stuff on?"

 

"To each their own, I suppose." Dean shrugged, watching Cas already armed and disappearing into a stall. "It makes them happy."

 

"Did you see his face? I think Cas has been eyeing those jeans forever." Jo giggled as the two overly manly men dropped themselves onto the waiting chairs outside the change room. It was nice that that was one of the stores that had them, made shopping with people easier for those not buying anything.

Dean smiled at her, "You trying anything on, Jo?"

 

"We'll see, Cas wanted me to see this first."

 

Pushing the door open of the change room open, Cas felt like he was holding his breath. He often tried clothing on just for fun, go into the stores and try on all kinds just to see how it fit or maybe what he'd look like in it. This time though he was showing his boyfriend. Sure, his boyfriend was surrounded by his friends that all assumed he was hetero so he might act like an asshole, but what could it hurt just to show off a little? He would have been lying if he said he wasn't worried. "What do you think?" Cas asked all three of them as he hopped out in a matching outfit consisting of a pair of dark jeans and some form fitting shirt that, he could tell, Dean almost drooled over. Relief washed over him and in its wake came the rest of his confidence; he gave a short turn and stuck his hip out in a pose.

 

"Looks hot, Cas." Jo giggled, giving him a wink when he glanced over his shoulder. Dean's lips were pursed together like he was trying to keep himself from reacting. It was golden and Cas wished he had a camera to capture that moment.

"You do this a lot, don't you?" Jet chuckled, leaned back on the chair next to Dean's with a leg crossed over the other in front of him. He looked comfortable and generally pleased with himself, glancing at his friend for some support in his mockery but Dean was a little busy staring.

 

"Do what? Look amazing?" Cas retorted, earning a laugh from Jo who felt it necessary to jab Jet in the arm for his comment. "Seriously though, I do the whole catwalk thing in my apartment sometimes. Especially after buying new clothes."

 

"How big is your wardrobe?" Jo asked and Dean wanted to answer the question for Cas. He knew it was actually very small and frankly more modest than most people. Sure it was flattering for Castiel's body type but he didn't go overboard. He kept what was necessary; he bought what he really needed and no more. The rest he'd donate, whatever he didn't need or whatever he'd replaced, and even when he bought something brand new he'd donate it to families that needed clothing. Families, individuals, the homeless, you name it and Cas had probably given them something.

 

"It's doing pretty well for itself," Cas smiled and while he was keeping to his usual modesty Dean wanted to smack him for that. It came across as if he'd bought so many things for himself, had been so selfish and was flaunting his good fortune. But that wasn't Cas. And it wasn't Cas to go around telling people how good he was. While Dean wanted nothing more than to explain to Jo and Jet what Castiel was really like, what his closet actually held, he couldn't do it without contradicting himself.

 

"You're a pretty modest guy, aren't you?" Dean decided to try and force it out of Cas via questioning.

 

"I don't know," Cas shrugged and looked at the mirror hanging on the change room door, "Some people say so, I suppose."

 

"That's a yes." Jet pointed out, exchanging a glance with Dean that said more than his words. He kind of understood what Dean was trying to do, he could hear it in Dean's tone but he just didn't know why, or what Dean was trying to get at.

 

It was a look reminded Dean that Jet wasn't an idiot and if he wanted to keep it secret he'd have to do a better job than he had been. "So then when you say 'it's doing pretty well for itself' do you mean that it's huge?"

 

"I mean it's as big as I need it to be." Castiel looked back at him and Dean wished he had some way to capture what he saw in this man. Castiel was so fierce on his own; he looked strong, compelling, confident, and charismatic all in one. He had stage presence in his voice alone, his eyes were piercing but gentle, and the way he carried himself showed nothing but elegance. "Dean, what are you trying to get at?"

 

"Well I know you do a lot of charity stuff so I was curious if maybe you were two-faced, saying people need help but then buying a ton of clothes for yourself."

 

And the strange little way Castiel furrowed his brow, scrunched his nose and narrowed his eyes was the cutest thing Dean had ever seen. He did it when he tried to figure things out or when something was profoundly ridiculous he had no idea what to make of it. Dean wasn't sure which one this was, possibly a mixture. Dean could only imagine the thoughts in Cas' head, wondering if Dean was playing with him, if he was trying to get him to say something, or maybe he was just being cruel. Dean hoped Cas didn't decide on the last one. Luckily for him, judging by Castiel's face, he went for the second option.

 

"I do buy a lot of things, but most of it I donate. I don't think I have a single thing in my closet that I don't use or wear often."

 

Jo smiled at him even wider, "See, you're the kind of guy my mom would want me to hang around more often."

 

"What's wrong with me?" Jet raised his hands in his 'what the fuck' kind of motion.

 

"No one said anything about you,"

 

"No one ever says anything about me, doesn't mean I can't misinterpret everything as being about me."

 

"Would you two stop?" Dean rolled his eyes, "Get married already so I won't be lying when I say old married couple."

 

"She's proposing," Jet pointed at her, "That whole gender equality thing, right?"

 

Cas' eyes widened, "Are you two-?"

 

"NO! He's joking, Cas." Jo laughed nervously and glared back at Jet, "Don't make jokes like that around new friends, they might actually believe you."

 

"Tragedy," Jet chuckled but nodded, "Alright, alright, joking aside Cas she's a lot more like a sister."

 

"But not actually related," Jo added pointedly.

 

"Got it," Castiel smiled and disappeared back into the change room, "So you think I should get this?"

 

"You look amazing in it, you like it, it's comfortable, good price, just get it." She called encouragingly.

 

"He's literally three feet away behind a two inch door, you don't need to yell." Jet nudged her playfully and earned himself a punch to the arm. "Ow! Bitch."

 

"Jackass." She made a face at him to which his rebuttal was sticking out his tongue. "I swear you're five."

 

"Five and a half, actually."

 

"You two really should stop," Cas called out from his stall, "I can see why Dean calls you an old married couple and we've just met today."

 

"That's all it takes, man." Jet replied with a shrug, "She has this thing about me-OW! Again?"

 

Castiel's laughter from out of sight was enough to bring a smile to Dean's face. It was like a song of its own and he felt the little shivers that Cas sometimes gave him. He wanted to say it, all of it, how Cas made him feel, how Cas made him want to be more than he'd ever been before and more. Castiel made him a better person just by association and Dean wished he could get over his own crippling mindset and just say it, I love you. Just say it. But he couldn't. His lips sealed shut, his tongue twisted and instead he sat with a screwed up expression and hating himself a little for it.

 

Every time they did something together he wanted to say it and if he ever did in public it was softly spoken and barely heard. Alone in Cas' apartment he could scream it and not care, but not with other people able to see him, able to put a face to a name.

 

The day together at the mall made no exceptions despite how amazing Castiel was with his friends. Jet and Jo loved him, he could sass them right back if he needed to, he could take a joke and return with one, and he was amazing conversation as always. He never bragged about what he did for others, he never suggested 'you know it would be better for everyone if you did this instead,' or pushed his beliefs on them. Castiel was a social creature and a stunning man that Dean felt blessed to know. Never once did Jet assume anything of the two of them, Jo didn't catch on, and that was all because of Cas, he was so good with people. Dean on the other hand felt like a lump half the time, he didn't know what to say he didn't know how to say anything he did know, and just generally didn't speak.

 

He knew it was an issue because on his way back from the restroom later that day he heard Jo speaking with Cas. "I'm sorry about Dean, he's… he grows on you I promise."

 

"He's uncomfortable I suppose," Cas smiled, "Remember that he and I are kind of friends? I know what he's like, no need to apologize for him."

 

"I know, I just… I don't think he knew you were gay. I know he said he did but you're really good at telling these kinds of things about people and so I think you were right. He lied to make the situation less awkward, that's what Dean does. But now he's not saying anything and I'm just worried that maybe we ruined something for you."

 

"Like what? Dean and I hardly know each other, if he has an issue with it he'll either tell me or not. It's okay, Jo, don't worry so much."

Dean cleared his throat and walked over, knowing too well that this was a Sam kind of move. Eavesdropping on a conversation before actually returning to the group, 100% Sam right there. "Hey,"

 

"Oh," Jo made a face like she wanted to hit him and Dean figured he would get it sooner or later.

 

"I heard all that… Jo I know you'll probably hit me for this but yeah, I lied." Dean figured it made the most sense and was extremely glad that someone gave him an out. It was so perfect; he had friends that just assumed certain things of him that would make the real situation easier to explain. Of course Dean still couldn't bring himself to really say it, not the truth. No, instead his brain went straight to using her excuse for him. "I'm just getting used to it, there's no issue."

 

"Good, because I'm going to start inviting Cas when we hang out so get used to him." Jo smiled proudly, taking Cas' hand as if it were a solidifying gesture. Castiel only laughed and shrugged in Dean's direction, a sort of 'I guess she likes me' thing.

 

"So that means we stop inviting Benny?" Jet chuckled as he returned to the group, wiping his hands on his jeans as per usual.

 

"He was busy today and you know it, Jet."

 

"Yeah, yeah. Next time we do this Benny joins us and then it'll be a party."

 

Cas smiled and glanced over at Dean for a moment, "If we do I want to take all the self-proclaimed manly men and get them to do a little cross-dressing."

 

Dean covered his mouth in order to not laugh at the faces that Jo and Jet both made respectively. One was extremely excited and the other couldn't do anything to hide his horrified shock. "Kilts are as far as I'll go." Jet pointed at him and Cas giggled.

 

"It's getting late and mom still wants me to help with supper tonight so I'll see you guys around." Jo was the first to take off, giving them a wave and Cas an extra hug because she knew she was leaving him with the other men.

 

"Later Jo." All three seemed to say it at once though Cas' was much more pleasantly phrased.

 

"Gonna take off too," Jet pat Dean on the shoulder and started walking, "See you, guys."

 

"Bye Jet."

 

Once the other two were out of earshot Cas laughed softly to himself and started heading the opposite direction, "Weird how things happen."

 

"Weird? You did that on purpose." Dean scoffed playfully, "I'm certain of it."

 

"What, like testing you? I think you need to calm down, I wouldn't test you. I don't need to."

 

"No?" Dean caught up to Castiel's side and looked at him a little more seriously.

 

"Of course not, babe. I know where I stand with you, why should I question it every day? It makes no sense." Cas winked at him and Dean swore his face lit up like the sky on the fourth of July.

 

"Love you." He whispered softly and if they hadn't been in public Dean would have kissed him.

 

"I love you too." He replied just as quietly and brushed their fingers by the other, "Need a ride?"

 

"Normally yes but I actually have some things I need to do in the area so I'll see you either Friday or sooner."

 

Dean felt a little distressed to see Cas go but knew that it wasn't forever, just a few days. "Alright, 'night Cas."

 

"Have a good night, sweetheart."

 

Dean trotted to his car, surprised at how well his Sunday had gone. He would get to see Cas more often than ever now, Jo was Castiel's friend and wanted to invite him to their group things. He couldn't have planned it better himself, he didn't have to look suspicious by showing up with Cas every time and he knew Jo would probably demand he pick Cas up if they needed a car for any reason. It was too perfect.

 

And of course it really was too perfect, Dean realized as he drove home. Sam had met Castiel that morning. He was driving right into a little hornets' nest of questions and he knew it. Dean ran a hand down his face and kept going, hoping that maybe Sam had forgotten like he had forgotten.


	10. Chapter 10

"So," Sam wasn't even going to give him so much as two seconds before he walked in the door, "That was Castiel, huh?"

 

"Sam, so help me I will wring your neck-"

 

"Dean, I think we both know you won't. Now, tell me, what's going on?" Sam crossed his arms over his chest and Dean didn't need to look up to see the smug little smirk on his stupid face.

 

"Nothing's going on, Sam. You sent weird messages to him but we're friends, that's all." Dean tried to get past Sam to go anywhere else that he could close and lock a door but his brother's arm unfolded and caught him in the chest.

 

"I don't think so. I remember how you acted after those texts were sent Dean, does 'I don't own anything good enough' sound familiar to you?"

 

"I think if you got any more smug you'd turn into a giant douchebag, oh wait." The sarcasm practically dripped from Dean's mouth, though that didn't make the situation go away. Sam was still looking at him and expecting some kind of an explanation. Dean instead shoved Sam out of his way and continued up to his room. "I said nothing is happening, Sam. Would you stop looking at me like that?"

 

Sam didn't answer and watched his brother disappear to his room, the door slamming behind him. "Alright then…" He shrugged his shoulders and smirked to himself at how good his slight of hand was. Dean hadn't noticed a thing while shoving him into the wall and Sam was about to walk away with his cell phone again. 'About to' being key because Dean reappeared almost immediately and snatched it back.

 

"You're too good at that."

 

"And you're hiding something." This time Sam tried to stop Dean from going but it was no use. "Dean! I'm not an idiot, you know I don't believe you right?"

 

"Shut up Sam! You tell anyone about this and I'll pulverize you!" Dean hollered back from his room, re-slamming the door for good measure. He sighed and flipped it open to text Cas, he knew that Cas said he was doing something in that part of town so he was probably busy but that didn't mean Dean couldn't sit there and send him messages.

 

Sam didn't bother him too much about it though Dean could feel it every time Sam looked at him, like there was something his little brother wanted to say or ask but just didn't do it. Dean wasn't sure if he hated that more than the actual questions he'd get, he knew Sam was building up for some kind of mass questioning spree but he also knew that Sam would find a way to answer them mostly on his own. Since Dean wasn't about to talk, anyway.

 

The rest of the time Dean enjoyed going to college, taking his classes and trying to get on top of things. The best part was that Cas actually knew a thing or two about some of his courses, the easy ones anyway. Dean was somehow surprised at Castiel for that, he was an amazing singer, funny, talented in most things, generous, kind, gorgeous and now smart too? It wasn't really fair for the rest of humanity.

 

Dean knew that if Cas had been a woman there would have been no hiding their relationship, it was because of the whole 'gay stigma' thing his mind continued to remind him of that he didn't say a word to anyone about it. Sam knew, every time Dean left the house on a Friday night Sam knew who he would end up seeing because he never came home the same evening. Saturday evenings were often spent over at Castiel's apartment or out with their friends. Dean couldn't believe that Jo had kept her promise that Cas would be invited, there were certain things they'd planned that he hadn't expected his boyfriend to show up to but lo and behold Castiel appeared.

 

They somehow always ended up side by side, Dean was certain it was because Jo knew Cas was gay and that Dean generally wasn't 'comfortable' around that sort of thing. He wanted to laugh because the joke was on her, he'd much rather end up in a crowded car with Castiel on his lap than anywhere else. Not that he could show his excitement to the others but he could share his secret with Castiel when the others weren't looking or where they couldn't immediately see. The number of times he'd felt up Cas' backside was immeasurable.

 

Though things were amazing Dean found that Castiel was actually very busy a lot of the time. He volunteered all over the place and once in a while took an extra shift at the café. To line their schedules up was nigh impossible some weeks, the only time to see each other was after Castiel's Friday shift. Dean would show up for the extra shifts but he couldn't really stay because he had classes the next day, Fridays were the only times he could drive Castiel home and stay over. Not that he didn't over look his next day classes every now and then, but that would only happen when he really missed Cas.

 

And he always missed Castiel, at least for the first while. It had gotten ridiculous to the point that he'd just sit in class and doodle Castiel's name on a scrap piece of paper. He was smart enough to throw it out after but that didn't mean he hadn't spent the time making it look as beautiful as he felt Castiel deserved. It was like paradise had come early for him, he'd found perfection in another human being that he was almost convinced was an angel in disguise.

 

As well and good as everything was, Dean also knew that they'd been together for over three months and he still hadn't taken their relationship further. Castiel was still a secret and the only one who even remotely admitted to knowing anything was Sam. Dean could have guessed that Castiel would bring it up at some point but that didn't mean he wanted it to happen, he didn't have a good answer ready yet. So he knew there was a tremendous problem in their relationship; he was putting Castiel in such an awful position, Dean had no idea how he'd feel if the same had happened to him. How did someone like Cas put up with him so much? How could he keep such an amazing person at his side despite how he was treating him? Dean had no idea but what he did know was that he'd find a way to make it right and fix it all.

 

Just as soon as he was ready.

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel sat down on the backstage couch before his Friday performance; it was April and one of the last shows before the end of the term. He knew a lot of people would be procrastinating their studying, however he also knew that there were possibly just as many that actually buckled down to actually do their work. The weekend before had been hectic and the café/bar was full of people, this time it'd be significantly less. Those that did show up would most likely be anxious and possibly moody; meaning he'd have to kick it up a notch in order to entertain them.

 

As Cas tried to find his center and the best way to accomplish the evening, he felt smooth hands fold over his eyes and block his vision for the most part.

 

"Guess who."

 

A male's voice and one that Cas recognized, "Samandriel!" He spun around and wrapped his friend up in a hug. "Oh my god, I haven't seen you in forever!"

 

"Same! How have you been?" Samandriel grinned as he squeezed Castiel right back. They pulled apart and smiled at one another, patting each other's shoulder before letting their arms drop.

 

"Pretty good, how about you? What've you been doing?"

 

"Performing here and there, I'm with a band from a small town in South Dakota. They decided we should tour a little while one of our guys has the funding for it. We're not that big but we're doing well." Samandriel dropped down on the couch beside Cas, crossing his legs and getting comfortable.

 

"Really? That's awesome, what's the name of your group?" Cas was legitimately interested and that only made Samandriel beam with a tinge of pride.

 

"They call themselves S.I.H. Named by our guitarist, Adam."

 

"What's it stand for?"

 

"Still in Hell, kinda melodramatic but hey, it gets attention."

 

"Castiel you're up in five." One of the café workers peered into the backstage area, giving him a thumb's up before disappearing again.

 

"I have an idea," Cas lit up and stood, "Sing with me tonight!"

 

"What?" Samandriel's smile betrayed the fake shock he attempted to portray. "You think they'll let me?"

 

"Of course! Come on, it'll be just like old times. I do a lot of cover songs but I think you know the words." Castiel unfolded a paper from his pocket with the list of the night's songs, handing it over to his friend.

 

Samandriel chuckled and shook his head as he looked over the list, "My manager would be pissed if I did a free concert, but I can join you for one of your songs if you'd like."

 

"That's just as good, I'll call you up at the end?"

"Hell yeah, let's do it."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Everything seemed normal; the lights dimmed as the band finished their set up, people hushed a bit because dimming lights somehow commanded that reaction. Dean sipped at his beer, glancing around the familiar setting fondly. He liked it there, a place he could see Castiel shine like he knew he could. A place where they could share something no one else understood, each love song meant a little more, each break up song caused a little more stress, and all the happy moments that came up Dean tried to find a way to relate to it. Of course he knew that a lot of the time Cas would actually just be singing a song so really there was nothing to be said for it.

 

Dean was fairly relaxed, watching Castiel step out onto the stage as always, eyes nearly sparkling with excitement. "Heya, this seat taken?" An unfamiliar voice piped up next to him, startling him a little. Dean looked at a fairly young man, a bit goofy looking but not unattractive. He glanced at the empty seats around him and shrugged.

 

"Nah, go ahead."

 

"Thanks buddy, it looks like the best spot to watch the entertainment." The guy dropped down and smiled up at the stage with a sort of appreciation Dean recognized from his own elation. Whoever this guy was he wasn't at the bar to drink, he was there to see Castiel.

 

"Who are you?" Dean tried to sound friendly, smiling a little at the guy.

 

"Hm? Oh, people call me Alfie." The guy grinned right back at him, "You?"

 

"Dean, Dean Winchester."

 

They shared bit of a smile and that was it, both turning back toward the stage to watch Castiel's performance. It was tense; Dean didn't like this Alfie kid one bit. Why would someone show up out of the blue like that for Castiel? To take him away? Offer an amazing job of some kind? Dean swished his beer in his mouth for a second before swallowing, glancing at the other guy again to see the glee on his face.

 

"So you a talent agent or something?"

 

"Me?" Alfie looked at him again, big eyes blinking obliviously. "No, I wish though. Cas could really benefit from that."

 

Dean wanted to punch him for calling him 'Cas' and not 'Castiel'. It was too personal.

 

The evening ended and Castiel smiled brightly at everyone, a smile that often made Dean melt but not that night. He was too busy being pissed off about Alfie being in the crowd and receiving the same smile. What right did that guy have to see Castiel's smile? None. 'Stupid little pervert. Better stay away from Cas.' Dean thought bitterly, keeping an eye on Alfie in his peripheral vision.

 

"I hope everyone's been having a great night so far," Castiel addressed the room and people all but screamed for him. Dean hadn't been expecting it, most of the time Cas got the applause and half the attention of the café but that night everyone was into it. Dean had been a little busy being pissed off but from what he knew of Castiel's stage presence, that night had actually been pretty incredible. One of his best, really. "Thank you all so much, I love you all." Dean could feel his ears burning and a bit of pain from his tense jaw at that. Alfie was next to him clapping loudly with the rest of the crowd.

 

"Now I have one more song I'd like to do for all of you, but I have a question first. Has anyone in here ever heard of S.I.H.?" There were a few people that made some noise for him and Cas couldn't help the grin on his face. "Perfect, well tonight I'd like to invite my good friend to the stage to sing with me. Samandriel, will you step up here?"

 

People in the bar started to cheer, clearly more had heard of S.I.H. than they had let on. Dean furrowed his brow and looked around briefly before he saw Alfie standing up and hurrying to the stage, "Hey! You said your name was Alfie!" Dean shouted after him. The guy paused and smiled back at him.

 

"I said people call me that, sometimes Samandriel's too long for them." He called back before taking Castiel's hand and climbing onto the stage.

 

Cas smiled and hugged him again, only getting a loud cheer from the fans. Dean growled and sunk back into his chair, glaring up at the stage. "A little bit of trivia for you Still In Hell fans," Cas turned back to the café that had more sober people than usual at the end of the night, "Samandriel is also called Alfie because of his middle name, Alfonse. The more you know."

 

"Alright, alright Cas let's give them the show you've riled them up for." Alfie grinned, taking the second microphone given to him by a stagehand.

 

Castiel shared a look with him as the music started up, an old tune by what Dean recognized to be Queen. The star of the show started, "This thing called love I just can't handle it."

 

Alfie picked up immediately after Cas left off, "This thing called love I must get 'round to it. I ain't ready,"

 

"Crazy little thing called love." Joining together their vocals matched perfectly like they'd done it a thousand times. It would have been amazing if Dean hadn't been sulking in the back. The way they moved together boiled under Dean's skin as he watched, their chemistry was too electric and it was making him more and more uncomfortable as the song played through.

 

What did this Alfie-Samandriel-whatever guy have that he didn't? Dean could sing, he wasn't a slouch at it even though he'd never been trained. The whole thing pissed him off. Castiel was getting friendly with another person and so easily.

 

"Thank you everyone and have a good night. Designated drivers be safe, everybody else call a cab." Cas and Alfie gave a short bow before disappearing backstage. Dean bit his lower lip and stared angrily as most of the people left. He stood up and went out to his car, not bothering to help clean up this time or wait inside.


	11. Chapter 11

Castiel walked out after the usual time, looking toward the parking lot a bit concerned. Dean usually stayed inside and greeted him, helped them clean up and joke around with everyone. He'd wanted to introduce his old friend but Samandriel had to leave shortly after the performance and Dean had been nowhere to be seen. At least not until Cas saw the car sitting in the parking lot, its usual spot with Dean at the wheel.

 

A quick glance around the area before trotting over to the passenger side and slipping in, Castiel immediately leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek. "Hey, missed you in there."

 

"What, Alfie not enough company for you?" Dean grumbled, not returning the affection.

 

Cas retracted a bit; he'd have been lying if he said that Dean's lack of response hadn't hurt. "Dean, are you jealous of my friend?"

 

"Why were you so close to him?" Dean snapped and turned to look Cas square in the face. "You two were pretty much dirty dancing on stage! How am I not supposed to get upset?"

 

 "We weren't, Dean. The stage isn't that big, we had to stay close to keep out of the instrumentalists' way. What has gotten into you?"

 

 "I guess I'm over reacting." Dean turned away and started the car, trying to cut the conversation off there.

 

"Dean, don't shut down like that. Explain to me what is bothering you." Cas shuffled closer and tried to get Dean to look at him again before starting to drive. "Samandriel and I used to be close friends, we used to perform together and I just wanted to do it again while he was in town. I'm sorry that it upset you so much."

 

"Do you actually care? I mean I know it's my fault, I know what you're gonna say so do you actually care that I'm upset?" He conceded and turned his head again, clenching his jaw in order to keep his head about him while looking at Castiel's innocent expression.

 

Cas bit his lip a little, looking back and forth between Dean's left and right eyes before replying; "You think I'm going to say 'what do you expect me to do in public, people don't think I have a boyfriend so I should flirt' or something like that?" Dean's reply was silent but he nodded all the same to give Castiel some confirmation. "Dean what part of 'I love you' don't you understand? I know everyone takes things at different speeds, I respect that and I have no problem keeping us quiet for you. I would never use that as a weapon against you and I would never cheat on you. I didn't consider your feelings and for that I'm really sorry."

 

It was so hard to stay mad at Castiel, and Dean had lost sight of the reason why he should or if he should at all. His expression softened and he pulled Cas close, hugging him and petting a hand through his hair. Cas snuggled in close and buried his face into the crook of Dean's neck, "Please... even if you're mad, don't reject me like that." Castiel whispered into him and Dean knew exactly what he was talking about. Not kissing Cas back was the hardest spiteful action he'd ever decided to take out of anger.

 

"I'm sorry, Cas. That wasn't right, and next time I'll tell you it bothers me instead of throwing a fit, okay?"

 

"Thank you." Cas smiled and sat upright, tilting Dean's face down toward his to kiss him again, this time receiving the affection of his boyfriend.

 

"You too, though." Dean cupped Cas' cheek once they broke the embrace, "If you're pissed at me you still have to return my affections."

 

Castiel chuckled and nodded, "Yeah, I suppose I do." They kissed again before Dean put the car in gear and pulled out of the parking lot, both feeling a little better about the evening.

 

"Was that our first fight?" Dean furrowed his brow and looked over at Castiel who sat contemplatively for a few seconds before nodding.

 

"Yeah, I think so. I mean we've argued before but no one got that upset. It went by faster than I thought it would."

 

"Kind of." Dean pouted a little, looking out the windshield as a devious little smile came to his lips. "I had this fantasy that we'd have angry sex afterward."

 

"We still can," Cas raised an eyebrow at him, "You still pissed enough?"

 

 "I think I'm more feeling the slow fuck tonight, actually. You have a way with words."

 

"Was it the 'you didn't kiss me back and I got really sad' part you're talking about?" Castiel smirked a little, his heart fluttering in his chest as he watched Dean's face. It had no hints of anger left, just the subtle, loving expression that Cas had woken up to several times in their three-month relationship.

 

"I think so. Though I guess it's not the words as much as it is how you cling to me when you say them." Dean glanced away from the road long enough to share a smile with Castiel before looking back. He reached over and took Castiel's hand in his, squeezing it firmly, "I love you, Cas."

 

"I love you too, Dean. Never forget that."

 

Castiel dropped onto the bed and relaxed into the sheets, his eyelids feeling incredibly heavy. He felt the bed sink where Dean lowered himself and smiled, it was such a nice feeling, to know that someone else was there. Cas rolled over and curled against Dean's side, resting his head on his lover's shoulder and snuggling in close. "So we're done fighting?" He whispered, looking up with a curious little smirk.

 

"I think so," Dean sighed and wrapped his arm around Castiel, loving the warmth his body gave off. He yawned and exhaled softly, "So how was your day?"

 

Cas nuzzled his cheek against Dean's chest and found his comfortable position, "Pretty long, actually. I put in some extra time at the animal center today."

 

"What for?"

 

 "Well I know you have tomorrow off and I figured we could do something."

 

Dean smiled and lightly caressed his boyfriend before saying anything else, "That's really sweet of you."

 

"I miss you," Cas whispered, "All the time."

 

 Dean tightened his arms around Castiel and held him close, "I know how you feel, I miss you too." They lay quietly together for some time before Cas nudged him lightly.

 

 "How are studies going? Should I let you work tomorrow?"

 

"Don't be silly, you took the day off to be with me so we'll do something together alright?" Dean felt the relaxation in Castiel's muscles and knew he'd said the right thing for a chance.

 

"You're amazing." Cas muttered through a yawn, resting his head more heavily against Dean's torso.

 

 Dean chuckled as he caught the infectious yawn and wound up stretching his face like a lion when it roars. "We better have sex before I fall asleep."

 

 "I'll get right on that." Cas murmured quietly against Dean's skin, barely moving a muscle. The two dozed off pretty quickly, Cas had a full day of volunteering and working while Dean had been up late most of the week cramming for his finals. It was a week from hell for him as a student and though unwinding with sex would have been the best part of his day he just couldn't keep his eyes open.

 

 The morning sunlight warmed them through the thinly curtained window, directly onto the middle of the bed when Dean opened his eyes again. It was like a blink in time, the last thing he remembered was muttering things to Cas the next he was waking up sluggish and tired. "Mmm... Cas?" He groaned softly, trying to clear his throat of the groggy sound though it didn't quite work.

 

Castiel sighed lightly against him, the rush of air escaping his nose a gentle tickle against Dean's chest. "Cas," Dean smiled and brushed a hand through the bed tousled hair of his partner, "Baby, wake up."

 

"Mm..." Cas moaned into him before lifting his head up, sleepy eyes gazing at him lazily. "Morning."

 

"Morning sleeping beauty," Dean chuckled and started to get up, "I gotta pee, wait here."

 

 Cas growled as Dean hopped out of bed, rolling up in the sheets in a grumpy way, "Couldn't have waited to wake me?"

 

 "I know you don't like waking up alone when you know I was here." Dean called back from the bathroom, the door still open. Castiel stared at the underside of his cover for a few seconds, deciphering what Dean could have meant. It made him smile, someone- Dean- knew him that well and if that didn't make him extremely happy nothing would.

 

Castiel rolled around in the sheets to take up Dean's side as well as his own, it was so warm and welcoming that he really couldn't bring himself to get up. "You're pretty comfortable here already, huh?" He called out, chuckling when he heard the toilet flush. "Going with the door open and everything."

 

"It's nothing you haven't seen, besides if we're going to move this fast anyway I might as well let you know what you're getting yourself into." Dean didn't seem to have an issue with it at all as he dropped back into the bed, searching Castiel out under the blanket. Cas giggled when Dean's hands gripped his sides and pulled him up against his chest. "You're such a little pest."

 

"I'm a pest?" Cas wriggled to get the blanket off his head, staring up at Dean with shocked eyes, "Look who's talking Mr.-I-drink-out-of-the-milk-carton!"

 

"I haven't done that in a week!" Dean countered, nuzzling against the nape of Castiel's neck as his boyfriend struggled against him.

 

"Yeah, because you haven't been here in a week, you dick!" His angry protest turned into a squeal as Dean pinched his sides and tickled him through the covers. Cas wiggled but found that his arms were trapped in the sheets and he had no way of defending himself other than wildly flopping around like a worm on a hook. "Okay! Okay okay okayokayokay!" He shrieked, "You win!"

 

"Say 'uncle'!"

 

 "UNCLE! UNCLE!"

 

Dean chuckled as he let Castiel go, the dark-haired male finally able to free his limbs from their confines. "Asshat." He smacked Dean's cheek lightly and snickered.

 

"Alright," Dean stood up, lifting Castiel with him and carrying him toward the kitchen, "I think it's time for some food."

 

"You making?" Cas snuggled against him, happy to rest his head on Dean's chest again.

 

 "Sure thing, I make a mean omlette."

 

"I want a nice one."

 

 "Picky eater."

 

"I'll be less insufferable if you do me a favour?" Cas looked up at him innocently and Dean couldn't find it in himself to decline whatever Cas had in mind.

 

"What do you want, princess?"

 

 "Cook with the apron on?"

 

Dean furrowed his brow but shrugged, "Yeah, I could do that."

 

 "Only the apron." Castiel's tone couldn't have been more insistent if he'd tried. Dean felt his cheeks burn a little red but he didn't falter in carrying his boyfriend, setting him down on a chair.

 

"Fine, you got it." He grinned wildly at Cas and it only widened when he saw how excited Cas looked at the thought of it all. Dean wished he'd been wearing something to remove to make it sexier but he figured tying the apron on in a seductive way was just as good.

 

"Oh my god," Cas giggled and got comfortable, finding a good position to watch Dean cook. It was driving him a little crazy to see it and not touch but that was half the fun. He crossed his legs and bit the side of his lower lip, dragging his teeth along it as Dean bent over to get the frying pan from the cupboard. Castiel whistled in appreciation and grinned as he watched the dark red blush seep down the back of Dean's neck. "Fuck you're so pretty, baby." He whispered roughly, dropping his legs and letting his hand trail down his abdomen to his waist.

 

Dean glanced back and gasped lightly, watching Cas' hand work himself up and down slowly, all the while sharp blue eyes taking him in like a hungry wolf. "Damn it, Cas." he cursed and went back to getting utensils and ingredients, "I'm trying to make you food."

 

"Just keep doing what you're doing, babe." Cas responded in his rough, sex voice that Dean went a little crazy for. The first time he'd really heard it was when Cas had fucked him into the bed and hearing it since only made him remember. "Turn this way a little." Cas ordered, motioning with his free hand for the same.

 

Dean wasn't sure why he complied but he did, angling himself a little better for Cas to see the way his apron lifted in the front, starting to tent on his growing erection. It wouldn't be so arousing for him if Cas didn't use that voice, he tried to tell himself anyway. Maybe denying that Castiel jerking off to him in the kitchen would make him less gay, but it only sent his blood south, hot and eager.

 

"God... you're making me hard, baby." Cas grunted, rolling his head back and exhaling as he adjusted his position on the chair.

 

Dean tried to ignore him and get to making breakfast as he'd planned, knowing full well he was being objectified sexually and wishing that it didn't turn him on. But he couldn't exactly deny the aching in his groin. It was full erect already, the apron gently dancing across the heated skin only making it worse.

 

For a little while he was doing well, able to pretend he hadn't heard the telltale sounds of a man pumping his own dick, but it got to be a bit too much when Cas couldn't hold back his gasps. The little panting noises mixed with the slick sound of his hand jerking up and down, he sounded pretty wrecked and Dean couldn't stop himself from taking a look. He had to see what kind of face his boyfriend was making, he always loved the way Castiel arched up into a touch, leaving his mouth slightly open and his eyes closed as he rocked into it. But this time that wasn't what he saw.

 

Castiel's mouth was pulled up in a dangerous smile, his eyes locked on Dean's as soon as he turned. Dean felt his face lit up even hotter than it already was, feeling another surge in his loins as he watched Castiel, barely able to keep himself from arching back like he always did. Dean licked his lips and forced himself to look back at the frying omlettes, part of him wondering why he was still doing it at all. As Dean contemplated leaving the stove he heard the little squeak that Cas sometimes made right before orgasm, it was the softest, sweetest sound and Dean couldn't take it anymore. He reeled to face Castiel as he leaned back, mouth open and eyes closed, arching and thrusting into his own hand.

 

"Gimme that," Dean growled at him, taking hold of his cock and finishing the job. Castiel whined and stretched his limbs, floundering to grab hold of Dean and cling. Dean smiled as Cas came, the hot release spilling over his hand and making the following strokes even slicker than the previous. Castiel could only writhe on his chair as Dean finished jerking him off, through his orgasm until he relaxed, gasping for air.

 

Dean opened his mouth to say something but Castiel grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him in for a kiss, their lips meeting sloppily, Cas barely able to control it in his post-ecstasy haze. He leaned up against Dean, their cheeks brushing roughly until Cas' lips were by Dean's ear; "Your turn."

 

Dean knew he wouldn't last that long but he was far from caring. Castiel reached behind him and untied the apron, letting it fall open around Dean's neck, easily removed with a tug. Cas was still a little clumsy but it seemed to be just fine, fumbling to grab hold of Dean and switching places to leave his boyfriend in the chair and him kneeling in front of it.

 

The moment Castiel's mouth touched his cock Dean let out a loud moan, dropping his head back and almost choking Cas with a thrust. He fisted a hand into the dark, matted hair hovering over his lap, petting through it with each suck and roughly taking hold when Cas sent a wave of excitement. "Fuck…" He exhaled hoarsely, already aching for release.

 

Castiel's tongue massaged the underside of his shaft, warm and wet, with precise knowledge of where to go. Dean was feeling dizzy but he held on all the same, he knew that Cas loved to blow him for longer periods of time; his boyfriend enjoyed the taste and loved feeling his little spasms of pleasure. Dean bit his lip and rolled his hips up for Castiel who promptly deep-throated for him without a complaint.

 

Cas' tongue was more experienced with sexual pleasing than his partner's was; it made Dean squeal softly as it flicked over his head and gently licked up the pre-cum beading in his slit. The warm, wet pressure of Castiel's mouth was getting to be too much, Dean could feel the heat pooling in his stomach and heading down through his body. It even tingled a little in his toes, which started to curl with delight. He couldn't take it anymore.

 

"Cas," he tried to gasp out the warning but Castiel seemed to get the hint already. His pace quickened and he brought a hand to cup and massage Dean's balls as he worked his dick. "Fuck Cas!" Dean curled as he ran both hands into Castiel's hair, encouraging one second, pulling roughly the next. Dean arched as his body started to shake, his mouth falling open as he gasped and whimpered. The feeling was a like a wave inside him, slowly building as it rocked back and forth, swelling up to a high point he was excited to reach. It felt so close but it always seemed to slip away from him at the last second and despite how good Castiel was Dean just couldn't reach it. He whined desperately, thrusting a little and squirming in his seat as his body scrambled for its satisfaction.

 

Castiel smiled around the messy, throbbing weight in his mouth and reached under Dean. His fingers wriggled against the heated flesh and found their way to Dean's entrance without too much searching. He didn't ask questions or wait for a response, Cas inserted a finger dry, knowing it'd be enough friction for what he needed done. Dean immediately and sharply drew in a breath, his body seizing up briefly before his muscles spazzed out.

 

When Dean crashed into his climax he screamed, he screamed Castiel's name, he begged, he pleaded and called out things that Cas wished he could have had on repeat.

 

Breakfast had turned out just as good and better than Cas had expected and he had far too much fun teasing Dean. Making his man cook in nothing but an apron would possibly be the highlight of his day.


	12. Chapter 12

"Cas are you sure you want to do anything today? We could, I dunno, spend some time doing nothing. Or maybe have sex again." Dean called out from the doorway, waiting for Castiel to finish getting ready. He'd decided to take the day off for Dean though he hadn't mentioned whether or not he'd had anything in mind.

 

"Nope, we can do that another time. Today I wanna show you something." Castiel emerged from his bedroom in a dark sleeveless shirt that outlined his figure nicely, showing off the muscle in his arms and the light tan of his skin. As well he'd put on a pair of jean shorts, loose fitting in most places though it still gave a good view of his ass. Dean loved Castiel's body every time he saw it, whatever he saw it in. The well-toned torso with amazingly athletic legs, not super pale like someone who clearly spent too much time inside, and he tended to accessorize. A ring or two, a wrist cuff, and a necklace interchangeable with his outfits.

 

"Dean?" Castiel's voice broke his concentration again, his eyes snapping up to meet the curious blue that seemed to entrance him every time. "You listening? I said let's go."

 

"Sorry, just staring."

 

 "Saw that," Cas chuckled and took his hand, if even for a short while. "Come on." He led Dean to the elevator where they shared a few more kisses before it opened to the main floor. Dean let go of his hand and walked ahead of him toward the car, Castiel trailing behind a little as they went. He curled his bottom lip in to bite at it, his nervous habit that could result in a red rash-like sore if he did it too often. And he'd been doing it a lot lately.

 

It had been a few months since they'd gotten together and though Cas repeatedly said it didn't bother him that he was a secret, he still wanted to know when it'd end. When was he going to stop being the lie in Dean's life, the 'close friend' that he'd gotten to know at the cafe? Dean's family hadn't met him just yet, maybe that was when it was all said and done. Maybe when he met John and Mary Winchester for dinner or something Dean would tell everyone, a big reveal. Castiel sighed lightly, at the rate they were going he figured the reveal might even accompany a proposal, it was taking Dean so long to get comfortable.

 

But again, Cas refused to push him. Dean treated him well; Dean loved him just as much as he loved Dean so there was no reason to make a mess of it. Castiel had patience, he knew who he was and what he wanted, and if all he had to do to get it was wait then he would do so with a smile. His relationship with Dean was the best one he'd had in years and he'd be damned if he let this one go over something so trivial. Why would he care who knew about them? As long as he had Dean it didn't matter to him.

 

Dean glanced over his shoulder at him, an eyebrow raised, "Aren't you the one who wanted to go? Come on, Cas."

 

"Sorry, lost in thought." Cas smiled brightly at him and hurried to the passenger side, "Follow my directions and we should be just fine."

 

"If you say so." Dean chuckled and hopped inside, starting the Impala's engine and taking off according to Castiel's guidance. The ride wasn't as long as Dean had expected, they drove to a small, out of the way park with trees all around it, an apartment building and convenience store the closest things to them. Dean climbed out and looked around, wondering what Cas could possibly want to show him in a place like that.

 

"This way," Castiel ran up a path disappearing into the trees, all Dean could hear were the excited footsteps of his boyfriend distancing themselves from him.

 

He smiled a little and followed suit, every now and then catching up to a Castiel who waited for a few seconds then ran ahead to another junction. It was kind of like playing a video game where the individual you were following would wait a bit if you trailed too far behind. "What are you showing me exactly?"

 

"It's a secret," Cas called back, this time he wasn't too far away and when Dean caught up he walked into a very small clearing. At first Dean didn't see what he was supposed to, not until Castiel disappeared up into a tree and into the high sitting branches above. Entirely out of sight, Dean couldn't see a thing up there.

 

"Cas?"

 

"Come up, it's up here." Cas called down again, he sounded so excited Dean couldn't bring himself to refuse.

 

He walked up to the tree and found the same footing Cas had used to propel himself upwards. Dean started to climb and at first he thought it was ridiculous, but the higher he went he passed the branches that acted more like a shield from the ground below and came across a little sanctuary. Dean climbed up into a hole in the bottom of a tree house, the floor his hands pushed on was clean and even a little polished. He lifted himself into the space in some kind of awe as he looked around; there were walls, windows, and even a bit of self-crafted furniture. A small bookshelf filled with what must have been Castiel's favourites, each one with worn binding being a better indication of that. The windows were accompanied by two sets of curtains, a thin veil and a heavier fabric, as well as actual glass and even a screen for the ones that opened.

 

"Cas… did you make all this?" Dean was awestruck as he walked around a little, looking at the beauty of the space around him. There were picture frames on the walls, all empty despite looking like they'd been there for far too long. Little end tables matching all the rest of the furniture and decorating equipped with candles, and Dean could only imagine there were flashlights and batteries hiding inside for the late night readings.

 

"It's been put together over a long period of time, but yes. I built it up from nothing on my own." Castiel's tone lingered in the air as he strolled across the floor, his smile content as his fingers traced the top of the only couch in the room. Dean was at a loss for all words as the filtered light from the windows lit up Castiel's frame, he looked so comfortable and at home in his own little world. For possibly the hundredth time Dean wondered to himself how the hell he'd managed to catch the attention of someone like Castiel Novak.

 

"When I was really little we used to live a few miles away from here," Cas lowered himself onto the couch and looked up at Dean in a way that beckoned him over. "I'd gotten into a fight with my dad over something then, I can't remember for the life of me what it was now but at the time it seemed important. I ran away, as far away as I could get on foot. Again, back then a few miles was a big deal."

 

"I think every kid thinks that." Dean chuckled, getting comfortable beside his boyfriend who promptly hopped a bit closer and snuggled in against him.

 

"Probably true," Cas sighed softly, closing his eyes as if it somehow helped him tell the story better. "I came across the park, it was just as empty and abandoned as it is today."

 

Castiel walked through the tall grass slowly, out of breath but refusing to show it. He kicked at a few acorns strewn about mindlessly, wishing the anger would just leave him. He knew that his dad would find him, that running away meant nothing because he'd end up at home again by the end of the night. But maybe if he managed to worry his dad and his brothers, just a little bit, they'd see he was important to them. A childish notion that really doesn't amount to the same events that it might in movies.

 

Regardless, Castiel wandered around the park in search of something to occupy him. Some place that maybe he'd be able to call his. There were small trails through the bushes and trees as a sort of 'adventure' or something. He didn't really care, his imagination was disconnected and his mind blank. He almost decided on taking a different route through the trees but for some reason decided that taking the left turn rather than his usual right at a fork in the road was better. Cas walked right into a clearing with a tree in the dead center. The landscaper must have decided that it was a beautiful tree and it'd be a real shame if it were to be cut down, so instead blazed the trail around it.

 

Cas stared up at the tree for a long time, the branches on the lower part of the tree were fairly thick and less than halfway up it had completely concealed the rest of it. Castiel contemplated his next move, whether he should continue on his wandering or not. He decided against it and climbed up the timber, just to see how high he could go.

 

"How high did you get?" Dean asked softly, comfortable and happy to listen to Castiel's re-telling of what happened.

 

"Pretty damn high, actually. Higher than we are now. I wanted to know if there was a limit to it, what was beyond the canopy hiding the rest of the tree. As it turns out it was just more tree but hey, I saw promise in this." Cas smiled and looked up at Dean with such a complacent expression. "I'd finally found a place no one could find me in. I went home later in the evening, they were pissed I'd ran off but it didn't matter; I had a place to myself."

 

"Is that what this is? Your own little sanctuary?" Dean ran a hand through Cas' hair absently as he looked around the room again, eyeing the picture frames a little more.

 

"That's exactly what it is, I like to come here when I need to think or be alone or whatever else. I'm comfortable here, I can be what I want and do what I want. I know I have an apartment and everything where I can do these things but… I don't know, it's different. Sanctuary is a good word for it."

 

"It's beautiful, Cas."

 

 A soft chuckle was the reply and while Dean would have asked why Cas was laughing he decided not to. Instead they sat and enjoyed each other's silence, the sounds of the trees waving in the wind around them, nearby wildlife, and the distant sound of vehicles passing by. Dean felt as though he'd just been let in on something very important, something special to Castiel. The feeling had a tenderness to it, a little bit of magic maybe. It was warm and welcoming, something Dean would never want to pass up or let go of.

 

Time slipped past them as they laid together on the couch, tangled in one another's arms as they rested. Dean breathed in the subtle scent of Castiel's cologne and smiled in his drowsy state of mind; it was the faintest smell and yet it was one of the strongest reminders that Cas was there. Something so faded and weak brought on the strongest emotions, it was always said that smell was one of the senses that affected memory the most. "Cas," Dean heard himself whispering the name he knew floated through his dreams at night.

 

"Hm?" Castiel couldn't have been bothered to answer properly, his soft grunt as strong a response as Dean was going to get.

 

"I love you."

 

 "I love you too, Dean." Castiel smiled and sighed happily but Dean felt like it wasn't enough, like he didn't do enough, like those three words were said so often that they weren't enough anymore.

 

"Cas, I really… I really wish there was a way to tell you. I love you. More than I know how to say." He felt himself stumbling over thoughts and the frantic sensation of needing Castiel to know tripping him up even more. And then Castiel's finger touched his lips to hush him. Dean stopped and exhaled slowly, taking in the sight of his lover resting against him, that smile on his face. It was like it was telling him that everything was going to be alright, and Dean believed Cas.

 

"We'll do it all, everything, on our own." Castiel sang softly, the voice of an angel to soothe him. "We don't need anything or anyone. If I lay here, if I just lay here… would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

 

Dean closed his eyes and listened, he'd heard the song before though he couldn't put his finger on it. It didn't matter because it was Castiel, because they were together.

 

"I don't quite know how to say how I feel. Those three words are said too much, they're not enough. If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told before we get too old, show a garden that's bursting into life."

 

As Castiel sang the worry lifted from him, he knew what Cas was trying to say, what he meant by it all. There would never be a way to properly say what they meant, to really and truly show how they felt. Love was just the start of it and Dean wanted nothing more than to explore that part of them.

 

"All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes; they're all I can see. I don't know where, confused about how, as well. Just know that these things will never change for us at all."

 

"If I lay here…

 

If I just lay here…

 

Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"


	13. Chapter 13

Time felt like nothing, it went by so fast and Dean wished he could have it back to live it again. But then, he didn't want to waste any time that he could be spending with Castiel. Summer skated past them, the last year of his degree coming up fast. Dean wasn't worried, he didn't really care either; he'd done well the last year and he knew he'd do well the next. Cas was his support and the one to keep him studying his ass off.

 

What really made Dean think was the prospect of moving out, his full-time job now turned part-time for school was paying him very well and he had the option to go. Dean sat at the breakfast table in the morning, looking over a newspaper for something affordable. He'd never moved out before so in all honesty he wasn't quite sure what he was looking for. John sat down in the chair beside him, it was early and neither of them had to go to work just yet, Mary busy making them food before they went.

 

"What're you looking for?" John asked after a moment or two, he was usually reading the paper first thing so he had no other choice than to make some conversation. Not that it bothered him all that much, he was happy to see his kids interested in the morning news like himself.

 

"An apartment or something." Dean smiled at the warm and proud expression John showed him. The years before hand John had been ill, a heart disease that they'd managed to fix at the cost of him going out into the work force for quite some time. Dean had been the one to help pay for everything, keep their family afloat. It was why he hadn't done post secondary education sooner, but that was all said and done. John had recovered, had returned to work and insisted that Dean stop paying for things because it wasn't fair to him. Aside from a portion for food and rent but John and Mary barely asked for anything that it didn't really matter. Dean felt like a burden in the house, not to mention he needed to get out into the world and live on his own. "I figured it was time."

 

"Well let's take a look, shall we?" John shuffled closer and Dean felt his smile widening. Every little father-son moment was like a blessing after John's surgery. He'd survived a major heart attack, he was still with them and now he was healthy and doing his usual thing again. Dean couldn't help but treasure every moment with his dad, knowing how close he'd been to losing the man.

 

Looking turned into phoning around turned into going to check places out. Dean realized that most places weren't exactly cheap for a single person. He'd wanted to ask Castiel, to move in with him but Cas had been on his own and doing just fine so moving in together would look exceedingly suspicious to anyone paying attention. And with the fact that his friend Jet had been looking for places too, Dean couldn't rightly go to Castiel and ignore that fact. While Dean and John inspected the different apartments, Jet tagged along because by rights he would probably be Dean's roommate.

 

There were so many good places open to two renters that they didn't have time to check it all in one day. On a weekend Dean went out with Jet and Cas, Castiel being the one who claimed to be an expert at judging a good rental from a bad one. Jet folded his arms behind his head as they walked into the third building of the day, his eyes following a crack in a wall up to the ceiling. He shrugged and kept walking, not terribly concerned about how it looked as long as he could use it. "Bedroom's are relatively close to the same size," he called from down the hall to where Dean was checking out the kitchen with Castiel.

 

The landlord was in the doorway watching them, clearly not interested in what they did and more interested in them leaving so he could get back to his show or something. It wasn't exactly hospitable or inviting in any sort of way. Castiel kept glancing over at him as Dean checked a few things out. "I don't like it," he finally whispered to his boyfriend, getting Dean's attention again.

 

"Why not? And why're you whispering?"

 

 "The landlord's disinterested, you'll have a hard time with him I think." Cas continued his hushed tone, glancing back and forth from Dean to their 'guide.' "There are better places, come on."

 

"Alright," Dean shrugged and headed toward the door, "Come on Jet, I'm done."

 

 Jet rolled his eyes and followed, he knew that Castiel had a good opinion on things but sometimes it felt like he wouldn't even give a place a chance. Not that John wasn't any less skeptical of locations. Always pointing out where there'd be a plumbing issue down the road or that there wouldn't be enough outlets or something. He caught up with the other two and raised an eyebrow in their general direction. "What did it this time?"

 

"Landlord." Dean shrugged.

 

 "He clearly doesn't care, do you want someone like that in charge?" Castiel frowned at them, Jet raising his hands in surrender.

 

 "Hey, I wasn't saying anything. If you think it's bad we'll cross it off the list."

 

The next place looked promising, the building outside was well kept, and from what they could see from the front step the lobby looked hospital-clean. The door opened and a beautiful blonde woman smiled at them, "Good afternoon, gentlemen. You're here for the two o'clock showing?"

 

"That's the one," Dean smiled back at her and for a second their eyes lingered until she moved to let them in.

 

"Right this way."

 

 Jet leaned over to Dean and muttered "Damn."

 

"Right?"

 

 Castiel's face darkened a little as he rolled his eyes, "Whatever floats your boat I guess."

 

"Blondes not your type?" Jet nudged Cas, knowing full well that a woman didn't do it for the guy.

 

"Blonds are fine," He murmured back, pushing Jet away, "As long as there's something for me to play with too."

 

The apartment was partially furnished, mostly with appliances like a fridge and stove, the bedrooms were fair sized and equal, and the floors were hardwood and tiled collectively. It was a nice touch and would be much easier to move out of once they were done living there. Anything with carpet usually meant renting out a rug-doctor or hiring a carpet cleaning service and those weren't exactly cheap.

 

The woman showing them around gave Dean particular attention, giving a personal tour around the living space and pointing out the different features. All bills were included in the rental price, aside from cable or Internet; they'd have to get those on their own. Dean was happy to listen to her and followed her around without having to ask too many questions. Castiel crossed his arms over his chest and watched them more than showing any interest in the apartment.

 

"Find anything wrong yet?" Jet walked up beside him, a chuckle in his tone.

 

 "Yep." Cas' answer was short and indignant, his eyes narrowing as Dean followed her into the kitchen.

 

Jet looked at him for a moment before following his gaze. They stood side by side for a little while until Dean and their guide re-emerged. Jet looked back to Castiel's face and watched his eyes narrow even further, all but explaining the immediate situation. Jet looked back over at Dean and smirked to himself, "Yo, Dean."

 

"Hm?" Dean looked up from his conversation with the landlady, "What's up?"

 

 "Come here, I want your opinion on something." Jet started walking toward the empty bedrooms, motioning for Dean to follow him. When the landlady was about to join them he put his hand up, "Just him, please."

 

She nodded, "Of course, let me know if you have any questions."

 

 As soon as they disappeared Castiel looked at her angrily, "So you're the landlady?"

 

"Well actually my dad owns the place, I'm just filling in for him today." She looked at Cas and shrugged, "This isn't actually my job."

 

Cas nodded, never looking away from her, "Good, so then you aren't around here very often."

 

 She made a face at him, "I'm sorry, did I offend you?"

 

"Keep your flirting to yourself, Dean's seeing someone." Cas' tone lowered to more of a warning.

 

"He didn't mention anyone, not that I asked."

 

 "Then lay off him."

 

"Well if he likes me can I really help it?"

 

 Cas could have smacked her but he refrained, instead keeping his composure enough not to sling insults as viciously as he could.

 

 In the meantime, Jet closed the door behind Dean and leaned against it, "Alright, what are you not telling me?"

 

 Dean furrowed his brow, "What? I thought you wanted my opinion on something."

 

"Obviously a lie, now tell me what's up."

 

If Dean were a better liar than he was he might've been able to say something that made sense, or something that maybe could fly as the right answer. But he wasn't that good at lying, and in the face of someone like Jet who did it so naturally he might as well as shouted 'I'm hiding something' when he tried to make up a story.

 

"Dean, seriously. I know it has something to do with Castiel. Why's he glaring at you and the landlady with what looks like murderous intent?" Jet folded his arms in front of him and raised an eyebrow Dean's direction.

 

He felt like he was a teenager being questioned by a cop for being at a party he wasn't supposed to be at. Or maybe more like interrogated by his parents. Regardless, Jet gave off the air of someone who knew a whole lot more than he was letting on. Which meant lying to him only made it worse. Dean felt a little panicked, trying to shrug it off like nothing but he could see it wasn't working. "Cas is just protective of me, that's all. I've told him some things…" Dean couldn't lie, Jet knew his lying face. What he could do was tell a different truth, like saying something believable about his past to Cas that would make him defensive around possible partners.

 

"Bullshit."

 

 Of course Dean didn't even get the chance to try and forge a story, Jet was probably one of the people that taught him anything he knew about lying.

 

 "Okay, okay, I'm… I'm…" Dean walked around the room, running his hands into his hair and exhaling dramatically. "I'm in… I'm dating Cas." His answer was fairly hushed but Jet still heard it all the same.

 

"So why the goo-goo eyes at the landlady?"

 

 Dean would have replied immediately if he'd had an answer. Mostly though he was surprised that his friend would react that way; Jet didn't get mad at him for being gay or not telling him, he was mad because Dean was flirting with someone else. "I… did it because you were in the room and I thought it's what you expected from me."

 

"Don't make me out to be the bad guy here. You did it because you're an idiot. Go apologize to Cas and stop flirting with her." Jet opened the door again and walked out, not giving Dean another option to try and say anything more stupid.

 

They returned to a room filled with tension and Dean could see it now more than he thought possible, Castiel's anger floating all around him so thick it was almost visible. Dean went to Castiel's side and looked at the substitute landlady, "Thanks for showing us around, we've got a few other places to see so we'll get back to you." He kept his tone professional, slipping an arm around behind Castiel's back.

 

Cas' eyes widened and he looked over at Dean with more surprise than anything else. Dean was touching him somewhat romantically in front of people. And not just anyone, in front of his friend Jet. Cas looked over at Jet to see a quick wink and a thumb's up. He smiled back and gave the woman the smuggest expression he'd ever worn.

 

Walking out the door and to the car again Castiel all but squealed as he gave Dean a hug, "You told him?" He beamed with so much excitement Dean couldn't possibly say it was wrestled from him.

 

"Yeah. Cas I'm sorry about that, I thought that since he was there I had to convince him in a way that seemed like something I'd do. It was wrong and I'm an asshole. Forgive me?" Dean cupped Castiel's cheek and wiped a stray tear from his eye. Cas was happy he was crying and it almost broke Dean's heart to see it. He was the one keeping Castiel from being this happy all the time, the one keeping it all a secret.

 

"I forgive you, of course I do." Cas hugged him again, sighing lightly as he closed his eyes. Dean looked over at Jet to see his friend already hopping into the Impala, this time taking the backseat instead of shotgun like he always did.

 

"C'mon, we got one more before we can go to get some fucking food." He called out, getting a laugh out of them. Dean hadn't realized when his friend had become so easy going, maybe he'd always been that way. Or maybe he was tolerant because he found out someone he cared about was that way. Regardless, Dean wasn't about to complain.

 

At the end of the day and the hunting for an apartment Dean sat down with his dad and figured out the one that would be best for school and work. It was cozy, a second floor apartment that had no elevator not that they needed one. It just would have been nice when moving in a bed and dresser and so forth. For the price it was quite spacious and had central air and heating for the changing seasons. Dean would have complained about having a window that would be facing the sun as it rose, but the thought of that sunlight warming him up as he lied with Castiel was just too precious to bother bickering.

 

The landlord was an older man who seemed nice enough, their neighbours hadn't made themselves known so Dean figured they would be working a lot of the time. The walls were concrete meaning noise would be less of an issue (so he could turn his stereo up without worrying too much), and the floors weren't carpeted and easy to clean. It was a nice place, some of the other places might have been nicer but price always came into play, cheaper for almost the same amount of features was just as good. As well the location was perfect, close enough to school that he could walk, and going to work was a short drive away.

 

What made it better was that Jet knew. Jet knew about Dean and Castiel so having Cas over would be much easier; he wouldn't have to come up with some random excuse to invite him in. All in all Dean wouldn't have complained about where his life had ended up as the next school year started, September was the start to Fall and a brand new time in his life.

 

Dean kept reminding himself of how happy Cas had been to know that Jet knew. He'd been keeping Castiel away from his family because he knew Sam would feel the need to tell everyone, or at least confront Cas about his relationship with Dean. Sam was someone Dean had been actively avoiding for that exact reason, so now that he knew how happy Castiel was when one person knew, if he could let Sam in on it better he could see that happy smile again.


	14. Chapter 14

The last time they had spoken about it Dean had shouted Sam down, a rare occasion but it worked often when Dean was really angry about something. He knew that his relationship with Sam had been a little icy since then, Sam obviously knew but Dean hadn't admitted it so it hadn't quite 'counted' as knowing. Or at least that's how he saw it.

 

That morning in his new place Dean got himself ready, tried to calm down before heading out. Jet was still asleep which only made sense that early on a weekend. Dean would have liked to be asleep as well, except he knew that Sam would definitely be busy later in the day so going early on a Sunday was his only option. The drive there was quiet, uneventful and downright nerve wracking. He could feel himself nearly giving up and going home but then he remembered Castiel, that smile and how he'd cried because he was that happy. Dean needed to see that again, and even if he only told Sam it'd still be more than enough to get that smile back.

 

Dean took a deep breath as he walked into the house, knowing that his family wouldn't mind if he didn't knock. He'd feel entirely too strange knocking at the door of the place he'd called home for so long, so instead he waltzed in like it was nothing. "Sammy?" He called into the house, knowing Sam was there because his shoes were still present (all three pairs of them).

 

Sam descended the staircase, ducking his head a little in the middle to keep from bumping into the lower ceiling, "Dean? What're you doing here?" He furrowed his brow and immediately folded his arms over his chest, a sign he wasn't in a particularly talkative mood. Not that Dean cared all that much. He had something to say and it had to be shared otherwise he might lose his mind.

 

"I need to tell you something." Dean put his hands in his pockets and fidgeted, "Something you kind of know about already?" He felt a little foolish, especially with Sam's scrutinizing gaze, but he didn't let it show on his face.

 

"Castiel?" Sam's tone was of the 'difficult' nature. Dean knew that talking to him wouldn't be simple. It'd be a lot of things but simple and easy were not part of that list.

 

"Yeah. Can we go somewhere else, ...or?"

 

 "Mom and Dad are out, let's go to the living room." Sam was already on his way before he'd finished his sentence. "So, what did you want to tell me about Cas?"

 

 "I'm..." Dean would only say so much around Jet but Sam? Sam he could tell, if he were going to spill his guts he might as well just go out and do it. "I'm in love with him." That got the shocked look he'd been expecting, Sam's eyes were wide, not judging, per se, but wide all the same. He looked Dean over a few times before a warm smile came to his lips, dropping on the couch and patting beside him for Dean.

 

"How long?"

 

 "We've been dating since you sent those messages for me, basically. I owe you a thank you, Sam. If it weren't for you talking to him first I wouldn't have found the most... beautiful, amazing person I've ever met." Dean was already in his own little world while picturing Castiel, the only other person he'd seen match his jealousy like that. "I don't know exactly when I fell for him, it's all just been this crazy blur."

 

Sam sat quietly for a while, his mouth pulled up in a smile as he watched Dean, his older brother's face as he gushed about this cute little cafe singer. "I'm glad, Dean. I'm really proud that you could tell me this much, thank you."

 

"I have a problem with it though," Dean sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "Every time I get close to showing affection in public I freak out. Like I can't do it, Sam. He's so understanding with it and I don't like doing this to him, he deserves so much better than that."

 

Sam would have liked to say 'then just tell everyone and it'll be fine' but he knew that was wrong. Dean would never be able to do that, for one thing. For another it was insensitive. You don't tell someone with a real phobia of something to just 'get over it,' Sam knew that already. "Do you know what part of it gets to you?"

 

"People knowing is what gets to me. I've had this persona for most of my life and I can't let go of it, you know? Like I tried to but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to get past it. I love him, he knows that and he's so good about it… I just needed you to know too, Jet found out on his own and when Cas found out that Jet knew he was so happy. I don't think I can even describe how happy he was, Sam. It was like his eyes sparkled and I'd never seen him cry like that." Dean rested his head on his hand and looked up at Sam miserably, "Can you help me?"

 

"I don't know what I can do exactly," Sam leaned back and pursed his lips together in thought, "Did Jet finding out bother you? Did you freak out then?"

 

"No, not really. It was kind of a relief after I managed to get it out. He wouldn't let me not say it out loud."

 

"Well I'll do what I can," Sam smiled which made Dean feel better, he wasn't sure what Sam's reaction really would have been to his older brother being gay but it was actually simple. That conversation had actually been easy and Dean didn't know what to do with himself. Sam wasn't the only one to be able to do anything about his situation, Dean knew he'd have to man up and handle it if he really wanted Castiel for his own. But Sam was in his corner, on his side and he was going to try and help. That was more than Dean could have ever asked for.

 

"Thanks Sammy."

 

 "No problem. I'll start by saying I think it's an immersion thing, you can't tell people about it in public but one on one you seem to have a better time. As well if it's already been said out loud to someone I'd bet you'd be able to say it in front of people, you know, after someone's already done the ice breaking for you."

 

"While that's all nice and good, I don't want you going around telling anyone okay? Can we just start by actually introducing you to Cas properly and going from there?" Dean looked a little hopeful and if not for that pleading face Sam would have argued.

 

"Alright, when does he have time?" Sam shrugged, "I'm free today."

 

 "I can call him."

 

 

* * *

 

 

 Castiel laid on his couch, snug and comfy in his tree house with a book in his hands, a stuffed pig under his arm to help with the comfort. He pursed his lips and licked his thumb to turn the page of the worn out novel in hand, he'd read it over and over and over again, and still he loved to pick it up. One of those old and somewhat cheesy romance books that just hit home for him. He smiled to himself as his imagination ran wild, he could picture the main character so clearly, the scenario playing out like a movie in his head with each written word. It was one of his favourite pastimes, next to singing. He adjusted Ziggy under his arm and nestled down as the chapter started to get heated between the protagonist and his love interest.

 

Cas hummed softly to himself, loving the author's subtleties, their puns, bad jokes, and even the sentence structures that didn't seem quite right. He couldn't help himself, it just added to the story of the novel in a way other writers couldn't have ever done. It added character to the book itself, Cas was a sucker for the little unique mistakes he came across. He loved the imperfections as well as everything else, he just couldn't help it.

 

As he was losing himself in it all his phone rang, loudly, next to his head. Cas let out a sharp cry of surprise, nearly throwing the book as he snapped his gaze up to see who could possibly be calling on a Sunday. Of course the moment he saw the call display he answered, a sweet tone of voice immediately finding its way to his vocal cords. "Hey babe, how's it going?"

 

"Hey Cas, you free today?" That was Dean, never actually answering the first question of a conversation.

 

"I am, you wanna do something?" Cas folded the page and put it down on the table at the end of the couch, resting on his pig Ziggy.

 

"Yeah, where can I pick you up?"

 

 "Secret place." Cas smiled, rolling over to stare up at the ceiling. There was a short silence on the other line as he could picture Dean trying desperately to figure out what he meant.

 

"The park?"

 

"That's the one."

 

"Be there in a few, stay put." And just like that Dean disappeared. Cas sighed happily and let his arm drape over the side of the couch, smiling up at nothing. Dean had sounded a little off but he was still on his way to see him, Cas would figure out what was up then.

 

Dean arrived about twenty minutes, shouting up from under the tree, "Rapunzel! Rapunzel!"

 

 "You say 'let down your hair' I'll punch you in the kidneys." Cas shouted down in return, laughing around his threat as he hopped down the branches, dropping next to Dean. They smiled at one another before hugging and moving into a kiss, Cas' arms around Dean's shoulders, Dean's hands finding their way into Castiel's hair to cradle the back of his head. "What were you planning?" He asked after they broke apart, eyes already sparkling.

 

Dean couldn't help the smile on his lips as he studied Castiel's face, "Coffee, I figured we could go for coffee."

 

Cas nodded and held Dean's hand as they walked out of the park and back to the car, where Castiel discovered there was a somewhat familiar person leaning against the passenger's side. "Your brother's here?" He whispered before they were in earshot.

 

"Yeah, he wanted to meet my boyfriend." Dean chuckled, knowing that Castiel wasn't exactly impressed at first but those words were enough to spark Castiel's pace.

 

"You serious!?" he looked up at Dean again, "You told him? Did you?"

 

 "I did," Dean smiled, "I saw how happy you were with Jet knowing and Sam's been on my ass about it so..." Dean trailed off as Castiel was already running up to the Impala, basically jumping on Sam in a hug.

 

"Thank you!" He beamed up at Dean's very shocked brother. "I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am to know that you took that so well. Dean's been very self-conscious about how people are taking this information."

 

Sam smiled and shook Cas' hand again, "No problem, I'm usually considered the more open minded of the two of us with this kind of thing, he should've known better."

 

Castiel chuckled and nodded, "Can't argue with that. So, coffee?" He didn't hesitate for a moment to take Dean's hand when his boyfriend caught up to him, giving it a reassuring squeeze, something to remind him that everything was alright.

 

"Sounds wonderful," Sam agreed, climbing into the car.

 

 Cas hugged Dean again and gave him a quick peck on the cheek, "Thank you," he whispered softly before getting in as well. Dean could feel his pride swelling at that, he loved making Castiel smile and it had been so easy. Telling more people than Sam and Jet would prove a tad difficult and nerve wracking, Dean knew he could possibly tell Jo or Benny but after them he wasn't sure how people would take it. But did that matter? What others thought? His subconscious seemed to think so.

 

Dean climbed behind the wheel; decidedly not mention it out loud. He would deal with it when it came to that point.


	15. Chapter 15

Coffee. Yes, what a wonderful idea. Dean would have agreed with most people that going out for coffee would be a very decent way to spend time with your boyfriend while meeting family. Normally, that is true. However, he was entirely unprepared for the kind of revenge that Sam had planned for him; awful stories of their youth. The worst part was that Sam had a memory like a steel trap. And even worse than that was the fact that Sam had gone through a stage in the past where he wanted to know everything about Dean.

 

That made sense, right? A little kid wanting to know more about his big brother, idolizing and trying to be just like him. Nothing weird about that. Of course not, but Sam asked so many questions and sometimes they were literally just 'and then what,' 'what else did he do,' 'why' and so forth. John and Mary had been more than happy explaining the intricacies of how embarrassing Dean had been as a child, which meant Sam had stories. And Sam wasn't about to pass up the perfect opportunity to make his 'I'm too cool to tell you anything' brother embarrassed and uncomfortable as hell.

 

Dean could have survived the stories his mom had told little Sam, they were innocent enough. The ones that John would have shared were far more horrendous, something Mary wouldn't have wanted Sam to know at the age he'd been asking, but still bearable. No, what Dean had trouble with were the stories that Sam had experienced and gathered all on his own. Brothers had the best dirt on one another, and for someone as talented at walking in at the wrong moment as Sam, it was a gold mine for new boyfriend/girlfriend interactions.

 

While Castiel was still laughing over the 'Dean always went to the bathroom with the door wide open, even when guests were visiting' story, Dean kicked Sam's shin under the table, "I knew there was a reason I didn't want to tell you anything."

 

"Oh lighten up, Dean." Cas smiled, the same one that always made Dean feel like his knees were made of glass. "I'm really enjoying this."

 

"Yeah Dean," Sam's tone was that annoying 'I'm so not done with you yet' kind of sound, and it made Dean want to leap out the window and jump in front of the next bus. "Today's about Cas, right? Let him enjoy himself."

 

"Sorry," Dean made a bit of a face before rubbing at his temples, it wasn't so bad really but he was still feeling the burn of shame on his cheeks. It was awful knowing his boyfriend was hearing all the little things and there was nothing he could do to stop it now that it had started. "Continue, please."

 

Sam grinned and looked back to Cas, "Another one my mom told me was that when she was weaning Dean he'd often grab at her chest when he got hungry, I guess it was a hard habit to break. Anyway, apparently he wasn't just exclusive to mom; one day at a restaurant he just reaches out and grabs the waitress' breasts. My mom was mortified, dad couldn't stop laughing."

 

Cas smiled widely and looked at Dean, "Always the ladies’ man, huh?"

 

 Dean pursed his lips together and shrugged, "What can I say; it's hard to turn off sometimes."

 

"Well that is true." Cas nodded, sounding a little disheartened.

 

Sam knew his brother well enough to know the expression he was making; 'I fucked up' was a good way to sum it up. "Dean flirting with a woman?" He looked to Castiel who nodded again.

 

"Yep."

 

"If it makes you feel any better I'm pretty sure Dean's always been gay, if not bisexual anyway."

 

Dean raised an eyebrow, "How so?"

 

 "Well something dad told me was that you used to only use the public urinals if someone else was using it, not that you didn't use them on your own but you always tried for the ones in use before you did anything else."

 

Dean knew that he would have regretted asking Sam but after hearing Castiel crack up over the little stories, he was in a torrent of mixed feelings on the subject. It was embarrassing as hell but at the same time he couldn't get upset as long as Cas was having a good time. Instead he settled for glaring at Sam, a sort of underlying threat in his eyes. Sam only smiled back at him and continued to speak to Castiel.

 

"So Cas, what is it that you do? Dean hasn't said anything about you so I'm pretty much at a loss for conversational pieces other than stories and questions."

 

"I can imagine Dean didn't say anything," Castiel chuckled, "He's a bit sensitive with it. To answer your question, I do a lot of things. I spend most of my time volunteering at the animal shelter and other similar organizations. When I'm not doing that I work at my brother's café on campus."

 

Sam nodded, "I think I remember Jo mentioning you were a singer there."

 

 "Yeah, I perform Friday nights and sometimes when Gabriel begs me to do it."

 

"You work for your brother?" Sam furrowed his brow, wondering why someone like Cas would settle for working in a small time café. He was evidently good at his job, he could probably go places if he wanted, but he didn't. Sam wagered it was because of family ties, if he'd heard Cas right.

 

"I do, Gabriel's my younger brother and he owns the Jar café. It's pretty small but it does well."

 

 "Jo also told me you're pretty famous over there, have you ever been offered something bigger?"

 

"No, but I don't think I'd want it." Cas shrugged and sipped at his coffee, glancing out the window at the familiar street, "I wouldn't be able to do what I love if I took on something like that."

 

Dean and Sam exchanged a look, Sam wondering if Dean would know what his cryptic boyfriend meant, Dean just looked confused. "I thought you loved singing?" Sam was the one to ask, figuring that it would seem bad if Dean were to do it.

 

"I do," Cas nodded with a smile that only grew, "But I love helping others more. I mean singing makes me happy but helping someone fulfills me, you know?"

 

Sam stared at him for a few seconds, his mind running through what his ears has picked up. He just smiled and nodded, "I understand completely, it's why I want to get into law.:

 

"Enforcer or prosecutor?"

 

 "Probably a lawyer, they get paid more and I'm less likely to get shot."

 

Dean laughed, "Don't bet on that, some people really hate lawyers."

 

"Touché," Sam chuckled as he tipped his cup Dean's way, then looking back to Cas, "I have something I want to ask you, Cas. What do you see in Dean?"

 

Castiel looked up a little surprised, glancing over at Dean a moment, he looked just as shocked as Cas felt by the sudden question. "Why do you ask?"

 

"Because if I were in your position I wouldn't be talking to him anymore."

 

 "You mean our relationship being kept a secret?" Cas furrowed his brow when Sam nodded, "Well when you love someone enough you'd be surprised at just how much you're willing to do and go through for them. I see Dean and I know what I'm in for, I understood before this all started and I still went for it."

 

"But you didn't love him at the start, so why?" Sam wasn't about to let up just yet.

 

 "Because I saw something in him," Cas hadn't exactly prepared an answer and maybe that was the entire point of it. Sam was the type to want to know an immediate answer but he'd want to know what they would flounder through first, what they'd say before being able to concoct anything behind closed doors. It was very forward of Sam to ask, though, most people never really even have that conversation, let alone less than a year into their relationship. "He made me want to try, to take a step forward and just go for it. I don't think he even realized how he made me feel."

 

Sam seemed satisfied with that, Cas couldn't tell what the purpose had been but he was glad he passed the test. It all felt a little backwards though, he was the somewhat wealthy one, he was locally famous, and he was going out with a known womanizer. Yet here he was, the one having to pass tests by his boyfriend's family. He wasn't sure if it meant Dean was softer than he thought or know, or perhaps that Dean's family was something that he really wanted to wiggle into.

 

"Dean question for you now," Sam had turned his attention to his brother with a similar smile he'd had when asking Castiel. "You've been profoundly homophobic for as long as I can remember, what was it about Cas that changed that?"

 

Dean raised a hand toward Cas without hesitation, "Have you met him? What about him doesn't demand that I change? Or admit it? He's perfect, I don't really know how to narrow that down."

 

Castiel blushed and reached under the table to hold Dean's hand, a quiet and secret gesture hidden from the other patrons in the restaurant. "I love you," he whispered softly.

 

"I love you too," Dean's voice was just as gentle, he squeezed Cas' hand in return and stared directly at his brother to prove that he wasn't just kidding around.

 

Sam on the other hand was still smiling as he looked between the two of them, "You guys are cute together, I hope it all works out."

 

"Thank you Sam," Cas beamed excitedly, "It means so much to hear you say that." He barely managed to finish the sentence when two hands slammed onto the table, startling everyone to look up at a golden haired young man who immediately pointed a finger in Castiel's direction.

 

"You traitor! How dare you go to someone else's café!?"

 

 Dean smacked the hand away, shifting enough to get between the accuser and his boyfriend. "What're you talking about? Cas can go wherever he wants, he's not tied down to one place." He was defensive, protective, and unwilling to allow this guy to point any more fingers at Castiel.

 

"Dean, calm down." Cas gently touched his shoulder to move him back against his chair, "Hello Gabriel, how have you been?"

 

Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest and made a dramatic 'hmph' kind of sound, "Oh now you care how I feel, Cas? That's so you."

 

"I saw you on Friday-"

 

 "Not the point! How could you give these people business!?" Gabriel gestured wildly and over-enthusiastically to their surroundings. Evidently putting on a show but Castiel, being the only one who knew him, was the only one aware of that fact.

 

"Gabe we're quite a ways away from the college and The Jar, I'm not going all the way over there to have dinner with friends."

 

"And who, per se, are these friends?" Gabriel let up a little, his tone much less theatrical as he looked back and forth between Sam and Dean, "I don't get why my brother is hanging out with a couple of male models but whatever I suppose, I can dig it." He dropped down into the empty seat next to Sam and stole a french fry from his plate. "You guys aren't gearing up for a threesome are you? I could totally-"

 

"Gabriel!" Cas interrupted him, kicking him under the table to get a little more oomph in his attempt. "These are my friends, Dean and Sam Winchester. They're brothers and we're not having a threesome."

 

"Boo. Where'd you guys meet Cas?" Gabriel immediately looked to Dean, the individual apparently intent on defending Castiel.

 

"At The Jar, actually." Dean remembered Cas saying Gabriel ran the place, meaning that he was technically talking to Castiel's boss as well as his younger brother. It was a weird set up, Dean couldn't imagine working under Sam in a million years. There would be some serious power-tripping happening. "Valentine's day."

 

"Ooohh when we had that activity? Awesome! How'd you like it? I'm guessing yours was one of the names in Cas' jar, wasn't it?" Gabriel was a ball of energy for one thing but a mystery at the same time. He could smile, laugh, joke around but underneath it all were hidden agendas and thoughts that were difficult to place.

 

Dean could feel it, that was one of the moments in his life where what he said would determine some outcome of some unforeseeable encounter in his future. He didn't know whether lying or telling the truth was the answer, but as he remembered from his childhood and all the silly kids shows he watched; lying was never the answer. "Damn right it was."

 

Gabriel nodded and looked at Castiel seriously now, "Cas, are you sure about this?"

 

 Cas furrowed his brow for a second and nodded, "Yes, of course I am."

 

"You said that about-"

 

 "Forget it, okay? This is an entirely new thing; Dean's a completely different person. I'm a different person. Don't compare them." He was stern, angry, and scolding as he snapped back at his younger brother. Blue eyes met gold in a moment of tension before Gabriel raised his hands and backed down.

 

"Right, sorry. I just have to ask, you know? Michael's going to be a lot worse about it."

 

 Cas sighed and nodded, "Of course I know, Michael's going to bring out the interrogation lights."

 

Dean shook his head, "Hold on a second, what are you talking about? Different person? Don't compare them? Cas what's going on?"

 

Castiel rolled his eyes and shrugged, "My last boyfriend was a dick, no big deal."

 

 Dean wasn't sure if it really was nothing or if Castiel was an amazing liar, all the same he didn't want to talk about it and Dean wasn't about to force him. "Alright, if you say so. Let me know if there are any teeth that need kicking in though, okay?"

 

Cas laughed and nodded, "I will, thank you."

 

 Gabriel was nodding slowly as he watched them, he wasn't certain as to how he felt about it just yet but it wasn't his life to question. Instead he decided to trust Castiel with his own decisions and turned to Sam, "So, Sam right? You single?"

 

Sam slowly lowered his face into the palm of his hand, "Oh my god…"


	16. Chapter 16

Introducing Castiel to Sam was off the checklist, meeting Gabriel was off the checklist, explaining the dating thing to Jet was off the checklist. Dean was making a mental list of things he needed to accomplish but all of it seemed so trivial in comparison to actually publicly announcing his relationship with Castiel. Life moved on like normal, mostly. Gabriel had somehow managed to get Sam’s number and as a result Dean received daily updates on how weird the Novak family was. He wasn’t complaining, a lot of what Gabriel said to Sam in text was amusing and Dean wouldn’t stop it due to its high entertainment value. In turn Dean managed to meet Gabriel more often than once.

 

As well, Gabe started making appearances on Friday nights. He must have gotten that information from Cas because Gabriel seemed to _only_ show up for the late shows on Fridays. This wasn’t proven, Dean just had a hunch based on what the other staff had said on the odd occasion.

 

Dean first realized Gabriel was making it a regular thing to show up when he was busy watching Cas’ performance, happily seated in his regular spot with the perfect, but distant view of his boyfriend. Gabriel dropped in next to him and leaned in really close, “So,” the first word was loud, obnoxious, and meant to frighten. It didn’t disappoint.

 

Dean jumped a little and turned to look at the grinning younger brother of his baby, “Gabriel, what the hell?”

 

“Just thought I’d pop in, see how it was going.” Gabriel leaned back and crossed his arms behind his head. “So, you come here every Friday?”

 

“I do.” Dean wanted to listen to Cas but he couldn’t just ignore Gabriel so he let the younger Novak hold his attention. “Cas only sings on Fridays, so I only show up on Fridays.”

 

“The staff said that you help out with cleaning sometimes, that true?”

 

“Yeah, sometimes. Only when Cas feels like sticking around.” Dean knew that Gabriel knew so there was no point in hiding it from him and lying. That didn’t mean he wasn’t paranoid about the idea of speaking so publicly about his relationship.

 

“They have hunches, you know, about you and Cas. You leave before he does but not by much and there have been times that Cas was seen climbing into a big, black, old car.”

 

“She’s not that old.” Dean wasn’t sure how intimidating his tone was but apparently it had Gabriel on the defensive, if his posture was anything to go by. Dean hadn’t wanted to get on Castiel’s family’s bad side, far from it, so he tried adding something in a lighter tone. “And they can throw all the rumours around that they want, I guess.”

 

“Regardless, they probably know. I mean Cas is pretty famous right? People finding out he’s in a relationship will only bring you attention. You ready for that?” Gabriel was pushing buttons, Dean knew he was pushing but he just couldn’t stop his mind from running away on him. He stared at Gabriel long and hard as the words and reality sunk in. Cas being well known was fine, people getting excited about Cas’ boyfriend was fine, people finding out that Dean was the boyfriend, that was okay. But identifying with the term ‘homosexual,’ that wasn’t something Dean was ready for it.

 

It didn’t matter how true it was, how obvious it was, Dean couldn’t force himself to identify with it. He wanted to, he wanted to take Castiel in his arms on that stage in front of everyone and kiss him but he knew what everyone would say and think. What he’d be labeled as. Was it bad? Was he judging Cas for being gay? No, gay was perfect on Castiel. Homosexuality found its peak and highest point in Castiel Novak, but that didn’t mean Dean was ready for it. For all the things that it stood for and meant to the world and people in it, Dean wasn’t ready. And here he was staring at Gabriel, his boyfriend’s brother and his judge, facing that exact issue.

 

“Look, I don’t know what you want me to say here. I love Cas,” Dean could feel his mind going blank but he pushed past it. “I would do anything for him.”

 

“Would you really?” Gabriel’s tone took a sudden turn and he was glaring through the dimly lit room with an intensity Dean thought was only possibly in Castiel’s presence. Apparently it was a Novak thing.

 

“Of course.”

 

"I hear you say 'I love Cas' but I'll be damned if I ever actually see it." Gabriel frowned and pointed at Dean casually, "You have an awfully funny way of showing it, Romeo. Holding his hand once in a while and quietly whispering it doesn't do the trick."

 

"What do you know?" Dean could feel his blood boiling, not liking that someone like Gabriel could come out of the woodwork and tell him how to handle his relationship. "Have you paid attention to Cas during all of the last few months? He's okay, he understands."

 

"For one thing," Gabriel's tone took on a slight growl not unlike Castiel's though it was still pretty far from having the same rumbling effect. "Don't ever presume to know more about my brother than I do. I have been with Castiel for ages, supporting him and always being there when he needed me. And another thing, you don't know shit about Cas. His ex might've been a gargantuan douchebag but at least he cared enough to show it anywhere, unlike you!" He wasn't directly in Dean's face but he might as well have been.

 

Dean wasn't sure how to retort but he tried all the same, not being very successful. "I-"

 

"You think for one second that you're good enough for him?" Gabriel interrupted with a shout, smacking the table with a fist and drawing some attention from other patrons that were close enough to hear them. "You don't even know what he needs, you just assume he'll be forgiving for everything and understanding until the end of time. My brother is NOT going to be your secret until he dies, you understand me? Figure your shit out, Winchester!" He snapped out the last sentence like a lashing viper before he stood from the table and walked away. His stride was quick and furious, nearly knocking someone over on his way by.

 

Dean grit his teeth but didn't follow, he stared forward in an almost blind rage as he fought off the urge to chase the little bastard down. Who did he think he was? Just waltzing in and trying to guilt trip him like that? Like Dean hadn't already beaten himself up enough over his mental block? Regardless he spent the rest of the evening thinking about it, about Castiel and what he knew about the cafe singer. That ex boyfriend was mentioned again, Dean didn't know much other than he was a jackass. Of course, to be made an ex in the first place with someone like Cas you had to be pretty awful. _'And Gabriel said I was worse...'_ Dean ran a hand down his face; he'd have to talk to Cas about all of it. He'd never sleep at night thinking that about himself.

 

_'There you go again; you, you, you. You really are a selfish dick.'_

 

The performance ended, cheering erupted from the crowd and soon everyone was sent out as per the usual. The cafe closed down, Dean helped clean up like he did though a little less useful than normal. He looked over at Castiel who seemed so comfortable with his coworkers, smiling and almost seeming carefree. Dean furrowed his brow and wandered out to his car like he'd been doing every Friday night, waiting and watching for Castiel to emerge after the cafe had been officially closed.

 

He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as Cas waved goodbye to his fellow employees, he was so cute and loveable, and perfect in every way. Dean wasn't sure what to make of the last few hours, after Gabriel had forced old thoughts back into his head. Dean didn't really think he deserved someone as wonderful as Cas but to say it out loud seemed like it'd be an insult more than it'd be a statement of humility. Then again, Cas chose Dean just like Dean wanted Castiel; it wasn't like he was some brainless guy who needed his life picked out for him. Dean would figure out what Cas wanted, what he thought of it all and not just assume the worst.

 

"Hey baby," Cas chirped happily as he hopped into the passenger seat, getting himself settled before planting a kiss on Dean's cheek.

 

"Hey," Dean smiled a little and returned the gesture, watching Cas as he leaned back and belted himself in. Dean curled his lips in as he did the same, "Cas..." he couldn't wait until they were back at home, he needed to figure it all out as soon as possible. The tone he'd taken however gave a lot of his intentions away; Castiel had looked up immediately, scanning Dean's face for any sign of the impending problem. As he couldn't find anything he decided to go for the usual tactic of asking. "What's wrong?"

 

"Gabriel came to talk to me during the show," Dean glanced over Castiel's concerned expression and felt a twang of shame for causing it. "Did you know about that?"

 

"I figured he would," Cas admitted somewhat sheepishly, his fingers fiddling in the stray hairs on his forehead, "After finding out I was dating someone he wouldn't just sit back."

 

"Did you know what he'd say?"

 

"I had a hunch."

 

Dean chewed the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. A hunch didn't mean Cas had sent Gabriel after him, but he still couldn't quite sort out what he was feeling. It was a mixture of anger, frustration, depression and helplessness, what made it worse was that he didn't know who he was more upset with; himself or Castiel. Cas could have warned him about Gabriel at the very least. "Why didn't you tell me he'd do that? He basically assaulted me at my table."

 

Castiel was quiet for a long moment before he decided to answer, "He can be like that... And I didn't know exactly what he'd say or how he'd say it, I just knew his general opinion on the whole thing."

 

"And?" Dean's tone was agitated at best.

 

"And I wanted you to know it too." Cas looked up with a little bit more than a shamed expression, the concern edging out his features and more anger seeped in to replace it. "I want you to know I'm upset, it's been almost eight months since we started dating. We're about to go into October and I haven't met your parents, or held your hand in public, I can't even say I love you when I want to! I know you need time but I need to know when you'll stop hiding. Dean, how long do I have to wait?" Anger, fear, desperation, a cocktail of messy thoughts and feelings swirled in his face and eyes as he stared Dean down, but his boyfriend wasn't exactly on the verge of understanding.

 

Dean's face twitched as he fought through a temper that could have only come from his father, "I'm working on it!"

 

"Just tell me if it's never-"

 

"And then what? You'll leave? All that 'I'm patient talk and you'd just go? What's important to you, Cas? Public relationships or me?" Dean couldn't feel anything other than anger bubbling in his limbs as he stared Castiel down. The singer first looked hurt but that was immediately taken over by contempt.

 

"Forget it, I'll walk home." He said as he unbelted himself but Dean already started the car and pulled out of the parking lot.

 

"Fuck that, I always drive you so I'm going to drive you." He growled, veering onto the road and ignoring the frustrated grunt from Castiel.

 

"You don't think about me for even a second, do you?" Cas' voice shook and the anger was started to slip away just as fast as it came, the frustration bringing tears to his eyes and a tremble to his vocal chords. "You don't think that maybe I need more than that? What you give me is amazing but I need more, I can't take a leap of faith if all you're giving me is a single feather pillow to land on."

 

"You think I don't know that?" Dean shouted right back, hating the sound of Castiel's voice in that moment, so close to crying and breaking and it was Dean's fault. "You think I don't know every day that you deserve better than me? That I'm a horrible fucking person because I can't get over my own fears and identity crisis? I know I am! Cas, I know I suck and I'm failing you, but I'm working on it!"

 

Cas dropped back in his seat and looked out the window, his face as turned away from Dean as it could get. "Alright..." he muttered, "I'm sorry, I'll tell Gabriel to back off."

 

Dean sighed and clenched the steering wheel uselessly tight. It wasn't resolved, he knew it wasn't, Cas knew it wasn't, but apparently they'd just sit on it for now. He pulled into the usual parking spot and looked over at Castiel who got out immediately and headed for the door. "I want to be alone tonight." Was all he said.

 

Dean cursed under his breath and got out as well, "Cas! Don't be like that, don't leave me angry."

 

Castiel's pace slowed and his shoulders slumped a little as he sighed and looked back over his shoulder at Dean. He bit his lower lip as he contemplated his options but ultimately walked back to the car. They hugged one another and held tightly, Cas rested his head against Dean's shoulder and stayed that way for a few moments. "Sorry,"

 

"It's okay, it's my fault." Dean whispered back, nuzzling Castiel's cheek a little. "Talk to you tomorrow?"

 

"Yeah. Good night Dean." Castiel spoke softly and leaned up to kiss his boyfriend. It was quick and a little shallow, Dean didn't let him go just yet and let that be their last kiss of the night. He held Castiel closer and deepened the embrace, feeling Cas' stubbornness give a little in the face of Dean's persistence.

 

"I love you," Dean said as he broke the kiss, looking into a cloudy blue that glistened with the threat of tears. "Okay? Do you believe me?"

 

Castiel nodded, "I love you too, Dean. I'm sorry I got that way."

 

"Don't be, you have every right." Dean knew it was true that Cas was allowed to be upset and impatient after over seven months of dating, but he couldn't help but feel like it was more Gabriel's influence that had Cas acting that way. He'd seemed so fine beforehand, not that Dean was taking advantage of Castiel's comfort level with the secretiveness of it all. But Cas had expressed endlessly that he was okay with it, then suddenly out of the blue he snaps out with this? Dean wasn't sure if Cas had been faking his tolerance or if something else had come up. Maybe it was the whole apartment-hunting incident, and getting the nerve to tell Sam and Jet but no one else. Regardless he wasn't planning on bringing it up again. 

 

Castiel smiled a little and kissed Dean's cheek, "Good night," the words were spoken much sweeter than the last time and Dean watched with a smile as Castiel disappeared into his apartment building.

 

Dean still hadn't been invited to join Cas for the night but they weren't leaving angry, at least it wasn't a step backward.


	17. Chapter 17

The following days Dean tried to phone Cas but Castiel had booked his weekend solid with volunteer work and all kinds of different events. Dean tried to tell himself it wasn't because Cas was upset but he couldn't help but think it. They'd had a pretty bad fight Friday night and now Castiel wasn't talking to him very much. There was the reply to his good morning, a brief 'I'm fine, busy' text when Dean asked how he was, and basically really short replies that came in a few hours after he sent them. Dean laid on the couch after work Sunday evening, staring up at his phone that he held precariously above his head. He was still waiting for an 'I love you too' from Cas from around two that afternoon.

 

"Hey man," Jet called into the apartment, the door closing behind him as he entered.

 

"I fucked up." Dean replied loudly, sounding incredibly distressed. "He's not talking to me, Jet. He hates me."

 

Jet walked over and leaned on the back of the couch, peering down at his friend with bizarre amusement. "Cas?"

 

"Yeah..."

 

"No way man, he doesn't hate you. Whatever you did will blow over."

 

Dean shook his head, "No, he's upset about us... The whole secret, not public thing."

 

"Then just start introducing him as your boyfriend." Jet shrugged, "Doing it even once will make him happy, if you want big points that's how you should introduce him to your parents."

 

"Jet, I can't even hold his hand in public without freaking out! How the hell am I supposed to just say 'Hey mom, hey dad, this is my boyfriend Castiel'!?"

 

"Just like that." Jet grinned and started walking down the hall, "Gonna shower, see you in a bit."

 

Dean frowned and tried to sink into the couch, wishing it'd eat him alive for good measure. He laid there for a few minutes the start of his phone's vibration had his eyes wide open in excitement. The words were simple but effective, the 'I love you too' he was looking for. Dean sighed and rested his head again, wondering what the hell he should say next. It was late and he knew that Cas would be free now; he knew exactly what to do.

 

Dean dialed the number and waited a few extra rings until Castiel finally picked up. He felt a little disheartened, Cas used to pick up on the second ring, no more, but here he'd been waiting at least four. Maybe he was just over reacting.

 

 _"Good evening, Dean."_ Castiel's voice came over the speaker and eased a bit of Dean's anxiety.

 

"Hey Cas, how was your day?" He didn't know what to say at all so the obvious boring introduction seemed appropriate.

 

 _"Pretty busy. I volunteered to help out at the shelter an extra few hours today while the vet came in and checked out a few of the new puppies. They're so cute, Dean."_ Dean wouldn't have completely agreed with that, he wasn't a huge fan of dogs but to keep Castiel talking he'd agree to anything.

 

"What kind are they?"

 

_"Not sure what the full breed is but I know there's some pug in there. I can't get over the way they squeal when they're excited, it just melts my heart."_

Dean chuckled and sat up properly on the couch, "Was the shelter the only thing you did today?"

 

_"No, there was a fundraiser happening at the park so I helped them out with advertising and collecting. It was pretty fun, the director of the event was so happy I joined in when I did, apparently they had been thinking of packing up. I'd been in the area when I saw them and just decided to ask if I could help them out, they had no people supporting them so I started running around the park asking for donations and sending them toward the location of the others. I think at least half of their income today was thanks to me."_

"Wow," Castiel's ability to be so selfless never ceased to amaze Dean. He could listen to Cas' stories all day and he was pretty sure that Cas would never repeat himself. "You are incredible, tired from all that running?"

 

 _"A little, yeah."_ Cas' voice was strained a little as if he'd been stretching as he spoke, Dean could picture his arms pulled above his head with the phone tucked under his ear and cheek.

 

"I can come over, give you a massage or something." Dean almost held his breath after asking, his nerves on fire. Cas had been giving him the cold shoulder all weekend and it was making him feel unwell. Okay, okay, it had only been a day and a half but Dean still couldn't stand it, thinking that his baby was pissed at him.

 

Castiel's end was quiet for a little while and Dean could have sworn he'd swallow his own tongue waiting for the answer. _"Bring a movie, and maybe some snacks."_

Dean teared up a little and nodded, despite knowing that Cas couldn't see him. "Okay," He gasped out the word and realized he actually was crying.

 

 _"Dean?"_ Castiel sounded instantly worried, _"Baby what happened? Are you okay?"_

 

"I just," Dean sniffled and inhaled shakily, his chest feeling heavy and light at the same time, like he'd just lost a massive weight he hadn't realized was there. "I just thought that you hated me and I-I don't know." He couldn't quite force himself to make sense, his mind rambled and so his mouth followed suit.

 

_"Shhh, sweetie it's okay. I don't hate you; I promise I don't hate you. What has gotten into you? Come here, come here right now, we'll get snacks together okay? Dean?"_

"Yeah." Dean sighed; he couldn't believe how hard it was to speak when his body just wanted to cry.

 

_"Okay, good. I'll be waiting, see you soon."_

"I love you Cas." Dean blubbered as got off the couch and headed for his room, passing Jet who looked about as concerned as Castiel sounded.

 

_"I love you too, baby, you know that."_

 

Dean smiled, "I do. Thank you, Cas. See you in a bit."

 

"You okay man?" Jet asked as Dean hung up the phone and fished out his fall jacket. It was getting chilly again with the start of October upon them, a perfect excuse to wear a leather jacket.

 

"I'm good, I'm alright. Gonna go see Cas." Dean breathed shakily and wiped at his face.

 

"He mad at you?"

 

"No, no he isn't. I'm just really relieved, that's all." Dean smiled as he passed Jet, heading toward the door. "I'm heading out, see you later."

 

"Take care of yourself, dude." Jet gave a short wave and walked toward the TV as the door closed behind Dean.

 

* * *

 

 

Cas couldn't believe it really, Dean had just had a meltdown, it was a little disconcerting that he could cause such a thing in someone. Just by not talking to them for a couple of days. Sure, he'd kept himself really busy so he would be able to get his mind off of Friday night, and he knew that it'd result in not having a lot of time to message and talk to Dean, but he didn't expect that reaction. _'God I feel like a monster...'_ He thought dismally, setting up the living room for a movie night. _'But if I tell him I did it kind of on purpose he might freak out... No, he probably already knows.'_

 

He hadn't realized that Dean would feel hated, that it would get to him that badly. It was kind of endearing though, to know where he stood with Dean in reality. At least he wasn't the only one who'd suffer if the relationship ended so early. Cas wouldn't ever lie about loving someone and Dean was no exception, even despite his tendency to avoid the public. _'Does it really matter in the long run, how many people know about us? No it doesn't. Does it matter if I kiss him in front of people or alone? No. Does it make me worry about his intentions? A little bit.'_ Cas sorted through his thoughts as he finished laying out a few different movies he'd like to watch. _'But I know now, I know how he feels about me for sure, I can stop worrying and poking at it. Dean loves me, he's not going to get tired and toss me out once he's done.'_

 

Before he knew it there was a new text saying that Dean was downstairs waiting to pick up snacks. Castiel threw his shoes on again and ran out the door, not wanting to make his baby wait any longer than he had to. He darted out the front door expecting Dean to be waiting in the parking lot but instead he was waiting right outside the front, ready for when Cas emerged. Dean caught him and pulled him into a hug, erasing any space between them as best he could, his hand snaking up into the back of Castiel's hair and cradling his head.

 

"I'm so sorry, Cas." Dean sobbed lightly as he spoke, "I'm so sorry. This is what you feel like, isn't it?" He leaned back to look into Castiel's face, the glossy shine of tears in his beloved's eyes. "Every time it's not just a secret it's like you're being ignored? Do you think I hate you?"

 

Cas' lower lip trembled, Dean was holding him so close and they were far from the safety of a closed door or wall. "I wasn't sure if you'd want to stay with me." He was surprised at how hard it was to manage that one sentence, his chest felt so tight and like it was going to try and implode on him.

 

Dean hugged him again, holding tightly and turning his head to kiss the side of Cas', "I swear that isn't it, baby, I promise you I'll get over this. I promise."

 

Castiel shook out a laugh as he returned the embrace and squeezed just as hard as Dean was, "And I swear that I understand how you feel about me. I won't let anything anyone says get to me again, okay? I mean it, take as much time as you need, no pressure."

 

They stood like that for several minutes before Cas stepped back, "Now how about those snacks? We have a movie night to get to."

 

"Right." Dean smiled and took Cas' hand, it was a little shaky but he managed to hold it all the way to the Impala. "I love you," he called over the hood of the car, which only made Castiel beam like a ray of sunlight.

 

"I love you too."

 

* * *

 

 

A lot of chips, soda, and chocolate later they were settled on Castiel's couch sifting through movie titles. Some old, some new, some good, some bad, but in the end they decided to go for one of Castiel's favourites; _P.S. I Love You_. Dean would have been lying if he'd said he didn't shed a single tear throughout the entire film, but that's exactly what he told Cas when he asked.

 

"Bullcrap," Castiel laughed and shoved him, "You cried at least one, I saw it!"

 

"Nope, not even a little." Dean smiled, looking away and obviously keeping his gaze anywhere far away from Castiel's sight.

 

"Liar!"

 

"Well at least I didn't use up half a tissue box!" Dean poked at Cas playfully, chuckling when his hand was swatted at.

 

"So you admit it then?" Cas grinned, getting up on his knees and placing his hands on Dean's shoulders, pushing him down onto the couch cushions.

 

Dean raised his hands and ran them up Castiel's sides, pushing up his shirt and teasing the already flushed skin beneath. "I guess so, if I have to."

 

Castiel giggled softly and leaned down to kiss Dean, deep and passionate, nothing like the last time he'd done it. Dean melted into it right away, all the worry and pain from that weekend washing away from him. "I love you." He mumbled into the kiss, "I love you so much, Cas. Never leave me, baby."

 

"I don't plan on it." Castiel whispered in return between each sighing kiss, their bodies pressed against each other warming the chill from the apartment's open windows. It was slow and sweet as they made out, hands rushing up and down the other's body until their fingertips memorized the feeling and forgot everything else. Cas carefully pulled Dean's shirt from his back, fingers tracing the hard muscle trailing up and down his torso, the sensation sending shivers down both of their spines. Castiel smiled gently and took up the ends of his own shirt and pulled it over his head, tossing it to the corner of the room, not caring where it landed.

 

Writhing together, rubbing insistently together as the friction and impulse built up between them. It was getting hotter, the original cold breeze welcomed now on their heated forms, cooling off the sweat that trickled down their backs and making them tremble in its wake. "Cas," Dean gasped for air at the same time as trying to speak his lover's name, the air between them felt heavy, thick and wanting. He breathed in the scent of Castiel, his cologne, his natural smell, and the sweat of a long day of work. It was making him dizzy with lust the more Cas moved; the more he could take of him. "Cas I want you, all of you."

 

Castiel rocked against him a little harder, their pants starting to feel more and more in the way. "Baby you can have me," He replied huskily, barely holding himself together. Half the fun was in the teasing and seeing Dean so wriggly and needy Cas knew he'd have to hold out longer than that. "What do you want, Dean?"

 

Dean groaned hoarsely, already getting impatient. "Get naked." He demanded which only made Castiel stall his pace, his hips just sliding forward and back, destructively slowly. "Caassss..." he whined and thrust up against his boyfriend, "Come on..."

 

Cas chuckled and slipped off of him, "Alright, but you too."

 

Dean was more than happy to oblige if Cas was going to do it, the jeans and underwear practically flew off, his erection heavily forcing its way up, throbbing and demanding some kind of touch. Dean licked his lips as he watched Cas, his boyfriend taking it much slower. Cas' thumbs hooked into the edges of his pants, sliding along the inside a few inches before he started to shimmy them down his hips. Dean took a shuddering breath as the sight of his favourite dick came into view, Cas was just as hard as he was and it was beautiful to see.

 

"God I missed you," Dean sighed, leaning forward and licking at the salty shaft, loving the sound of Castiel's shocked gasping.

 

"Ohh Dean..." Cas moaned, his hands snaking into Dean's hair, pulling a little to guide him further against him, to take him in and suck him down as hard as he could. "Fuck..."

 

Dean choked a little but managed to find a rhythm and keep it going. His excitement and emotions drifted to the side and behind a wall of lust and desires, he just wanted Castiel. All he could think of was Cas and all he'd ever want was Cas. To feel those long, strong fingers in his hair, grabbing and pulling at him sent urgent messages throughout his body, he was so far gone already. Dean hummed in the back of his throat to get a little vibration going, Cas was into it, he was thrusting forward so desperately and needy.

 

Castiel gripped Dean’s hair a little harder and pulled his head back, forcing his mouth away from the prize he was after. “No, not yet.” Cas panted, licking his lips and looking over Dean’s unhappy expression. “Turn around, baby. Turn around,” he repeated himself softly until Dean did as he was told, his face into the couch cushions as Castiel’s elegant hands stroked his backside. “That’s a good boy,” the praise would normally be demeaning but not this time, Dean sighed out an excited response though it didn’t make much sense out loud.

 

Lube, condoms, all the little toys he’d need, Castiel stocked up while Dean remained perched for him, ready and waiting. The first press of a slick finger made Dean whine, Castiel managed to slip the first one in easily enough, wriggling it around and getting all kinds of embarrassing noises from his partner. Cas didn’t bother to shush him, instead he encouraged more, getting Dean to beg and plead for it like he _needed it_ , which, by then, he probably did.

 

Cas circled Dean’s entrance with a single finger, having too much fun teasing as it was, causing Dean to thrust back onto his hand once it gotten to be too little stimulation. Cas stroked Dean’s back soothingly and pulled his fingers away to add extra lubricant, “Shhh, it’s okay Dean, I’ve got it.”

 

Dean moaned as soon as the next finger was added, arching his back a little before shifting down to try and stick his ass further in the air. It was quite a sight for his boyfriend, getting to see a little bit of everything at once. Cas smiled and reached between Dean’s thighs for the aching cock that he’d been neglecting. The squeak it’d earned him was lovely and though Cas could spend forever teasing Dean he knew it wouldn’t last very long if he did.

 

“Think you’re ready, babe?” Cas whispered roughly as he leaned around to Dean’s ear, nipping at the lobe and dragging it gently between his teeth.

 

“Uh huh,” Dean panted and moved back against Cas’ hand again, the wet smacking sounds already popping from Cas’ fingers. “Please, please Cas-AH!” He cursed a few times as Castiel forced a third finger inside and wrenched it around in the tight, hot space of Dean’s ass.

 

“Alright,” Cas hummed to himself, satisfied with how much he’d opened Dean up. He positioned himself behind his boyfriend and slipped a condom over his eager dick, twitching in anticipation. “Baby this is going to feel so good,” He whispered, a low growl in his voice as he pressed the head of his cock to Dean’s entrance. Slowly he pushed inside, taking up every inch he was given, slowly filling Dean up, pressing harder and stretching him out. Dean whined and whimpered, each time his muscles tightened Cas would wait, shuddering from the pressure and holding onto his composure until he felt the hot skin of his boyfriend against his junk. “Ahh… I’m in.” Cas gasped, his hands resting and squeezing at Dean’s hips.

 

They waited a bit, Cas shifting his hips around and slowly thrusting, just a little, until they were both used to it. Dean was shaking and sweaty, his head hung as the hot and welcomed sensation seared his insides. He started to move along with Castiel, picking up the pace and hinting that he wanted a little more force. Cas was more than willing to pick it up, his hands tightening and pulling Dean’s hips back to meet his thrust, angling and doing it again. Dean cried out after the fourth slam, failing to keep himself together in the face of so much stimulation.

 

“More!” He begged pathetically, “Cas harder, come on,” his tone started to get tense as Castiel’s pace quickened and his strength increased. “Harder! _Fuck me!_ ”

 

The sound of skin slapping echoed in the room, mixing with their own gasps and grunts. Castiel was good and finding Dean’s prostate hadn’t been hard, but he had some fun narrowly missing it just to drive his boy crazy. Dean was frantic and frustrated, thinking that Cas just wasn’t on his game that night, but he realized far too late that he’d wound himself up which only helped to add to the buildup that Cas had going. Once Castiel fully struck Dean’s prostate he was seeing stars and screaming far louder than he had in quite some time. After that it was a series of powerful thrusts right into the same place, over and over Cas pounded him down into the couch, slapping at the already reddened skin of his backside and adding to the sex symphony in the room.

 

Dean lost it when Castiel reached around in front of him again, Cas pulled him back to press their bodies together, Dean propped up on his knees as Castiel started to stroke him. The thrusts weren’t nearly as strong but they didn’t need to be, over-stimulated and full were amazing feelings and mixing them with the new sensation of a hand-job threw Dean violently over the edge. He gasped and panted with his head turned and his cheek pressed against Castiel’s skin, his orgasm shaking his body and limbs until he felt like nothing more than a puddle of mush.

 

He fell back against the now wet couch as his boyfriend rode him _hard._ Cas pounded him down again and Dean did his best to clench his muscles, trying to make it a little tighter for Cas’ frantic thrusts. Soon Dean felt the weight of Castiel on his back, heaving and gulping in air, his body seized up and shuddering against him.

 

Moments passed as they laid together, breathing and relaxing, Cas eventually pulled free and discarded the used condom in a waste bin next to the couch. Dean would have questioned its location if he didn’t already know why Cas had it there; exactly for events like the one they’d just taken part of.

 

Cas wrapped his arms around Dean and kissed his cheek and down his neck, “I love you.” He mumbled sleepily.

 

“I love you too, baby.” Dean sighed with a smile and kissed Cas right back. “I think we should hit the hay.”

 

“Deal.”


	18. Chapter 18

Monday morning and Dean was rushing out of Castiel’s place right next to his baby. They had showered early, Cas made breakfast, which consisted of Fruit Loops cereal, and a glass of orange juice, and Dean got the chance to drop Cas off for volunteer work at the community center. A quick and hidden kiss before Dean watched Cas dart away into the building.

 

Dean smiled as he drove to the college across town, not even caring that he was late for his first period or that the morning traffic was ten times more anal since it was Monday morning. Nope, he couldn’t be bothered, his life was amazing, he had a sweetheart for a boyfriend and everything looked like it was going his way.

 

Everything except for class. Walking in Dean was immediately made an example of by his professor who was in the midst of a lecture on tardiness and how it affected one’s job security. Dean flushed red as he found an open seat, his usual already occupied. He covered his face with his hands for a moment before trying to quietly unpack his things. He had his notebook, his synopsis for the class and his textbook, but as he fished around he realized that he forgot his pen, again.

 

“Shit…” Dean grumbled, knowing that the people he usually borrowed from were nowhere near him. He glanced around real quick to spot someone well equipped, lucky for him there was a small goofy looking guy right next to him. “Hey buddy, can I borrow a pen?”

 

Two big eyes turned to look at him and a smile spread over the stranger’s face, “Sure thing, dude.” The way he paused slightly before saying ‘dude’ made Dean a little uneasy but had a pen to take notes now so it didn’t matter. At least not until he saw the Barbie pen, pink and glittery in his hand.

 

“Uhh… hey…” He looked to the other guy who didn’t seem to get the issue.

 

“S’up?”

 

“You have sparkly Barbie pens?”

 

“Oh, yeah my special lady has a daughter and I always keep that with me ‘cuz she likes to draw.”

 

“Right… thanks.” Dean furrowed his brow at the pen but shrugged, at least he had it.

 

“What’s your name by the way?” The guy whispered, leaning over toward his desk which only made Dean want to put his hand on the stranger’s face and shove him backward.

 

But instead he answered somewhat mindlessly; it was just his name after all. “Dean,” he wasn’t really expecting anything out of it, the guy probably just wanted to know who was taking his writing utensils for his girlfriend’s kid.

 

“I’m Garth, real nice to meet you.”

 

“Uhm, you too I guess.” Dean half smiled until Garth looked back toward the professor, who had moved on to a new topic. Dean made a bit of a face to himself; he couldn’t believe what was happening to him. Normally he wouldn’t talk to someone like Garth, a puny guy who carried around Barbie pens for a ‘special lady.’ Yep, he’d definitely dropped on the coolness scale. What would Jet say? Or Benny? It made him want to stick his face in the sand.

 

That wasn’t the end of it either; Dean returned the pen and thought he’d be able to just leave. Of course not. Garth caught up with him moments after he walked out the door, the smaller male fumbling his things a bit to get them into his bag properly. “So, Dean, what are you in for?”

 

“Getting some business degree for running a shop on my own, and if I have to I’ll go through the Auto Mechanics training program to get some official training.”

 

“You want to work on cars?”

 

“Basically, I want my own shop to do it but yeah. I specialize in older models, know how to keep ‘em real nice.” Dean smiled as he pictured the Impala and other cars he’d been allowed to tinker with.

 

“Wow, sounds like it’d be a specialized field, would you take in any kind of car or just the old ones?” Garth sounded legitimately interested and though Dean would have normally been suspicious about it, he didn’t care so much when it was on the topic of automobiles.

 

“Nah I’d take in any of course, but I want to be _known_ for my work on the classics, you know? People will come to me from all over the countryside just to have me look at their 1950’s Ford.”

 

Garth smiled, an action that made his already large ears perk up with the rest of his face, “You sound really passionate about it, it’s nice to see in someone these days.”

 

Dean nodded, “Yeah, there are a lot of people who go through post-secondary and just kind of do it, you know? Passion is something people out here need.”

 

“I know, like this one guy I saw at the park yesterday, he was wild man.” Garth laughed but it lacked every ounce of disdain or mockery. Dean looked down at him for a second, an eyebrow raised but he didn’t say anything, a cue for Garth to continue. “They were having a fundraiser in the park for the Alzheimer’s Society and no one was paying attention or even noticed that they were there. It was sad, you know? But then this guy runs up and he’s all like ‘Let me help!’”

 

Dean knew this story, or at least some of it. That stranger that ran to help couldn’t be anyone other than Castiel. “Were you at the fundraiser?”

 

“I wasn’t at first but after watching the passion of that one guy, someone who had nothing to do with it, I decided to help. He scoured one side of the park and I went after the other side. Talking to people, trying to motivate them, give them reasons to care, and so on. It was pretty crazy and awesome.”

 

“I know the guy,” Dean smiled and adjusted his bag on his shoulder, “I know exactly who you’re talking about.”

 

“Yeah? As in you’ve seen him around or you’re his friend?” Garth lit up like a Christmas tree, “I didn’t get a chance to get his name or number, can you give it to me?”

 

Dean thought about Cas for a moment and looking at Garth who couldn’t be 90 pounds when wet, he didn’t see the harm. “Yeah sure, his name’s Castiel Novak-“

 

“Wait, he’s a Novak?” Garth stared at him wide-eyed, his smile opening up to a grin, “That’s so awesome!”

 

“You know the Novak’s?” Dean was surprised to say the least.

 

“Yeah, they’re big in the business industry, they have their own oil and gas company and a large amount of stocks in places like Samsung and Toyota. Well, their dad’s all over the businesses anyway, his sons are all over the place. Michael’s the most likely to follow in his footsteps, Castiel and Gabriel are known to wander off and do their own thing. Gabriel Novak owns a café near here, you know that?” He was rambling a little bit but Dean didn’t mind so much, it was about Castiel’s family, something he didn’t know a whole bunch about.

 

“Yeah, I go there every week.”

 

“So is it true? Does Castiel work there?”

 

“Sort of, he only sings one night a week.” Dean shrugged, not sure if that wholly counted as working.

 

“No kidding? Is that how you know him? You hear him sing?”

 

“That’s where I met him, yeah. We’re pretty good friends actually. He volunteers all over the city so it can get pretty ridiculous trying to line up our schedules to hang out.” He wished he were lying about that but it made the time they spent together all that more special.

 

“Wild. I’ve heard Castiel has been called the rebellious one since he hasn’t tried to take part in the big family business, despite already going through all the schooling necessary to take up the torch. Michael of course is the oldest so it makes sense that he’d get the position; I wonder how Castiel and Gabriel feel about that, you know? Being raised to take up a job that your older brother is already obviously going to get. I mean it’s like being raised knowing you’ll be second rate for the rest of your life. No wonder neither of them are taking any part of the company, I wouldn’t either. Anyway I got class to get to so I’ll see you around Dean!” Garth gave him a quick salute before darting down the hall, an unlikely friend.

 

“Bye Garth.” Dean waved a little wondering what that was all about. Garth seemed to be a fountain of information about those kinds of things, it was weird to see someone who knew so much about it. An oil and gas company? How was that relevant to guy in university? The Novak’s were big and famous in Garth’s eyes, or at least worth knowing about. Maybe because they weren’t in any world capital and yet they still had someone that successful.

 

Regardless he decided he’d wait to talk to Cas about his family, it wasn’t a big deal. It hadn’t come up much yet and so far had no real weight in their relationship. What did it matter where Cas came from? He was who he was now and that’s all Dean needed to know. He turned and moved on to his next class, not able to help pondering what it meant to be associated with the Novak’s. Apparently they were a pretty big deal and here he was sneaking around with one of the ‘rebellious ones.’ If Cas could be called that; considered rebellious for not being a big corporate douchebag and instead spending his time volunteering to help the needy. Seemed really stupid. Dean knew he should take that as an indication of what Cas’ family was like, what their values were, but he still didn’t want to read too much into it.

 

Waiting to talk to Cas was exactly what Dean was going to do… After he Googled the Novak’s of course. There were news articles and interviews with James Sebastian Novak, a man who lost his wife and had to raise three young boys as well as manage his company. There were photos of their family, separate and professionally done or anything candid and taken without their knowledge. Dean looked at Castiel’s professional photo for a magazine’s coverage of the business; he could have been a model. The photographer captured his eyes stunningly and knew what he was doing, Castiel looked amazing, stunning, and downright ungodly. Gabriel’s photo was pretty intense as well; they knew to get his more playful persona though still make it look dangerous. Cas looked like a mystery wrapped in starlight, Gabriel was more like a lit firecracker in someone’s hand.

 

And then there was Michael. Styled black hair, pale eyes that, without any depth to them, seemed to be even more striking than the rest of his family. But not in the same way that the others’ did. Castiel’s were a secret; loving and caring beneath the veil of blue, should you lift it up. Gabriel’s were open, honest and protective in their golden hue. Michael’s were dangerous, sharp and cunning hazel that lingered more on the green side. Dean would have been lying if he’d said he was looking forward to meeting that one.

 

His cell vibrated in his pocket and Dean didn’t hesitate to whip it out. Castiel was on a break and messaging him, like he usually did but this time it seemed special. Probably because his texts had been so few over the weekend.

 

_Cas: Hey babe, hope classes are going well. I just got some news that this weekend they’ll be welcoming in a new set of animals at the zoo for a special exhibit, I’ve worked with the organizers before and they gave me some passes, you want to come with me?_

 

_Dean: Damn straight I do. Pick you up Saturday afternoon sound good?_

 

_Cas: Oh? You aren’t staying over Friday this week?_

 

_Dean: Of course but my mom and dad’s anniversary is coming up so Sammy and I are taking them out for breakfast._

_Cas: Awe that’s so sweet of you. All right, pick me up whenever you’re ready then. The exhibit opens at 2._

_Dean: Can’t wait. See you later baby._

 

He smiled and put his phone away, classes and the rest of the week would be tough if he didn’t get a chance to see Cas, but at least they had some plans for the weekend. Going to the zoo, seemed like a very Castiel thing to do what with the animal shelter and all. Dean wondered if there’d be any monkeys.


	19. Chapter 19

Friday night went off without a hitch, mostly. During the span of the rest of the week since Monday Dean had seen Garth and ended up sitting with him every day, not by choice of course. At first it was just ‘hey what’s up’ but then Garth would get into some conversation about something and just keep talking. He’d taken up volunteering for things, apparently having been inspired by Castiel’s enthusiasm on Sunday. Also his conversation with Dean had been of some use; saying that it was sad to see people lacking passion in things, so Garth clearly took that as a sign in his life.

 

Whatever, that didn’t matter to Dean so much. What mattered was that Garth had run into Castiel out in the volunteering ranks, meeting up at events and actually getting to know one another. It started with ‘you’re that guy from Sunday’s fundraiser’ and escalated into exchanging numbers and even mentioning that they both knew Dean. Garth was more than happy to tell Dean how happy he was to hear that Cas had such a _good friend_ , like Dean was some kind of knight in shining friendship armor.

 

So leading up to Friday Dean wound up seeing Garth all over the place, and always with Castiel. He wasn’t jealous, he was annoyed. On Wednesday he’d gone to see how Castiel’s community center activities were going and when Cas looked like he was alone Dean approached him, ready to sweep him off his feet when he had to stumble to a halt upon seeing Garth lurking right behind Cas. It went something like ‘Hey Cas’ in a very seductive and alternate-intention tone of voice, Castiel would turn and smile but before he could open his mouth the Chihuahua named Garth would pop up and exclaim excitedly ‘Hey Dean! Didn’t expect to see you here!’

 

Dean wanted to smack himself in the face with a spiked bat sometimes. But not as much as he wanted to hit Garth with it. Jealous and worried that Garth would steal Castiel from him? Hell no, Garth wasn’t Cas’ type. What he was worried about was Garth getting in the way and being that third wheel that stopped him from doing anything at all. And it wasn’t even like Cas was trying to bug him, Cas was just as stuck as he was; unsure as to how they could tell Garth to go away without being incredibly mean.

 

So Friday’s little hitch was Garth. Dean thought he’d be safe at his usual table at The Jar but Garth showed up, excited and unaware of the fact that Dean wanted to throw him out. Of course that didn’t mean that Garth would stay all night, right? He wouldn’t possibly stay after close and help clean up, or insist on all of them hanging out or something. Dean prayed for a smooth night, though really he couldn’t have possibly anticipated Gabriel coming back after the previous week.

 

“Winchester,” Gabriel called over from the bar and motioned for Dean to go to him. Dean didn’t hesitate, much, he mentioned to Garth he’d be right back and walked over to meet Castiel’s younger brother.

 

“What’s up Gabriel?”

 

“I talked to Cas.” Gabriel looked stern and a little angry for a few seconds before he dropped the façade and rolled his eyes, “Okay, Cas talked to _me_. He was pissed that I would be so awful to you and demanded that I give you a chance so… I’m sorry. There. I said it.”

 

Dean smiled a little; he could only imagine the older brother talking to his younger brother about messing in a love life that he couldn’t control. “It’s alright Gabe, I forgive you. Now, I have a question, what are you doing to my brother? He’s been sending me distress texts all week.”

 

Gabriel laughed, “Has he really? What a little twerp. I tell you, Dean, your brother is some kind of fine ass madness.”

 

Dean could have laughed at that, Sam a little twerp with a fine ass madness. It was definitely a quote to deliver the next morning.  “You actually like him or are you just bugging?”

 

“Right now I’m busy trying to grow on him like a fungus, if he ends up liking me then I’m going for it.” Gabriel gave a quick wink and pat Dean on the back, “Now get back over to your little friend there.”

 

Dean rolled his eyes and walked back toward his table, unsure of what had just happened. The weekend before he’d fought and argued with Gabriel about Castiel and now they were bonding over Sam. It was a weird world and Gabriel apparently didn’t hold grudges. Either that or he knew something that Dean didn’t, like some oncoming storm that would handle him in a way that a younger brother never could.

 

Luckily for him Garth went home early, saying he was taking up Castiel’s shift at the animal shelter on Saturday so he’d like to get his rest in before his first real attempt at animal care. Dean was glad that there were other volunteers and that Garth wouldn’t be left to his own devices, something told him Garth wasn’t as good with animals as he pretended to be.

 

“Jesus Christ.” Dean laughed as he walked into Castiel’s apartment, their hands linked like it was commonplace and their laughs in sync. “Garth came out of fucking nowhere, you see that?”

 

“I think I’d blame you but he’s actually really amazing at the center so I don’t really mind.” Cas stretched and started to pull his clothes off, “What do you say we unwind a little before bed?”

 

Dean was already onboard, his shirt tossed aimlessly in the hallway. “I thought you’d never ask,” he scooped Castiel up into his arms and carried him to the bed; it was nice to feel Cas’ hands in his hair after far too long. They’d seen one another during the week but with Garth’s presence they had no chance to slip away for a little exercise, or even the lightest touch. It made contact all that more precious, Dean drank it in as Castiel touched him all over, firm hands grasping and pulling in places he saved for his boyfriend.

 

Their lovemaking was quick that night, messy but necessary. They’d both worked hard and were tired from a long week, the soft spoken conversations missing this time around due in part to the fact that they passed out too quickly to even say anything. Dean drifted in and out of consciousness over the first half hour, he could hear Castiel breathing, feel the warm air from Cas’ nose on his arm, and he smiled. He couldn’t imagine lying with anyone better.

 

* * *

 

The next morning was quick, Dean got out of bed and kissed Castiel goodbye, his boyfriend decidedly too lazy and tired to get up. “I’ll see you this afternoon,” He whispered before leaving, laughing softly as he tried to decipher the disgruntled goodbye from Cas. Dean got into the Impala immediately and drove to meet up with Sam and his parents.

  
John and Mary were pretty surprised; Sam had taken them to one of their favourite restaurants and was entertaining them with the news of this Gabriel fellow when Dean arrived.

 

“I’m telling you he’s insane,” Sam tried to remain serious as Mary cracked up about the newest text. “Every morning he says hello and sends me a new selfie.”

 

“At least he’s not a psychopath,” John shrugged, “Not sending you pictures of dead bodies or anything.”

 

“There are always upsides.” Sam rolled his eyes and glanced toward the door, his face pulling the ‘what took you so long’ expression the moment he spotted Dean.

 

“Hey everyone,” Dean waved as he trotted over, moving to hug his mom as she got up to greet him. John as well once he bothered to move. “Happy anniversary you two.”

 

“Thank you sweetheart,” Mary smiled at him but there was something in her eye that told him she was thinking something. What made him uncomfortable was the not knowing, what on earth could his mom know that he didn’t? Or maybe he did know and she wasn’t supposed to?

 

They all settled and chattered to one another for a short while before Mary couldn’t quite hold it back anymore, “Okay Dean, who is she?”

 

Dean nearly spat out his coffee when he heard that, “Who’s… who?”

 

“The girl you’re so happy about, dear. You’re practically glowing.”

 

Dean made a somewhat constipated smile and glanced over at Sam who only looked smugger the longer it took Dean to answer. “Mom I’m not seeing anyone.” Dean could feel his stomach turn the moment those words left his mouth. Lying about Castiel, was it different than just not telling? He could feel the looks he was getting and in all honesty he wished he could melt into the chair.

 

John, Mary, and Sam all exchanged a look that Dean thought he recognized but he couldn’t put his finger on it. It was like they were in on something he wasn’t. “You know you suck at lying, right?” John raised an eyebrow at him. Dean only shrugged and picked at the napkin beside him.

 

“Whatever,” Sam interrupted and Dean could have kissed him for it. “When are we going to talk about my stalker problem?”

 

“He’s still on you, huh?” Dean chuckled, he could tell when Sam was legitimately worried about something and Gabriel wasn’t part of that list. “Did he compliment your ‘mane of hair’ again, or maybe mention climbing you-“

 

“Okay, okay, enough.” Sam swatted at Dean playfully, “Don’t be a jerk and start creeping me out.”

 

“How’s the apartment?” John cut in, smiling as he’d already opened the menu and chosen his breakfast for the morning “Jet driving you crazy yet?”

 

“Actually living with him is pretty easy, we’re similar in habit I just need to remember that mom’s not around to clean up after me.” Dean rubbed the back of his head as he shrugged, glancing down to flip through the menu a little, “I think I might even be driving him crazy.”

 

“It’s pretty hard to push Jet over the limit,” Sam chuckled, “I mean, you know, when it actually matters.”

 

“Hopefully he doesn’t try to kick you out. He’s paying a more of the rent, right?” Mary exchanged a look with John; evidently not believing for a second Jet would kick Dean out over something as trivial as a mess, but that didn’t make it impossible for Dean to do something stupid.

 

“He is but that was his idea, what with me still being in school and working only part-time he’d rather keep me as a roommate than let me move back home. I guess his old place was just that bad.” Dean laughed and closed his menu, eyeballing the special with extra bacon.

 

“Maybe,” Mary put her menu down as well, one of the last ones to know what she wanted. “So Dean when are you going to start dating? We haven’t seen you bring anyone home.” She was teasing, Dean could hear it in her tone but it didn’t stop him from feeling a decent amount of guilt. He was dating someone, someone fucking _amazing_ but he hadn’t shared Castiel with his family, he was keeping his baby away from people he cared about and that was eating away at both of them. He could see it in Cas’ face every now and then whenever he mentioned his mom or his dad. Castiel’s mother was dead and his father was most likely too busy to ever really pay attention to him, which meant that Dean’s family could just as easily be Cas’ but Dean wouldn’t let it happen.

 

 _‘Soon.’_ He thought determinedly to himself, _‘I’ll at least introduce him as a friend if I can’t manage to do anything better.’_ “I’m working on it, mom.” Dean offered her a smile and soon enough they were able to order and eat. The breakfast service was spectacular and Dean and Sam managed to treat their parents to an awesome anniversary meal. They knew that John and Mary would have other things to do in the evening, adding to their day as a sort of ‘thank you for falling in love and making us’ was the least they could do.

 

Dean was smiling ear to ear as he pulled up to Castiel’s again, he’d just had the perfect morning with his family and was already planning a good and surprising way to introduce them to Castiel. He was going to do it, he was going to tell them, or at least let Cas in. On top of that he was going to the zoo with Cas, just him and Castiel walking around and looking at animals all day. A cute date and he’d have to find a way to make it memorable. Dean hummed to himself as he rode the elevator up and waltzed down to Cas’ door. Since Cas was so open to him he’d given Dean a key to his apartment, making it so much easier for Dean to slip in and scare the crap out of Cas when he wasn’t expecting company.

 

Quietly clicking the door open Dean slipped in and slowly closed it behind him. He thought he was doing really well until he heard a sharp, “Who are you?”

 

Dean furrowed his brow and turned around to see a familiar face, it was one he’d only seen in photos until that moment. “Michael?” He managed the name without too much of an issue though he just couldn’t believe it.

 

“Your name is Michael?” Castiel’s older brother had amazing posture and pretty broad shoulders for a desk jockey.

 

“ _Dean_ ,” Cas rounded the corner, his face pulled a little tighter in a bit of stress, “This is my brother Michael, Michael this is Dean, the friend I told you I was going to the zoo with today.”

 

“Yes… you mentioned.” Michael’s eyes trailed over Dean just once but he didn’t say anything, “Well, Dean, you really shouldn’t sneak into people’s homes. How did you get in?”

 

“I gave him a key.” Cas explained for Dean, making it a bit easier not to seem like he was the villain in the situation.

 

Michael looked at Castiel like he wanted to ‘have words with him’ but said nothing more about it. “The zoo has that new exhibit today, right? I’ve been meaning to see the new renovations they’ve done over the last two years, how about we all go? My treat.”

 

Cas couldn’t find a reason to say no and Dean knew it. “Sounds fun, Mike.” Dean smiled and stuck his hand out to shake but it was only looked at for a few seconds.

 

“Michael, please call me Michael.” He said before finally shaking Dean’s hand.

 

It was going to be a fantastic weekend after all…


	20. Chapter 20

Dean wished more than anything that he could have died right then and there but there was nothing he could do. Michael was along for the ride; he was unappreciative of the Impala, which only started off the _great day_ they were going to have. Michael made a face staring at the old chevy, his brow slowly knitting together as he inspected it from afar.

 

“We’re riding in that?”

 

Dean stopped his eye twitching as he glanced at Castiel who gave him a sheepishly innocent smile in return. “Yeah, she’s my baby.” Dean smiled back at Michael who sighed and shrugged.

 

“She?”

 

Yep, Dean could feel just how awesome it was going to be meeting Michael. Of course, from what he’d been told already, Michael would have been tearing him a new asshole if he’d known about Dean and Cas, so maybe he didn’t know? Dean could only guess, it seemed like Michael had no clue, just extremely judgmental of the company that Castiel was keeping. 

 

It was a little difficult to ignore but Dean managed to pretend he hadn't heard Michael's disdain for his car. They climbed in and, to Dean's dismay; Michael claimed the front seat next to him, leaving Castiel in the back. Dean knew that older brothers usually claimed the front seat but it just seemed weird to sit next to your brother's friend, wouldn't it have been more comfortable in the back? He decided not to ask, despite the nagging thought in his head. Maybe it was just him being a little grumpy about not being able to sit next to Cas.

 

It was supposed to be their special day goddamn it.

 

A bright sunny environment greeted them as they walked into the zoo. There were crowds of people and though Dean would have just as likely backed away from it all, he knew he was there for Cas. He looked over to his boyfriend who seemed just as confused and agitated at Michael's presence as himself. But regardless Michael wasn't going anywhere so they were about to spend some quality time with the guy. Dean tried to walk closer to Cas as they strolled down the cobblestone walkways. Michael seemed to be in good spirits, though, he was a little uptight, but there was a smile on his face as he looked around at the different habitats that were already present in the entrance to the zoo.

 

Dean watched him and saw a similarity to Castiel, there was a caring man hidden under the business and bureaucracy, he had a feeling. How could there not be? Dean could only imagine how busy their father had been, that would leave Michael in charge of two little brothers, one as crazy and rebellious as Gabriel and the other Castiel, a sensitive and emotional person. No one could handle their little siblings like that without being hated, Dean was certain of it. And Cas didn't seem to hate Michael per se, just annoyed at the guy's timing.

 

Michael looked at Castiel briefly and motioned toward a stand nearby, "I'm going to grab a map, you want one too?"

 

"One's fine," Castiel smiled at him as he walked away, then immediately turned to Dean and whispered, "I'm so sorry, I had no idea he was coming until he showed up at my door!"

 

"It's okay," Dean shrugged, "I was bound to meet, maybe it's better this way."

 

"Alright," Cas sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I just didn't expect this."

 

"Don't worry about it, babe." Dean winked quickly then stood at attention when Michael approached them again, a few extra things in his arms. "Good to go?"

 

"Yeah," Michael tossed them each a t-shirt, "They were giving these away and I figured you'd like one."

 

Castiel unfolded it and looked at the front and chuckled at the childish cartoons welcoming people to the zoo. "Cute," he glanced up at his brother to see there wasn't anything in his arms, "Wait, you didn't take one?"

 

"You and I both know I wouldn't wear it," Michael shrugged and started walking, "Might as well leave for someone who would."

 

"I don't think _anyone_ is wearing these," Dean rolled his eyes but stuttered to a stop when he noticed the sheer number of people who had actually put them on. "Oh... scratch that."

 

"Yeah." Michael smirked back at him, "Thought so." He turned his attention back to the map, his tongue coming out to quickly lick the tip of his finger so he could get a little more friction when unfolding the slick sheet of paper. "So there are a few places we can start with, did you want to go exciting first thing or save that for the end?"

 

Cas leaned over his big brother and stared at the map intently, "Start big, definitely. Let's go check out the bears!" He waved his hands excitedly and started down the left path. Michael smiled and casually followed suit, adjusting the sleeves of his jacket that Dean now noticed was probably one of the most intricate suit jackets he'd ever seen. Michael had some style and class; his outfit was detailed and complicated to look at, definitely customly designed for him.

 

Dean glanced down at his casual wear, jeans and a leather jacket pulled over his grey t-shirt. Maybe wearing the stupid zoo shirt wasn't so bad; everyone else seemed to be doing it. Of course that wouldn't change the fact that he looked like a hobo next to this guy. "So that's your casual wear for the zoo, huh?" He decided to try and make some minor conversation seeing as how they were both older brothers, maybe he could find something he connected with Michael over. Not that clothing would be that thing, but it could lead to something.

 

Michael looked at him, an expression that either naturally looked condescending or was fashioned to appear that way Dean couldn't tell. "I hadn't been aware that Castiel had plans when I decided to visit him. This is hardly appropriate for a zoo but I'm willing to risk it."

 

"You could wear one of these t-shirts." Dean grinned and waved it a little to emphasize.

 

Michael didn't look at him again for that, "It's hardly appropriate for the pants I'm wearing. I would look ridiculous."

 

"You look kind of ridiculous now," Dean muttered but he was probably one of the only people who thought so. Women all around them took double takes; it was almost like fashionable suits were the same to women as lingerie was to men. Or something like that, Dean wasn't quite sure what they all saw. Well, he sort of understood, if he had Cas wearing something like that he'd tear it off of him. It was like unwrapping a present.

 

Castiel was excitedly perched by the bear habitat, staring down into the wide-open space at the giant fuzzy creatures. He leaned against the railing and sighed happily, he could have literally stayed there for hours and it wouldn't bother him. His two guests however might care. "Aren't they amazing?" He looked over at Dean who just smiled and nodded.

 

Michael, meanwhile, was reading the plaque they had set up for it. "'Black bears are classified as carnivores however 75% of their diet consists of vegetation.' Hm, I did not know that." He mused, "'Black bears communicate with body and facial expressions, sounds, touch, and through scent markings. Their average life in the wild is up to 20 years and have lived to be over 30 years in captivity.'"

 

"Wow," Cas looked down at the bears again, "Just lovely."

 

Dean knew Cas liked animals but he hadn't quite realized just how much. He wondered why they hadn't gone to the zoo before if Cas really enjoyed it that much. Unless of course Cas had and it was during volunteer hours. Regardless he knew that they'd have to make this a regular thing, he couldn't get enough of that bright, sparkling smile.

 

"Cas!" A female voice called out and all three turned to look, two because they were curious as to who would address Castiel, and the other looked for obvious reasons.

 

"Charlie! Hey how have you been?" Cas lit up and ran the rest of the distance to meet her, catching one another in a hug, which pulled back into a punch in the arm for each.

 

"Been good, the dolphins miss you, you know." She grinned wide, "So how's my favourite queen?"

 

"Excellent as always."

 

She exchanged an intricate secret handshake with Castiel before she turned to look at Dean and Michael. "S'up Mike?"

 

"Good afternoon Charlie." Michael smiled at her but Dean could see the little strain in it, evidently wanting to tell her to call him 'Michael' like he'd done to Dean only an hour before. "I trust you've been well."

 

"Always so uptight, you need to loosen up, bad boy, like you were in high school. What happened to our favourite rebel?" She teased, nudging at him with her elbow.

 

Cas looked over at Dean's confused expression and shrugged, "Charlie and Michael were in high school together. She's my age but she's a genius so she was in his grade. I volunteer here when they have openings."

 

"Thanks Cas," Dean smiled, glad to have someone there who was willing to fill him in. He tended to forget that the people he met had their own history, own families, stories, thoughts and lives to lead. It was nice to get a little insight. Especially into Michael, "So Mike, a bad boy in high school were you?"

 

"We all have a phase, that was mine." Michael shrugged, "I'm past it now, so both of you please call me Michael."

 

"Not a chance Mikey," Charlie winked at him and turned back to Cas, "So you decided to use those invites, eh? I'm so glad you're here, makes my day a little brighter."

 

Castiel nodded excitedly, "I'm so glad to be here, I had to get someone to take my place at the animal shelter on Elm Street for today but it's so worth it to see you guys again. How's your girlfriend?"

 

Charlie's eyes fluttered a little and she tried to shrug it off, "Oh, you know, she's good."

 

Dean pursed his lips but didn't say anything to that, obviously Cas would have other LGBTQ friends, it made perfect sense. He just hadn't expected to meet a lesbian. "Come on Charlie," Cas pushed a little, "You're blushing like a school girl, what're you planning?"

 

"Well we've been getting some cosplay together for the Comic Con in November and," she paused and looked around before leaning in, her voice an excited whisper, "I bought a _ring_!"

 

Castiel let out the girliest squeal Dean had ever heard him make. The two screamed together, a lot of gibberish and high-pitched excitement. Dean thought that only happened in the movies but clearly not because they were doing it. He glanced over at Michael who was just smiling, that earnest and caring smile that Dean could relate to. He'd looked at Sam that way many times, when he graduated high school, when was accepted into college, when he got that free ride, all of it. He supposed that Michael was just glad to be there every now and then, to be around to see Castiel smile that way, to hear his excitement and see the joy he felt. But it made him wonder just how much pain Michael had to see in Castiel for him to appreciate even the smallest amount of happiness?

 

"Congratulations, Charlie. I'm sure Anna will be just as excited." Michael went to shake her hand but Charlie caught him in a hug instead.

 

"Thanks Mike, we discussed it a long while back but neither of us really had the money to do anything about it." She grinned so widely that Dean swore he could have counted all her teeth, "I can't wait until November but so far I've managed to keep it a secret from her."

 

"I hope it goes well," Cas wiped his eyes and hugged her again, "Ohh I'm so happy for you!"

 

Dean could only stand there and smile at the group of happy friends, "I'm Dean by the way," he called into the mix, feeling a bit left out.

 

"Oh my god I'm sorry," Cas covered his mouth and looked at Charlie, "This is my friend Dean, Dean this is Charlie."

 

"Nice to meet you," Charlie gave Dean a once over as she shook his hand, her eyes immediately going to Castiel's face for some kind of indication as to what kind of friend. "He's hot Cas, are you dating him?"

 

"Yes Cas, are you?" Michael raised an eyebrow and Dean could have sworn someone lit a fire under him. Castiel looked to be panicking a little under the scrutinizing eye of his friend and brother but after look at Dean's wide-eyed face he shook his head.

 

"No, of course not, we're just friends."

 

Dean felt a sting of pain and knew that it was his fault. And what was worse he made Castiel feel this everyday. That thought that you were being rejected, neglected and thrown under a bus. But they both knew the truth; there was more love between them than anyone else cared to know.

 

Charlie made a face, "Boo, he's straight isn't he?"

 

"He is." Cas shrugged, "All the pretty ones are."

 

"You aren't." Charlie winked at him again and nudged him a few times, "Ah well, it's probably too soon after he-who-shall-not-be-named."

 

"Voldemort?" Dean raised an eyebrow at them and got a chuckle from the three in his company.

 

"Pfft don't even, that dick isn't worth being called Voldemort even on his best days." Charlie shook her head, "No there really is no good name for someone like that."

 

Dean was starting to feel antsy about it now, Castiel's ex had been mentioned by a few people now and each time it was either 'it was nothing' or 'he was a dick' or 'he's lower than Voldemort on the scale of scum of the Earth.' So which was it? Cas was the one to say 'it was nothing,' which only made Dean assume he was really that bad and Castiel just didn't want to talk about it. Until told otherwise that was what he'd assume. "So how long's it been since this asshole was around? I'd like to give him a piece of my mind." Dean figured it was worth a shot but Castiel was already shaking his head.

 

"Can we not, please? It's nothing, just leave it."

 

Michael gave Dean a look but said nothing more on the subject, "Come on, the wild cats are up ahead past the bears."

 

Castiel nodded and followed Michael's lead, waving to Charlie, "When you're on break give me a call, we'll get some food at the shack."

 

"Will do! See you later Cas!" Charlie waved and ran off back to her station, evidently already having wandered away from it for quite some time. "Nice to meet you Dean!"

 

"You too." Dean called back to her and waved before he went to catch up with Castiel and Michael. "Cas, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

 

"You didn't do anything, don't worry about it." Cas interrupted him but still held that sweet tone so he didn't quite mind. "Anyway, you ready for some lions?"

 

"Tigers, and bears oh my?" Dean smiled and earned himself a laugh from Cas and a disgruntled moan from Michael. It was a good day after all.

 

 


	21. Chapter 21

Upon entering the section of the zoo dedicated to the wild cats, Dean heard some loud roaring and what sounded like someone shrieking. He looked over at Castiel and Michael, "Is that what's supposed to happen?"

 

"No," Cas frowned and hurried ahead to what he knew was the cheetah's caged area. "Hey, what's going on?" he called to the keeper, who looked was running around like an idiot. "What are you doing!? Cheetahs eat the prey that runs!" He snapped before running around to the door, breaking inside.

 

"Cas!" Dean shrieked and ran to the fence, Michael right at his side.

 

"Castiel!" A big brother tone if Dean had ever heard it.

 

Cas wasn't listening, however. He darted into the habitat and started making certain calling sounds that the zookeepers usually made. "Sasha, come here girl, it's okay sweetheart." He was so calm as the cheetah turned on him, she recognized him and the closer she got the more she realized that. "Hey baby, what's wrong? What did he do to you, huh?"

 

"That thing is nuts! I'm never doing this again I swear. Hands on research is bullshit." The terrified volunteer stammered and babbled as he crawled toward the exit. Cas glared at him but knew to deal with the moron much later. Michael would catch him on his way out anyway, no harm in taking his time.

 

Sasha's sounds grew more docile as she rubbed her head against Castiel's hand, having fully recognized him. "That's my girl," Cas smiled and pet her carefully, kneeling down and nuzzling his nose against hers, which resulted in a long, harsh tongue brushing up against his cheek.

 

Michael looked down at the zoo volunteer as he made it to the exit, grabbing the back of his shirt and hauling him up against the fence. "So what the hell were you doing?"

 

"Research! I was doing research for my book, okay!?"

 

"Who are you?" Dean growled at him, "What the fuck were you researching that it'd try and kill you?" He was more pissed that it caused Cas to run into a dangerous animal's territory to save his stupid ass. Not that it wasn't fucking amazing what Castiel was capable of, but Dean didn't like seeing his baby almost mutilated by a cat.

 

"My name's Chuck, Chuck Shurley! I'm writing a novel and my publisher suggested hands on research!" He was all but sobbing he was so hysterical. Clearly almost dying didn't sit well with him either.

 

"Calm down," Michael's tone shifted to that of someone who must have mastered Human Resources and customer service because Dean almost didn't recognize it. He lowered the sniveling man to the ground carefully but had to continue holding him up otherwise Chuck would have just collapsed right there. "Chuck, look at me, look at me."

 

Chuck stared up at him, still shaking but coherent. "Yes?"

 

"Are you hurt?"

 

"No, I-I don't think so."

 

"Good. Now go and get someone who can handle whatever job you were supposed to be doing and get out of here." Michael let him go, watching carefully as Chuck nodded and wandered off. "Jesus fucking Christ."

 

Dean tried not to laugh at Michael's disdain for the stupid. "Your family is pretty patient, huh?"

 

"Most of us," Michael shrugged, "I assume you haven't met Gabriel then?"

 

"I have actually, but he's hitting on my little brother and so far he's been patiently waiting for Sam to fall in love with him or something." Dean chuckled and shook his head, "It's hilarious."

 

"Oh, so the Sam I've heard about is your brother? Interesting, you're a Winchester then."

 

"Yep, that's me."

 

While the two older brother types talked a little more openly with one another (though not by much), Castiel had calmed Sasha down and she even led him to her den, purring and nudging him along. Cas smiled and pet her gently until he saw the little cheetah cubs tucked away. "Oh my goodness! Sasha, look at you girl!" He whispered excitedly, not wanting to spook her around her children. He turned and ruffled up her fur around her cheeks and ears, "You are one hot mama, check you out, you're so proud." He giggled and looked back to the little fur balls that squeaked back at him.

 

Cas made his way back to the exit and locked it again with the padlock Chuck had left open, "Okay well I found out why she was so pissed at him, he must've been looking at her cubs."

 

"That'd do it." Michael nodded, "Shall we then?"

 

"Right, but where's that idiot?" Cas looked around angrily. "I want to smack him."

 

"I sent him on his way back to get someone competent." Michael shrugged and started down the path again, "He was pretty shaken up, I don't think hitting him would have done much."

 

"Pfft, doesn't mean he wouldn't deserve it, moron."

 

Michael chuckled and pat Cas' shoulder, "Cool it, nothing happened, you're good."

 

"Wasn't worried about me." Cas scoffed, swatting Michael's hand away dramatically.

 

"Of course not." Michael rolled his eyes and looked back at the map.

 

Dean enjoyed felines but he loved going to the monkey exhibit much better. They were all swinging around and excited to see people, grabbing idiot tourists things as they stood too close to the fences and all that jazz. Cas shook his head but pull out his camera anyway, "Say cheese you two!" He called excitedly, aiming it at Dean and Michael.

 

The two glanced at each other, which Cas made sure to capture; he knew they'd do it and showing them later how they looked at each other would be priceless. "Come on, smile! Get closer!"

 

Michael obliged but instead of stepping closer to Dean he grabbed the other's arm and pulled him over until they were side by side. Michael slung his arm around Dean's shoulder and gave a loose peace sign for Castiel's amusement. Dean on the other hand smiled as wide as he could to show the difference between himself and Michael. What he didn't know was why Castiel was laughing so hard. The picture was snapped and Castiel went over to them to show it off, though he was still laughing too much to really explain anything.

 To Dean's utter surprise Michael had actually done the same thing as him, eyes opened as buggy and wide as they could get, eyebrows shot up as far as they would go, and smiling as wide as their mouths would allow. "You look like brothers!" Cas snorted and bent over to hold his stomach. "Ow my sides!"

 

Michael held back a laugh and looked at Dean with amusement, "I suppose we had the same idea."

 

Dean grinned and dared to punch Michael in the shoulder, "You're alright, Mike."

 

"You've been reinforced by Charlie's antics, haven't you? You aren't going to let that go."

 

"Not a chance." Dean chuckled, barely flinching when Michael returned the hit to his shoulder.

 

"Alright now you two," Michael took Castiel's camera and stepped away, "Get close now."

 

Dean shrugged and put an arm around Cas' shoulders, feeling Castiel's hand slip behind him and rest on his opposite hip. It looked a little closer than normal, yet Castiel seemed to be that type regardless so it wasn't all that weird for Michael. Both of them smiled nicely, this was the first photo they were going to take together, Dean realized. Cas had a camera but never seemed to use it, Dean made a mental note to buy one, a proper one, and take more pictures.

 

"Beautiful, you look amazing Cas." Michael smiled and went to show him, Dean had to lean around the side to peer at it. It really was a good photo; they made a gorgeous couple, if he was allowed to say so.

 "Now the brothers," Dean snatched the camera and stepped away, smiling as Michael and Cas stepped together, Michael didn't keep a straight face that time around either. They both stuck their tongues out and made faces at Dean until he managed to get a few good shots in. "You two are ridiculous! I hope one of you scrap books."

 

"I do keep a photo album," Michael chuckled and ruffled up Castiel's hair, "I expect copies of the photos taken today."

 

"Of course, as always." Cas smiled, not bothered in the least by his messy hair. He kept it that way naturally and hey, if it looked stupid and bothered someone else it wasn't his problem; he didn't have to look at it. "Can we go to the aquarium now? I think Charlie forgot about what I said."

 

"I think she was already on her break when we bumped into her." Dean mused, keeping his laughter to a minimum.

 

"Boo-urns." Cas pouted, "Then we definitely have to go to the aquarium. Dean you wanna swim?"

 

"Not wearing swimming gear..." Dean looked down at himself, "Plus it's like October, kind of cold for that Cas."

 

"Dean's right, you'll catch cold. No swimming today." Michael agreed and headed for the aquarium, "But we can go and check out the fish all the same."

 

Upon entering the sea-world area of the zoo Dean couldn't believe the different kinds of animals that were around, octopi, sharks, dolphins, penguins, seals, and a big aquarium dedicated to the many different kinds of fish that were capable of living together. It was amazing, really. Dean hadn't been to the zoo since he was a little kid, he remembered having to hold Sam's hand while they looked at all the different animals. Sam wanted to pet them all of course, until lions roared too loud and monkeys stole his hat which was when he wouldn't stop crying until they had ice cream at the food shack.

 

"Charlie!" Cas called to his friend who was in a full on wetsuit. "You still got one of those that fits me?"

 

"Sure do, your highness." Charlie grinned and grabbed one from a basket nearby her station.

 

"Cas you little-" Michael started to protest but stopped when Castiel hurried over to her to collect it. "Disobedient twerp."

 

Dean laughed, "Come on, let him go. As long as he's not dragging us in with him."

 

"I'm going to swim with the dolphins!" Cas shouted over to them, "Be right back you guys!"

 

Dean and Michael went to the poolside and walked around it together as they waited to see Castiel in action. Michael's hands were folded behind his back as he casually strolled around; they were quiet until no one was around them. "You know I'm not blind, right?"

 

Dean was surprised at the sudden change in tone, though Michael had demonstrated he was capable of such a quick switch Dean hadn't expected it to be used on him. "What do you mean?"

 

"You're straight in public but not when you're alone with him? Don't think for a second I don't see what's happening between you two. Even if Gabriel hadn't accidentally let it slip to me I would have seen it," Michael turned those pale, dangerous eyes to Dean, piercing him right through. "I'm sure you understand what I'm about to say, don't you?"

 

"You're about to tell me to back off?" Dean frowned, he'd been expecting the conversation but he hadn't thought Michael actually knew, meaning he wasn't prepared for it just yet.

 

"No, of course I'm not. Castiel is in love with you and he'd hate me if I scared you away. However I _am_ here to warn you. If you hurt him, if you're using him or playing with him for some fucked up goal of yours, I will end you. Are we clear?" Each word he spoke was sharp and Dean heard them loud and clear, no problem.

 

"Yes sir, but that's not my intention." He tried to sound as confident as he normally was with Castiel. When his secret was out like that, when it was in the open like it was now, he had no reason to hide. It was time to show Cas' family just how much he cared about Castiel; it was the time to prove it to Michael. "I love Cas, with everything I have I love him and I want nothing more than to make him happy. It's just taking me a bit of time to figure myself out."

 

Michael nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off of Dean for even a second. It was nerve wracking really but Dean knew he could endure it if he really tried. "How much longer will you take? This isn't fair to him, I don't care what he says, I'm telling you as someone on the outside looking in; this is cruel."

 

"I know and I'm trying," Dean had told himself this excuse countless times. It's okay because I'm trying. How long would that last for? How long would people accept that as a response? Not very long because Michael’s expression hadn't changed for an instant.

 

"I'm sure you are. And I'm sure that Castiel is putting up with this farce and bullshit but he shouldn't. I want to see it end, either your bigotry or the relationship. I won't allow Cas to grow old being left in the dark."

 

"I wouldn't either." Dean shook his head, "I will take care of him, I promise."

 

"Don't promise me." Michael looked toward the water when Castiel emerged from the back room, waving excitedly to them in his wetsuit before diving into the pool with the dolphins. "Just show me."

 

After letting Castiel play with the dolphins for a while Dean finally allowed Cas to convince him to join in. The wetsuit was tight and revealing and if Cas weren't already in one Dean would feel stupid, the water was cold and made him want to leap back out immediately but he didn't because Cas was waiting. Swimming with such big creatures was terrifying at first but Cas' comfort level was so high, the dolphins were so friendly, Dean couldn't help but relax.

 

It was fun, all in all Dean was really glad he did it. And to have Cas try and teach him anything about aquatic life was just adorable. Dean wasn't much for learning so really it ended up with Cas just telling him what to do without having to explain they why's. It went something like 'do this' 'why' 'because I said so' 'okay.' And that was it. He got to feed a dolphin, it was excellent and he had his boyfriend at his side the whole time. Dean wouldn't soon forget their trip to the zoo. Meeting Castiel's older brother, having a serious talk with him, meeting Cas' friends and volunteer buddies was always a plus, it gave him a little more insight into Castiel's head.

 

At the end of the day they drove home, this time Michael took the backseat (after inspecting it first). Dean would have said 'I wouldn't ever let my car stay dirty even if we did have sex back there' but he decided against it. Michael stepped out once they were back and looked over at the other two, "I'll be saying my goodbyes here, thank you for today, I enjoyed it."

 

Cas went and hugged him, "Have a safe drive home, Michael. Thanks for coming with."

 

Dean shook Michael's hand, "Good to meet you, Michael."

 

"You as well, Dean. Take care of him." With that he walked away, not looking back to see Castiel's screwed up expression.

 

"Did he just-"

 

"He knew, yeah." Dean laughed, "He talked to me while you were swimming."

 

Cas scratched the back of his head, "Oh... how did he... did you tell him?"

 

"No, he figured it out. Doesn't really matter how, he knows." He wrapped an arm around Cas' shoulders and kissed his cheek, "Shower? I smell like fish."

 

"Yeah," Castiel smiled, "I do too. What did Michael say anyway?"

 

"Just a big brother warning, 'I'll slit your throat if you hurt him' kind of stuff."

 

"Sounds tame for Michael."

 

"That's comforting."

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

October 31st was a Thursday night and it was filled with excitement. Jo had been planning a big party and everyone she knew was invited, and everyone they knew was invited, and so on and so forth until they managed to fill the community center's hall with people. She got everyone to pitch in and they rented the place out, it was almost completely decorated and Dean couldn't believe he was on top of the scaffolding hanging the last of the plastic skeletons. He looked down at the floor almost two stories below him and shook his head, there was so much black and orange glitter around that he could see it sparkle from there.

 

"Doing enough glittering, Cas?" He called down playfully.

 

"Never!" Castiel shouted and flung a handful of glitter around himself as he spun in a circle.

 

Jet waved his hands and coughed, "Dude come on! I'm right here!"

 

"Oh please, don't pretend you don't like it." Cas teased, flicking a bit more Jet's way.

 

"Come on guys, we got a few hours before the party starts!" Jo clapped excitedly, "Who needs time to get in costume?"

 

"Depends," Jet chuckled, "Are you doing a slut costume or an actual costume?"

 

"Hey, whoa!" Cas pointed at him, "There is nothing wrong with dressing sexy, no slut-shaming, you giant douche!"

 

Jet raised his hands, "Okay, okay, chill out man, I'm sorry."

 

"Yeah you better be." Jo laughed, "God I love Cas, where have you been all my life?"

 

"Singing in a cafe like a caged bird." Castiel called in a singsong kind of way. Dean just smiled as he climbed down from the scaffolding, his legs shaking a little from the height.

 

"Don't fall Winchester!" Benny shouted up at him from the base of his makeshift ladder, shaking it a little.

 

"Benny I swear to God I will pulverize you if you knock this over!"

 

"Eheheh yeah right, I'm sure you will."

 

"Seriously though guys, very well done." Jo beamed, "And a special thanks to Cas for getting the extra help." She looked over and waved at Charlie and Garth who were more than pleased with themselves.

 

"No problem, they were eager to help." Cas gave them a thumb's up and earned double that in return, both Charlie and Garth giving him two thumbs up right back.

 

Everyone had a special job to do and all in all the center looked spectacular. It was kind of creepy but still had that party feel. "Okay let's get this show on the road, see you guys in a few hours, gotta get my make-up on." Jet waved and trotted out the door, "C'mon Benny, we got some grafting to do!"

 

"I'm coming." Benny chuckled and waved to Dean, "You got a costume too?"

 

Dean shrugged, "You guys are going to the apartment right? I'll meet up with you in a few."

 

"Alright, later man."

 

Jo clapped her hands, "Okay, Charlie, you said that you and Anna have an awesome kit for this kind of thing right? Like make-up and costume supplies?"

 

"Oh yeah, we're loaded." Charlie waved her hand like what Jo was asking was so commonplace she may as well have been referencing breathing.

 

"Sweet, let's head back to your place and get set up." Jo looked at Cas and Garth, "See you two tonight!"

 

"Later!" Garth called after the girls, hopping down from his ladder and clapping his hands together like a job well done. "Alrighty, what do we do?"

 

"Well I need to get home to put on my own costume," Cas shrugged, "Dean think you could drop me off? You drove right?"

 

"Yeah of course," Dean smiled, "You know you could-"

 

"Cas!" Charlie shouted into the hall again, "Castiel Novak don't you dare skimp on this, you're coming with us! Where's your costume?"

 

"Uh, home?" Cas shrugged sheepishly.

 

"I'll drive you," Charlie waved him over, "That way you don't end up spending the next few hours alone. Come on, Queenie, let's go!"

 

Cas laughed and waved to Dean, "Never mind, looks like I'm joining girls' night. See you at the party guys."

 

"Later Cas," Dean and Garth both said, varying levels of excitement. "Oh well," Garth shrugged, "I got my stuff with me so let's go back to your place and meet Benny and Jet."

 

Dean couldn't exactly say no either, it was Garth and Garth invited himself along, assuming it was fine until told otherwise. And who would ever just say 'no you can't go' unless they were in middle school? Dean shrugged and followed him out, "Sure thing, Garth. What're you dressing as anyway?"

 

"Thor, god of thunder!" Garth tried to sound booming and epic but it only served to make Dean laugh.

 

"No kidding?"

 

"For realz, dude. I'm gonna kill it."

 

"You're gonna kill it alright," Dean chuckled and started the ignition, taking the two to the pre-party fun. Jet and Benny were already crafting on fake wounds for their zombie costumes. Dean had seen Jet do it once before. The guy was actually good enough that he got kicked out for being too frightening in high school. It would be nice to see him go all out again.

 

"How's it going, guys? Hope you don't mind but I brought Garth."

 

"No worries," Jet called from the couch where he had a mirror set up, "Welcome to our humble abode, Garth."

 

"Thanks," Garth smiled wide and looked around, "Okay I gotta get set up so I'll be back in a bit."

 

"Sure thing." Dean let Garth find whatever he needed, meanwhile Dean ventured to his bedroom and contemplated what he should possibly be. Jet and Benny were doing zombies, Garth was going to be Thor, Dean had no clue what Castiel had planned or the girls, he didn't want to stick out but really, trying to fit in with two zombies and a Thor? Not really that big of an issue. He wished he knew what Cas was doing though; he would have tried to 'accidentally' plan something to play opposite him.

 

He shook his head; nothing particularly awesome came to mind so he went back out to where the guys were sitting, “Alright Jet, you’re going to hurry through that then you’re gonna do me.”

 

Jet raised an eyebrow at him, clearly wanting to make a bad joke about the line ‘do me’ but decided against it. “You got it man, three zombies it is.” He grinned, his own make-up already mostly done and gruesome for a low budget.

 

“How do you do that?” Dean shuddered, moving around the couch and dropping down in front of it, considering there was no room for him between Jet and Benny.

 

“It’s all in the illusion, dude. People know you’re fake but if at first glance you scare them shitless then it was all fuckin’ worth it.” Jet chuckled and scraped up some of his morbid looking gore to add to his face, leaning closer to the mirror as he did. Dean knew the process would be cutting it close but from what he could see on his friend, he couldn’t wait to get to that party. “Get some creepy clothes ready, gore ‘em up and let ‘em dry.” Jet nudged his bucket Dean’s way, just a little to emphasize what he was getting at. “You too, Benny.”

 

“Got it.” Both smirked and gave him a nod, going to grab their zombie clothes.

 

* * *

 

“Come on,” Charlie grunted, sucking in her stomach and gritting her teeth, “Anna you got me into it before.”

 

“Hold on,” The red head sighed, “The strings are a little tangled from last time…”

 

“Well if you hadn’t wanted to make-out after I tried it on the last time it wouldn’t be messed up.”

 

“You weren’t complaining then.” Anna smirked as she pulled the corset off again and started messing with the strings some more.

 

Castiel giggled at the girls as they tried to force Charlie into her costume, a big portion being the intricately designed corset. “You need help ladies?” He tried not to sound sarcastic in any way but he still received the angry ‘I’ve got this’ grunt from at least Jo, a stare from the other two. Something about not needing his help or whatever pride issues they had. “Okay, okay, I get it.” He smiled and sat back, fidgeting with the bag his costume was sitting in. He hadn’t started getting ready yet, he was feeling a little self-conscious about it. Especially with what Jet had said about ‘real costumes.’

 

But he had put together a legitimate costume! He’d looked up different versions of incubi and often what their succubi counterparts were portrayed as. It was always more sexual when presented as a female but Cas didn’t care, he could sexualize a male if he wanted to. He knew that there were so many different takes on the same thing so why couldn’t he do what he wanted? It was Halloween; they were young adults, what was stopping him from having fun with it? Not to mention he had planned it to look devastating, to draw Dean in and drive him nuts. That was the idea for the evening.

 

“I’m gonna get ready now,” Cas smiled and glanced down the hall, “Bathroom’s that way?”

 

“Yep, over on the left, can’t miss it.” Anna smiled over at him, pointing and gesturing around the corner.

 

“Thanks,” Castiel hurried off, walking into the bathroom and looking around at it. It was nice, not that he’d never seen a good bathroom, but it really was impressive. Charlie and Anna had expensive taste, that much he could see outright. It was probably more Anna than Charlie though, from what he knew of the two of them.

 

Besides, what mattered right then was getting ready, first things first he needed to get naked. Shaved, smooth, clean skin was important for the idea he had in his head and he’d be damned if he didn’t look great because of some unsightly hair. He wanted to surprise Dean, to show him something he hadn’t seen in him yet, and have him in the palm of his hand. Dean certainly had a mental blockade but that didn’t mean Cas couldn’t do his best to tease and encourage the destruction of said block. Maybe if he were sexy enough Dean would just forget the others for a few seconds. All Cas needed were a few and then Dean would be his, publicly his for everyone at the party to see.

 

Not that he had his hopes up, of course. Castiel was ready for anything; he figured it wouldn’t work the way he’d hoped for but that didn’t bother him, he was going to get some amazing sex for it at the end of the night, he was sure.

 

* * *

 

 

Those few hours before the party passed too quickly for people getting into intricate costumes. Jet barely managed to finish Dean’s make-up before they had to get going. The four of them had agreed to greet the party guests, so they had to be back at the center first.

 

“We look kind of epic,” Dean chuckled as they pulled into the reserved parking spot, glancing over at the others with a smile.

 

“Hell yeah we do.” Garth cheered excitedly, hopping out of the car and hurrying toward the entrance. “C’mon guys, let’s get this party started!”

 

“Three zombies and a Thor, not bad.” Jet smiled and climbed out of the front passenger seat.

 

They all settled at the front of the hall, a table set up with raffle tickets and a bowl of candy. Everyone was in good spirits, goofing around and joking when no one was there, otherwise smiling and saying hello like the polite pretty little zombies they were. Dean noticed that he didn’t know even a quarter of the people that were coming in, not that it mattered, Jo liked to throw big parties and it just meant more anonymity for him. Men and women alike, all with varying degrees of costume types and attention to detail.

 

As much as Dean enjoyed it though he really was only look out for one person. What had Cas chosen? Their time together and Cas didn’t let him see a single part of his costume, it was eating Dean alive inside. Just as he was thinking Cas and the girls would be extremely late, Jo gave him, Jet, and Benny a good punch in the shoulder each. “Wait long?” She chimed, pulling away just in time to avoid Dean and Benny but got caught in a headlock by Jet.

 

“Just forever.” Dean chuckled and looked up to see the others, waving at Charlie and Anna, “Ladies.”

 

“Dean,” Charlie smiled back and motioned toward her girlfriend, “This is Anna, Anna this is Dean, Jet, Benny, and Garth, friends of Cas.”

 

“Nice to meet you all,” Anna bowed her head quickly, “I’m glad Cas has more friends than just Charlie, he might go crazy.”

 

“Watch it.” Charlie warned playfully.

 

Dean was all good with the pleasantries but he was trying his damnedest to see Castiel, hidden behind the girls. They were cute with their matching weirdo cosplay outfits and everything; he wouldn’t overlook the girls in lace-up corsets and crazy medieval witchy make-up, but he was far more interested in what Castiel had to offer.

 

And he was very glad he put the effort into looking. The lighting caught bits of glitter and gems placed on Castiel’s tanned skin paint splashed and drawn onto him like he’d been born with these intricate little designs and symbols. Most of him was painted, all of a complimenting colour palette of course, but the closer Dean looked the more he realized that Cas wasn’t wearing much of anything really, his skin was bare and open for anyone to see him aside from the leather, belts, buckles and other binding materials linking Castiel’s limbs in a very specific way.

 

He was beautiful. Painted and shining, elegant and somehow demanding at the same time. Dean couldn’t stop looking at the way the light caught on the gems stuck to Castiel with body glue, even the detail on his face was intense. “Hey… Cas.” Dean barely managed to say the words. “Uh, what are you?”

 

“Incubus,” Castiel smiled sweetly at him, “A little bit of bondage slave in there I think,” He ran a hand along the slender rope tied from around his neck and leading down his chest to link into the leather and Dean just about lost his shit.

 

“Isn’t that like a male succubus?” Benny asked curiously, “Nice, good job Cas.”

 

“Way to fight the stereotype saying only girls can wear skimpy costumes,” Jet grinned and high-fived his roommate’s boyfriend, “I like it, you never fail to impress.”

 

“Thank you.” Castiel did his best to appear entirely unfazed but he was terrible at it. The excitement was very clear in his eyes and the way he beamed at them after receiving a compliment. Dean may have been lost in how hot Cas was but he hadn’t missed the little hints of Cas’ self-consciousness. It was nice to see his confidence soar like that, and there was nothing Dean could do better to compliment Castiel than staring so blatantly as he had been doing.

 

“See you inside guys,” Jo smiled and took Castiel’s arm, leading him into the party, “You have a boyfriend yet? Maybe we’ll get you one tonight.” She sounded so excited and Cas just smiled at her, shrugging his shoulders in the most neutral way he could manage.

 

Dean watched them disappear inside and swallowed thickly past a growing lump in his throat. Cas was gorgeous; if he weren’t already taken Dean would have bet that it’d be as easy as one, two, three for Cas to get a guy at that party. And who wouldn’t want him? Castiel was smart, funny, generous, kind, beautiful inside and out, just undeniably attractive clothed or naked. He couldn’t help himself when Castiel walked away, just staring at the added detail of the gems stuck to half covered ass cheeks. It was fucking symmetrical.

 

Part of him really just wanted to pin Castiel to a wall and fuck him senseless, no matter who was watching. The other part of him wanted to cover Castiel up, put pants on him and a big sweater so no one else could see. Dean ran a hand through his hair and ruffled it up, sighing heavily. “Gonna be a long night, fellas.”

 

“Only if everyone dresses like Cas,” Jet laughed, Dean knew that Jet was poking fun at him but the other guys didn’t. It was nice having someone in his group of friends that could do that, not that Dean appreciated the mockery.

 

“The night just began, guys!” Garth scoffed at them, “Relax, kick back, have some fun! We have karaoke, it’ll be awesome.”

 

Jet rolled his eyes, “If you go up there, Garth, and sing something terrible, I’m going to throw apples at you.”

 

“Well luckily it won’t be terrible.”

 

“Yeah, we’ll see.” Jet shook his fist at Garth in a mockingly menacing way.

 

Dean smiled and shook his head, how had he managed to get such an interesting group of friends?

 

 


	23. Chapter 23

The party kicked off without any issues, Dean couldn’t believe the number of people attending, not to mention all the different costumes. Himself, Jet and Benny were by far the best zombies present, Castiel had to be the sexiest male (though Dean would admit his opinion was pretty biased), and the girls were probably having the most fun. He was glad he’d said yes to coming, he’d convinced Sam to come and knew that his brother was somewhere in the crowd playing up his general appearance by dressing up as a caveman. It suited him really; he was a fairly large individual, big and slightly sloped brow, looked good in a loin cloth, why not?

 

From what Cas had told him, Dean knew Gabriel was there as well, and he couldn’t wait to get the annoyed texts from Sam. Michael had refused Castiel’s invite; he was busy with some meeting his father was probably forcing him to attend. It was a shame really; he would have liked to see what kind of costume Michael would have come up with. It didn’t matter all that much though, Dean was still having a pretty good time. Sure, he’d tried to stay as close to Castiel as possible and did a decent job of chasing off anyone giving him unnecessary attention. But that didn’t mean he was having a bad time.

 

At one point Cas was hanging around the punch bowl talking to Charlie and Anna when some douchebag approached them. He was clearly only looking to hit on/harass with the girls but Cas would have none of it.

 

“They don’t want your attention, please leave them alone.”

 

“Hey, get outta here princess,” The guy grumbled out, “Nobody wants to talk to a frickin’ fairy.”

 

Charlie made a face and stood closer to Anna, “Excuse me? What are you trying to say? It had better be that you don’t like fairies and not what I think you’re saying.”

 

“Cool off babe,” The strange waved her off, only causing Charlie to have to hold Anna back from slapping a bitch.

 

“Your presence is unwelcome here, please leave.” Castiel insisted, calm and unfazed.

 

“Right whatever. Get your faggy ass out of my face.” The guy had reached forward to shove Cas aside but he didn’t get very far, two firm hands gripped his shoulders and pulled him back until he had barely any balance to stand upright. He glared up to see Dean and Jet glowering down at him.

 

“I think it’s time to take out the trash.” Jet grinned maliciously over at Dean, “What do you say dude?”

 

Dean was almost snarling he was so pissed. This waste of air was just about to lay hands on Castiel, “Sounds good to me.”

 

Cas smiled and watched them haul the guy away, his hand coming up to his mouth to suspend his feelings and hide them. His heart fluttered in excitement and he had to hold himself back from making any kind of affectionate sounds. Dean had stood up for him, looked so angry and pissed off, he just wanted to hug him but knew he couldn’t.

 

“Damn,” Charlie grinned, nudging Castiel gently, “That boy has got it bad.”

 

Cas froze up a little and looked at her, “What do you mean?”

 

“Dean, he is tripping over you so bad.” Charlie’s giggling slowed down when Anna prodded at her.

 

“Jo says Dean’s straight, like ‘lady-killer straight.’ I think you’re imagining things.”

 

“No way, I know that look when I see it. Cas what aren’t you telling us?” Both Charlie and Anna leaned in on him and he could have sworn he was going to implode. Normally he told them anything and everything, they were friends, best friends, and he now he was hiding the biggest event of his life. He was hiding something that was normally so important to him and that just wasn’t what he was like.

 

“I uhm…” The words stuck in his throat, his promise to Dean swirling in his head. He wasn’t going to tell anyone, it was a secret. He swore he wouldn’t tell anyone. “I promised I wouldn’t say,” He shook his head and looked away, “I’m sorry, please don’t ask me.” He felt horrible for pushing them away, like he was some big liar. Even telling them that he couldn’t answer was kind of like answering. Just thinking about it was stressing him out and he was about to run when Charlie caught his arm, holding him in place gently.

 

Anna reached over and touched his chin to tilt his head back toward them, “Hey Cas, it’s okay. We know how you feel about promises.” She pet his cheek a little, “No crying, okay? Your make-up will run.”

 

Castiel laughed and nodded, carefully wiping his eyes. “Thank you.”

 

“Charlie smiled at him and moved in for a hug, “Also don’t let what that jerk said get to you, we all know you’re a queen not a princess.” The three laughed it off and continued the night like nothing happened, mostly.

 

Cas couldn’t help himself when people really started getting into karaoke. He hadn’t wanted to be one of the first ones up there; it felt like he was trying to show off somehow. Granted he definitely would a little as soon as he got up there but that didn’t mean he had to be the first one to do it. He quickly chose the song he had in mind and waited for his turn, excited and giddy to get up there and play around. There were a lot of different kinds of singers that night, the ones who chose a song to be cool, the ones who chose a song to be stupid, and the ones that just wanted to have fun and it didn’t matter how bad they were at it. Castiel went with a seasonal tune, one he was certain had been played to death by the radio already but he didn’t care.

 

The audio track started and the music of the Monster Mash played over the speakers. Cas smiled and nodded his head to it, watching the lyrics on the screen with some amusement, he knew that some people were watching the stage but he would guarantee he’d have a lot more attention once he opened his mouth.

 

And he wasn’t wrong. Cas was one of very few singers in the crowd who really sounded amazing over the original lyrics. People flocked to the dance floor, some to get closer to see Castiel better, others to boogie down to the music. It was the exact right time to play it, everyone was in a great mood and energetic enough to dance their hearts out. Dean watched on from the side with a smile, his hands a little red from beating the shit out of that idiot out back. He couldn’t stop the feeling of pride swelling in him, to know that that was his baby up there in the spotlight.

 

“So Dean,” Charlie and Anna popped up on either side of him very suddenly, successfully blocking off any exit he might attempt left, right, or backward. “Cas promised not to say anything about something involving you, maybe you’d like to tell us what it is?”

 

“Uhm… Nope.” Dean tried to find a way out but the only way to go was forward and it was too easy for them to follow him around. He didn’t give in though, trying to rush about and lose them until Charlie got fed up and with Anna’s help hauled Dean out into the hallway, blocking the way back in.

 

“Whatever it is it’s making him cry, I’m not just going to sit here and get ‘I’m not telling you’ as an answer.” Charlie sounded stern now, her eyes set on him with a look of ‘I know it’s your fault.’

 

And she wasn’t wrong, Dean knew it too. It hurt to hear that, it was so much worse making Castiel cry than just not making him smile. Dean averted his gaze and tried to ignore the familiar feeling of guilt that sat heavily on his heart. “I didn’t mean to… I just, I have this… Cas is my…” He stumbled over every word and attempt to say what he meant. And he couldn’t figure out why, Charlie and Anna were lesbians for Christ’s sake; they didn’t give two shits about his sexuality so why would he make such a big deal out of it? He didn’t know but he was doing it.

 

“You’re together.” Anna decided to help, getting impatient.

 

“Yes,” Dean exhaled a little dramatically, “He’s my boyfriend.” Almost got stuck on it again but he managed to say it. Everything seemed easier when everyone else figured it out, he didn’t have to explain anything.

 

“So why can’t he tell us? We’re his friends.” Charlie crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

 

“Dean’s chicken, that’s why.” Anna shrugged, “You’re scared to tell anyone, right? That’s why Jo tells us you’re straight as an arrow, you can’t get past your own stupid reputation to give Cas what he needs.”

 

If he’d had a dollar for every time someone said something like that to him. “Cas and I have talked about it endlessly, I think he’d upset because he promised not to say anything for my sake, which means not telling his close friends. I’m working on it, alright?” There was that excuse again.

 

Anna nodded, “Well we’ll let Cas know you spilled so don’t get bent out of shape. Thanks for letting us know.”

  
Dean watched them go back inside and hung his head. He knew he deserved the awful feeling of guilt he was experiencing, that didn’t make it any easier to stomach. “God, Cas…” He groaned and ran his hands through his hair a few times before heading back inside where Castiel had just finished one of the highlights of the night. So many people had gathered to dance it was insane, most of the room was dispersing from the dance floor, clapping and cheering Castiel’s name if they knew it.

 

“Way to go, Cas my man!” Gabriel slung an arm over his brother’s shoulders, grinning from ear to ear. “Always knocking ‘em dead.” He gave a quick wink toward Dean, “Or undead.”

 

“Thanks for coming Gabe, how’s your hunt going?” Cas chuckled, carefully removing Gabriel’s arm from him, lest he screw up the paint job.

 

“Going great, he actually stopped to talk to me today.”

 

Dean smirked and glanced over at Sam who had just approached him, “You’re being hunted?”

 

“Apparently,” Sam rolled his eyes with a slight laugh.

 

“He bugging you?” Dean had been letting a lot of things go, Gabriel stalking his brother was all fun and games unless Sam was legitimately uncomfortable.

 

“Nah, he’s a harmless flirt, no worries.” Sam shrugged which made Dean relax a little, glad to know there was actually no trouble. Sam looked Dean over with a bit of a smile, “Nice make-up, lemme guess, Jet?”

 

“Damn straight.”

 

“He’s always been good at that gross stuff, didn’t he get kicked out of the school for the day because he made some kid cry?”

 

Dean laughed, “Yeah he did, made my day.”

 

“Sam!” Cas bolted over and hung off of Sam’s arm, “Can I talk to you?”

 

“Of course,” Sam chuckled, following Castiel away from their brothers, “What’s up?”

 

“When’s Dean’s birthday?” Castiel looked like a terrified puppy, “I know I should have asked him but it’s already been so long and I feel like maybe it’s _too_ long to ask anymore and-“

 

“January 24th.” Sam smiled, “Calm down Cas.”

 

“Sorry, thank you. I could kiss you for this.” Cas hugged him, nuzzling affectionately before backing off again. “So are you thinking about hooking up with Gabriel?”

 

“Contemplating, but you can’t tell him that.”

 

Castiel winked at him playfully, “Gotcha. Lips are sealed.”

 

Dean, meanwhile, stood quietly with Gabriel, at least until the younger man piped up again. “So I heard you met Michael.”

 

“Yeah,” Dean laughed a little, “I sure did.”

 

“The zoo, right?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“I still can’t believe that,” Gabriel smiled, “I thought he was broken.”

 

“Michael broken? What do you mean?”

 

“He used to be so much fun until dad brought the hypothetical hammer down. I don’t know, it’s like he was rebelling one day, riding his motorcycle after graduating college with his business degre, working part time wherever he wanted doing whatever he wanted and then just bam! Suits, ties, going to all dad’s meetings and being unfun.” Gabriel shrugged and looked over at Sam and Castiel, “I think it’s because of Cas…”

 

“Cas is pretty special.” Dean smiled to himself, following Gabriel’s gaze.

 

“Yeah and other things…”

 

Dean frowned and looked over, “What do you mean?” But Gabriel was already gone heading toward Sam and Castiel, evidently he never planned to explain. Dean sighed and followed suit, standing at Cas’ side and nudging him gently with his elbow. “Having fun tonight?”

 

“I really am,” Cas beamed at him and the way he sparkled in the evening lighting made Dean feel the same butterflies he’d felt the first time they’d met. Castiel was something special, it didn’t matter what Gabriel knew and wasn’t saying, it didn’t matter what anyone else said, Castiel had him and he had Cas. “I’m going to go check on Garth with the raffle tickets, okay?” He pat Dean’s shoulder and to anyone not looking for it they never would have seen the reassuring squeeze he gave. Dean’s gaze followed his baby as he strolled away, there was a little hip sway that was for Dean and he knew that Cas was doing it to torture him.

 

Dean wanted to do something special for Cas, to do something, say something, _show something_ to people. Even if they didn’t know it was for Castiel, he could do something for his boyfriend. Cas wasn’t mistaken about certain things, actions spoke louder than words sometimes, and that specific words should be invented to show the deepest affections that a human being was capable of feeling. And then it dawned on him, a memory and a song that Castiel had sung to him when he was struggling with himself.

 

Karaoke it was. Dean stepped up to the line of people, waiting to choose his song.

 

Castiel had been by Garth when the smaller male tapped his arm quickly, “Dean’s gonna sing.”

 

He must have heard that wrong, or maybe Garth was mistaken, Dean wouldn’t sing. But as he turned his head he heard Dean’s voice.

 

“Good evening everybody, before I start I just wanted to say that this is for someone very special to me and I want them to know I care even if I don’t know how to say it sometimes.”

 

Castiel heard the familiar tune to Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars spark to life in the speakers around them, tears stinging at the backs of his eyes. “Oh my god…” He covered his mouth and walked closer to the stage where Dean could see him, listening closely to every word as Dean sang his heart out. He was good, he was emotional and Castiel could hear it, his skin prickling up from the feeling of it all.

 

 _“I don’t quite know how to say how I feel.”_ Dean closed his eyes and smiled a little, he could hear Cas singing it, could feel the weight of his head in his lap as they sat together in Castiel’s tree house. _“Those three words are said too much, they’re not enough. If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?”_

 

Castiel couldn’t stop the tears from falling when Dean managed the courage to look directly at him for a few lines later on in the song; _“All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes; they’re all I can see.”_ He mouthed the words ‘I love you’ over and over behind his hands, sobbing quietly wishing with everything he had he could go up there.

 

By the end of the song people were cheering and clapping for him but Dean could care less, Castiel had stayed throughout the whole thing but he’d rushed out the door as soon as it was over. Dean managed to slip out after him without it being too obvious and found Castiel hiding around the side of the building, crying and wiping at his face uselessly. “Baby, you okay?” Dean whispered, taking Cas’ hand in his and pulling him closer.

 

Castiel burst forward against Dean and held on tightly, sobbing out words that didn’t quite make sense until Dean squeezed him tightly and Cas cried harder, not even trying to speak anymore. Dean waited to ask questions until Cas had calmed down a few minutes later. “Cas?”

 

“That was beautiful.” Cas whispered, lifting his head and looking so gorgeous despite the streaked make-up and paint smears. The redness of his cheeks and wetness in his eyes just glistened in the moonlight above them, Dean wished he could hug him and make it all better but he knew that wasn’t possible. “Dean thank you, that must have taken so much courage for you.”

 

Dean laughed softly and kissed Castiel, just holding them together for the passing moments until it felt right to let go again. “I love you, Cas. I told you I’m trying and if that means to push myself I will. I’m sorry I made you cry tonight.”

 

Castiel shook his head, “Don’t be. I love you.”

 

“I love you too, now let’s finish this night and go home, okay?” Dean brushed Cas’ hair out of his eyes.

 

“Can we go home now?” Cas asked so softly Dean wasn’t even sure he’d heard it right. “I’m tired and I want you to hold me, you can’t hold me in there…”

 

Dean nodded, “Definitely, we can go home right now. I’ll let the others know I’m taking you okay? Go sit in the Impala I’ll be right there.” He kissed Castiel’s cheek a few times until his boyfriend agreed.

 

With that settled Dean hurried inside to Charlie and Anna, “Hey, I’m taking Cas home, he’s exhausted and a little worn out.”

 

“Go, go, he needs you.” Charlie shoved him, “We’ll tell anyone who asks where you went.”

 

“Thanks, they could text me too but we’ll see if anyone thinks of that.” Dean smiled and hurried back to the car, he would have been lying if he’d said he wasn’t extremely happy to be leaving that party with Castiel. As much fun as it was he would prefer the company of his boyfriend over that crowd any day. 


	24. Chapter 24

Dean held Castiel’s hand as they walked from his car to Castiel’s apartment, the night air was cold and he could only imagine how much Castiel was shivering out there without actual clothing on. “You were really fucking hot tonight, by the way.” Dean felt the need to say it, looking over at Cas sheepishly.

 

“Thank you,” Castiel sighed happily, unlocking his door and stepping inside. He felt so much more comfortable surrounded by walls he knew, alone with Dean. Somehow it felt different without turning the lights on, he didn’t want to change the atmosphere just yet. “I’m sorry to drag you away so soon, I –“

 

“Don’t be sorry, I’m actually really glad you asked.” Dean smiled and took Castiel in his arms again, running a hand through his hair gently, “I love you, Cas.”

 

“I love you too,” Castiel smiled in return and wrapped his arms around Dean’s shoulders, their noses touching and eyes gazing into the others’. “So what did you think of the costume? I didn’t get an opinion tonight…”

 

Dean couldn’t stop the grin that took over his face, pulling at the corners of his mouth as his hands snaked down Castiel’s sides and along the curve of his hips. His skin was so smooth, the paint had some texture to it and the gems that had managed to stay on him were little lumps that glistened beneath Dean’s fingertips. “You are gorgeous, Cas. Your costume wouldn’t have worked on anyone else, you sparkled, you stood out, and I would have fucked you into that dessert table if it were just us.”

  
Cas giggled softly and leaned up to kiss Dean’s forehead, “You’re sweet sometimes, but sometimes you can be so dumb.”

 

Dean chuckled; they didn’t have to explain to one another what he meant, it was already there and already spoken of. They kissed again, hands exploring, quiet whispers in the darkened apartment and heavy breathing filling the silence. Dean grinned and grabbed the leather straps around Castiel’s body, pulling him and leading him toward the bedroom. But as they made it to the soft sheets he felt a nagging at the back of his mind. He knew what he wanted and he knew what was expected; but the question came to his mind as he tasted Castiel’s mouth and felt their bodies close together.

 

How would Cas see this?

 

Dean’s mind immediately went to trade places, if he were in Cas’ position and the one he was in love with immediately wanted sex after such a break down, after he sobbed and bawled and probably almost screamed about getting the smallest amount of attention, how would he feel? “Cas,” Dean whispered softly and slowly pulled the binding clothing from Cas’ body, “I love you.” He swallowed past a lump in his throat and gently cupped Cas’ cheek, “I love you more than I know how to say, you know that and it’s still not enough…”

 

“It’s more than I need,” Castiel was just as softly spoken as him, the wetness still in his eyes as they gazed at one another, lying on the bed and just looking. It was several minutes before either of them spoke again, Cas started with a light giggle before pulling at Dean’s make-up. “What do you say we clean up? Get out of our costumes?”

 

Dean nodded, “I guess you wouldn’t want to sleep with a zombie, huh?”

 

“Well it’s you, but if you were really undead I’d say hell no.”

 

The rest of the night went just like that, Dean decided not to push any, just take Cas for who he was, see the beauty of a man he may end up growing old with. That thought, though brief during the evening, was somehow calming. That maybe this was a person he got along with so well that he could transcend the youthful years, the exciting times that were ruled by hormones and energy, and make it through to the quiet and peaceful times of his life. For now he was just happy to be with Cas, to hold him in his arms and never let him go.

 

They went to lie in bed instead of doing anything else, their bodies as close as they could get them, legs tangled and slotted together, Castiel with his cheek against Dean’s chest and Dean with his resting on top of Castiel’s head. The simplest, loveliest words spoken between them as they refused to move, it was somehow better than the pure physicality Dean had been showing to Castiel. He loved the physical as well, he loved touching Cas and showing him how loved he was, but sometimes it was necessary to stop. Sometimes the one you love needs to be taken care of in a much different way; Cas was by far more important to him than any sexual need and right at that moment Cas needed emotional stability. He needed to be taken care of mentally, shown in a softer way that he mattered. So Dean did his best to provide it, the love and care that Cas needed.

 

It didn’t go unnoticed, Cas was so much more affectionate and Dean had never thought that possible. His kisses were stronger, deeper, and so much better. The way he looked at Dean was the same, a more intense gaze, it lingered, and the depth of it made Dean want to blush like a teenager. It was true, he could never say ‘I love you’ often enough for Castiel to understand, and he felt maybe Cas felt the same about him. They both _knew_ but it was just so frustrating to never be able to put it into words. All the strength, all of the power was in how they acted, treated one another, and looked at each other. That was where they needed to prove it, and Dean felt that he never made it to Castiel’s standards, to what Cas _needed_ , like he’d been told so many times before.

 

But that night he thought maybe he was making it better, one step at a time he was showing Castiel just how much he was worth, how worth it Dean would be at the end of it all. As they lied together, eyes closing, the time passed and their words slowly fading away, Dean knew; he knew by the sound of Castiel’s breathing and the sound of his heartbeat in his ears that this was where he wanted to be.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It was the end of November, Friday night and The Jar was buzzing with activity. Gabriel had come up with some ridiculous event again that Dean just couldn’t care to know about. There were stupid posters up, some prize of whatever, from what Sam had told him it was apparently a bar-wide drinking contest. Winner got some free tickets to some thing Dean didn’t care to think about.

 

That had been another Dean wasn’t expecting; Sam had actually given Gabriel the time of day. Dean stopped receiving the texts about ‘he’s so annoying’ or ‘I can’t believe he found me at school’ and so forth. Sam was very capable of taking care of himself and Dean knew that, but now that his little brother was in a relationship with his boyfriend’s brother, it all seemed so weird. Like maybe Gabriel was trying to get back at Dean somehow for making Cas wait, like he’d use Sam as leverage in some way. Dean told Sam to watch out for something like that, told him to keep an eye on the situation but Sam laughed and told him that he’d ‘remember to do that.’

 

Not exactly comforting.

 

Regardless, Dean found himself sitting at Gabriel’s establishment, watching Castiel perform on stage while a ton of people tried to drink themselves stupid. Dean sighed and looked at a poster again to see what it was all for and rolled his eyes when he saw. It was a contest to win tickets to a concert, a Lady Gaga concert. It really did explain the line up of songs that Castiel had been performing that night, a lot of sexual tension in the room as he sang his heart out.

 

The night went on as per usual, at least until a few women went to Dean’s empty table, “Excuse me, do you mind if we sit here? The rest of the bar’s full.” She sounded sweet and when he glanced up he stared directly into a very soft looking pair of breasts. How could he say no?

 

“Of course, be my guests.” Dean smiled at them and motioned toward the chairs they were already taking.

 

They laughed a little and started to chat him up, chatting dissolved into shameless flirting and Dean was hardly new to that. It was like second nature and to him it really didn’t feel all that different than normal. It was a bar scene, they’d all had a few drinks, and Dean had been in that situation before in his life; it was a formula he just mentally fell into.

 

And it didn’t go unnoticed. Castiel was very aware that Dean had a tendency to flirt. It didn’t help that these women were ultimately after one thing; they wanted Dean and by the look of it they’d be doing their damnedest to get it. He curled his lower lip into his mouth to bite at it, drag it through his teeth and find some way to figure it out. He knew Dean, he knew that Dean wasn’t doing it on purpose but he also knew that he had to get back at him, show him that it wasn’t okay to just do that.

  
So he quickly turned back to the others on stage with him and indicated they were changing the line up of songs just a little bit. He smiled at them a little and winked when they returned his grin, they didn’t know why he’d changed the next song but they didn’t so much as care. Castiel was good at the next one.

 

Dean didn’t quite realize what was happening until people were screaming and cheering loudly at the stage. He furrowed his brow and looked up, just to see his boyfriend already half way through an extremely dirty song. And damn were his dance moves ready to match.

 

“Hold my arms above my head and push my face into the bed, ‘cause I’m a screamer baby make me a mute. You put your hand upon my neck and feel the pulse; beat, beat, beat, beat. It’s like a trigger, get me ready to shoot.”

 

Dean hadn’t seen Castiel dance all that much but that didn’t mean he _couldn’t_. Castiel was a beast up there and if he wasn’t flirting with every single guy in that room Dean wasn’t sure exactly what he was doing. He felt the wave of jealousy and anger swell in him until he heard the girls next to him speaking.

 

“Jesus, I’d come here more often if it weren’t for the ‘entertainment.’ It’s a bar, right? Why are there live bands playing, there should just be a DJ and a dance floor.”

 

Dean looked at the girls and wished he could tell them apart enough to know which one had fucking said it. “What do you mean?” He asked vaguely enough for them not to know he couldn’t tell the difference between them.

 

“Some of the people the owner gets in here are just really… open about things. You know what I mean? It’s weird.”

 

He’d at least found out which one of them had said it, so he turned a darkening glare on her, “What’re you trying to say? He’s gay and that bothers you?”

 

“Well he doesn’t need to be so sexual about it, it’s so strange.” She didn’t seem to hear anything wrong with what she was saying and it started to hurt Dean’s head. Not all girls were like that; he knew that, there were so many smart and amazing women in his life, just like there were amazing men. But then you go out and meet gems like the two girls in front of him and you just want to punch yourself with a light bulb.

 

“You know you sound like a fucking idiot, right?” Dean heard himself saying and it came as a surprise to him more than anything else. “That singer up there is Castiel and he’s more than who he’d like to spend his time with. What, other guys can go up there and rap about a bunch of ‘big booty bitches’ but this guy tries to throw himself out there and it’s weird? Or some girl does the exact same thing and you’re okay with it? At least he’s got clothes on, heaven forbid he upset you even more than he has!” Dean’s upper lip twitched in an almost snarling look before he shook his head, “You know what? Get out of here; I don’t want to waste my time talking to people like you. No one’s forcing you to listen to him and I have a feeling the owner would love it if you left.”

 

The girls looked so offended as they cursed him out and left but he just couldn’t care less. That was the first time he’d ever done something like that, called a woman stupid, shot her down when she clearly wanted sex from him, none of it was like him. Or at least it wasn’t like who he used to be, back when he was known for womanizing and one night stands.

 

That was another thing; he had no idea what Cas saw in him. Dean tended to stay away from relationships, he never felt worth the other person’s time, like he was just a big stain on their life. He didn’t want to get involved, he didn’t want to love someone and find out that they didn’t care about him the same way. He didn’t want to get close to somebody, to hear their expectations of him and then fall short. Dean didn’t see the worth in himself that would equal a dateable boyfriend; but despite all his flaws and fuck-ups, Castiel did. Just another reason to be in love with Cas.

 

Dean smiled sheepishly up at his boyfriend who was clearly glaring daggers into him every chance he got. Dean waved a little and tried to mouth ‘I’m sorry.’ Cas’ expression was stern but he wound up shaking his head in a ‘that’s my idiot’ kind of way. Dean knew he’d be doing some ass kissing that weekend during their Saturday movie night for sure. 


	25. Chapter 25

Movie night, Dean was in charge of picking the film this time as Cas got the snacks ready. He didn’t mind picking the movie but it would have helped if Cas owned something he hadn’t seen a million times. Dean made a mental note to bring DVDs from home next time. But whatever, it didn’t really matter because he wasn’t sure they’d be paying attention anyway.

 

As Dean rifled through the different boxes of still unpacked movies he found a smaller box that read ‘Home Movies’ on top. Dean lit up like a tree and hauled it out immediately. “Cas! Cas I found something awesome, can we watch it please? Please?”

 

Castiel, not thinking anything of it shrugged in the kitchen as he put the plate of cheeses and meats together, “Sure babe, what’re we watching?”

 

Dean hurried into the kitchen with him and held up the box, a big five-year-old smile on his face. “Home movies!”

 

Cas stared at the box for a few seconds and shook his head, “Oh _hell_ no, put that back. Burn it. Throw it out the window, smash it-“ He repeated the list as he followed Dean back through the apartment trying to get the box back from him. “Dean!”

 

“Come on, you already said yes.” Dean pouted and held it behind his back, looking at Cas with the sad eyes he’d learned to mimic from Sam.

 

As much as Dean’s pouty face was awesome and definitely doing some damage, he couldn’t help but feel that the disapproval from Castiel was so much stronger. “You were flirting last night, if you remember.”

 

“I also insulted them and told them to leave the bar when they insulted you.” Dean pointed it out not to get brownie points but to at least get himself out of Castiel’s bad books again.

 

Cas’ expression softened and he looked Dean over carefully, analyzing for any signs of a lie. “You… did? What did they say?”

 

“Basically they didn’t like that you were enjoying yourself so much, it was too ‘sexual’ for a guy to be singing about being slammed by another guy. Made ‘em uncomfortable. So I told them to shut the hell up and get the fuck out.” Dean shrugged, “Basically anyway.”

 

Cas curled both his lips in and pressed them together, holding his breath as he scrunched up his face in thought, staring at Dean until he finally exhaled and walked back to the kitchen, “Fine, have it your way. Home movies it is,” He glared back at Dean playfully, “But you better not laugh.”

 

Dean smiled and shrugged again, “Don’t know if I’ll be able to help it, but I’ll do my best.”

 

A few minutes later they were settling down on the couch, Dean having already put in the first DVD of the set. “Who filmed it?”

 

“Technically it was Gabriel’s camera so most of it was him, though sometimes one of us got our hands on it.” Cas smiled and rested himself against Dean, taking up as much space of the couch and his boyfriend as he could, splaying out to get comfy. If he was going to be embarrassed as fuck he might as well be comfortable while he does it.

 

The camera clicked on and the first thing visible was a big golden eye.

 

 _“Hello? Hel-looo? Is it on?”_ It was Gabriel, blinking and staring at the lens as if it were supposed to tell him.

 

 _“Gabe it’s on, you flicked the switch.”_ Castiel’s voice, higher pitched and oh so cute. Cas made a disgruntled sound beside Dean on the couch, trying to hide his face.

 

“Oh here we go.” He muttered.

 

“Shh, I’m watching this.” Dean was all-bright eyed and bushy tailed as he took in the first scenes, Gabriel running around showing off the house, evidently it had been edited for ‘Home movie’ purposes but it was still fun to see. It was just Gabriel with his commentary and showing off the big, clean hallways, large messy bedrooms, grand staircases and even the front yard with a motorcycle parked out front.

 

_Gabriel chuckled, zooming in on the bike as if it were of some importance. “Looks like Mike’s home, maybe I should go see if he’s awake-“_

_“Gabe no, Mike wasn’t back when I went to bed at two last night which means he’s definitely going to be tired. He’ll kill you.”_

The camera swung around to show a furrowed brow over beautiful blue eyes, Dean smiled and looked at his baby laying over him, it was so cute to see a younger Castiel.

_“I almost forgot, this is my older brother Castiel for all the viewers out there.” Gabriel laughed and zoomed in and out of Castiel’s face just a little, “Say hello, Cas!”_

_Cas rolled his eyes but shrugged and waved anyway, “Hello everyone.”_

_“Still gonna wake Mike up.”_

 

Dean could hear the grin in Gabriel’s voice as the teen ran up the stairs, the camera shaky and old. Cas couldn’t have been more than 16, if that. “You’re so cute, Cas.” He whispered, earning himself a light slap.

 

“You shut up, I know you’re laughing at me.” Castiel tried to keep himself from giggling but it was too hard. Dean really did seem interested in the videos. “You aren’t bored yet? You just got a virtual tour of my house from about ten years ago.”

 

“It’s interesting, I’m getting a history lesson on my boyfriend’s family.” Dean kissed the top of Cas’ head, “Now shh, Gabe’s about to go to Mike’s room.” It was even better to hear Dean using the nicknames given in the footage rather than go by the ‘Gabriel and Michael’ he’d met as adults.

 

_“Mike?” Gabriel had pushed the door open to reveal a room that looked like it’d been taken apart by a rampaging rhinoceros. Then again it belonged to a teenager so really it wasn’t all that surprising. There were clothes everywhere; the walls were covered with posters, pictures, writing, and even some actual wallpaper in some places. The camera focused on the bed where an entirely motionless figure was sprawled out. Michael had his face buried into the pillows; a mess of black hair and smooth skin greeted Gabriel. Limbs sticking out randomly without so much as a single fuck given._

_Most would wonder how that was remotely comfortable but Michael didn’t at all question it since he was sleeping so soundly, Gabriel’s hushed calls didn’t even make him stir._

 

“Mike sleeps like the dead.” Dean mused, his hand slowly petting through Cas’ hair as his boyfriend readjusted his position again.

 

“Still does, though he’s gotten better at getting up.”

 

_“Mike?” Gabriel stopped being so soft spoken, he was starting to question whether or not his brother was still alive and the mess of his room was a result of a struggle of some kind. That was quickly put to rest when a loud snort came from the bed and Michael started to squirm and roll over._

_“Gabe?” Michael sounded so gentle, tired and surprisingly not angry for someone who had just been woken up approximately four hours after they got home. “What’s up little guy?” He squinted a little and stared at the camera suspiciously until his sleepy brain recognized it. “Oh fuck…” With that he dropped right back into the pillow and buried himself again._

_“Good mooorrrrning!” Gabriel chimed excitedly and ran over to get a better look at his annoyed brother. “How’s it feel to be 17 and awake on a Saturday before noon?”_

_“I’m going to kill you…” The voice was muffled but clear enough to make out._

Dean laughed and looked down at Cas, “How old were you during all this? Or Gabriel?”

 

“I was fifteen and Gabriel was thirteen, he was really happy to get that camera. Dad couldn’t be there for his birthday the day before so he left the camera on the table the next morning for Gabriel to find. It was enough to cheer him up so Michael and I didn’t complain as much as we normally would have.” Cas chuckled and sat up properly, reaching forward for some crackers, cheese and little ham slices. “Gabriel had gone out for most of the day with his friends after school, in the morning though Michael made sure we all skipped class and hung out together. He said he had a party to get to during the night so we definitely had to celebrate during the day. He wasn’t always Mr. Rules.”

 

Dean’s brow knit together a little as he looked back to the screen, watching Gabriel fail to drag his tired brother out of bed. The footage cut to Gabriel at the breakfast table, Castiel reading while he ate what looked like Fruit Loops.

 

_“I can’t believe he didn’t get up.” Gabriel pouted._

_Cas slowed his chewing and looked over at the camera perched on the table angled suspiciously his way. “Is that thing still on?”_

_Gabriel was quiet for a long moment until he stuttered the word “Yeeeesss…?” As if it were a question._

_Castiel frowned and reached for it, “Not while I’m eating you little gremlin!”_

The film cut again and Dean found himself enjoying the tales of Gabriel as he wandered all over the place with his camera. That kid got into more trouble than Dean had originally thought possible, he was a prankster if nothing else and at some points Dean thought maybe he was a little monster as well. Cas was smiling most of the way through it; he’d clearly seen the videos before. A few times it cut to Castiel who smiled and waved at Gabriel’s antics, and in the middle of one of Gabriel’s plans the roar of a motorcycle rumbled the sound system. The youngest brother hurriedly ran over to the window to see Michael in a biker jacket, jeans, and boots putting his Thunderbird motorbike to rest. Dean felt a little excited to see Michael look up as he removed the helmet, seeing the camera and giving a quick salute to Gabriel. The older teen approached Gabe with a smile.

 

_“Filming again, are you? Ever gonna get tired of that thing?”_

_“Not a chance, Mike.” Gabriel sounded so cocky, and despite not seeing his expression it was obvious it could never match Michael’s own._

_“Gimme that.” The camera shook as Gabriel protested but the eldest still got his hands on it. The angle changed drastically, looking down at a pouty thirteen-year-old. “You don’t look so big now, do you?”_

_“Give it!”_

_“Not a chance, Gabey.” Michael’s hand appeared in frame and ruffled up Gabriel’s light brown hair. As he played keep away for a few seconds Gabriel stopped and looked down the drive way._

_“Cas?”_

_Michael turned the camera around to see a smiling Castiel wandering down the front drive. “What’re you so happy about?” He questioned in a rather dramatic tone._

_Cas smiled and shrugged, sheepishly looking around before smiling up at them again, “I got a boyfriend!” He squealed, hopping up and down excitedly._

 

Dean looked over at Cas who didn’t look so excited now, his eyes having grown shallow to the scene playing out before him. Luckily it didn’t have a chance to go further, the DVD ended right there. “What’s with the face?”

 

“Nothing,” Castiel got up, “I’m going to get us some drinks, you pick a new one.”

 

“Sure thing.” Dean smiled and watched Cas walk around to the kitchen. _‘Something more light hearted maybe…’_ He thought to himself.

 

As older technology seems to do, the DVD’s were each pretty short so Dean rummaged in the box, hoping to find one less Cas-and-his-boyfriend oriented. It was nice to get to know Gabriel a little, considering he was with Sam now, but Dean knew he could leave a lot of the figuring out to Sam. It wasn’t necessary to get involved on that level, at that moment anyway.  He found one labeled ‘Love Stoned starring Cas and Mike.’ Dean raised an eyebrow and looked over at Cas who had grabbed a couple beers for them and was returning to the living room.

 

“Love Stoned?” He figured his tone asked most of the question.

 

Cas smiled and laughed, “Yeah it’s a song by Justin Timberlake. Michael needed to do a project displaying what’s wrong with media and how they portray certain situations and people for his social media unit in high school. They had the option to either obviously show it or find a way to make the viewers very aware of the problem. He decided to go for a music video approach, though he was allowed to use the instrumental part of the song they said he’d have to add his own lyrics otherwise it was like someone else was doing all the work for him.”

 

Dean raised an eyebrow and looked at the disc, “So your name’s on here because?”

 

“I was singing for him, dumbass.” Cas took the DVD and popped it in the player, “Gabriel helped us edit it, I had so much fun.”

 

“What was his plan for the project?”

 

“He wanted to make us see it on our own; he chose to portray how sexist and disturbing the media can be. Where in a music video there are usually hot, half naked women running around he used himself as the center of attention for the song, made me change the lyrics to make them male pronouns.” Cas explained, settling back down and getting comfortable again.

 

Dean was skeptical but when the music started playing he could see what Michael had envisioned. He’d picked a sensitive issue of sexism, indefinitely; the first scene was erotic if nothing else. He couldn’t believe that Michael was allowed to show this in school.

 

And Castiel’s voice was just fantastic. He was into it, he was enthusiastic, it was amazing to hear.

 

_“He might be goin’ home with me tonight. Yeah. He looks like a model, except he’s got a little more ass. Don’t even bother, unless you got that thing that he likes. He might be goin’ home with me tonight.”_

 

“You guys were really good at this.” Dean marveled half way through the video, “Still the same year?”

 

“Yeah,” Cas nodded as he bobbed his head a little, “But Michael was the genius behind it all. He knew exactly what scenes he wanted in there, what to show off and what not to, where to stop when he knew the teachers would be uncomfortable. But pushing their limits was what he had in mind, Michael told me later that the teacher hadn’t watched the whole thing, she had never expected something like this from him.”

 

“I can imagine, from what you guys told me his reputation preceded him.” Dean was a bit disappointed to see the video end. It really had been good, it sexualized men as strongly as any woman had been in a music video and Dean wasn’t sure how it made him feel. It was Michael majority of the time, once in a while Cas had been shown for the sake of it, but they were teenagers and Dean was 26. Not a turn on. Or so he kept telling himself, Cas was still Cas, sure a little young but he was as pretty as ever. Dean almost smacked himself for that.

 

“Michael’s reputation was exactly why the class was so shocked. They knew him to be the badass guy who rode a motorcycle, went to every party, tough, and a mean fighter when he wanted to be. Michael was the coolest kid in school, all the girls loved him and I think his following grew after that video.”

 

Dean laughed, “I bet, how many guys did they see run around shirtless in music videos and actually know him in real life? I mean of course they were impressed, that’s pretty good for a teenager. Gabriel was an awesome editor too, how did you do on the project?”

 

“Michael got bonus marks for surprising everybody,” Castiel shrugged and took a swig from his beer. “So just over 100%.”

 

Dean nodded and cracked his can open finally, “You three are crazy talented, you know that?”

 

“How do you mean?”

 

“Well you’ve got the patience of a saint, you’re really smart, your singing is fantastic, and you’re gorgeous. Gabriel’s funny, cunning, good with video editing apparently, and good with people. Michael’s business smart, charming, protective, and probably pretty strong. I just can’t believe you’re all so amazing, your dad must be epic.”

 

“He used to be I guess, but all work and no play, you know.” Castiel smiled as he saw the reference burning in Dean’s mind.

 

“Kind of a dull boy then, eh?”

 

“I knew you couldn’t resist.” Cas laughed and nudged the box with his foot, “What do you say we pick an actual movie now? We can watch more of these some other time.”

 

“Sure thing,” Dean had gotten some fun out of it and obviously Cas was ready to throw in the towel. After the little fiasco Friday night Dean figured it was probably best to not piss Castiel off any more than that.

 


	26. Chapter 26

Dean knew what day it was, December 4th – it was Castiel’s birthday, born in 1986 just like he had been. Dean had told Cas they were going to hang out that day but hadn’t let on that he knew the date. Castiel had graciously booked it off without saying a word, he’d be glad to spend some time with Dean doing whatever he had in mind. Cas was sitting next to him in the Impala, twiddling his thumbs and completely unaware of what was going on. He thought Dean had forgotten, or maybe never knew, so polite and sweet just letting it slide. Maybe he didn’t even remember what day it was, regardless Dean knew what he had to do with the seemingly oblivious boyfriend of his.

 

Pulling into the driveway of his parents’ place, Dean looked over at Cas with a warming and heartfelt smile. Castiel was entirely confused but going along with it, he didn’t seem to recognize the place since he’d only ever been there once several months ago. “Cas, I know it’s been rough the past few months for you, I’ve been difficult and impossible, and I guess you’re pretty fed up.”

 

“I’m not,” Cas shook his head with a laugh, “Dean we keep coming back to this, I’m fine.”

 

“I know, but still. Even though I haven’t told anyone anything I still want you to meet them.”

 

Cas furrowed his brow and shook his head, “Meet who?”

 

“Dean!” John called from around the house, “C’mon, it’s barbecue time!”

 

Castiel stared at Dean’s father for a few seconds then turned his disbelief to his boyfriend, his mouth pulling up in a smile he couldn’t keep away, “I get to meet your parents?”

 

Dean grinned, “Happy birthday, babe.”

 

“DEAN!” Cas shrieked and almost hugged him, almost. John was still there so Cas opted for smacking his boyfriend on the arm several times. “You should have told me! I would’ve worn something better.” He hissed playfully though he couldn’t keep the smile from his face.

 

The feeling was mutual though, Dean just kept on smiling as he started getting out of the car to wave back at his dad, “I brought my friend Cas, hope that’s okay.”

 

“When you said over the phone you were bringing a friend I assumed Jet, hope this kid can eat just as much.” John grinned, “Nice to meet you Cas, I’m John, Dean’s father.”

 

Castiel hurried up to John’s side and shook his head as best he could in his excitement. “Hello, it’s so great to meet you. I’m Castiel Novak.” He was smiling really wide until a confused look came over him, “Isn’t it too cold for a barbecue?”

 

“We do it in the garage in the winter months.” John explained with a chuckle, “Come on in.”

 

The three walked into the house and out again into the garage that had been cleaned out for the day. A pile of food was sitting and ready to be barbecued, Sam and Mary both settled in lawn chairs nearby. Dean gave them a wave, “Mom, this is my friend Cas, Cas this is mom.”

 

Castiel curled his bottom lip into his mouth to bite it as he stepped closer, his hand out to shake hers though his fingers trembled. He wanted to say hi, to introduce himself more formally but he just couldn’t find the words. Maybe he’d been over reacting, but this was someone he may eventually call ‘mom.’ For him it was a big deal, he could feel his heart aching as he failed to say a single word to her.

 

Mary looked at him closely, about to introduce herself as well but she could see the tears already brimming in his eyes. “Oh my goodness, are you okay?” She gently touched his forehead and then his cheek, hoping to comfort him. Cas had held back the stinging emotion as best he could, trying to nod his head to say ‘Yes I’m fine’ but just couldn’t manage it. That one question; ‘are you okay,’ was enough to break him down. “Oh sweetie, come inside.” Mary wasn’t anything if not loving and motherly, she took Cas’ hand and led him inside away from the others.

 

Dean wasn’t sure if it was a good or a bad thing, he assumed good considering how happy Castiel had been moments earlier. _‘Probably overwhelming for him.’_ He thought with a smile, _‘Mom will take care of it.’_

 

“Is he alright?” Sam was legitimately concerned though, his green eyes wide and worried. “Should I tell Gabriel?”

 

“No it’s alright,” Dean shook his head, “Cas will be okay.”

 

John glanced toward the door then back at his boys, “Cas knows Gabriel?”

 

Dean could have punched himself. Sam had introduced Gabriel to his parents before Cas had been, he wondered if Castiel knew about that too. “They’re brothers, Cas and I became friends and sort of led to Sam meeting Gabriel.” He explained with a shrug, trying to seem like it was no big deal.

 

“Huh,” John didn’t have much more to say, usually thinking it all and never sharing.

 

Mary closed the door and took Cas a little further from it, “What’s wrong?” She asked so sweetly that instead of answering he just let go.

 

“I’m so sorry,” he sobbed and wiped at his eyes, “I just- I don’t know what” Cas inhaled as deeply as he could but it resulted in a hiccup and from there he just couldn’t make any sense at all. Each word was cut off by a staggering breath that was, in turn, interrupted with what started to become hyperventilation.

 

Mary folded him up into a hug and rocked him back and forth, his head over her shoulder considering he was Dean’s height and taller than her. She had no idea who this boy was, why he was crying, or if she was helping at all, but the tactic she was using often worked for her so why wouldn’t it now? “Shhh, it’s okay.” She hushed him softly and stayed there as long as he needed. Whoever it was that Dean had brought over, he had a story she was now curious to hear. “Cas, right?” Mary whispered it gently, leaning back to look at the young man she’d been hugging. He nodded and gasped a little harder for air, attempting to calm himself. “Can you tell me why you’re crying?”

 

“No, I promised.” Cas managed to say, his voice trembling but he was getting a better hold of himself.

 

“Promised who?”

 

He looked at her, unsure of what to say, his face tightening as he tried to keep everything in again though it was still leaking through the original break in his dam. “…Dean. I promised Dean.”

 

Mary watched Cas’ face carefully, looking between his left and right eye until she figured she understood. “Like Sam and Gabriel?”

 

“What about them?” Cas sniffled and wiped his eyes again, hoping that was the last of his over-excitement.

 

“They’re dating. Are you and Dean like Sam and Gabriel?” She was a little sterner, watching his face for any indication. Cas shook his head and looked away.

 

“I can’t answer that either.”

 

“Well that pretty much answers it for me anyway.” Mary pat his shoulder and smiled a little, “Why does he have you promising not to say?”

 

“He’s scared.” Cas relaxed in her presence, feeling the tears tugging at him again though this time he kept his emotions at bay. Even if he cried a little he wouldn’t break apart like he had. “It’s all new to him and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. Don’t be mad at him, please? We’re taking it slow, I want him to tell you when he’s ready.”

 

Mary looked Castiel over and folded her arms over her chest, shaking her head, “How did that boy ever get someone like you?”

 

“He asks himself that a lot,” Cas chuckled, his smile returning, “So could you please act like you don’t know?”

 

“I’ll not mention it but I’m not going to treat you like a stranger. You’re dating one of my boys, you get the mom treatment.” She gave him a wink and hugged him again, squeezing a little. “Welcome here, Cas.”

 

“Thank you,” Cas dropped his head against her and hugged back, thin trails of tears slipping down his face and getting caught in the creases of his smile.

 

“Can I ask you something?” Mary stepped away, looking at Cas as he rubbed his face again, nodding quickly. “What was it that pushed you over the edge? Did Dean do something?”

 

“No, no, no, Dean’s been amazing. I just… I got a little overwhelmed. My mom died when I was young and meeting you I just kept thinking that maybe someday you’d be my mom too and… well…” He shrugged sheepishly, “I guess that’s thinking too far ahead.”

 

“Not at all,” Mary’s face was so bright, “Cas, I’d be so happy for you to call me that.”

 

“It’s not too soon?”

 

“There’s no right speed for anyone, right? I guess you’ll just have to make sure that you don’t say it around Dean.” Mary motioned for Cas to follow her, “Come on, let’s get the table set up for when the food’s done.”

 

Castiel was brimming with joy as he followed her to the kitchen; it was weird to be hiding something from Dean instead of hiding something for Dean. But it was alright; it was a secret he was keeping between himself and his new mom.

 

Throughout the evening Dean didn’t seem to have a clue, though he was really happy to see Cas and Mary getting along the way they were. Once John mentioned to Mary that Cas and Gabriel were related she giggled a little and looked over at her boys. She wanted to make a joke about family gatherings not being that big of a deal in the future but she couldn’t. For one she hadn’t shared the info with John, and for two Dean was right there.

 

The day came to an end before they knew it, Dean and Castiel both hugged Mary before leaving, Dean hugged John and Cas shook his hand again. Walking out the front door Mary called out to them, “Cas you should visit more often, it’s been great getting to know one of Dean’s new friends.”

 

Dean looked over at Castiel who just smiled at her before climbing into the Impala. He had no idea how Cas managed to do it in one evening but he’d captured his mom’s heart. “You really are something else,” Dean chuckled as he got in, “You know that?”

 

“I know.” Cas looked at Dean for a few seconds as they backed out of the driveway, “Thank you, Dean.”

 

“For what? Bringing you to my parents?”

 

“Well yeah, you kept it all a big secret from me but.. I dunno, it kept me from creating a persona or any kind of fake identity I might’ve tried to come up with to impress them or something. I’m not sure I would have but the thought’s there, you know? I didn’t even think today was a possibility for the near future, and yet here I am, I just met your mom and dad and I couldn’t be happier.” He leaned over and kissed Dean’s cheek. “This has been a fantastic birthday present, thank you.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Dean returned the kiss and focused on the driving again.

 

“And with your finals coming up too, I’m really surprised you had time. How’s studying going?”

 

“Garth has been bugging me for study dates nonstop since last week so I’ve kinda been buckling down on it.” Dean raised an eyebrow as he recalled the scenes like a montage in his head, shrugging one shoulder. “He means well I know that but goddamn it he can be so annoying…”

 

Cas laughed, “Does he show up at your apartment now that he knows where it is?”

 

“All the time. Even if I’m at work he just kinda walks in when Jet opens the door, saying something about not seeing a problem with getting started already. Jet doesn’t really mind at least, but it’s a pain when I get home.”

 

“Well I’ll have to thank Garth for your good grades on the exams, I think.” Cas leaned up to kiss Dean’s cheek again, snuggling closer on the seat. There was no rule he couldn’t sit in the middle; as long as there was a seatbelt there he was legal.

 

“Whatever, I’m the one doing the work.” Dean chuckled and put his arm around Castiel’s shoulders, leaving one hand on the wheel.

 

Cas rested against him for a few minutes in silence until his memory of that morning sparked up. “Oh, Dean by the way, this morning when Michael called to say happy birthday he told me to tell you he wants to go for coffee soon.”

 

“Just me and him or are you going to be there?” Dean tried not to sound a little worried but it was kind of hard not to. He was dealing with a protective older brother, he knew exactly what kind of personality switch Michael could have with him alone and Dean would be lying if he said he was excited about it.

 

“I think just you and him.” Cas looked up at Dean’s face then back at the road, “I didn’t put him up to it, I have no idea what he wants to talk about.”

 

“Whatever it is I’ll handle it.” Dean gave Castiel’s shoulder a squeeze, “Don’t sound so concerned, okay?”

 

“I know, it’s just that Michael’s usually so busy, I can’t imagine what he’d be willing to book time off for. Or maybe he’ll just schedule you in, but still, that’s his free time and it’s pretty rare.”

 

“Probably just wants to knock my head around a bit.”

 

Cas hit him, “Don’t joke, he might.”

 

Dean laughed and kissed the top of Cas’ head, “I’m sorry, okay? I really don’t think he would, and even if I’m wrong he wouldn’t do it that hard.”

 

Castiel relaxed and sighed, nuzzling his face against Dean, “Alright, well I hope it goes well.”

 

Dean wished he didn’t have to drop Cas off and leave, he really didn’t, but he’d managed to take the day off with Castiel despite it being the middle of the week to celebrate his birthday. There was no way Cas was going to be able to take off another weekday. “I love you,” Dean whispered as they shared one more kiss, “I’ll see on Friday, alright?”

 

“Study hard,” Cas smiled, “have a great night, love you too.”

 

Dean watched Cas walk off back into his apartment building, smiling the whole while until Castiel disappeared inside. He sighed and put the Impala into reverse, “I’m so far gone, it isn’t even funny anymore.” His smile came back along with every little thought and reminder of Castiel, the whole way home.

 

As Dean walked into the apartment building his phone went off. “Hello?”

 

_“Dean Winchester?”_

The voice was familiar. “Yes, who’s this?”

 

_“Michael. When are you free?”_

 

Dean made a face as he climbed the stairs to his room, here we go. “Well tomorrow afternoon I guess, I have some studying that I need to-“

 

_“Tomorrow evening will work then. Meet me at The Swan Café on Wellington and Wentworth.”_

 

“Alright.” Dean knew that having a long conversation wasn’t going to happen. “See you there.”

 

 _“Yes, good night.”_ And then he hung up.

 

Dean sighed heavily and walked into the apartment, kicking off his shoes. “Aw man…”

 

“What’s up?” Jet popped up from his lazing position on the couch, raising an eyebrow as if that would somehow help him understand what the disgruntled noises were about. “Did the barbecue not go well?”

 

“No it was fantastic, it’s just that his big brother wants to talk to me again.” Dean walked over and dropped down next to Jet who was quickly sitting up in order to not be flattened.

 

“Weird… did Cas mention why?” Jet readjusted his position to get comfortable again.

 

“He warned me about it but he said he had no idea what Michael wanted. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see.”


	27. Chapter 27

Dean fidgeted in the café, his hands feeling a little sweaty. So close to Christmas already, what could Michael possibly have to say? What did he want? Dean lost sleep over it, thinking as he tossed and turned so much it kept him awake. And when the bell rang indicating someone was entering the shop Dean turned wide eyed to look at the very finely dressed Michael Novak as he casually walked in.

 

Sharp eyes caught Dean’s gaze and Michael approached him, lifting his hand up toward him in a friendly gesture, “Good to see you again, Dean.” His smile was a little formal and definitely not meant to be friendly. Dean stood quickly to shake his outstretched hand.

 

“You too, Michael. So what’s this all about?”

 

“Quick to the point, I like that.” Every move Michael made was deliberate, delicate but firm in its execution, even pulling out a fucking chair to sit on. Dean wanted to know what transformed that messy teenager into this, did something break or did something finally start working? “Christmas is a couple weeks away, as I’m sure you’re aware.”

 

“I am.” Dean knew it wasn’t necessary to answer immediately but something about Michael just demanded you let him know that you’re still paying attention.

 

“Our family tries to put together a Christmas gathering each year but it’s dreadful, it often winds up that no one is available and it’s just the immediate family that arrives, my brothers, my father and myself.”

 

 _‘Where is he going with this?’_ Dean could feel his nerves fraying at the ends.

 

“I’d like to ask you to invite Castiel to your gatherings, but in turn want you to come to ours. I’m certain Cas would have asked you eventually but I’m forgoing that stressful topic for him.”

 

Dean was getting twitchy; there was no way Michael asked to go for coffee with him just to discuss Christmas gatherings. “Was that what you wanted to? To formally invite me to your gathering?”

Michael smiled a little and looked down at the cutlery on his side of the table, straightening it out to appease some OCD tendencies. “You still haven’t shared Castiel with anyone publicly, I was wondering why. What’s stopping you?”

 

“My own head, at this point.” Dean looked away, knowing that this had been coming. “You’re going to tear me a new one, aren’t you?”

 

“I should, I really should.” Michael folded his hands together and rested them on the table patiently. “But I know there are better ways to do this. Would you like some kind of therapy?”

 

“No,” Dean shook his head, “No I’ve got this, I do. I introduced Cas to my family yesterday, they loved him.”

 

“Did you tell them who he was to you?”

 

“…No. I couldn’t do it… I don’t know what’s wrong but I get so worried-“

 

“Excuses!” Michael interrupted abruptly and loudly, slamming his hands onto the table and making Dean jump. “You’d better give him your undivided attention, if you hurt him, if you do this for much longer I won’t hold back anymore. Castiel needs better than this bullshit you’re giving him and putting him through! No amounts of ‘I’m sorry’s at this point is going to make this go away.”

 

Dean could feel himself shrinking in his seat, Michael had gotten past the point of niceties and was willing to tear him a new one. "I know Cas deserves better than me-" He tried to argue but Michael put up his hand to stop any more words from coming out.

 

"Then why are you still with him? If he deserves better let him go find it." The amount of anger in Michael's tone told Dean that big brother mode was definitely working. But one part of Michael's sentence had Dean thinking, that there was more to what Michael was doing than just trying to scare off a potential brother-in-law. _'If he deserves better.'_ Michael had questioned it, or at least questioned Dean's thinking.

 

"Castiel deserves better treatment than I'm currently giving him, I am currently lacking but I love him, I'm not leaving him."

 

"Isn't that selfish of you?" Michael raised an eyebrow, his steely eyes never leaving Dean's face. "To force him into this situation and then never let him leave it?"

 

"No, what I think is selfish is sitting here believing that I'm the only one in this relationship." Dean could feel his emotions rising, his adrenaline pumping and his body tensing. "Castiel loves me with everything he's got and he needs me, flaws and all. On top of that, I need him too so I'm not going anywhere Michael. You'll have to try and scare Cas away from me instead, but I have a feeling we both already know how Castiel would react toward something like that." He was expecting Michael to hit him for fighting back, to get angry or something but he was surprised to see Michael nodding in agreement with him.

 

"You've got what he needs, Dean. I can see that much," He was half smiling but there was something else his eyes were telling that his words wouldn't. Dean was missing part of the story as to why Michael was going this far to begin with. "Castiel would never let you go on his own, he cares too much, but you have to listen me," his tone had gotten darker and there was a deeper sense of concern than Dean knew what to do with. "Don't hurt him."

 

It was so simple but the amount of power behind it was a little rattling. The way he'd said it, combined with how his eyes flinched and his general state of being made Dean shudder. He never wanted to hurt Cas, it wasn't on his agenda but somehow Michael found it necessary to add the extra 'don't you dare' to it. "What happened to him that you're so worried about him? What do you think I'm going to do?"

 

Michael furrowed his brow and shook his head, "It's not that I expect you to do anything on purpose, but I'm asking you be careful. He's so invested in you, and he doesn't do that anymore... or at least it's been a long time since he did."

 

Dean was quiet for a moment, trying to decipher what had been said, what he should say next. Someone took Castiel apart, someone hurt him badly enough that it was scaring Michael to see Cas with someone else. "Who hurt him?"

 

"What does it matter who it was?" Michael frowned and shook his head, "What good would it do you to know the man's name? What would you do, go and punch him out? It happened almost seven years ago, there's nothing you can do, nothing to solve, the best you can do for him is to never ask and to never know." He leaned forward onto the table and rested his elbows, folding his hands together, "It's not my place to say, it's Castiel's and I have a feeling he won't want to share so don't ask him. I can tell you one thing though; when Cas loves he loves fiercely, unyielding and unending. It's a blessing for everyone he cares about, but I've only ever seen it curse him." Michael reached up and pinched the bridge of his nose as he squeezed his eyes shut. The memory was stressing him out, Dean could see that plainly and it bothered him, he shouldn't be able to understand Michael that easily, should he? "Cas gives everything he has, _everything_. He can't take losing that again, I can't-"

 

Dean felt sick to his stomach watching Michael, hearing him as he had to take a slow breath to calm himself down. "What did this guy do? Can you tell me that?" He could feel the anxiety rising in him, his stomach churning as Michael looked up at him with a wetness in his eyes Dean didn't want to see. He didn't care if Michael cried but if thinking about Castiel could get this reaction, just a thought about Cas hurting could make Michael cry, Dean didn't want to see it. It implied far too much for him to feel well sitting there.

 

"He had his heart ripped out and I was barely there in time..."

 

That sick feeling just wouldn't leave as Dean let Michael's words sink in, "He didn't hurt himself did he?"

 

"He tried to."

 

Dean ground his teeth and tried to stay seated, unwanted imagery filling his head and each thought crashed into his heart harder than he thought a few words ever could. Tears burned behind his eyes, as he had to swallow what he was hearing. It was so difficult to accept that Michael was talking about Castiel, his Castiel that laughed so easily, loved to have fun and go to the zoo. It was hard to see Michael's face as he was forced to recall it, but it was just impossible to not feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. Dean was taking this young man, this loving and caring person and just smashing him into a rocky shore over and over again. "Is there... anything you can tell me about it?" He wasn't sure what came over him, to ask to hear about Castiel's darkest moments, as if he could handle them.

 

Michael stared down at the empty table between them for a few seconds before nodding. "I'll need coffee though." He stood and walked away, adjusting his suit a little as he did so. Must have been habit by now.

 

Dean fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt as he watched the elder Novak in line, feeling bad for asking an older brother to retell something like that. _'How would I feel if someone asked me to tell them about Sam's worst days? If Sam had ever hurt himself on purpose I don't think I'd tell Gabriel if he asked me...'_ He found another difference between himself and Michael, Michael was either far more trusting of him with Castiel than he'd be of Gabriel with Sam, or he wanted to share it. Dean doubted that last one though.

 

A cup of black coffee was placed in front of him, Michael moving to sit down again, "I assumed you like it that way."

 

"You're not wrong." Dean smiled a little and they sat quietly as Michael gathered his thoughts. He wondered if Cas' home movies had anything relative to the subject but he decided to leave that conversation for later, or just keep it to himself. "So... when did it happen?"

 

"The actual moment it all came crashing down was six years ago, almost seven. Castiel had been going steady with someone for several years, but he couldn't see it the way we could. It wasn't good for him, he did everything and more for this guy and it still was never good enough. Cas didn't have a job, he had to be at home and ready whenever that douche-bag called, he had lost all his friends, he spent our family's money to pay for everything for the two of them, and he couldn't see it. Cas loved him, and because his world was whittled down to just one person, his boyfriend was all he had in the world other than myself and Gabriel."

 

Dean nodded; at least he knew that Castiel had a large and very successful life that didn't include Dean. He had friends, good ones that Dean's friends were now hanging out with, and vice versa Dean's friends were now Castiel's. It might've been a little scary mixing their worlds like that but Dean didn’t' doubt for a second that Anna and Charlie would castrate him if he tried anything.

 

"When his boyfriend broke it off he was blindsided, he didn't see it coming and it devastated him. Cas has the ability to live with something for a long period of time without seeing how bad it is for him, I think you know that too." Michael looked at Dean who nodded and hung his head a little. "The weirdest thing though, I answered a phone call during a meeting... I never do that, if I hadn't... well, let me start with that."

 

_Michael sighed lightly as the meeting droned on, he wasn't even sure if they knew what they were talking about anymore. The day hadn't exactly been exciting, nor the week, or possibly even the last year. Michael felt drained as he watched their old faces, seeing them talk but completely missing the words or meaning. His mind was drifting and when his phone went off, Gabriel's specific ringtone filling the room, Michael flipped it out and answered it. Without a single thought or hesitation he answered it. "Hello?"_

_"Mike I can't find Cas."_

_Michael got up and looked at the room of board people, all of them glaring at him. "Excuse me," he smiled and stepped out. Gabriel sounded too scared to ignore, "What's wrong? Why do you need to find Cas?"_

_"He just got dumped, I haven't seen him like that before. He just shut down, said he was going to sleep but when I checked on him he wasn't in his room. Michael I'm worried, can you please go and look? Please?" Gabriel wasn't fooling around, he wasn't playing a prank, he really was scared and the feeling was seeping through the phone into Michael._

_"Calm down, alright? I'm on my way. You go check the house and yard again, I'll go to his favourite places." Michael didn't look back at the meeting room once, bolting down the hall and through the office building like a fire had been lit under him._

_"Thanks Michael."_

_"No problem." Michael hung up and ran as hard as he could, he hadn't been needed in a long time, not like that. Never like that, really. He'd been living a mundane office life in the last few years and his adrenaline was pumping hard. He worked out in the gym but somehow this was far different. And it wasn't like Castiel needed to be looked after like a child, that had to be found when lost, but Gabriel's tone meant urgency. He could only imagine what Cas must have looked like to get that reaction from Gabriel._

_As he rushed through the building, phone still in hand, he dialed Castiel's number. He rarely called Cas, he knew that and it made him feel awful, but he prayed that that was why Cas would pick up for him. "Come on Cas, pick up, talk to me." He muttered, stumbling out into the parking lot and dashing across it._

_There was a click and a slow breath, drawn out breath before Cas' voice came over the speaker, "Michael?" he sounded broken and to hear it almost did the same to his big brother._

_Michael put on his best and most supportive tone of voice for Castiel, “Hey Cas, Gabriel called me and said he couldn’t find you. Everything okay?” He tried to sound like he wasn’t running as hard as he was to his car but he couldn’t fake everything._

_“I’m sorry Michael.” Castiel all but shattered over the phone in an instant, crying and sobbing hysterically. “You told me he was bad news, you told me and I didn’t listen. It hurts, Mike, it hurts and I can’t take it. I’m sorry.”_

_“Don’t be sorry.” Michael felt his mouth go dry, his heart racing, fingers fumbling with his keys. “Cas, don’t be sorry for anything. Not now, not ever.”_

_“I need it to stop, Mike.” The frailty in Cas’ words tore at Michael like a wild animal. He’d never felt fear like that, never before like he was at that moment._

_“Cas! Don’t do it, please, whatever you’re thinking has to happen it doesn’t. There are so many people who love you, don’t do anything, don’t move until I find you.” Michael couldn’t even tell what his heart rate was anymore, whether words were coming up or if he were about to puke. He’d started the car and tore out of the lot like lightning, “Stay on the phone with me, tell me what you’re thinking.”_

_Castiel was quiet on the other side, soft whimper coming over the line. “Mike…”_

_“Yes?”_

_“Why did you call?” The question was so softly spoken, it teetered on sounding normal for a split second, “You’re so busy, you have work and meetings to do. You never phone me.”_

_Michael choked up, tears rushing to his eyes and down his face. Even torn apart and miserable Cas still thought of him, his work and all that bullshit that Cas should never have had to think about. “Cas, none of that matters,” Michael inhaled shakily and wished more than anything he could teleport, or at least his eyes would clear up a bit to make driving easier. “Where are you?”_

_Cas was quiet again and Michael just couldn’t wait for him._

_“Castiel! Where are you!?”_

_“The park.” He finally muttered it and Michael slammed his foot on the gas. Of course it was the park._

_“I’m coming.”_

_“Don’t. I don’t want you to.” Castiel gasped out the words, his voice getting weaker again, Michael could hear him trying to stop the crying but it just wouldn’t._

_“You wouldn’t have told me if you didn’t want me there.” He tried to say calmly, knowingly._

_“Someone needs to know.” Cas whispered hoarsely, Michael could hear the tremble in his voice._

_“Someone?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Why just someone? Then why wouldn’t answer for Gabriel?”_

_“You’re older, it should be you.” Castiel was barely able to get the words out now, his sobbing increasing and pushing his breathing into hyperventilation._

_“What do you need me to do, Cas?” Michael felt frantic, like the park wasn’t coming up fast enough. He could see the parking lot; he was so close just a little bit more and he’d be there with Cas._

_Castiel’s breathing was getting heavier and shorter, his sniffling only adding to the wet sounds coming from his phone line. “I need you to tell authorities where I am so they can clean me up.” His ability to speak dropped rapidly in the midst of that last sentence, escalating into harsher crying, which broke into outright wailing._

_Michael couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t pretend anymore that he didn’t know what Castiel was about to attempt. He could hear Castiel struggling to breathe just like he was, he could hear Cas wishing he were dead and it broke his heart. “Castiel I’m coming, please, please wait for me!” He swerved to a stop and bolted out of the car, he left it running, keys in it, door open, he didn’t care. “Cas listen to me!” His face was soaked, his chest hurt, his legs were moving on their own, and he didn’t know what to say. In all his years of being able to swing anything his way he had no idea what to tell his little brother to stop him. “Cas he’s not worth this! He was never worth you, don’t give up the rest of yourself  for him! We love you, we’ll help you, just don’t do this!!”_

_“I’m sorry, Michael.” Cas bawled, Michael could see the tree house that Cas had built himself, he could see the leaves moving and he could see Castiel standing out on a lower, sturdier branch. A rope tied around the tree branch below his feet, the other end wrapped into a noose around his neck. Cas smiled sadly at him and dropped his phone, closing his eyes._

_“Castiel!!” Michael screamed his brother’s name, he never stopped running toward Cas’ tree, watching in horror as the heartbroken young man took what he thought to be his last step forward. Those few seconds were filled with more emotion and fear than any others Michael could remember. It was like seeing Castiel fall in slow motion, he felt his legs moving, he could see the rope unraveling, the question was which one would reach its end first._

_Michael shouted loudly when all of Castiel’s weight hit his shoulders, the force of gravity making it hurt but not making him crumble. Michael stood in shock for a few seconds; he’d caught Cas. “How… how long did you make the rope?” He heard himself asking, unable to really think straight._

_Castiel was stiff, just as surprised and disturbed. “I… I made it so I’d be easy to cut down, so they wouldn’t have to climb the tree.”_

_“So you’d be a few feet from the ground?” Michael breathed the words out, relief starting to wash against him._

_“Yeah…” Cas trembled, his mouth numb and muddy. “Michael… Mike… I’m… I’m so-“_

_“It’s okay,” Michael reached up as best he could and touched Cas’ shaking hand, “I’ve got you, I’ve always got you.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“Don’t ever be sorry to me. Not like this.” Michael swallowed past the lump in his throat, his heart still beating irregularly and the adrenaline ebbing away. “Now, can you take off the noose for me?”_

_“I can’t…”_

_“Cas, please, I can’t move away from this position unless you do, it’ll strangle you.”_

_“No, I really can’t. It’s tightened too far, I can’t get it off without moving up to loosen the rope.”_

_Michael stared forward for a few seconds. “Oh… okay well lucky for you I still have my phone in my hand.” He hung up the call he’d had with Cas and dialed Gabriel’s number. As he did so he felt Cas’ hand grab hold of his shirt on his shoulder._

_“I love you too.”_

_Michael smiled and touched Cas’ hand with his free one, “Hey Gabriel, I got him.”_

 

* * *

 

 

Dean stared at Michael entirely unsure of what he was feeling. Admiration for Michael, fear and remorse for what he was putting Cas through, and depression for hearing Castiel had ever been in that kind of pain. “What happened then?”

 

“Cas swore off falling in love, he said he’d never date another person again. And he really didn’t, he focused on himself, what he wanted and moved on from there. It was hard, I got him the apartment he’s in now and stayed there with him for a few months.” Michael smiled and finished off his coffee, “He got tired of me though.”

 

“Annoying big brother until the end, am I right?” Dean smiled as Michael nodded his agreement.

 

“Dean, if you can help it, please don’t tell Castiel I told you this. He would be very upset but I believe that you’d be better suited to take care of him if you knew a little more.”

 

“I’ll try not to say…” Dean wasn’t sure how easy that would be, even departing the café and saying goodbye to Michael again he had no idea. What he wanted at that moment was to find Cas, hug him, kiss him, and never let him go. 


	28. Chapter 28

Exam week was there and all Dean’s senses were filled with Castiel; Cas’ feet on a lower tree branch, the leaves around him falling alone until a willing step forward was taken. Someone pushed him that far; someone broke him into that many pieces. Dean looked at Cas now, looked at the beautiful, independent and self-reliant man he’d come to know, and just couldn’t see it. But Michael had painted a very vivid picture. He sat in the café at the end of that week, the only chance he had to see Cas again since Wednesday’s barbecue.

 

He watched as Cas sang through several different songs, all cover tunes that were good and Dean had grown accustomed to nodding his head to songs he’d never before considered worth listening to. The songs that Castiel sang to him were sweeter in ways old favourites couldn’t accomplish. his voice carried across the room, he moved with every beat and had mastered a stage presence to captivate every audience member. Dean included.  

 

His performance suggested his insight into what had happened two days before, like he knew Dean and Michael had discussed his pain, his anguish and destruction. Had Michael told Cas? Or was it just a sixth sense? Or maybe the fear of betraying a pseudo-older brother had weighed down on Dean enough that each song spoke to him in a specific way.

 

Cas smiled at everyone and ran a hand up into his hair, wiping some sweat off his brow. “Have any of you ever loved someone more than words could tell?” He asked the crowd and many of the Friday night bar scene crowd actually replied. Granted the bar was a café by day, it was probably a much different crowd than the places Dean used to frequent. “How many of you were hurting so badly before you met that one person, thought you could never do it again, but they proved you wrong?”

 

Again, the room responded loudly, clapping hands and some whistling. A lot of people had bad experiences, everyone in fact; Castiel’s face flinched a little just to hear it. “I’m so sorry you’ve all been hurt. For those of you who haven’t found the person to dispel your pain, I’m so sorry. I’d like to ask you to hang on, and when hanging becomes too painful I hope someone is there to support you.”

 

It was a reference that Dean would never have understood if he hadn’t spoken to Michael. How many times had Castiel said something like that? Something with such a strong back-story to it, and Dean had missed it?

 

“I have something I’d like to dedicate to that special someone in our lives, Bless the Broken Road, by Rascal Flatts.” Cas exhaled slowly as the band behind him started to play. Dean watched the strangers behind Castiel, they’d never been introduced and Cas didn’t bother even saying hello. It didn’t take a genius to know that they weren’t friends, or maybe they were actually at ends with one another. It was hard to believe that someone disliked Castiel, but you can’t please everyone.

 

_“I set out on a narrow way, many years ago. Hoping I would find true love along the broken road. But I got lost a time or two, wiped my brow and kept pushing through. I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you. Every long lost dream led me to where you are. Others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms. This much I know is true, that God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.”_

 

Dean could feel each lyric, could picture Cas climbing that tree for what he thought would be the very last time. He could imagine those strong hands shaking, tying a noose around a tree branch, and then getting a phone call from an older brother he thought was far too busy for him anymore. All that pain, all of that hurt from a past was enough to make him stay away from it all, enough to get this beautiful caring man to stop loving.

 

And Dean was enough to shatter Castiel’s oath, they’d met, flirted, went out on one date and wound up as the other’s boyfriend. After hearing Michael’s retelling, Dean had no idea how he managed to do it. How was he special enough? It made him twitchy, anxious even. Dean didn’t see himself that way; he couldn’t imagine the things that made him special to Castiel. How? How could someone like Cas like someone like him? Sure, they had fun and the sex was good but Dean couldn’t see much more than that, he didn’t understand what personality traits Castiel might have been attracted to or what he saw.

 

The rest of the evening he was left thinking, hearing every word from Castiel’s mouth and loving the sound but still stuck on himself. The entire evening should have been perfect and it was all so amazing to witness, Cas had never been more alive up there. It was two days after he’d met Dean’s mom and dad, after he’d, in theory, become part of the family. Dean didn’t know how close Castiel was, but it was so obvious by his smile.

 

The night ended with Chasing Cars again, Castiel had really grown to favour it, like it was his new finale and nothing hurt. Dean could see the laugh lines on his face, see the wrinkles by his eyes because he smiled so much, and it was beyond what he thought he deserved.

 

Cas climbed into the Impala where Dean waited patiently, they kissed in the way that they always did, a smile and a quick hug. It wasn’t enough. Dean shook his head and got out of the car, motioning for Cas to follow him.

 

“What’s wrong, Dean?” Cas looked worried now and it was such a small expression and so insignificantly miniscule in comparison to the imagery Dean had from Michael’s story.

 

Without another word he pulled Castiel close to him, his boyfriend’s first reaction was to hug back which was good but Dean found he couldn’t hold on tight enough. “Cas, I love you.” He whispered softly, his hands finding their way into the soft, slightly dampened hair of his partner. Dean knew he wasn’t supposed to let Castiel know what Michael had said, knew it was all so useless and that if he’d said a word about it he might get the shit kicked out of him but he just couldn’t say nothing.

 

“What happened?” Cas leaned back, looking up into Dean’s eyes with some confusion. Dean’s tone of voice was disturbing in a way he couldn’t describe properly, like he’d gone through something awful and Cas hadn’t been there to help him. “Why all of this so suddenly?”

 

Dean laughed a little and lifted his hand to touch the softness of Castiel’s cheek, his thumb sliding over the stubble. “Nothing happened, I just wanted you to know I love you, and I needed to hold you for a bit.”

 

Cas stared at him, blue eyes shifting slightly as he glanced back and forth from Dean’s right and left eyes. He’d done it a few times in the span they’d known each other, Dean always wondered if he did it because he wasn’t sure which eye to focus on or if he was searching for some extra information that he wasn’t currently getting. “Michel.” Cas frowned, his lips pursed together as he watched Dean’s reaction. “What did he say to you? Is he bullying you, Dean? Is he trying to-“

 

“Michael yelled at me but he isn’t bullying me, there are no threats other than the obligatory ‘if you hurt him’ line.” Dean took Castiel's hands in his, smiling all the while, attempting to be reassuring. Cas still looked skeptical which was fair to an extent, though Michael came to mind, the imagery of him sprinting to a tree etched into Dean's head. "But if he were trying to bully me, what would you do?"

 

"I'd tell him to knock it off and you not to listen." Cas frowned, his expression determined and showing a fire that created little explosions of joy in Dean's thoughts. "I know he talked to you, I know he can be persuasive and I just want you to know that you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. In fact, right now I'd prefer if you didn't try to profess your love publicly."

 

Dean blinked incredulously, "How'd you know I was going to-"

 

"Because I just do." Cas smiled and moved in to hug Dean again, "I want you to do it when _you're_ ready, not when Michael's patience runs out. I haven't waited this long for you to be dishonest."

 

Dean rested his head against Cas and closed his eyes, worries troubled his mind but he didn't know how to express them to Cas. What if his determination fell through again? What if he wasn't actually ready? He smacked himself in the head the moment the last thought crossed his mind. _'Then Cas isn't wrong, is he? Wait a little bit, if you're still ready then you're ready and it's time to do this.'_ "Alright, makes sense."

 

"Good, now let's go home, I have something I want to do." Cas hopped into the Impala again, motioning for Dean to do the same.

 

He chuckled and walked around the front of his car, it was sweet to hear Cas refer to it as 'home' even though Cas was the only one that actually lived there. Climbing into the driver's side again Dean shuddered, "It's getting pretty cold out there again, huh?"

 

"Yeah," Castiel sighed happily and leaned back in his seat, "Winter months can be the warmest though."

 

Dean looked at him for a second before looking toward the road and driving off the parking lot, "With the right person, I guess."

 

Cas glanced at him and furrowed his brow, "Dean, is there something on your mind besides what Michael told you?"

 

"How do you know what he told me?" Dean was immediately defensive, he couldn't remember saying anything, no he definitely hadn't. Did Cas actually know? Dean was a pretty bad liar most of the time and the thought of trying to keep something from Cas when Cas knew made him all the more anxious.

 

"I just know he tried to force you to say something..." Cas' eyes narrowed a little, "What else did he tell you?"

 

Dean was sweating now, swallowing nervously and shaking his head, "Nothing. Michael didn't say anything else."

 

"Dean..."

 

He looked at Cas' suspicious expression and then back to the street. "...shit..." He shifted uncomfortably and glanced back at Castiel who hadn't changed in the last few seconds. He had to lie. Cas didn't know yet and Dean had no intentions on throwing Michael under the bus, so to speak. Lying was his best option and really, what made a good lie? Basing it on the truth. "It wasn't about you... we talked about me and he gave me some advice that's all."

 

"Like what?" Cas' eyes altered from mildly annoyed curiosity to concern in a split second. "What did you need Michael to help with?"

 

"I don't see how I... why you're staying with me." Dean drummed his fingers on the wheel anxiously, "I've never been worth your patience and other than good sex and some fun every now and then, I just can't see what you get out of it. I mean when I'm with you I feel better, I feel loved and cared for, like I could take on the world. What do you get out of it?" His mouth was tight and his jaw clenched, he was scared of the answer and he really didn't want to have that conversation but he had no other way of getting out of the other one.

 

Castiel reached over and took Dean's hand, "You've made me hopeful again," he whispered, squeezing lightly before lifting his hand up to touch Dean's shoulder. "You put light back in my eyes, you're the reason I wake up so quickly, and you're what I look forward to when the days are over. I know I'm loved, you taught me I don't need other people to acknowledge that to make it true. You bring out the best in me and I don't ever want to let you go."

 

Dean could feel tears in his eyes, Michael's words playing over in his head _'He's so invested in you.'_ "I love you, Cas." He said as steadily as he was able. He needed Castiel to know, it had become the most important thing to him for Castiel to continue to be unwaveringly in love, to never question Dean's intentions.

 

"I love you too," Castiel leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek. "And you're worth so much more than you think."

 

The rest of the ride was filled with a sweetness Dean wouldn't let go of for the world. Castiel led him by the hand to the apartment, through the halls and up the elevator to Castiel's place. "Close your eyes and wait here." Castiel instructed, leaving Dean by the door.

 

"Alright..." Dean was skeptical but he listened, slipping off his shoes with his eyes shut. He waited there for several minutes, started to get impatient but he didn't budge. He heard the soft padding of feet on the carpeted floor, Castiel's light steps hurrying toward him though clearly trying to not sound excited. Castiel passed by several times and Dean leaned against the wall as several more minutes passed. "Cas I'm tired-"

 

"Just wait!" Cas shouted angrily.

 

"Sorry." Dean chuckled to himself and leaned his head back, wanting to peek and see what his baby was getting ready for him but that would be pretty mean. Besides, after the words Castiel had shared with him, making him feel so important and lucky in the same breath, the least he could do was wait a little while.

 

"Sam told me how much you love your pie," Cas' voice finally came from down the hall, he sounded so innocently deceiving. Dean licked his lips and exhaled slowly, a shuddering breath that betrayed his attempted calm. "Open your eyes and come here."

 

Dean's eyes were hungry for whatever he was about to see, they flew open and he hurried to the bedroom, opening the door to the delicious sight of his boyfriend sprawled out on the bed. His body was stretched out, lean and muscled, cleanly shaved and waiting. What really got Dean though were the piles of whipped cream, the trails apple pie filling lining his torso and up his limbs, all mixed with crumbles of pie crust to add that extra bit of temptation. Dean's mouth watered, his excitement rising with every second it took him to reach the bed.

 

"When did you plan this?" He muttered, slowly lowering himself onto the bed to not disturb the art that Castiel had made of himself.

 

"After the barbecue, I couldn't resist rewarding you." Cas hummed softly, relaxing and closing his eyes for a second. "So, do you like it?"

 

"Oh... I like it." Dean almost drooled all over himself just thinking about tasting that. Of course the main display was over Castiel's groin but Dean managed to keep himself from ravaging the best looking part. Hell, all of Cas looked amazing, he couldn't believe he was being treated to something like this. "You are the best, Cas."

 

"I know," he chuckled, "Now come on, get going before I fall asleep on you."

 

"Oh hell no, I'm taking my time with this one." Dean grinned and went for a kiss from Cas' mouth. After taking what he wanted there, he slowly moved to the left side of Castiel's body and licked at the whipped cream dollop over his nipple. Cas gasped softly, the tingling rushing through his skin like fire, the burn running deep through his veins, pooling in his stomach and heading south. Each little twitch and flick of Dean's tongue had him fighting the urge to move into it, pushing back the need for more and stopping himself from demanding it.

 

Dean had no intentions of letting up, teasing Cas and watching the face he made was one of his favourite pastimes. His tongue lapped up the apple filling designs all over Castiel's abdomen, his hands starting to stroke up Cas' sides and gather a bit of the whipped topping. He leaned up again and feed it to his boyfriend, smiling down at the hot blush burning Castiel's cheeks. Cas looked up at him with pupils that had taken over the rest of the colour in his eyes, lust emanating from them like heat from a volcano. Cas opened his mouth to allow Dean's fingers passage, his tongue curling around each appendage skillfully taking the cream for himself.

 

The pressure in Dean's pants only tightened as Castiel moaned softly around his fingers before licking his lips. Fuck Cas was hot. Hearing from Michael what a good-natured person Castiel was only a catalyst in Dean, someone seemingly so pure and innocent now whoring himself out as a sexy apple pie for his lover, it made his blood rush.

 

"Fuck, Cas..." He murmured as he pulled his hand away from his hungry baby, Cas leaning up a little to follow the sweet taste of apple. He huffed back into the sheets; groaning low and shifting his body to draw attention back to it. Dean hadn't forgotten, oh hell no. He smiled and went to the other side of Castiel's torso, again going straight for the little erect nub of flesh that had Cas wriggling for him like a needy little thing. "You're too hot." Dean whispered, going after the little indents on Cas' body that the pie filling pooled into, crushing any bits of crust with his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

 

Cas whimpered softly, hips easing up and down very carefully; as if that was the answer he was going with. "Easy now," Dean hushed him, eyeing how Castiel's cock had started to lift up, the display created over top of it sliding off ever so slowly. "You're ruining the best part, Cas."

 

"S-sorry." Castiel stuttered, his cheeks all red now. "I had expected you to be hungrier."

 

"Oh I am, but I want to savour this." Dean moved up to kiss Castiel again, their tongues dancing together, pushing back and forth playfully until Cas let Dean win.

 

Castiel's torso was almost clean now, aside from some sticky residue but he didn't care. He lifted his hands and started palming at Dean's crotch through his pants, keeping the kiss locked where it was but giving off the distinct hint that he wanted a little more. Dean grunted and gasped with the sudden friction against him, feeling the anticipation building and want growing. "Cas," he breathed out his lover's name, letting the kiss fall where it was, just breathing and panting against his baby as Cas stroked him through his pants.

 

Dean leaned back and quickly removed his clothes, not much ceremony there; he was past that point in his patience level. The cool air met the wet tip of his dick and sent a shudder through his body. Cas' fingers gently and teasingly caressed the head, tracing the slit with mild amusement at the reaction it drew from Dean.

 

"You're as horny as I am, come on." Cas whined quietly, reaching forward a little and giving Dean's cock a few firm strokes. Dean's knees almost buckled right there, he took a little bit of precaution and climbed onto the bed again, hovering over his desperately lusting partner.

 

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Dean smiled and kissed Cas again, letting him taste the creamy, sugary remains of his treat. Making out started slow but picked up quickly as Castiel refused to be left alone, aching and restless. He bit at Dean's lower lip and dragged it between his teeth, groaning and growling the longer it took Dean to get the hint.

 

Dean laughed and kissed Cas' cheek, not acknowledging it verbally and just taking his cue as it was being given to him. The original apple pie display had been uplifted and then flipped on its head as Cas' cock had become fully erect, spreading the whipped cream out a little along his hip bones, waist and back up to his belly button. Dean started at the base, sucking Cas' balls into his mouth and gently paddling them with his tongue, which was getting quite the work out that day. Castiel mewled in response; his legs already stiff and shifting in the sheets, toes curling up at the anticipated touch. The strength of that wriggling pink muscle was astounding as Dean teased his junk, still going slowly and driving Cas up the wall.

 

Just as Castiel was about to complain again Dean started to ravage him, forcefully devouring the last of the pie and taking Cas' dick into his mouth. Immediately Dean had to compensate for the thrust of Cas' hips as he cried out, unable to stop himself from getting so into it. Dean choked a little but recovered quickly, bobbing his head to get a good rhythm going, his hand reached down between his own legs to stroke and massage the heavy, swollen member waiting there.

 

Cas was a panting, whimpering mess, wriggling and squirming beneath the skill of Dean's mouth. His hands floundered to the bedside table, grabbing the lube and condoms he always kept there. Dean had made fun of him for it a few times but he didn't care, it came in handy when he couldn't quite get up. "Dean," he reached down and ruffled his hand through Dean's hair, suddenly gripping and pulling when Dean sucked a little harder. "Ah! Ohh... Dean use this." He lowered the bottle, tapping it against Dean's shoulder until he finally looked up.

 

Dean was gasping a little, his lips reddened and swollen as he took a moment to recognize the thing being handed to him. Once he knew what it was he took it and slicked up his fingers, parted Cas' cheeks a little more and circled his wanting entrance. Castiel hummed quietly, trying to keep it down a little bit. They tended to get a bit rowdy, which his neighbours, he was sure, didn't appreciate. Of course that didn't last long as Dean stretched and massaged him open, already a seasoned professional at it, Cas had to stop himself from closing his thighs on his boyfriend, fumbling hands reaching and holding them open.

 

Castiel was lost to himself as Dean's fingers fucked him hard, stretching a bit further with a third one just to make sure. Cas whimpered once they were removed, he knew what was next but he wished there was a way to leave something in him as Dean traded his hand for his cock. Cas heard the sound of the condom wrapper, his eyes closed in anticipation as Dean crawled over top of him, leaning down to kiss his nose. "Cas," his name was whispered so carefully that he just had to look up. Dean smiled down at him, a gentle pressure against his hole slowly building as Dean's hips slid forward. "Just wanted you to look at me." Dean explained sweetly, bringing their lips together and kissing him until Dean was fully seated inside.

 

As always they started slowly, gently easing into it and opening Castiel further. Compared to the first time Cas let Dean have top, he had improved exponentially. He'd taken hints and tips from Cas, had watched and felt how Castiel had fucked him and learned from it. Cas was so flattered to see his own techniques picked up on and carried out without Dean ever having to ask. He'd paid attention, he was so aware of what Cas did, how he moved, that Dean could mimic it. Each thrust was meaningful, had a purpose and a target, and until Dean found his baby's sweet spot he didn't stop.

 

Their bodies moved together, sticky from the dessert, sweaty from the activity, and in sync. They breathed together, groaning and gasping in the same motion, until Dean shifted his hips a certain way and earned a loud cry from Castiel. "There it is." Dean grinned and picked up the pace, glad he'd found it before the friction had gotten to be too much for him.

 

"Ah! Ah ah ah ahhhnn... Dean!" Cas clutched at his back, digging his nails in a little as Dean pounded him into the bed. It was alright though, Dean didn’t' mind the scrapes as Cas clawed and clung to him, battle scars were things to show off after all.

 

Dean grunted as he was losing his momentum, the bed shifting under him. He grabbed Castiel's hips and dragged him until he was laying across the bed side ways, stepping off the bed and bringing Castiel's legs up to wrap around his waist. Cas listened obediently, dropping his arms from around Dean's back and laying down, letting Dean hold his hips up and adjust them. Cas smiled dazedly up at his boyfriend for a second before Dean slammed him again, this time there was much more force and after a few second he realized he'd been screaming.

 

The last few moments were rough, raw, and loud before they both shuddered and climaxed together, Castiel reaching up and grabbing the sheets in the hopes it'd ground him. Dean wasn't paying attention but if he had been he probably would've discovered he was bruising Castiel's hips he was holding so tightly.

 

As they came down Dean lowered Cas onto the bed again, lying over top of and gasping from the exertion. Castiel had loosened his hold on the bed and laid very still, his mouth still open and feeling dry, his tongue darted out to lick lips again as he swallowed down air. "That was..." he had no words for it.

 

Dean didn't either. "Yeah..."

 

A few minutes passed and Castiel started to try and sit up, "Get up, I need to shower."

 

"Mm..." Dean grunted, his eyes closed. "Why?"

 

"I've got pie goo all over me, that's why." Cas smiled and smacked at him, "Come on, help me up." They were a little worn out and elated, but they fought the urge to sleep right then and there and went to clean up before bed.

 


	29. Chapter 29

Dean took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, the Christmas gathering had been planned out, and since Jimmy Novak, Cas' father, was too busy to come the Novak children were invited to join the Winchesters. Dean was looking in the mirror. This was going to be an important day for him and Castiel, he was going to make sure of it. He was wearing his very best, hair done nicely, showered and shaved. He was ready.

 

"Dean!" Sam called up the stairs, leaning on the bannister that was decorated to the nines with Christmas decor. Mary loved Christmas time and she always went all out on the house, making sure John put up the lights outside and set up the crazy displays in the front yard. "Dean they're here!" Sam shouted again, a bit of a chuckle hidden in his voice.

 

Dean felt his mouth go dry and his stomach flip flop. Castiel was over for Christmas with their family, with his brothers of course but Cas was there. Dean wasn't even sure how that had happened, Sam asked his parents if the Novak’s could come down since it'd just be the three of them otherwise, had somehow convinced John and Mary that it'd be beneficial to meet Michael. Michael was the big brother, he was the all-important one to meet because they'd already met Cas. As far as John and Mary were concerned, based on what Dean knew, Gabriel was the only one worth really checking out. His older brothers would be looked at and assumptions on their family would be made from that, but mostly it was just Gabriel.

 

But he was going to change that. Indefinitely he was going to change that, Castiel would be worth looking into, worth getting to know.

 

As Dean stood lost in thought in his bedroom he had totally missed the greetings downstairs. Castiel looked around, "Where's Dean?"

 

"Upstairs," Sam rolled his eyes, using his thumb to point toward Dean's room, "primping."

 

Cas smiled, "I'll get him." He gave Mary a hug quickly before bolting up the twelve steps. He walked over to Dean's door and peered inside the room, seeing Dean staring himself down in the mirror. "Are you winning?" He asked playfully, walking in with his hands clasped behind his back.

 

Dean's eyes darted to his boyfriend's face in the mirror before spinning around, "Cas?" He barely managed to say his name before Cas was in his arms, kissing his cheek. "You came up-"

 

"Yeah, you were taking too long. Sam said you were primping." Cas giggled and kissed him again, running his hands through his hair. They were all over each other for a few moments, neither paying much attention as the others downstairs conversed.

 

"Welcome to our home," Mary went to shake Michael's hand, she was a little surprised to see someone so sharply dressed accompanying Gabriel of all people. Of course, Cas and Gabe weren't slobs but Michael was in his own league. "My name's Mary."

 

"Michael," he smiled charmingly and shook her hand, "It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm sorry my father couldn't join us, he would have loved to meet the two of you."

 

John chuckled, "Right, I'm sure. I'm John." It was his turn to take Michael's hand, expecting a wimpy, dead fish kind of shake but it was very firm and steady. He nodded, impressed.

 

"Good to meet you, sir. I hope Gabriel has behaved himself when he visits Sam."

 

"Most of the time." Gabriel grinned, leaning up and kissing Sam's cheek, earning himself a light shove from his much taller partner. He chuckled and looked toward the kitchen, "I smell something awesome, can we eat yet? I'm starving!"

 

"We get to have lunch as soon as everyone's gathered, yes? I don't think Dean and Castiel will be coming down any time soon," Michael smirked and walked toward the stairs, glancing over at Mary and John, "I hope you don't mind?"

 

"Go right ahead." Mary smiled at him, "So you know about them?"

 

Michael paused and looked at her, "You do as well?"

 

"We all do," Sam laughed, "Dean just doesn't know it. So if he ever tells all of us at the same time act surprised."

 

"I don't have to, he and I have had a few conversations." Michael chuckled and continued up the stairs as silently as he could. It was incredible to see someone his size go so quietly, Mary was impressed.

 

Michael looked around when he reached the top of the stairs, he could hear the soft sounds of lips smacking and little gasps for air. He raised an eyebrow and walked over to Dean's door, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. "You guys gonna make us wait much longer?"

 

Dean jumped a little and looked up from Cas' face to the smug look on Michael's. "Uh, yeah - I mean no. No we're coming."

 

The older Novak scoffed out a laugh before pulling away from the doorframe and heading back to the stairs. "Come on, Gabriel's getting ready to gnaw off his own leg."

 

"Maybe Sam's!" Gabriel shouted from downstairs followed by a profound slap and an 'ouch.'

 

Castiel smiled and headed after Michael, “Let’s go Dean.”

 

“Right.” Dean smiled as he watched Cas disappear around down the stairs, it was nice to see Cas in his old house, in his old room which still had a lot of his old things in it. Staying at his parents’ place for the holidays wasn’t as bad as he’d thought it would be, free food, familiar room with a ton of nostalgia nested in it, and now Cas was there. Granted he couldn’t do anything with Cas just yet but he’d get to it.

 

Everyone was settled around the table, food served and all the formalities out of the way before they could dig in. Dean hadn’t paid a whole lot of attention to Sam’s relationship with Gabriel but he was glad to see it wasn’t destructive in any way. Hell, it was kind of cute and that took a lot for Dean to even consider thinking. Christmas had never been so different, three new faces at the table and yet nothing seemed all that out of the ordinary. Sam was still better-behaved than Dean, Dean still complained about wanting presents before washing the dishes, John ate too many desserts, and Mary forced one of the three guys to help her out.

 

Except this time as she tried to coax Sam, Dean, or John to help her out Michael raised his hand with a  smile, “I’d be glad to help you.”

 

“Oh, I couldn’t ask a guest to-“

 

“Please, I insist.” Michael rose from the table and helped her clean the mess everyone had collectively made, gathering the dishes and bringing them to the sink. The other five looked at one another and migrated toward the living room.

 

Dean dropped onto the couch, Castiel taking the seat right next to him and leaving the other part of the couch open. Sam and Gabriel sat on the chairs they carried from the dining room and John claimed his usual armchair. They sat quietly for a moment before John looked at Gabriel and Castiel, “So what do you two do?”

 

“I run a café-bar at the university,” Gabriel sounded excited about it, leaning forward to try and explain it to John, “During the day it’s a café, after the usual closing hour we flip some things over and ta-da! Drinks are served.”

 

“What made you want to do that?” John raised an eyebrow, not sure he understood the concept of two different types of beverage places in one.

 

“Well, all three of us were forced to get business degrees and I had the idea for this place a while back, working with cameras didn’t turn out to be my kind of thing so hey why not right? I’d say it was a worthwhile investment, I enjoy going to work.”

 

John nodded with a smile, “Enjoying your work is very important. Castiel, what do you do?”

 

“I work for Gabriel one night a week, which I’ve been very grateful for. He lets me sing on stage during the bar hours. Other than that I volunteer wherever I can, like at the animal shelter, the zoo, the community center, and wherever people need me.” Cas explained it so easily Dean had to wonder if he’d practiced it over and over in his head.

 

John however didn’t seem to buy it, or at least one part of it confused him. “How do you pay your bills with one night of work a week?”

 

“Oh,” Cas looked over at Gabriel, Sam, and then Dean before looking back at John, “I’m sorry I thought someone had told you; our family is very wealthy, I don’t really need to work.”

 

“Oh.” John repeated the word because it was the only one that came to mind. “So… what does your father do exactly?”

 

“He owns an oil and gas company.”

 

John looked a little more confused at the concept being handed to him, “So why wouldn’t you want to work for your father’s company? Or even become the next owner of it?”

 

“Because that’s not what we were made for.” Castiel’s tone lacked any form of humour as he addressed the question, eyes focused and stern. “None of us were.”

 

“Your brother seemed to step up to the plate, firstborn’s duty to carry on the torch and all that.” John motioned toward the kitchen where Michael stood washing the dishes, Mary drying and putting them away.

 

“He didn’t do it without a threat or two.” Gabriel admitted quietly.

 

“What do you mean?” Cas looked at him, eyes narrowing a little as he fixed his gaze on his younger brother. “Michael just gave in, he had that stupid meeting in dad’s office and gave in. I remember that day, I asked him how he told dad off and he said he didn’t. He put his bike in the garage for good, and that was that. What do you know that I don’t?”

 

“Well the meeting wasn’t exactly quiet and I got curious, so I listened in.”

 

* * *

 

_“You’re going to do it and that’s final, Michael.”_

_“I’d sooner jump off a bridge.” Michael snapped right back at his father, enough conviction and determination in his voice to give Gabriel goose bumps. If anyone could put their dad in his place it was Michael, there was just something about the way that he carried and presented himself that held a certain power over people. Not to mention the attitude that came with it._

_“I know you won’t do that, Michael, stop being so dramatic. This company needs good leadership and a Novak has always been the one in charge.” James tried to explain calmly though Michael’s hands slamming down onto the table startled him a little._

_“First off, stop using my name in your sentences. I know it’s a power trick and you don’t intimidate me. Secondly you’ll have to crush me through a meat grinder to bend me the way you want, I’m not doing it and that’s final!”_

_“You’re the oldest! Now do as you’re told!” James rose from his chair, slamming his hands into his desk just like Michael had except much louder. It thundered down the hall where Gabriel was perched, peering into the office through a crack in the door. He grinned to himself as he watched, Michael hadn’t flinched, not even a little._

_“Blow it out your ass, dad, I’m going to live my life the way I want to.” He turned on his heels and headed for the door, great posture, shoulders back and head held high._

_“That’s it then, is it?”_

_“It is.”_

_James sighed and sat down again, “Well I suppose there’s no helping it. Could you send Castiel in then?”_

_Michael wanted to say ‘fuck you,’ it was written all over his face but he couldn’t. “What… do you want Cas for?” He stopped and turned back, eyes narrowing slowly._

_“I told you a Novak has always owned this company. I can’t force you to do it, so I’ll ask Castiel, I’m sure he’ll say yes.”_

_Michael’s entire body shook, he slowly turned his head back toward the door as he sorted out his thoughts. Gabriel watched his face, the horrified disgust mixing with rage as Michael thought through his next move. It was awful to see him struggle like that, to fight with his own head even for those few seconds that it took for Michael to decide._

_“Fine.” He growled through clenched teeth, his entire body tense and trembling._

_“What was that?” James looked over with a smile coming to his lips._

_“I said I’ll do it.”_

_“I’m glad you could come around, Michael!” The amount of joy in his voice was extremely fake but loud. “We’ll get your training started tomorrow morning, remember to-“_

_Michael slammed the door of the office shut behind him, not wanting to hear another word of that bullshit. He was about to storm down the hall, his expression a mixture of fury and frustration, but he saw Gabriel slowly getting up from his eavesdropping position._

_“Mike?” Gabriel didn’t know what to say, what to think, or what to do. He just stood and watched the tears well up in Michael’s eyes before his big brother turned away and hurried down the hall._

 

* * *

 

Cas stared at Gabriel for a few seconds, studying his face for some kind of indication that he was joking or something. “You’re serious?”

 

“Yeah.” Gabriel furrowed his brow, “I’ve never seen him like that before or since. When Michael does something he’s good at it, so when he got into the business he blew people away, it was hard to tell whether or not he did it on purpose.”

 

Dean sat quietly for a few seconds, glancing over at Cas who clearly had no idea how to stomach the information he’d just gotten. It was weird to know just how much he’d misjudged Michael, the first time he heard the guy’s name he’d had the completely wrong impression. It was enough to make Dean feel bad about it. Then again he figured that Michael would find it extremely strange to be apologized to. He was going to try making a joke but he saw a familiar wetness in Castiel’s eyes. “Cas?” Dean reached over and touched his shoulder gently, “You okay?”

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Cas rubbed at his face a few times, “Excuse me.” He stood up and hurried out, straight to the kitchen. He went up behind Michael and wrapped his arms around him, face buried in the soft fabric of his suit jacket.

 

Michael stopped what he was doing immediately and looked down at the arms around him. He could tell by the way he was being hugged that it was Castiel but it was good to double check by looking at what he was wearing. “Cas? What’s wrong?”

 

“Thank you.” Cas inhaled shakily, squeezing his older brother as tightly as he could, “Thank you for everything.”

 

Michael smiled and touched Cas’ hands, loosening his grip enough to turn around and hug him back. “You’re welcome, and I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.” He gave a quick peck on Cas’ cheek and mussed up his hair. “You’re okay.”

 

Cas wiped his eyes and nodded. “Sorry.”

 

Mary smiled and nudged Michael, “We’re just about done, let me finish the last few up, you go sit down.”

 

“Are you sure?” Michael looked at her, a concerned crease forming on his forehead. “I don’t mind, I can stay-“

 

“Get over there and sit with your brother, young man. Don’t make me ask twice.” Mary waggled her finger at him in mock scolding.

 

“Yes ma’am.” Michael chuckled and walked to the living room with Castiel at his side. He sat down in the previously empty spot on the couch, looking over to John appreciatively, “Thanks again for letting us stay, you have a lovely home and a great family.”

 

“We’re glad to have you over, what with new family ties and all.” John nodded toward Sam who tried to shrug it off.

 

“We’ve only been dating for a few months, dad. Not that big of a deal.”

 

“Uh… speaking of…” Dean looked over at Mary who had walked into the living room, wiping her hands dry on the front of her jeans, then around the room at the other faces. “Can I say something?” All eyes were on him some curious, some far more intense. He motioned for Cas to stand up, the look on his boyfriend’s face was difficult to describe, surprise, fear, excitement, joy, a whole bunch of things mixed into one expression. “Cas… Castiel and I have… have been going out since February.” He felt how dry his mouth was but pushed past it, ignoring the leaping and fluttering in his chest. “It’s serious, so I wanted you all to know him that way.”

 

Cas’ hands were up on his mouth as his eyes watered all over again, “Dean?”

 

Michael stood up and started to applaud, a smile on his face like none Dean had ever seen him wear. “Congratulations, the both of you.”

 

Mary smiled and went to hug Cas, “Welcome to the family, Castiel.” She kissed his cheek and gave him a gentle squeeze.

 

Cas tried so hard not to cry again but he couldn’t help it, he returned the kiss to her cheek and looked over at Dean, entirely unable to stop himself. “Thank you.” He could barely breathe out the words, going to Dean’s open arms and clinging to him, crying against his shoulder. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Dean whispered, still a little shaky but standing tall. He thought he’d pass out or something, sure his head was feeling like a hot-air balloon but hey, that didn’t mean anything right? He kept telling himself that, even as his vision blurred and the voices he heard grew slightly frantic as they faded away.

 

“Oh my god what happened!?” Cas panicked as he slowly lied Dean down, “He fainted!”

 

“Got to be a little too much for him,” Gabriel snickered, “Oh well, he’ll just have to open his presents later-“

  
Sam smacked him again, “No, we do it together, no one gets left out.”

 

John chuckled and looked at Mary, “Never saw this one coming, I’ll tell you that much.”

 

Mary sighed and helped lie Dean down on the couch, “I’ll go get a damp cloth for his forehead.”

 

Cas sat at Dean’s side fretting while Michael tried to assure him it was nothing, Sam scolded Gabriel in the corner for trying to sneak open a present, and John rested in his chair watching all the fun like he did every Christmas. It was an excellent holiday, which Dean soon figured out as he woke several minutes later. No one treated him any differently there, mostly because they’d all known beforehand, but he didn’t know that. Nor did anyone bother to tell him.

 


	30. Chapter 30

New Years was the time to spend with friends, partying and everything that could be planned. Dean sat on the couch at his place, Jet perched on the armrest next to him and Garth on the other cushion. They'd gotten used to Garth's presence, he just sort of blended in once you got past the fact that he was as big as a jumbo shrimp. Jet folded his arms over his chest and looked at the clock on the DVD player LED screen, "You know, I would have said 'let's all meet there' if I'd known that Cas was going to take this long getting ready here."

 

"Shush, Cas can do what he wants. Besides, Jo's the one helping him out, not us." Dean shoved at Jet's side, "So have some patience."

 

Jet pursed his lips together but said no more, lightly tapping his foot on the floor. Cas had asked them if he and Garth could get ready at their place for the party since they were volunteering nearby, naturally Dean and Jet said yes. Of course once Jo heard that they were starting the pre-party stuff at Dean and Jet's place she was in like a dirty shirt, claiming that it was just plain wrong to let Cas get ready on his own in an apartment with such burly guys. Dean and Jet had looked at Garth with some amusement but refrained from commenting on it. Another reason they were okay with Cas getting ready at their place was because the party was being held at the Novak estate.

 

Michael had come up with the idea, of all people. He told Gabriel and Cas to invite their closest friends and they could host a New Years' party, complete with catering for the small gathering. Needless to say everyone was ecstatic when Cas told them and had it planned out perfect for them all to be there around 7.

 

Now they were stuck waiting for it. "I wonder who's taking longer." Dean said after a few minutes, earning himself a slap from Jet.

 

"Dude, the fuck? You just told me to have patience! Listen to your own advice."

 

Dean snickered and hit him back, "Shut up, I know that."

 

"We're ready!" Jo appeared, dolled up and gorgeous as always, Castiel walking up beside her in a nice pair of dark jeans, a plaid button-up hanging loosely over a black t-shirt. Dean smiled, eyeing his boyfriend a little before getting up off the couch.

 

"Finally, let's get going my princesses." He smirked as she glowered at him.

 

"Dean, that's insulting!" She protested, "You could seriously offend someone."

 

"Yeah!" Cas took on a mocking angry tone, "How dare you call me a princess? I'm a queen, motherfucker."

 

Jet snorted back a laugh, "Alright, alright, labels aside, we're friggin' late so can we get going?"

 

"I didn't know you were that punctual." Jo leered at him, a sly smile on her face.

 

"I'm usually 'fashionably late,'" Jet corrected her as he slipped into his sneakers, "This is just late. There's a difference."

 

"Not like anyone's waiting on us." Dean shrugged into his winter jacket, the large hood flopped over his head and covered half of his face in the process. He spat a little when the furred rim got into his mouth, picking out the tiny hairs with his index finger and thumb.

 

When they arrived at the Novak's estate they were all shown how wrong Dean was; Michael refused to start the festivities until Castiel had arrived, everyone was sitting around chatting with some drinks and snacks but that was about it. Jo bit her lower lip and looked at Cas guiltily, "Oops."

 

"Don't worry about it," Cas smiled at her, "My brother should know I was volunteering until 6:30, we couldn't have been here right at 7." He walked forward to meet Michael as he crossed the sitting room to greet them.

 

"Good evening, Cas." Michael grinned and gave his brother a hug, "We waited for you."

 

"Thanks Mike," Castiel beamed at him as they broke away, "I hope we didn't keep you waiting too long."

 

"JUST FOREVER!" Gabriel shouted, soon followed by a loud 'ouch' due to Sam's elbow in his side.

 

Sam got up and walked over to Dean, "Way to show up an hour later."

 

"Hey! Cas and Jo were taking their jolly-sweet time getting ready." Dean was quick to defend himself, "We were good to go as soon as Cas showed up."

 

"That's not very nice, blaming Castiel after he volunteered his time at the soup kitchen all day long." Michael wasn't exactly joking but he wasn't quite serious either. It was that dangerous middle ground that Dean had no idea what to do with.

 

Jet shrugged, "We're here now, let's get this show on the road. When's the food getting here?"

 

"Any minute now," Michael started back toward the sitting area, "I scheduled it for around now, so you're just on time."

 

Jo nudged Cas as they all headed for the living room, "Is _that_ your older brother?" She couldn't take her eyes off the fashionably and well-dressed man escorting them.

 

"Yep, that's Michael." Cas smiled at her, "And while he is straight he's also kinda picky."

 

"I wasn't getting at anything like that, Cas. I was just gawking." She corrected him matter-of-factly.

 

"My mistake." Cas chuckled and hurried to drop onto the couch next to Charlie and Anna, "Hey guys!"

 

"Cas!" They both exclaimed at the same time, leaping up and hugging him. "Aww look at you, so handsome." Charlie lightly flicked his nose with the tip of her finger.

 

"You're one to talk, I love the blouse is it new?"

 

Dean turned away from that conversation to look over at Benny who had beaten them there, "How's work going?"

 

"Meh, it's work. How're you enjoying your winter break? Pass all your exams?"

 

"Hell yeah I did, even got an A or two." Dean puffed up his chest proudly only for Jet to smack it playfully.

 

"Keep boasting, I hear you do that too much you turn into a peacock."

 

"Dean, peacocking..." Sam mused, if they were in a cartoon world they all would have seen a thought bubble appear above his head with the image of Dean strutting around with giant tail feathers. Of course they weren't in a cartoon but that didn't change the fact that Sam was picturing it. "I can see it."

 

"Shut up, Sam." Dean pointed at him to make it a little more dramatic.

 

Michael clapped his hands to get some attention, "Dinner has arrived and is set up in the dining hall, if you'd all follow me-"

 

"FOOD!" Gabriel bolted past his older brother without ceremony, Charlie, Garth, and Jet right on his heels. Gabe used to live there too, he would have no problem locating the dining room and he'd do it faster than Michael.

 

Michael paused, his lips pursed together for a moment as he glared down the hall after his brother. He threw out his usual composure and spun on his heel to shout after him, "Goddamn it Gabriel! That is not how we do things here!"

 

"Cool it Mike," Cas pat him on the shoulder as he passed, "We're hungry and it's New Years."

 

Michael raised an eyebrow after Castiel but exhaled his frustrations and started walking, "Whatever, dig in you pigs."

 

Dean laughed, the more he got to know the Novak's the more he was glad for how close they were all getting. Gabriel was a good complimentary personality to Sam, and Michael was just awesome. Of course there was Cas, there was no forgetting that.

 

Food passed back and forth, loud chatter, Dean couldn’t stop smiling at everyone. Christmas he had fainted, woken up to a bunch of happy faces and continued the day like nothing. These were his friends, all of them were close to him and the ones he might not have been sure of were very good friends with Castiel, who was openly and plainly gay in front of them all. Sure Dean had a hard time identifying with it but why should he hold back?

 

Maybe a few drinks would help.

 

A few drinks in them all had loosened up the party more than enough. Anna and Charlie started to make out with a bit of cheering from the guys, which led to including a tipsy Jo and a more accepting crowd. Dean sat close to Castiel as he felt most comfortable right next to the man he loved more than anything, the way the couch sank from the weight of them both, drawing them even closer gave Dean a good feeling. It might’ve been the alcohol helping with that but it felt like the world was trying to hold them together.

 

Dean sighed a little, forgetting himself and everything else around him. All that mattered was Cas, sitting there laughing, talking, _living_. All it took was a simple motion, Dean touched Castiel’s chin with the tips of his fingers, tilted his head and pressed their lips together. When it was just the two of them that simple gesture was so easy, mindless and led by emotion, want and need. In a group of people it meant so much more, and Dean realized when he heard the loud clattering and cheering that he _was_ in a group of people.

 

“I knew it!” Garth clapped excitedly, “See, I told you!” He slapped Jet on the arm repeatedly, drunk out of his mind after one beer.

 

Jet brushed him off with a huffed laugh, “Right, jokes on you I knew forever ago.”

 

“Oh my GOD!!” Jo’s voice became slightly shrill as she could hardly figure out what she’d just seen. “Dean, are you _gay_!? How long?”

 

Dean’s face flushed red as he looked at everyone, words starting to stick in his throat. Castiel reached over and took his hands, holding them tightly as he smiled, “Since February last year, I’m sorry we’ve kept it from you all.”

 

“So before I met you?” Jo stared at Cas incredulously, “That’s… that’s _so cute._ All those times you guys looked at each other and everything you said ohhh I wish I had it written down so I could go back and look at it!” She hugged Cas and nuzzled him, “I’m so happy you found someone!”

 

“Yeah, so you can stop trying to hook me up.” Cas laughed, hugging her back.

 

“Wait, what?” Dean looked at them, frowning deeply.

 

“Cas was single, or I thought he was, and he’s so adorable I thought it was a shame so I tried to get him a boyfriend.” She punched Dean’s arm roughly, “If you’d just told me I wouldn’t have done that!”

 

“Lay off him, he’s had some trouble with that.” Jet nudged her with his foot, “You should be grateful you know at all.”

 

“And what makes _you_ so privileged?” Jo pouted at him indignantly.

 

“I’m perceptive, that’s what.”

 

“Now that everyone you know knows,” Michael looked over at Dean with a smile, purposefully interrupting the argument, “What are you going to do?”

 

Dean blinked a few times and looked at Cas, “I’m going to kiss my boyfriend some more.”

 

The room re-erupted into the loud conversations and stories being told as the clock counted down. They stood together in the last ten seconds shouting the numbers as the year came to a close. Dean’s hand was firmly in Castiel’s and he never planned on letting go, not even when they all threw their arms in the air for the big cheer, he kept Castiel close.

 

New Years’ resolutions were hardly taken seriously but that time around Dean did. He took Cas into his arms and looked him in the eye, “I swear I’ll take care of you.”

 

Castiel smiled and rested his hands on Dean’s hips, slipped around his waist for comfort’s sake. “Will you now?”

 

“I promise you, Cas, I’ll do better by you this year.”

 

“You’ve already done so much, Dean.” Cas leaned up and kissed him gently, “But if you think you can top it I look forward to it.”

 

“I love you.” Dean whispered, resting their foreheads together.

 

“I love you too, Dean.”


	31. Chapter 31

January 24th, a Friday and Dean’s birthday. Castiel had been trying to plan that day, trying to do everything in his power to make that day perfect but he just couldn’t figure out how to do it right. Fridays were his performing nights, but he could take one off, couldn’t he? Gabriel wouldn’t say anything, he was pretty sure. Regardless he figured he’d ask. Ever since the New Years party Michael had been trying to get together with his brothers every now and then, keep things going between them and not lose contact. He’d never really lost contact but _seeing_ him was impossible.

 

So the three sat together Thursday morning, out for breakfast at some restaurant of Gabriel’s choosing. They took turns picking the places and this time it turned out to be a waffle house. Cas smirked to himself as he walked in with Michael, his older brother sticking out like a sore thumb in a usual roadside eatery while wearing his customary fashion suits. Though Cas did his best not to laugh out loud he still giggled, snorting back his laughter even harder when Michael glared at him.

 

“Good… pick Gabriel.” Michael muttered as he opened the menu, staring at the sugary items like they had diabetes written in the titles.

 

“You would have loved this place when you were still ‘Mike’.” Gabriel sneered at him playfully, already aware of what he wanted.

 

Cas poked at his menu a little, glancing up at Gabriel a few times before he finally had the nerve to ask, “Gabriel, can I have tomorrow off?”

 

“What? Why?” Gabriel looked at him strangely.

 

“Well it’s Dean’s birthday and I wanted to do something different…” Cas shrugged, chewing on the inside of his cheek thoughtfully. “Not sure what yet, but it’d be easier if we didn’t do a routine thing.”

 

“But this Friday’s the last Friday day of January, we always do big performances at the end of the month on weekends!” Gabriel complained, “You can’t bail out on me, especially last minute.”

 

“Sure he can,” Michael looked up at Gabriel as he put his menu down carefully, “And you’re going to give it to him.”

 

“Why?” Gabriel turned the question on Michael now, pouting a little.

 

“Because Cas never asks for days off, ever, and it’s his boyfriend’s birthday which means it’s special to him. I think your stupid ‘end of the month’ event can handle itself without Cas.”

 

Castiel smiled, glad he’d brought it up with Michael sitting with them. He always knew how to talk Gabriel into things where Cas never had the heart to do it. He hated feeling like a bother and Gabriel was good at making him feel that way whenever he asked for something. Michael was a good negotiator and usually on the side of reason (often Castiel’s when it involved Gabriel).

 

“Fine, I’ll call someone else in for it.” Gabriel shrugged and looked back at Cas, “But next Friday you better sing your heart out.”

 

“Of course, I always do.” Cas smiled and leaned over to hug Michael, “Thanks for that.”

 

“You’re welcome,” Michael chuckled, “Now come on, let’s get this sugar over-dose over with.”

 

* * *

 

Dean stared at his phone as he sat in the classroom, the final semester of school in session and he was just that much closer to getting his degree and being able to run an automotive business as well as work in it. But paying attention wasn’t always easy, especially when Castiel sent him texts in the middle of the day.

 

_C: Not singing tomorrow evening, I’ve got something else planned._

 

Something else planned? Like what? Dean knew what day it was, January 24th was his birthday, but he’d never actually told Cas that. Of course that didn’t mean Castiel had no access to people that knew Dean’s birthday. Hell, Sam was the type to just spout that information for fun and see if Cas would pick up on it. It didn’t matter though, Dean knew he was going to get some quality boyfriend time in, especially if Cas had taken the night off.

 

Dean was a little disappointed though, he’d been looking forward to hearing Cas sing that night. They’d told their friends and families about dating one another, however Dean still needed to conquer the rest of the ‘public affection’ portion of his life. He needed to show Castiel’s fans that Cas was taken, but that could wait for another time.

 

_D: Looking forward to it, though I was also looking forward to hearing you sing again ;)_

 

It was cheesy and lame but whatever, it was true.

 

_C: Maybe you will. Anyway I’m off to help a group hand out donated clothes to the homeless, I’ll talk to you later babe. Love you._

_D: Love you too, be safe._

 

Dean sighed and slipped his phone back in his pocket, looking up at the professor again though hardly hearing him. He knew it was wrong to lose himself in class but he just couldn’t help trying to figure out what Cas had planned. That little diva was good at surprises, every time he wanted to do something for Dean he always ended up giving Dean a start. The Halloween costume came to mind, and of course the pie adventure. There were other things too but Dean was a little stuck on the sexual parts, not that they needed any more explaining.

 

And Dean thought about it all through the rest of Thursday, straight through to Friday. He’d gotten the ‘Happy birthday’ calls and texts from his family, an affectionate attempt at making him breakfast by Jet – attempt being the key word there – but he couldn’t quite see past that evening. Castiel tended to rule his thoughts and mind whenever they were apart, and when Cas had something planned that was all the more reason to think about him. Not that Dean’s brain needed anything more than the rapid heartbeat that Castiel still induced in him, or the lack of oxygen whenever they met. Even after 11 months Cas still stole his breath, and despite hiding from so many people he managed to find a comfortable zone.

 

He still got tongue tied around people, had a hard time saying ‘I love you’ in a normal volume when sitting with people who knew about it already, and started to shake and get extremely nervous when trying to hold hands in a very public place. Dean was working on it still but no one could say he hadn’t made progress. They managed to walk into a movie theatre and hold hands all the way through the lobby. Sure, Dean’s palms had gotten sweaty and Cas had to grip him tightly to make sure he didn’t pull away, but he’d done it without fainting.

 

Also that fainting thing wasn’t something he ever wanted to repeat again. It didn’t happen, everyone else just imagined it.

 

Dean drove to Castiel’s place after school, unable to hold it in any longer. He had to know what Cas was doing, what kind of extravagant thing was he planning? Or was it simple and sweet? He didn’t know but he wanted to, and he’d be damned if anyone stopped him on his way to finding out.

 

Cas had given Dean a key to the apartment, and vice versa Dean had given Cas a spare to his. They saw no problems with it, hell they were thinking about actually moving in together soon. Dean loved living with Jet but there was a point in time where he had to say he was ready, and move in with the love of his life.

 

That was still strange to him as well, saying the love of his life was a man. Castiel wasn’t ‘a man’ or any gender specific to Dean, he was Cas, without rules or laws or anything defining him as one solid thing. Castiel was a blessing, it didn’t matter what he was.

 

Dean opened the door to the apartment and walked in, kicking off his shoes as he strolled down the hall. “Cas?” He called, he could smell something cooking and it smelled damn good.

 

“Dean!” Castiel hurried out of the kitchen, an apron around his waist  and little smears of Dean didn’t know what all over it. “Welcome home!” Cas wrapped his arms around his boyfriend and kissed his profusely, “And happy birthday, baby.”

 

“Thanks,” Dean smiled and kissed Cas back, “What’re you making?”

 

“I’ve been slaving in that kitchen all day and after many failures I have our dinner all packaged and ready to go.” Cas started removing the dirty cloth, as well as his cooking clothes. “Just let me get ready as we can get going.”

 

Dean nodded, watching Cas’ stripping actions as he disappeared into his bedroom. As much as he wanted to see Cas get naked he also wanted to know what he’d been slaving over, so Dean made his choice and snuck over to the kitchen. To his dismay it all really had been packaged, though it was in one of those classic picnic baskets you might see in an old Yogi Bear cartoon. Dean walked over to the lid, about to lift it, when his conscience decided to kick in; Castiel had made that a surprise for him, did he really want to ruin it so easily?

 

While the answer was about to be yes, Cas appeared from the hall and smacked Dean’s hand away. “Stop that, you’ll get to see it soon okay?”

 

Dean pouted but nodded all the same, “Fine, where we going?”

 

“You’re going to drive us to the outskirts of the city,” Cas smiled as he picked up the basket and started for the door, “And we’re going to sit up on that big hill, have dinner, and watch the sunset.”

 

“That’s it?”

 

“That’s it.”

 

It was simple. So simple and yet Dean was certain that he’d love it. “Let’s go then.” He smiled and opened the door for Cas who insisted on carrying the basket himself. Dean might peek after all.

 

By the time they reached the hill the sky was already coloured in that weird mixture of orange, red, and blue. Dean smiled as he watched Castiel hurry to the top, basket in hand as he trotted up the steep slope. It was a bigger hill than Dean had originally thought, and he was a little breathless by the time he reached the top. He tried to hide it as he sat down next to Cas, but it was too much and he exhaled heavily, his lungs not enjoying the sudden punishment.

 

“Isn’t it lovely?” Cas smiled, they were sitting up on a hill in the dead of winter staring out at a sunset. Dean wasn’t cold yet but he knew they would be eventually, as the adrenaline of running up a slope calmed down and faded.

 

“I think it’s the company.” Dean leaned over and kissed him, really taking in the softness of Cas’ lips and loving how quickly the embrace could be deepened. “So now that our food is cold, you wanna dig in?”

 

Cas laughed softly, “Yeah I couldn’t plan everything. Hope you like it.” He opened up the basket and handed Dean a tinfoil wrapped bundle, “Dessert for later.”

 

Dean unwrapped it, finding that the foil kept at least some of the heat from earlier, and being even more excited when he saw homemade burgers. “Aw Cas,” he smiled sweetly at his boyfriend, “You’re the best.”

 

“Thank you, there’s pie too.” Cas grinned and started devouring his supper. It was cute, to watch him growl into it like a rabid beast because he also hadn’t eaten in hours. “Do you know how hard it was to make these without eating all of them after?” Cas asked around a mouthful of burger.

 

Dean shook his head, trying not to laugh at the mannerisms of his boyfriend. “If Michael saw you talking with your mouth full he’d probably beat you with a rubber chicken.”

 

It was a miracle that Cas didn’t choke just then as he inhaled and immediately coughed out the food, his body trying to laugh whilst simultaneously expelling everything from his throat. “Where the hell would he get this chicken from? And why?”

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Dean answered quickly, “It’s Michael, he can do what he wants.”

 

“He’s Michael, not Loki.”

 

Dean smirked and threw little frozen pebbles at him, “Shut up, it’s my birthday I’m allowed to be right about stuff.”

 

The following hour or so they sat together, munching on the remainder of the picnic supper and watching the world around them fall into night. Dean smiled and reached over, taking Castiel’s hand in his, just holding it as they saw the lights turn on in so many windows and along the streets. It was beautiful to sit at a distance, to watch it all unfold like that. It was a popular spot, and it was Friday night so Dean could hear other people wandering about, having the same idea as they did probably, but it didn’t bother him.

 

Cas somehow managed to make everything perfect, even the smallest parts of the day were just right. Hand in hand they sat in silence, in the same moment they decided to look to one another and each smiled. One could see his entire future in the other, and the other saw nothing but the one. It was perfect. Everything would be how it was meant to be from that moment forward. Dean wrapped his arm around Cas and pulled him closer, both of them trying to fight off the chill of winter’s edge. Their faces were red, noses a little runny, but it didn’t matter, they had the warmth of each other’s bodies to stay and sit for a period longer.

 

They tilted their heads and started to kiss again, slowly, heated by their breathing and rushing blood. Dean lost time in that embrace, he felt like he’d been kissing Cas for seconds but the stiffness in his supporting arm told him otherwise. As they were about to break apart Dean heard a familiar voice.

 

“Dean Winchester? Is that you?” It was one of his old jock buddies from high school, Raphael.

 

Dean swallowed nervously and looked up at the sneering face of an old so-called friend of his. “Uh, hey Raph, what’s up?”

 

“Same to you, that ain’t a chick man. What are you doing?” His upper lip had lifted in disgust as he regarded the scene before him.

 

“This… this is…” Dean couldn’t find the words and the longer it took him the more that look burned. Raphael’s girlfriend caught up to him and tugged on him to leave of course, glancing over at the couple sitting in the frostbitten grass.

 

“Dean?”

 

Another familiar person. Dean stared at her as her name came rushing back, “Lisa?” _‘Your dating Rphael!?’_ He wanted to say it but it remained in his head instead.

 

“Who are they, Dean?” Cas sounded defensive, not liking the way they were looking at them.

 

“Uh, Raphael is an old friend from school. Lisa and I used to… go out.” Dean managed to explain that much at least. He remembered dating Lisa, it had been amazing, she was beautiful and fun, but he was never good enough. There was always something he was missing and it just drove her nuts to the point of dumping him. Raphael was good enough?

 

“It’s been a while,” Lisa smiled at him, her face still lit up so nicely when she smiled. “How are you?”

 

“I’m good, just… here with-“

 

“His boyfriend.” Castiel added impatiently, not liking the way they looked at one another. Especially not after hearing how they’d been together once, he wasn’t about to just sit there and let Dean pretend he was just a friend. Not this time, not again.

 

“Oh… that’s nice.” It was that tone, that awful tone that made Dean want to vomit. The ‘I’m being socially acceptable because I’m not openly calling you disgusting’ kind of tone. Dean swallowed nervously and smiled at her and Raphael as they came up with the lamest excuses to go a different direction.

 

“That was rude.” Cas frowned deeply before trying to go back to Dean’s side. “Don’t worry about them, they’re not in your life and they don’t matter.”

 

Dean nodded, “Yeah… you’re right.” He fidgeted a little but did his best not to let it get to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay after this chapter things get a bit hairy so I will tell you all that no matter what happens next this story does have a happy ending. Stick it through and you'll see what I mean. 
> 
> Sorry in advance for the next chapter.


	32. Chapter 32

High school had been the defining factor of who Dean thought he was. High school and the people in it were what made him valid, they made him feel worth something even if that something was nothing more than a hot piece of eye candy for a bitch cheerleader. Dean identified with a womanizing personality because that's what people thought he was like, because that's what they all saw him as so that's what he became. He fell in love once with a girl who would rather step on his heart and ignore who he really was before acknowledging her own faults. That's what defined Dean back then; so why now, when he was a totally different person than all of that, did he feel like he'd betrayed something? He'd turned his personality around, he'd flipped himself over and he'd fallen for a beautiful, wonderful man named Castiel. He was _better_ than he'd ever been, and yet he felt sick to his stomach.

 

Castiel stepped out of the car and looked back in before closing it, "You sure you want to go home?" He asked a little sadly, "I could make you some tea that might help?"

 

"No, it's okay." Dean smiled at him a little, "I just need to sleep and I know you have volunteer stuff tomorrow."

 

Cas furrowed his brow worriedly, "I could always tell them I need to take care of you. Dean are you sure?"

 

"Yeah, have a good night Cas." Dean spoke sweetly but there was just something about it that made Cas' stomach turn.

 

"Okay, I love you, feel better." He crawled in again and kissed Dean one more time before getting out again.

 

"Love you too," Dean gave a last smile before the door was closed and he drove out of the parking lot. Castiel stood watching the tail lights disappear around a bend, his mind trifled with worries and concerns.

 

 _'He's just not feeling well, it's perfectly normal to feel ill... Not that he wasn't perfectly fine before those people showed up...'_ Cas shook his head and rubbed at his arms, he was getting cold and all those negative thoughts weren’t helping. "Dean will be fine, I just need to give him some space."

 

Dean on the other hand couldn't stop the nauseous feeling that was encompassing his body. He wanted to throw up, to laugh, to punch something, he had no idea what was wrong. Lisa had been his high school sweetheart for years and she dumped him, just like that, like he was nothing. So in that regard why couldn't he act like she was nothing too? Why couldn't he brush her aside like the useless, loveless bitch she was? Why did he have to sit and think on what she was thinking, on how she looked at him and - _"Oh... that's nice."_

 

"Goddamn it!" He cursed and swore as he smacked the steering wheel and tore around the streets until he found a bar. Not a club or a fun little cafe bar, an actual bar that would get rid of his awful feelings. He needed to drown out the idiocy, he needed to push away all the old thoughts of Lisa that came surging up from the pits of his own personal hell.

 

_"You're not... what I need, Dean."_

 

"Fuck you, Lisa." He growled as he put the Impala into park and climbed out.

 

_"I need someone more masculine, you know? Someone who'll take care of me. You just think about you."_

_"I'm sorry, Lis, it's just that my dad hasn't been well and I've been distracted. I'm so sorry! Please don't do this. Don't go."_

 

Dean grabbed the door to the bar and threw it open, stomping up to the bartender and dropped himself on a stool, "Whiskey." He demanded roughly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

 

"See some I.D.?"

 

Dean pulled his wallet out and showed his driver's license for a few seconds before the tender nodded and walked over to get his drink. He looked at the money inside and frowned deeply at it, he'd earned that money himself. He'd worked his ass off to pay for his family's bills, to save them from being homeless because his dad had gotten sick. There was nothing wrong with that, there was nothing 'not masculine' about how he was feeling in high school. His dad almost _died_ and Lisa couldn't fucking see that. Well screw her and everything in between. Dean didn't need to prove himself to her, or his old football friends. They weren't in his life anymore, they were people that hadn't stuck around like Jo, Benny, or his best friend Jet. They weren't worth the money he was about to spend to forget them.

 

But he did it anyway.

 

* * *

 

Castiel sat on his bed, thinking it over and over in his mind. He couldn't sleep, it was like midnight and he couldn't find it in himself to lose time and fall to unconscious side of things. He shouldn't have let Dean leave, he should have demanded and insisted he come inside. "How could I be so heartless?" He grabbed his phone and dialed. It rang over and over and finally went to voicemail. Cas' heart sank a bit, but Dean was probably asleep. He called Jet instead, waiting a few seconds before there was a click on the other end.

 

_"Hello?"_

"Jet, it's Cas, could you wake Dean up for me?" He fiddled with the hem of his shirtsleeve, biting his lip as he waited for an answer.

 

_"Dean? I thought he was out with you, all that birthday stuff. I'll check his room but I've been here all night, no one's come or gone."_

 

Cas' heart sank even more, Dean hadn't gone home? Did he get into an accident? Was he okay? Worry sunk in even more as Jet explained the bedroom was empty. "Oh... thank you, I uh... we ran into some people he used to know and then he got sick and wanted to go home. He dropped me off and drove away, I thought he would be there by now wouldn't he?"

 

 _"Calm down, I'll phone him and see what's up."_ Jet sounded so sweet over the phone, _"I'll let you know if anything comes up okay?"_

 

"Call me regardless, please?" Cas begged, the fear starting to come out in his voice.

 

_"I will. Don't worry, I'm sure he's just emo-ing his way around town. Dude likes to take long drives when he's not feeling well."_

 

"Right, of course. Thank you, Jet." Cas hung up after that and waited for another twenty minutes before the phone rang again. "Hello?"

 

_"Hey Cas, he's not answering me either, I left a few messages on his phone for you. If I were you I'd just go to bed, he'll be fine, he'll turn up in the morning okay?"_

 

"Okay... thanks anyway." Cas clicked the end button again, his stomach starting to curl in on itself. What was happening? He dialed Dean's number again, no answer. Again; no answer. And again, and again, and again. No answer. Castiel sat with his phone for an hour before he was worried enough to leave. He didn't know where he was going to go, what he was going to find or if he'd find anything, he just knew he had to go out and look. There was no way he could sit at home and try to sleep with Dean out there somewhere, maybe hurt or worse. Cas threw on the warmest clothing he owned and ran out the door.

 

Castiel didn't stop for hours, it was after three in the morning before he finally decided to head home, his fingers were numb, he couldn’t feel his toes, and if it weren’t for the fact that he could kinda see it, he would have assumed he’d lost his nose. After certain hours in the day things just got colder and colder, he was tired and worried, trying to phone Dean every few minutes in the hopes at least maybe an emergency medical person will notice it ringing and pick it up or something.

 

Regardless he walked into the apartment building and up to his suite, stopping at the door when he saw it was slightly open. He froze in the doorway for several minutes before he finally had the nerve to walk inside, pushing it open a little as he peered in. He knew he was an idiot, he knew that he should at least send a message, so he texted Michael, calling would probably wake him up and it was almost four in the morning. Cas finally got the nerve to speak and called into the apartment, now that he knew that Michael would at least know where he was if something happened. “Hello? Who’s in here?”

 

There was a muffled sound and a very slurred laughter. Cas recognized it immediately. “Dean! Oh my god, Dean you’re okay!” He ran in with tears in his eyes, closing the door behind him and hurrying down the hall to the living room where Dean was laying on the floor. “What happened? Are you feeling okay? Dean?” Cas dropped at Dean’s side, the closer he got the more he could smell the alcohol, the scent of another person, and far too much perfume. His heart caught in his throat but he refused to see the worst possible outcome. “Dean, look at me, are you okay?”

 

Dean muttered and spat out sentences that were impossible to understand. Cas sighed lightly, they’d deal with it in the morning, for now he just needed to get Dean into a more comfortable place. “Come on, let’s get you to bed and sleep this off, okay?”

 

As Cas lifted Dean’s arm up over his shoulder and started to heft him up off the floor, Dean’s mouth came close to his ear; “I hate what you’ve made of me, Cas…” It was all Cas could understand out of the words Dean was babbling, and it hurt more than losing an arm or a leg ever could. He bit his lip and carried Dean down the hall, ignoring the hateful things coming from his boyfriend’s mouth.

 

“Let’s just get you to bed, alright?” He heard his own voice crack but didn’t acknowledge that it had happened. It was hard but he managed to pretend that the heaviness in his heart was from exhaustion, from being so worried that something had happened to Dean.

 

“You ruined me.”

 

“Dean you don’t mean that-“

 

“I fucked them.” Dean’s slurred nonsense was making too much sense now and Castiel didn’t want to hear it.

 

“Stop it.”

 

“I fucked those girls at the bar because I hate this.”

 

“Dean, please stop it.” Cas shook weakly, his heart aching so badly.

 

“I hate what I am. So I did ‘em all, every girl there tasted my dick-” Dean drawled out the last few words entirely incoherently and Cas had had enough. He dropped Dean on the floor in the hallway and called Jet’s number again, tears streaming down his face as his nails dug into the soft flesh of his hands squeezed into fists.

 

 _“Hey,”_ Jet’s voice was a little slower, clearly he’d been sleeping but Cas couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about it.

 

“Come and get him.” He demanded, pain etched in every word that left his mouth.

 

 _“Cas? What happened?”_ Jet’s awareness level jumped up the moment his brain registered what it’d heard.

 

“I said come and get him! Please, I can’t take this anymore, please get him out of here.” Cas covered his mouth as the pain rushed forward and tried to drown him, pushing past every barrier he’d ever put up, filling every crack in his shell. “Oh god…” He stumbled down the hall and hit his knees, bending forward and shaking, nothing would move right.

 

 _“Cas hang on I’ll be right there. I’m coming.”_ Jet’s voice crackled as he was getting ready. He had no idea what had happened but it was enough to bring his friend to tears and then some. _“Take a deep breath, okay? Cas, can you hear me?”_

 

“I want it to stop!” Cas cried out, slamming his head onto the carpet in his hall, he could still hear Dean behind him slowly babbling his way into unconsciousness, entirely out of his head and gone.

 

_“Don’t do anything, I’ll be there in like five minutes.”_

 

Cas hung the phone up and dropped it on the rug, holding onto himself for dear life. It was too much, it tore through him like a rag doll, threw him against a rocky shore, shredded his insides and worse. Cas couldn’t find the ability to breathe as everything came crashing down in his head, and for a moment he thought that it’d be better that way.

 

And then the phone rang.

 

It was that ringtone, that special ringtone that filled the air the last time he’d been tying the noose.

 

Castiel sobbed heavily and grabbed the phone again, barely able to read the display through his tears.

 

_Michael._

 

“Hello?” He didn’t even try to hide it this time.

 

 _“Castiel please tell me you didn’t go into your apartment when you thought someone broke in,”_ Michael sounded winded, like he was running. Just like last time.

 

“Yes… it was Dean.”

 

_“Thank god- no wait, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”_

 

Cas didn’t know how to answer, he didn’t know if he could say it. “He… he…” Even attempting to tell his older brother was tearing him apart. “…cheated… he’s drunk and he cheated.”

 

_“Castiel-“_

 

“He said he hates me, Michael!” Cas had opened the door, had let in the demons he was praying would stay behind him. “It _hurts_ , Michael. It hurts so much, I c-can’t take it.”

 

 _“Cas we’ve been here before, please don’t do this again.”_ Michael sounded terrified and it broke Cas’ heart.

 

“I won’t, I won’t do it. But I’m dying Mike… it hurts so bad.” Cas sobbed out the words, sniveling and crying, heaving in each breath as if it were the last one that would grace his lungs.

 

_“I know it hurts, I know it does, but it goes away. You know it goes away. Are you sure he’s not lying to you? You said he’s drunk-“_

“He’s got _perfume all over him! There are fucking lipstick marks on his neck, Michael!”_ Castiel shrieked into the phone, starting to pull himself up from the floor, his legs shaking as he demanded more from them than was possible in that moment.

 

Michael was quiet for a bit other than his heavier breathing, _“He’s still there with you?”_

“He is…” Cas moved down the hall and back to the front door, slipping on his shoes and walking out of the apartment. “Jet’s coming to get him.”

 

 _“He’d better pray that Jet gets him before I do.”_ Michael growled on the other line, protective as ever.

 

“Are you coming over?” Cas asked after a few moments of silence, pleading mentally that Michael said yes, that he wasn’t too busy.

 

_“Obviously. Be there shortly. Did you want me to stay on the line?”_

 

“…Please?” Cas cried softly, leaning against a wall as he caught his breath again, another wave of pain slamming into him. “I need you, Mike. You don’t even have to say anything, I just need you.”

 

There were the telltale sounds of a car starting on the other end, the muffled sound of an engine roaring to life and tearing away from wherever Michael was. _“Hey, remember those years ago under the tree house?”_

“Of course…”

 

_“And I sang to you?”_

 

“Yeah,” Cas laughed a little, his breathing a little shaky, “That song by Stabilo that had nothing to do with anything at the time.”

 

_“Yeah, that one, and it’s called Everybody you uncultured swine.”_

 

Cas smiled and wiped at his eyes, “Could you sing it again?”

 

 _“I planned on it.”_ Cas could hear the smile in Michael’s voice, he was calm and that made it seem a little easier. _“Doesn’t anybody know how to walk anymore? Doesn’t anybody know what a radio’s for? Doesn’t anybody wear their hair down low? Doesn’t anybody know, doesn’t anybody know?”_

 

As Cas sat and listened to his brother over the other line he could see a car pulling up, a taxi dropping off a somewhat disheveled Jet who tossed some money at the driver. “Jet’s here,” he opened the door and let the other man in, Michael stopped to listen of course, trying to get as much of the other side as he could.

 

“Where is he?” Jet looked at Cas, wincing a bit when he saw the tear stained face, red eyes and sniffling nose. “Cas… what happened?”

 

“He’s a fucking asshole, that’s what.” Cas stormed up to his apartment and slammed the door open, pointing down the hall.

 

Jet walked past Cas when he realized the other man wasn’t moving, he was about to ask again when he saw Dean sprawled out on the floor. “Oh man…”

 

“Yeah,” Cas shuddered and sniffled again, wiping at his face one more time. He reached into Dean’s pocket and fished out the key to his apartment, “I’ll be taking that back.”

 

Jet picked Dean up off the floor, noting the perfume and lipstick immediately. “Fuck…” He cursed and started dragging the idiot out, “Cas, I’m so sorry.”

 

“You shouldn’t be.” Cas wrapped his arms around himself, trying to keep out the emotions, the pain, the cold, all of it. It didn’t work but he tried. “Please… just go.”

 

Jet nodded and walked out, heading out of the apartment building toward the Impala, having fished those keys out of Dean’s pocket too. “Hey!” Jet looked up to see Michael, looking somewhat disheveled as well, and just as sleep deprived.

 

“Michael back off,” Jet laid Dean down on the pavement, leaning him against the car’s door as he turned to face Castiel’s big brother. “I know you’re pissed and I know you want to beat the living crap out of him, but that’s not gonna happen with me here.”

 

“He’s a monster and deserves it.” Michael snarled, approaching enough to get Jet to step up to him, face-to-face and ready for a fight.

 

“Doesn’t matter, I won’t let you do anything when he can’t defend himself.”

 

They stared at one another before Michael broke away and headed into the building, Castiel needed him anyway. Jet sighed and heaved Dean into the backseat, “You’re a fucking moron, you know that?” He muttered angrily. “Fuck man… What did you do?”

 


	33. Chapter 33

His head was pounding. Everything hurt, but his head felt like someone had taken a sack of bricks to it. Dean slowly sat up, looking around at his bedroom hazily. The first thing on his mind was the bathroom, throwing up and a number of other unpleasant things.

 

The next thing was medicine. More vomiting and finally he decided to go take a shower. As Dean walked into the bathroom he looked in the mirror, his face looked like he’d been hit by a car or something.

 

And then he saw it; the lipstick marks.

 

Dean’s heart leapt into his chest, when did those get there? Last thing he remembered was partying at the bar, letting loose and trying to forget. He wanted to shake off all the insecurities and just be free for a few hours.

 

But the question nagged at his head; who did he try to forget?

 

_Castiel._

 

He fumbled around and found his phone, looking at the sheer number of missed calls and voicemails, and text messages left for him. And how many of them were Castiel? Nearly all, aside from the ones Jet left, and a few other people he didn’t care to look at. Dean’s head throbbed as he dared to listen to the voicemails, Cas sounded so worried for him, and that worry slowly grew into fear over the span of the messages. Cas had no idea where he’d been, he hadn’t just gone to bed?

 

But more importantly, how’d he get home? Dean walked into the living space, it was Saturday morning and Jet was up watching TV. “Jet?” Dean groaned as he stumbled into the room, watching how his friend flinched at the sound of his voice. “What happened last night?”

 

Jet looked at him sadly and shook his head, “You fucked up, that’s what.”

 

Dean’s mind went straight back to the lipstick. “Did… did I-“

 

“You did, and you went straight to Cas’ to tell him.” Jet stood up and walked over to Dean, “What the fuck were you thinking?”

 

Dean was horrified, his mind was barely able to understand what he was being told just then. He’d cheated? He’d cheated on Castiel? How? Why? He loved Cas, more than anything. Why would he do that? Dean shook his head, “No, there has to be some other-“

 

“Explanation?” Jet cut him off angrily, “Dude you fucking _boasted_ it to him. Gabriel called me this morning since you don’t answer your phone, told me the whole thing, told me to keep you the hell away from them.”

 

It was like he’d heard the loud shatter of Castiel’s heart from there, tears rushed to Dean’s eyes and he shook his head again, “No… no I couldn’t have… this is a nightmare.” He rubbed at his face as the wash of pain hit him, “Please no…” Dean took a shuddering breath as he grabbed his phone again, dialing the number he’d long memorized. “Cas,” he whispered the name as it fled from his mind, repeatedly like the slow rings on the other line. Dean paced the room until the phone went to voicemail.

 

_“This is Castiel Novak, I’m sorry I missed your call-“_

 

“No.” Dean hung up and dialed again.

 

_“This is Castiel Novak, I’m sorry-“_

 

“No!”

 

Again.

 

_“This is Castiel –“_

 

Again.

 

_“This is Cas-“_

 

Dean wanted to throw his phone at the wall but he knew that if he did that then he’d never be there for Cas to reach him, just in case Cas called back. It was Saturday, maybe he was at work. _‘I’ll go to the shelter.’_ Dean thought quickly, running to his room. He was about to just throw himself together but he realized that he still smelled like perfume, the smear of lipstick was still all over him. Shower first.

 

* * *

 

Dean arrived at the shelter, cleaned up and ready to grovel. He walked in and went straight to the workers, “Is Cas in?”

 

“No, his brother called in for him today. Apparently he’s really ill.” The woman shrugged, “I hope he gets better, poor thing.”

 

Dean wanted to scream. He ran back out the door, trying to call Cas again.

 

 _“This is Castiel Novak, I’m sorry I missed your call. Leave your name, number, and a brief message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.”_ And then it beeped. Dean took a deep breath, fighting off the urge to cry in the middle of the shelter’s parking lot.

 

“Hey Cas, it’s me… I know you don’t want to hear from me, but please, please talk to me. I’m sorry Cas. Don’t go like this, I didn’t mean to. I didn’t mean any of it. Please, Cas? Please call me?” He resorted to begging in the last few moments before the message cut out. Dean walked back to his car, defeated. Castiel wasn’t talking to him.

 

And Castiel didn’t call him back. Days passed and Dean couldn’t eat, he could barely sleep, school drifted past him and his part time job had to give him time off to get his shit together. Castiel was gone.

 

Dean knew where Cas would be on a Friday night, though. January 31st came, the following Friday, Dean hadn’t slept well at all but he couldn’t pass this up. He walked in like normal, he sat down in his usual spot and waited for the exact time that Cas usually hit the stage.

 

But it was someone else.

 

Dean’s heart sank and he didn’t think it possible but he broke down. Tears mixed with snot and saliva as he cried, it was ugly and it was meant to be. He’d never fucked up that badly in his life, never. Every time someone else said he wasn’t good enough it was because they were expecting him to be different. This time he’d promised. He’d swore left and right to Castiel that he’d be different, he promised he’d take care of Cas. He promised and it was over. He remembered Michael’s words, Michael’s story and that made him want to run into traffic even more than he already did.

 

What if Castiel had killed himself?

 

Or tried? What if he were sitting in a hospital room right then, barely alive, all because of Dean? A drunken idiot rambling on about bullshit that he couldn’t even remember the next fucking day.

 

“Cas!” Dean cried out his boyfriend’s name, the love of his life, “Castiel!”

 

People looked but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about a goddamn thing.

 

It didn’t even matter when the bouncers took him outside for a break. Dean went straight to his car and curled up on the seat. He cried there, waiting until it was the usual time that Castiel would come outside.

 

He didn’t. All the other workers exited the building, including that night’s singer. It wasn’t Cas.

 

Cas wasn’t coming home with him. Dean curled again and stayed there the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Wasting away like the fucking awful person that he was. Dean went through his day-to-day life like that, just shambling on. Sam had tried calling him but he didn’t pick up. He didn’t want to hear it, hear how he’d killed Castiel. Gabriel would have something to say, Gabriel would get in his face immediately. Dean didn’t want to think about that.

 

But then, didn’t that mean letting go of Castiel? Just giving up after all of the last year they’d spent together?

 

He refused to stop trying, Dean called Castiel every day. He sent messages every few hours. He left voicemails and emails and all kinds of mails that he could, all in the hopes that Castiel would reply to him. Nothing came back, no answers when he phoned, no texts, no emails, no letters. Nothing. Hell, most of Dean’s friends wouldn’t even talk to him anymore either, aside from Sam and Jet of course. He was ignoring Sam and Jet was his roommate.

 

Dean couldn’t function, it had nearly been two weeks and he couldn’t go on without Castiel. His heart hurt, his brain hurt,  his emotions wouldn’t stop raging inside him, everything was terrible. And it was his fault. He knew all of it was hi fault, drinking wasn’t an excuse, especially not for the things Jet told he’d said. Cas hated him, he had every right to hate Dean, every goddamn right. That didn’t make it hurt any less though. And even then, Cas might not even be conscious enough to hate. What if he’d jumped off a building? Or ran into the street?

 

He couldn’t take it anymore, not knowing if Cas was okay. Dean grabbed his phone and called Sam, getting ready for a shit storm.

 

 _“Dean?”_ Sam picked up almost immediately.

 

“Hey…” Dean winced at the sound of his own voice, he sounded like the wreck he was, it was painful to hear really.

 

 _“Where the hell have you been!? I heard what happened from Gabriel and I had to check in with Jet because I didn’t know where you were or if you were okay!”_ Sam was pissed.

 

“I’m sorry… I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.” Dean pressed his palm to his eyes, trying to wipe them as the tears came out. He always seemed to be crying these days. “Sam… I need help. What do I do? I miss him.”

 

Sam was quiet for a long moment, _“Do you know what you did?”_

 

“I got upset and needed a drink to forget about the stupid bitch I used to date… but instead I… I don’t know. I don’t even know, Sam. I heard about it, I heard what I’d said while I was drunk.” Dean hissed in a breath and leaned against a wall, trying to hold in the sobs that he wanted to let out. “I hate myself so much, Sammy.”

 

_“I’m sure you do... Dean I don’t know what to tell you.”_

 

“Just tell me he’s alive.” Dean blurted out, sniffling and attempting to regain composure. “Just tell me he’s not in a hospital somewhere.”

 

_“What? No of course not, he’s staying with Michael right now.”_

 

Dean smiled a little, the first one he could have managed in two weeks, and it was still about Cas. Castiel was alive. “Where is he? I need to see him, Sam.”

 

_“I know you do but I’m not sure it’s a good idea.”_

 

“I’m not going to give up. I love him, I’m not letting Cas go. I fucked up but I can fix it.” His eyes lit up as something came to mind. “Sam, just at least let me know if he’ll be at The Jar on Friday?”

 

Sam hesitated to answer, clearly he’d been told not to say a word about Cas. _“He’ll be at The Jar the next Friday for the Jar of Hearts Valentine’s day event.”_

 

“Thank you, Sammy. Thank you so much.” Dean was almost in tears again as he tried to get out the words he meant to say.

 

_“You’re welcome Dean, but do me a favour?”_

 

“Yeah?”

 

_“Next time something happens, don’t fucking ignore me.”_

 

Dean nodded even though he knew Sam couldn’t see him, “Right, of course. I’m sorry.”

 

 _“Don’t do anything stupid, okay?”_ Sam didn’t wait for an answer and hung up, leaving Dean to sit on the line alone. He deserved the sudden send off, he knew he did, so he didn’t hold it against Sam.

 

Sam wasn’t the only person Dean had tried to get Cas’ location out of; he couldn’t last another week, he would if he had to but it would be so painful. He tried talking to Charlie, to Anna, to Jo, and even Garth seemed to know but none would tell him. The days leading up to Valentine’s Day were awful, dismal, and indescribably lonely. Dean sat looking at old photos that they’d taken, there weren’t that many and that only made him want to cry more. Cas was living with Michael, but Dean had no idea where Michael lived. In the entire year that he’d known the Novak’s he never found out where Michael or Gabriel stayed.

 

He thought about going to the Novak estate, figuring that’d be a good place to start, but as he stood outside its gates he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

 

And that moment of weakness stayed with him as he walked back home, he wished he had the strength to at least kill himself for the horrendous year he’d put Cas through but he was far too selfish. He wanted to live with Cas, he wanted to spend the rest of his life holding his baby and never letting go.

 

“Why am I so fucking stupid?” He asked the empty street, letting the tears flow down his cheeks like he was already so used to doing. Even Dean was too disgusted with himself to feel sorry for himself. He looked up toward the grey skies overhead and screamed as loud as he could, “I love you Cas!” His voice strained and cracked as he continued to shout, unable to think of anything else that he could do. “I love you!”

 

Though he wished it were possible, he didn’t get an answer. 


	34. Chapter 34

Michael had taken an indefinite amount of time off. He’d told their father there was no negotiating it, Castiel needed him and that was final. James tried to argue again, tried to persuade him but Michael stood his ground and after the politest ‘fuck off’ he’d ever uttered, Michael got what he wanted. The last two weeks had been as volatile as he remembered it being the time before that. Castiel didn’t speak much, he sat in his room most of the time or just slept. Michael thanked a higher power for there being far fewer photos that Cas could go through and cry over.

 

But at the same time that fact seemed to make Castiel so much sadder. The tears had stopped coming but there was a constant state of pain on his face, it didn’t matter if there were bodily fluids to go with it.

 

He thought getting Cas back out into the volunteer world would be helpful, getting him into it after his last ex helped tremendous amounts after all. But Cas would have none of it, he couldn’t give anything else, and even if he could he could barely move to do it. Heartache had taken its toll on Castiel, it rendered him silent and distant. Michael remembered what happened after the last one so he knew a little on how to deal with it.

 

While in the most obvious sense this break up seemed easier on Castiel, it also felt far worse. Michael could see the differences, he could hear it and feel it in Cas’ presence. Dean’s betrayal hit hard and tore apart so much. Michael wished he could fix it, make it better, but he knew there was nothing more he could do than be there, say helpful or useless things, whatever made Cas happy. Because making Cas happy again was his priority.

 

“Michael…?” Cas appeared in the entrance to the kitchen, the bags under his eyes were as dark as ever and his face was still so red and puffy.

 

“What’s up?” Michael made a point of keeping his tone soft and calming, even if Cas didn’t need to be calmed down he still got the impression that Michael was the one to go to for that kind of feeling. A mental little trick, sure, but it worked.

 

Castiel shook his head, “My stomach hurts.”

 

“You haven’t eaten very much in the last few weeks, that makes sense.” Michael got up and walked to the fridge, “I’ll make you small snack, alright?”

 

Cas nodded and sat down, it was one of the first times he’d gotten out of his room on his own, no coaxing from his big brother. Michael didn’t want to hide his joy so he smiled over at Cas who just stared down at the tablecloth. “You look like you’re doing better today, how’s everything else?”

 

All Cas did was shrug in response, not sure what to say or not wanting to talk Michael couldn’t tell. “Well you came out of your room on your own, I’m really glad to see that.”

 

“He calls every day…” Cas finally spoke and the words had stopped Michael entirely. He’d taken Castiel’s phone to _make fucking sure_ that Dean Winchester couldn’t contact him. “I hear it ringing in your room.”

 

“He does call, but that doesn’t mean you have to answer it.” Michael said darkly, glaring down at the cucumber he’d taken to add to the salad he was making. If Cas was going to eat anything it was going to be healthy.

 

“How could he do that to me, Mike?” Cas sounded broken up again, Michael stopped what he was doing and went to his little brother’s side, kneeling on the floor next to his chair. There were tears on his face again, following familiar streaks down to his chin and dripping off without much effort. “Didn’t I love him enough?”

 

“Stop.” Michael’s tone was demanding now, a sudden and loud word that startled Castiel enough to bring some focus back to his eyes. “Castiel you listen to me and you listen good, Dean Winchester was the one who didn’t do enough. He was the one who promised to take care of you, he was the one who repeatedly said ‘I’m working on it’ as if that was enough for you to hear. You’d ask to be treated fairly, to not be hidden away like some dirty secret but he couldn’t handle that. _You_ are far too good for filth like that. You, Cas, love more than anyone I have ever met. You are beautiful and you are smart, kind hearted, and so, so strong, Castiel.” Michael’s words held the conviction they always used to when he’d talk about his dreams and goals, they were words filled with every ounce of passion that Cas had ever heard from Michael’s mouth. Michael reached up and wiped the tears away from Cas’ cheeks, “I’m tired of seeing you hurt because other people fall short of what you need. You’re not to blame, you have been nothing but perfect and don’t you ever, _ever_ , think you weren’t good enough. Do you hear me?”

 

Cas’ lower lip had started to tremble, little gasps for air escaping him as his nose was plugged up. He almost fell forward onto Michael, hugging him and holding on for dear life. “I hear you.” He sobbed, burying his face against his brother’s shoulder, “Thank you.”

 

Michael sighed with a  smile, holding Cas just as tightly, “It’s something you shouldn’t have to hear from me, you should know it.”

 

“Thank you.” Cas repeated the words, unable to make anything else coherent enough.

 

“You’re welcome, kiddo.” Michael pet his hair gently, waiting for Cas to calm down. “Now how about that snack, hm?”

 

Cas nodded and leaned back into his chair, “Yes, please.”

 

“That’s my brother.” Michael got up and walked over to the abandoned vegetables, smiling all the way. He missed doing that, he missed being as supportive as he could be for his brothers. But at the same time, to be as helpful as he was being right then Cas or Gabe would have to be in severe amounts of pain and that just sucked. “Hey, since we’re on a roll with this today,” Michael glanced over his shoulder at Cas with a smirk, “How about you take a shower now?” Another thing that Castiel had been neglecting.

 

“I’ll think about it.” Was the coy little answer he got in return. It wasn’t a yes but it was definitely good enough for him.

 

* * *

 

 

The following few days Cas had started to make his own food and eat a little bit more, he showered daily again and even put on clothes other than his pajamas. Michael agreed to watch old movies with Cas though they had to be careful which ones, Castiel had seen so many with Dean in the last year that if they watched one that gave Cas any kind of reminder there were tears, and tissues, and Michael had to do some kind of ridiculous thing to get Cas’ mind off it. So instead of watching Cas’ films they watched Michael’s, and though Cas and Michael didn’t always have the same taste in movies, it was still a nice change. He even enjoyed the documentaries on the deep-sea stuff.

 

“Angler fish are fucked up…” He muttered, shoving popcorn into his mouth.

 

“Well when you can’t see down there you don’t really need to care about how you look, right?” Michael replied around a mouth full of popcorn as well, wincing when a kernel bit got stuck between his teeth.

 

“Yeah I guess, but still, the males just become little gonads attached to the female. Weird.” Cas looked over at Michael who was in the middle of trying to use his fingernail to remove the kernel, not wanting to get up and use his floss. “Good lord, just let me get it.” He laughed and got up, padding across the tiled floor with bare feet to the bathroom.

 

“Ah’m gettin’ it!” Michael called across the room stubbornly, fingers still in his mouth. “Shit down!”

 

Cas smiled and shook his head, retrieving the dental floss and carrying it back to Michael who looked unimpressed.

 

“Hey guys,” Gabriel waved as he walked in, a somewhat concerned look on his face, “How are things going? Cas you okay?”

 

Castiel nodded and sat down on the couch again, bringing his legs up and resting sideways on his hip. “Yeah, mostly. I’m much better.” He smiled over at his younger brother, “Thanks for the candy.”

 

“I try.” Gabriel shrugged and looked over at Michael, “Can I talk to you for a second?”

 

Michael eyed him funny, having just removed the unpleasant popcorn kernel from his teeth. “I suppose.” He got up and walked aside with Gabe, folding his arms over his chest, “So it’s about Dean?”

 

“Yeah, sort of. Sam says he’s been asking around a lot where Cas is, I don’t think he’s gonna just disappear.”

 

“Well then we’ll have to make things a little clearer for him.” Michael pat Gabriel on the shoulder, “Sam knows he shouldn’t say, and if he were going to he would’ve by now. Cas is safe here, and if they do come face to face I have a feeling it won’t go the way you expect it to.”

 

“What do you mean?” Gabriel glanced back toward the living room where Cas was continuing the documentary on his own, not caring to eavesdrop or anything.

 

“I mean he might be sad every now and then, he still cries, but he’s aware of the situation. He knows what Dean did to him and he knows it’s wrong, Cas won’t see Dean and fall to his knees or forgive him.” Michael smiled over at their brother who had looked up and smiled back. “I get the feeling he’s going to let Dean have it.”

 

“I kinda wanna see that.” Gabriel chuckled, “Okay, well as long as you’re aware of it then.”

 

“He calls every day and sends several texts, I had a hunch he wasn’t going to disappear.”

 

Gabriel glanced at Cas one more time, “He didn’t see any, did he?”

 

“No, I have his phone.” Michael headed back toward the sitting area, “Come on, join us. We’re watching fucked up shit apparently.” He spoke loud enough for Cas to hear him that time, earning a light laugh out of the heart broken Novak.

 

“Well it is, okay?”

 

“I never said you were wrong.” Michael dropped onto the sofa and looked up at the TV again, “Sit Gabriel, we have popcorn.”

 

Gabriel weaseled into the space between them and put the bowl in his lap, taking handfuls and stuffing them into his mouth. It’d been a while since all three of them had the time to just hang out, it was terrible that Cas had been through hell and that’s what gave them all the time but they’d take whatever they could get.

 

“Still doing the Valentine’s show?” Gabriel turned to look at Cas curiously, he wanted to know if he’d have to schedule someone else but it would be awesome to have a bit of a repeat of the year before. It’d been an awesome turn out, so many people showed up because the entertainment would be good.

 

“Of course I am, I promised last month didn’t I?” Cas smiled at him, “I at least try to keep those.”

 

“Yeah well we didn’t see a lot of shit coming last month, so I just figured I’d check in.” Gabriel shrugged and looked back toward the weird fish documentary. “Damn… these things are fucked up. Scary too, could you imagine if those things swam in shallow water? I’d never go swimming again.”

 

“Yes you would.” Michael smirked, nudging Gabriel playfully.

 

“Yeah maybe.”

 

Cas smiled at his brothers and looked back at the screen though he was seeing right through it. That exact moment in time one year ago he was content, unaware of the existence of Dean Winchester, and unaware of the crazy year to follow. One year ago on February the fourteenth he’d met the man he would end up calling the love of his life, a man who would bring life and joy to his smile again, a beat back to his heart, and put light in his eyes. A man who would ultimately crush him under foot, shatter the love he’d grown, and curse his name. It hurt. He could remember so vividly the smile on Dean’s face when they’d first spoken, the song he’d requested, and even the other songs that he’d sang that night. Cas knew what Valentine’s Day would do to him, he knew it’d hurt more than anything else because getting on that stage could never be the same. He couldn’t stand up there and pretend his world was different, pretend he didn’t want to look into the corner of the room and see a loving face, adoring him from afar. Castiel couldn’t pretend to be okay with knowing he’d lost the love that meant the most to him; but he could move on without it.

 

Everything eventually fades and pain was one of those things. It would leave a scar on him, forever burned into his heart like a crater where Dean Winchester should have filled the holes. Cas didn’t try to fight off the feelings of anguish, rage, bitterness and sorrow, he just let them go. Holding onto them would only dig his holes deeper, clinging to the pain would just make it grow, his best hope of getting over it was letting himself feel it. Letting it flow consume him for the short period that it took to wash away that moment in his life was far better than never letting go.

 

Gabriel was about to say something when he saw the fresh tears freely falling from Castiel’s eyes but Michael shushed him. The kind of crying that Cas was doing then was different than the other times before, it showed signs of healing and for that Michael was grateful. Castiel would be hurt for a long time after this but that didn’t mean he’d never get better. 


	35. Chapter 35

Dean felt like he could throw up as he sat at a table in the Jar café, he’d showed up a bit earlier because he figured the place would be packed like last time. He wasn’t wrong, and several others had had the same idea so he didn’t get his regular spot, which irked him. But that didn’t matter, he’d get to see Castiel after three weeks. It’d be like a quick fix of a highly addictive drug, he’d feel so much better and so much worse at the same time. Seeing Cas meant so much to him in that moment, just seeing him would be nice. But of course Dean wasn’t about to settle for just that, he wanted Castiel to talk to him, he wanted Cas to acknowledge his presence there and at least hear him.

 

But there were so many people.

 

Like the year before everyone was given a jar and little paper hearts. Dean accepted the paper hearts to write his name on but he shook his head when offered a jar, “No thank you, I still have mine from last year.” He lifted up the jar with a smile, a lid firmly placed over it and one single little paper heart inside, silver gel-pen ink scrawled across its surface.

 

“You can’t start the game yet…”

 

“I don’t want any more names in my jar than this one.” He explained and she shrugged, leaving his table. Dean wrote his name on all of the little paper hearts and looked for the jar that would be left on the stage for the performer. As he expected it was there, in plain sight and ready for the names of people who adored and loved its owner. Dean knew whose jar that was but he waited to make sure it didn’t belong to anyone else. Just in case his luck was actually that bad.

 

The lights dimmed a little as the bar scene came more into play, one of the serving girls stepping onto the stage and giving the speech on how the games would work. This time she nudged the jar with her foot to bring some attention to it. “Of course our performer is playing too, this little jar here is for someone we’ve brought back by popular demand. So let’s get him out here, everyone give it up for Castiel Novak!”

 

Dean clapped with the rest of them as his heart leaped into his throat, he picked up the little stack of paper hearts he’d been given and walked right up to the stage as Castiel came out. He looked amazing, beautiful and as lovely as ever. Dean could tell there was make-up on his face, he could see how Cas’ eyes were still a little swollen, whether that was from days of crying or just very recently Dean couldn’t tell. But the sight of his baby made it much more recent for Dean, he smiled up sadly as Castiel looked down at him. Cas’ eyes were a cold, steel kind of blue as they fixed on him before looking out at the crowd again. Dean didn’t care that Cas wouldn’t look, well, he cared but he was just glad to get one.

 

As Castiel addressed everyone initially, the usual thanks for coming and so forth, Dean put all of his hearts into Cas’ jar and walked back to his table. He didn’t mean to interrupt the entire performance, just to wait for a moment to talk, like he had done the year before.

 

The night went on and Dean sat like he always remembered doing, maybe not from that position but it didn’t matter. He watched Castiel’s performance with a sad kind of joy, loving every sound and lyric like it was the last time he’d ever hear it. Old songs from the year before, new ones he hadn’t heard yet, all of it meant so much more because Valentine’s Day was the day that Cas sang only love songs, unless something was requested from him specifically. Each song was like it was theirs at one point, each loving word had once been meant for Dean before he’d done what he did.

 

“I love you.” Dean said the words but knew Cas couldn’t hear him. Every moment he could remember came back to him as Castiel sang, every little reason he’d ever fallen in love with a wonderful, dark haired man. Dean wished he could live it all again, wished he could experience more of it, new things and better things. He wished he could give it all to Cas, he wished he could go back and give away everything he’d ever been because all he wanted to be was what Cas saw in him. The loving man that Castiel saw in him, the kind, funny, strong man that Cas believed him to be. All that he was meant to be was defined in Castiel.

 

And he ruined it.

 

“This is the last song of the night and while I know I should end it on a better note than this, I thought it was more appropriate for some of us. I dedicate this song to all of the loving, caring people who have been used. I dedicate this to those who refused to put up with being treated like crap, to those who could step away from a bad thing. I dedicate this last song to all the fuckers who think we’ll just continue bending backward for you. A cover of Christina Perri, it’s called Jar of Hearts.”

 

Dean closed his eyes, he knew this one was for him. The words that Castiel still couldn’t say; I dedicate this to Dean Winchester.

 

“No I can’t take one more step towards you, ‘cause all that’s waiting is regret.”

 

Dean could picture it, the first time he’d ever had enough courage to approach Castiel. _“Hey stranger, you got room in your jar for my heart?”_

“Don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore? You lost the love I loved the most. I learned to live half alive, now you want me one more time.”

 

The first time he’d struggled with Castiel, struggled with identifying with something so trivial. He’d said it right the first time, why had that changed? _“I want to go out with you, I like you. What you are doesn’t matter, I like who you are, so…”_

_“So?”_

_“So will you be my boyfriend?”_

 

“And who do you think you are? Running ‘round leaving scars, collecting your jar of hearts and tearing love apart.”

 

Dean couldn’t remember saying it but he was certain he knew what words burned Castiel more than anything. Even though he’d never say them again, he’d never meant them in the first place, they did more damage than he could have ever meant to cause on purpose.

 

_“I hate what you’ve made of me, Cas...”_

 

“You’re gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul. So don’t come back for me, who do you think you are?”

 

The first time Castiel said his name, the first time he ever came close to knowing who he was.

 

_“I’m uh… Dean, Dean Winchester.”_

_“Well Dean, it’s a pleasure to meet you.”_

 

“I hear you’re asking all around if I am anywhere to be found. But I have grown too strong to ever fall back in your arms!” Back into the chorus, so many different moments in their experience together that Dean could think back to, that he could reference for the reason Cas used the words he did.

 

“It took so long just to feel alright, remember how to put back the light in my eyes?”

 

Dean thought of Michael’s story, Castiel’s heartbreak and how dead he’d become inside. But what stood out more than that was the time Castiel explained what Dean meant to him.

 

_“You put light back in my eyes, you’re the reason I wake up so quickly, and you’re what I look forward to when the days are over. I know I’m loved, you taught me that I don’t need other people to acknowledge that to make it true. You bring out the best in me and I don’t ever want to let you go.”_

 

“I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed, ‘cause you broke all your promises. And now you’re back, you don’t get to get me back.”

 

“No…” Dean whispered through the tears, starting to find it difficult to breathe. It was true, he had broken so many promises to Castiel, he had lost the love and trust of the one person that he couldn’t bear to lose. He’d lost Castiel. It wasn’t some stupid fight they were having, he really did lose Cas.

 

“Who do you think you are?”

 

“Nothing.” Dean whispered as he wiped his eyes, “But I know I’m not a quitter.”

 

Cas let the music fade and the applause to stop before he spoke again, “I’d like to thank you all for coming again, and for being such a good audience to me. This is the last time I’ll be performing here, so tonight I say goodbye, and wish you luck.”

 

Dean stared in horror at the stage, “No.” He got up to shout at Cas, to tell him not to do it but the crowd gave him their applause, by means of thanks for all the entertainment and work he did. Dean was drowned out in the sound as he yelled at Castiel, the singer disappearing off the stage.

 

Dean knew that Cas wouldn’t stay, that Cas wouldn’t want to mingle because it’d be too much like last time. So he ran out to the parking lot, or at least he tried to. He bumped into Gabriel who put a hand to his chest. “Stop right there,” he snapped angrily, the strength in his arm quite the surprise to Dean.

 

“Please, Gabriel let me go. I need to talk to him.” Dean knew it was a long shot but worth a try.

 

“How dare you?” Gabriel shoved him backward, “What fucking right do you have to say that? You almost killed him, you son of a bitch!”

 

“Michael told me about the last time… I know what Cas tried to do, okay? Don’t use that against me, I’m going to talk to him.”

 

“Oh he did tell you, huh? Did he tell you what Cas’ ex did before dumping him?”

 

Dean paused, no he hadn’t heard that one.

 

“The fucker _cheated_ on him. Over and over again with different people, men and women both. Lying to Cas is something he can handle, hell, being beaten and used are things he can handle, but one thing he won’t stand for is a cheater. Why do you think he was always so jealous when you flirted with other people? Even jokingly?” Every word Gabriel shouted at him was like another dagger in his heart, and he hadn’t thought it could hurt more than it did. He was wrong.

 

“I didn’t… I didn’t know… And I didn’t do it on purpose, you have to know that, Gabriel! Please!” Dean was pleading again, his tone, his words, his posture, all of it. “I need to see him, please let me go.”

 

“I can’t physically stop you,” Gabriel frowned, still glaring daggers into him, “But I don’t want you anywhere near my brother.”

 

Dean didn’t have time for that argument right then, Cas was leaving and that might have been his last chance to say anything to his baby. “I’m sorry, I’m going anyway.” Dean pushed past Gabriel easily, running out into the lot just in time to see Castiel walking toward the street on his way home. “CAS!”

 

Castiel froze in place, slowly turning back to see Dean rushing toward him. “Stop right there, Dean.” He demanded it but Dean could hear the shaking in his voice, how close he was to crying. “What do you want?”

 

Dean stopped as he was told but tried to inch closer with a step or two every now and then. “Cas, I don’t have a good excuse or reason for what I did. There is none, I know that. I really, really screwed up. I screwed it all up, and I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry Cas.” Dean could hear himself almost whimpering as he barely managed the words. He wanted to break down and bawl right there but he knew better, he knew that he absolutely had to tell Castiel. “I’m the worst, I know you probably hate me for it, I hate me for it. I just… I need you, Cas. I can’t live without you, I’m a pathetic mess, I barely get up in the morning. I love you.”

 

“Dean-“

 

“Cas, please.” Dean had to interrupt, he could hear Castiel’s tone and it didn’t mean anything good. “Please, don’t go. Don’t do this.”

 

“I have to.” Cas said sternly, “My last relationship ended similarly to this one, except he dumped me. While you did cheat on me, Dean, I’m the one leaving you. I need to do this for myself, I need to prove to me that I didn’t deserve being kept a secret. You should have been proud to be with me. You should have gone running to your friends excitedly telling them whom you were dating, and you should have let me do the same. I had to hide it from my best friends just in case they’d ever say something to people you knew. I had to ask my brothers not to tell anyone, to pretend right along with me.” He stepped forward, a stubborn and determined gesture. “To give in to you now, to forgive this easily would be to admit that I am willing to put up with anything. Not anymore, Dean Winchester. I will not let others step on me, I will not change who I am to coddle someone’s ignorance. If you’re scared to say you love me in front of a thousand people then fuck you, I’m worth so much more than a few simple words and you can’t even say them when someone else is around.”

 

Dean couldn’t stop the look of distress on his face, as much sense as Cas made, as much self-growth as Cas had gone through, he still couldn’t stop looking like he’d just heard someone he loved had died. Because it was pretty much the same thing; if Cas had died Dean would never be able to hold him again, hear him sing, speak, or do anything. Castiel was leaving him, which pretty much surmounted to the same thing.

 

“I do love you, Cas.” Dean croaked out the words through his own regret. He could see how those words made Castiel flinch, the little shimmer in his eyes reflecting and telling Dean much more than he needed to know. Castiel loved him too. He knew it, he could see it but after what he’d done it’d take so much more than just ‘I’m sorry, I need you’ to bring him back. Dean’s heart raced in his chest, he couldn’t just give up, he couldn’t give in and let Castiel slip through his fingers. “What can I do? What do you need me to do?”

 

“There’s no negotiating this, Dean.” Cas turned away so Dean couldn’t see his face any longer.

 

“I know you don’t mean that.” Dean insisted, knowing that if nothing else his persistence would do at least something. “But I respect your decision for now, and I’ll let you go home in peace. Could you… just do one thing for me?”

 

Castiel furrowed his brow and turned back, doing his best to keep up the determination and anger despite being face to face with Dean again. “What is it?”

 

Dean took the old jar out of his pocket and held it up for Castiel to see, “I want you to have this.”

 

“What… is that?” Cas asked but he knew what it was, it was the old jar from the last year’s Jar of Hearts event. It was Dean’s old jar. He hesitated but took it, looking down at the one single paper heart that sat inside, on it was the named scrawled in silver gel-pen ink; Castiel. He looked up at Dean, confused.

 

“There’s only room for one heart in my jar.” Dean smiled and started walking toward the Impala, “Have a good night Cas, I hope maybe you’ll return at least a text or something maybe?”

 

Cas stood holding the jar with shaking hands, he opened his mouth to speak but a hand touched his shoulder that quieted him right down. “Go inside, Castiel.”

 

It was Michael.

 

“Mike, please don’t do anything.” Cas whispered, turning to go back to the café where Gabriel was waiting for him by the door.

 

“If someone broke Gabriel’s heart and turned him into a joyless, laughter-less hermit, would you sit back?”

 

Cas stopped and looked up at Gabriel, those vibrant golden eyes looking at him so earnestly, imagining that life snuffed out. “I’d tear the son of a bitch a new one…” he muttered and glanced toward the Impala where Dean had stopped to look at the three brothers. “But I… I don’t want that.”

 

“I won’t, Cas. But I need to speak with him.” Michael walked toward Dean, the idiot who waited.

 

As the eldest Novak approached Dean could hear Michael’s words in his head, the first ones he’d spoken regarding Dean’s relationship with Castiel. He’d said he wouldn’t try to scare Dean away because Cas was in love with him, but it turned into a threat anyway.

 

_“If you hurt him, if you’re using him or playing with him for some fucked up goal of yours, I will end you. Are we clear?”_

 

_“Yes sir, but that’s not my intention.”_

_“I want to see it end, either your bigotry or the relationship. I won’t allow for Cas to grow old being left in the dark.”_

_“I wouldn’t either. I’ll take care of him, I promise.”_

 

The lie he’d told Michael on the day that they had met. He could see it in those steel eyes, Michael remembered it too.

 

“You understand what I’m about to say to you, don’t you?”

 

Dean nodded, “You’re about to tell me to back off?”

 

“Close, but not quite.” Michael stopped fairly close, within arm’s reach if need be. “I’m here to tell you to fuck off. Get out of here, get out of his life, I won’t let you do this to him.”

 

Part of Dean wanted to listen, to tuck his tail and run. But the rest of him, the Winchester in him shouted back. It demanded he stand his ground, that Michael was wrong. “Castiel can choose for himself. I won’t push him past his limits, I’ll leave him if he wants me to, but until Cas comes out here himself to say it I’m not going anywhere.”

 

The set of Michael’s jaw should have been an indication of what was coming next but Dean stupidly didn’t see it. The first punch slammed him against the Impala, he stumbled backward just as the second hit came in. It sent him flailing to the ground, curling up around his middle as if that’d ease the pain. Michael cursed him out, the most amounts of violent words Dean had ever heard him say and yet he couldn’t quite focus on what they were. At least not while Michael was kicking the ever loving crap out of him.

 

“He did it again!” Michael shouted, his composure long gone as his foot connected with Dean’s body over and over again. “He couldn’t take it, he told me he wanted it to end. I had to relive my worst nightmare because of you! He cried over the phone and I was so far away, I could only listen! _It hurts, Mike. It hurts and I can’t take it. I need it to stop, Mike. I’m sorry, Mike. I’m dying, Mike._ You fucking asshole! I hate you! I hate you for what you did to him!”

 

“MICHAEL!” Castiel screamed from the café, “That’s ENOUGH!” He’d never seen his brother lose it like that, not Michael. 

 

Michael seethed, putting his foot down and glaring at Dean who could barely move on the pavement. “You’d better pray I never catch you on your own.” He snarled and stormed back toward the café.

 

Dean groaned and started to sit up, looking up at the man’s retreating back, the man he had pretended to call brother in-law once before. Dean didn’t hold it against him, didn’t want to fight back or scream anything, he deserved the beating, it actually made him feel a little better. Like he’d done a little bit of repenting, gotten some of his just desserts. Not nearly enough but bumping into Michael a few more times might fix that.

 

“Thanks Cas.” He called loud enough for his baby to hear, dropping his head down again. “I’ll be okay.”

 

Castiel looked over from where he was scolding Michael, his heart skipping a beat but he decided to ignore it. “Okay then.” Was all he could reply. He wanted to say ‘shut up Dean’ but he couldn’t bring himself to be that cruel. Even to Dean. “Have a good night.”

 

“You too.” Dean replied, smiling to himself. They’d just had a conversation across the parking lot, that was at least a step in the right direction if not entirely neutral. Better than a step backward. 


	36. Chapter 36

Dean stumbled into his apartment, coughing and wheezing as he went. He could hear Jet was home, by the sound of it he’d finished working recently and just got out of the shower. “I’m home.” He called, still smiling about what had transpired. He’d gotten Cas to listen to him, Castiel still loved him and he could see it. They thought Dean hadn’t paid attention in the last year of being with Castiel but he hadn’t lied, he never lied about loving Cas and every chance he got he memorized that pretty face. He knew what love looked like in Castiel’s eyes, and he knew what scorn did to his expression. Cas was hurting, he was in a lot of pain because of Dean, but he wasn’t stone cold.

 

Cas just needed convincing that Dean was worth it.

 

“Hey man,” Jet walked over there, his hair wet as Dean had predicted, “Whoa! The fuck happened out there?” His face pulled the concerned shock look as he ran over to Dean’s side, helping him get in the rest of the way. “You look like you got hit by a freight train.”

 

“Better,” Dean chuckled, “I got hit by Michael.”

 

“Michael?” Jet dropped Dean off on the couch and sat down beside him, “You hit him back, right?”

 

“No, why would I?” Dean looked over at his best friend sadly, “I deserved every punch and kick he dealt. It’s kinda funny, actually, Cas talked to me. He finally talked to me.”

 

“How’s that funny?”

 

“The good in this case far outweighs the bad.” Dean leaned back and closed his eyes with a smile, “I thought he’d never speak to me again but he did, he said I was wrong, that I never should have treated him that way and that he was wrong for putting up with it. I’m glad that,” he winced as he turned his head to look at Jet again, “he’s gotten so much stronger because of me, even if it was because I did something so awful to him.”

 

Jet raised an eyebrow at his friend, “So… then if he basically said the whole thing was a mistake then why are you smiling?”

 

“That’s not how he put it, it’s hard to explain. He said he needs to walk away from me, he said that he can’t take me back right now because it’d be too easy, because it would mean that he really is a doormat and anyone could walk on him. Cas said so himself, he can’t take me back _this easily._ ” Dean knew he was crying again but he didn’t care, “That means he can but it’ll take a lot of effort. I can do this, Jet. I can win him back.”

 

“As long as you have some hope I don’t care what you do, just don’t get those hopes too high, ‘kay?” Jet pat him on the shoulder and got up, heading to the kitchen, “I’m making a late supper, you want something?”

 

Dean just sat on the couch with a smile plastered to his swollen face. At least until he realized he didn’t know where to find him, “What if he doesn’t answer my texts?”

 

“Dude-“

 

“I don’t know where he is, what if he doesn’t answer and then just poof, he’s gone?”

 

“-I just asked about supper-”

 

“What if I never see him agai-“

 

“DEAN!” Jet shouted over him, “For the love of fuck do you want food or not?”

 

Dean fidgeted and nodded, “Yeah…”

 

Jet turned back to the fridge angrily, “If he’s going to take you back eventually and he meant what you think he meant then you’ll find a way to get back to him. Don’t start worrying and freaking out over something so stupid, Cas is locally famous, people love him and you know where he likes to hang out. It’ll be simple for you to find him.”

 

“But he wasn’t in any of those places these weeks…”

 

“Because you broke his heart, dumbass. He sounds like he’s doing better so I’d wager he’ll be venturing out again. What happened to that stupid hope you just had?”

 

“I don’t-“

 

“You don’t know? NO! You don’t fucking know!” Jet reeled on him again and threw his arms in the air, “Because every time you get hopeful you don’t think you’re worth that. You know what fucked up your relationship? You did. You know why? Because you base everything that you are on what someone else fucking thinks of you! A lot of people do that but you take it to a whole new level of stupid. You hear all the bad things and listen to them, base who you are on that. You hear the shallow crap and become the fucking jock douche-bag that hits on every chick in a skirt. But when you have a boyfriend who loves you endlessly and tells you you’re amazing every fucking day, do you listen to that? Do you become what he sees? NO! You base yourself on a bitch that you haven’t thought of or cared about in almost ten fucking years!” He pointed at Dean repeatedly as he said the word ‘you’, emphasizing his point until he drove it home. “Fucking _get your shit together, Winchester_! If you think for even a second that you can win Castiel back then do it.”

 

“Jet-“

 

“Do I look like I’m fucking done yelling at you? Shut the fuck up, Dean. No more excuses, I’m sick of your shit. You’re whining and crying ‘I deserve this,’ ‘he’s gone,’ ‘don’t pity me because I caused this’ and you’re right, you do deserve a punch in the face, he is fucking gone, and no one plans on pitying you because you’re an idiot! But you know what’ll work better than bitching about it? DOING SOMETHING! If you love him then let him know! LET EVERYONE FUCKING KNOW! Make damn sure when he goes to his favourite fucking places someone there says, ‘Dean was here, he loves you.’ He goes to a fucking burger joint and someone asks if he’s Castiel and he says ‘yes’ and they say ‘a guy named Dean came in saying to tell you he loves you.’ I want to hear about him getting some beautiful-ass present and he goes ‘why’ and the person handing it to him says ‘because Dean fucking loves you.’ ARE YOU HEARING ME!?”

 

“Yes!” Dean was so caught up in Jet’s rant he shouted right back. Something about Jet just kind of dragged people into his emotional state.

 

“But are you LISTENING? Become more than what he thinks you are because _you are!_ I know you are, I’ve been your fucking friend since kindergarten, I know what you are and I know who you are. This shit isn’t you, this whiny little bitch isn’t Dean Winchester, he’s a guy who fucks up but makes it right again. He does what he has to and you know what?”

 

“What?” Dean was wiping his eyes again, not wanting to cry anymore but it’d been a long time since he’d ever gotten a talking to like that.

 

“I think you know what you have to do.” The tenseness in Jet’s limbs loosened and he turned back toward the kitchen without another word.

 

Dean watched his friend’s back for a few moments in shocked silence before smiling again, “Thanks Jet.”

 

“You’re welcome. How does pizza sound?”

 

“Excellent.”

 

* * *

 

 

Cas walked into Michael’s place again, he’d already done all the scolding that was necessary, Michael knew where he stood on the whole ‘beating the crap out of people’ thing. “I still can’t believe you did that…”

 

“I was pissed.” Michael undid his tie and started tossing off the excess layers he was wearing until he was just in the button-up shirt and slacks. Of course he kept the clothing folded over his arm, going to his bedroom to drop them off. “I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks.”

 

Castiel sighed and sat down on the couch, looking at the wall blankly, the old jar still in the palm of his hand. Dean had kept that little heart, he remembered handing it over, asking so playfully if there was room in Dean’s jar for his heart. That stupid awful pick up line that Dean first used on him, the one that made him smile, the one that sent a little jolt through his heart like a wakeup call. “Dean…” He whispered the name like he had done so many times before, he brought the glass container up to his face to look at it again. He missed it, he missed being held after a performance, he missed driving home in the Impala, falling asleep with the warmth of Dean’s body next to him. He missed the quiet conversations in the middle of the night, the way Dean would talk in his sleep or startle Cas awake with a snore. He missed it but he could live without it.

 

He could live without it. Castiel kept telling himself that. He continued to say that he didn’t need anyone, ever, and while it was true that he was a strong individual, he shone brightly all on his own and didn’t _need_ another person with him, he still felt better with someone there. Castiel was more than capable of being all that he could be, of being more than that, just by being himself and helping others. He’d done it for years before meeting Dean, Cas didn’t need to be reassured of that. What he needed was to know that he would never let love do that to him again. He needed to show himself how that experience hadn’t ruined him.

 

Hell, he just needed to get better and heal. It was a slap in the face, all over again. He’d thought he’d learned from the last one, he thought he had gotten better with it and didn’t become the throw rug he had been. Apparently he was a different kind of idiot this time, just letting himself be put in a situation where he couldn’t do what he wanted. He hated it. He hated knowing that he’d do that for someone else.

 

Never again. Never again would he just bend over backward or change who he was. If he ever dated again he’d make sure they knew that, he’d show them who he was and if they didn’t like it, if they were scared or ashamed to be with him, then they would be thrown out like the trash that they were. Castiel was done.

 

And if, if that next person happened to be Dean again, _if_ he ever took Dean back, things would be different – but that was only if Dean somehow managed to make it better. To fix something that Cas wasn’t sure he wanted to be fixed. He got up and walked past Michael in the hall, “I’m taking my phone back.” He said before disappearing into his older brother’s room.

 

“It is yours, I won’t stop you.” Michael watched him go, wondering if he should say anything more than that. “Cas, I’m sorry. I told you I’d just talk to him-“

 

“Don’t worry about it Mike,” Cas reemerged with his cell, checking the messages as he went, “I know why you did it, and… and I’m sorry for putting you through that again.” He looked up at the sad expression he hadn’t wanted to see on Michael’s face, “I guess I’m pretty selfish when it comes to you.”

 

“Kind of,” Michael smiled and went to hug him, “But that’s what little brothers are for.”

 

“I guess,” Cas nuzzled his cheek against Michael’s before heading toward his room, or at least Michael’s guest room that he’d been occupying. “I’m going to bed, okay? I’ll see you in the morning.”

 

“Good night, Cas.”

 

“’Night.” Castiel closed the door and leaned against it, every text Dean had left him tugged at his heart and made him want to scream but he didn’t. He saw there were more than thirty voicemails and the thought of listening to them all made his stomach knot. He wasn’t sure if he dared do it but before he knew what was happening he’d put the glass jar on his bedside table and had the phone glued to his ear.

 

Castiel lowered himself onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling as he listened to each word Dean said, some of them were so strained and hoarse from crying, some were lost in uncontrollable sobs, others were ear piercing as Dean wailed his apologies and self-loathing into the line. Cas felt a tear slide down his face each time he hit delete and listened to the next message, he could feel Dean’s pain through the messages he left and it felt like a hand was choking his heart out. Although Dean’s begging forgiveness and pleading for Cas to just say one word to him was a strong indication of his feelings, the one message that broke Castiel in two was when there were no words. A message Dean had no strength to speak anymore and all he could do was cry for the few minutes that the machine would allow him to. The one that followed was just as painful and Dean managed to say one thing at the end of it, _“I miss you, baby.”_

 

Cas’ jaw trembled and he lifted his free hand to cover his eyes, everything felt tense in his body and that gross feeling in his chest just wouldn’t stop. “No, I’m mad at you.” He blubbered to his empty room, to a phone that Dean wasn’t actually on the other end of. “I’m mad at you… don’t… don’t make me love you.”

 

He couldn’t listen anymore, there were another ten or fifteen to go and he just couldn’t take it. Cas put in the necessary passwords and deleted all the messages without hearing them, he couldn’t take it, not then and not ever. Cas rolled onto his side and curled up, holding himself because there was no one else to do it. It was another Friday night and he was alone again.

 

He was never alone Friday nights, not in the last year and now three weeks in a row he had to go to bed without Dean by his side. It hurt, everything ached and his chest felt like it was on fire and drowning at the same time. He sent a single text to Dean and dropped his phone on the bedside table beside his jar.

 

_It hurts._

 

Castiel was shaking and his mind was a mess, he pulled the covers up to the best of his ability and tried to cling to himself, but it just wasn’t the same. He was barely aware of his surroundings and when Michael opened the door he didn’t know what brought him there.

 

“Castiel, what’s wrong?” Michael was at his side in seconds and trying to calm him down. Cas intended to answer but he realized that his mouth was already open and his vocal chords were in use. He’d been screaming, crying out and wailing and he had no idea when he’d started to. Michael sat on the bed and scooped Cas up, cradling him and rocking him gently. “Shh, it’s okay. You’re not alone, I’m right here.”

 

Slowly Castiel calmed down again, very slowly and after an hour or two he’d started to fall asleep. Michael wanted to scream too but he didn’t, instead he tried to lay Cas back down but his little brother refused to let go of him.

 

“Please stay.” Cas whispered.

 

Michael couldn’t remember the last time he’d shared a bed with someone but he couldn’t exactly say no. “Alright, I’m going to move you over though okay?” He replied softly, lifting Cas up and shuffling him to the other side of the bed. Michael climbed in not caring that he was still wearing part of his suit, and let Cas snuggle up to him. Castiel was sleeping in minutes but Michael couldn’t quite get there. He just kept replaying punching Dean in the face, over and over in his head and wished he could do it again. But harder. 


	37. Chapter 37

Castiel had to come to terms with the fact that Dean refused to stop trying to talk to him. He received texts each time he replied with a somewhat short answer, no real thought put into it, sometimes it was just a straight up ‘not now I’m busy.’ He had to tell Dean not to call him, messaging was fine but he didn’t want to talk over the phone. Dean politely accepted, he even texted during the times Cas wasn’t actually busy.

 

Damn Dean for knowing his schedule.

 

They continued like that through the rest of February, Castiel managed to get his life back on track and went to his usual volunteer locations and got his routine back. Mostly. He didn’t sing at The Jar anymore, Gabriel was dismayed that he was gone but there was nothing to be done about it. Cas moved back to his place and let Michael return to his work, though he got random calls to check in. If it wasn’t Michael, it was Gabriel, if not Gabe then Charlie, Anna, Garth, or even Jo. They all wanted to know how he was since none had seen him very much, how he was doing and that they were sorry for what had happened. Jo especially was sorry, she didn’t know what to say to him, that Dean would do something like that.

 

“It’s alright, Jo.” Cas said for the millionth time, the phone propped up beneath his cheek and shoulder. He needed his hands to make dinner and really wished he had a headset or something, but he made due. “I’m fine, I promise.”

 

_“Still, is there anything I can do?”_

 

“No, it’s fine. You do whatever you think is best.” Cas paused when he heard the buzzer in his apartment going, someone wanted to be let into the building. He wasn’t expecting anyone and that thought alone scared him. Who was it? He knew there were several people it could be but his mind could only think of one; and he missed that one person badly enough that he hit the buzzer to let them into the building. Cas felt stupid for doing it, but he reminded himself that just because he was able to live by himself, able to function alone and was a strong individual, didn’t mean for a second that he wasn’t allowed to miss someone. Missing a lover, caring for somebody, neither of those things made him any less of a capable person.

 

“I have to go, Jo, someone’s here.” He interrupted her as politely as he could, “I’ll talk to you later, okay? Take care.”

 

_“You too, Cas.”_

 

He was about to put the phone in his pocket with his somewhat greasy hand, however physics had another idea and the plastic object slipped out like he’d lubed the shit out of it. Cas tried to juggle and catch it but it fell right into the sink. A sink full of warm water where he was thawing some chicken. Castiel immediately fished it out and cursed under his breath, finding a bowl and pouring rice into it. He took the phone apart and put its pieces in the rice bowl, staring down at it angrily for several seconds before he heard knocking at the door. He wanted to cry, he felt like he’d just accidentally drowned his last contact with Dean. At the same time he felt free, like he wouldn’t be getting texts anymore, he wouldn’t be going around wondering if he should reply or if he should ignore it. Free and at the same time damaged.

 

He sighed and wiped his hands as best he could before walking over to the door. As Cas approached the knocking sounded again. “Who is it?” He called as he leaned against the door and listened to the sounds on the other side, not wanting to risk a certain someone getting their foot in it.

 

“It’s Alfie, let me in!”

 

Cas’ face lit up like a Christmas tree as he ran the rest of the way to the door, swinging it open and practically falling on his friend in a hug. “Alfie, oh my god! It’s been months, how are you?”

 

“Whoa, wow okay.” Samandriel laughed a little and gave Castiel a good squeeze right back. “I’m good, how have you been?”

 

Cas shook his head, “It’s a long story…” He looked up when he noticed there was another person at Samandriel’s side, a taller blonde man wearing a low V-neck shirt. “Oh, hello,” he stepped away from his friend and went to the new guy, “My name’s Castiel.”

 

“What, you don’t recognize me?” The man smiled and shook Cas’ hand vigorously, “Maybe this’ll bring something back; may I say that when Alfie told me he had a gorgeous friend in town I hadn’t expected to see this.” He didn’t let go of Cas’ hand and instead brought it to his mouth and kissed his knuckles.

 

Castiel wanted to pull away, demand that he’d been seeing someone, but memories of high school came back to him in a flash. “ _Balthazar!?_ ” He exclaimed suddenly, his face lighting up all over again as he jumped into the man’s arms, hugging him close. “Oh my god I haven’t seen you since you left for England! It’s been so long, how have you been, what have you been up to?”

 

Balthazar chuckled and hugged Cas back, letting him go the moment he felt a slight tug in Castiel’s body language, “I’ve been very well, thank you. I can’t believe you know Alfie, it’s such a small world isn’t it?”

 

“How do you know him?” Cas shoved his shoulder a little bit, only barely noticing that Samandriel appeared confused as hell next to him.

 

“Whoa, hold on, how do you two know each other?” Samandriel had to physically push them apart to get in on the conversation.

 

“We went to high school together,” Balthazar explained with a smile, “I used to hit on him all the time, we were good friends.”

 

“He was the best wing-man,” Cas laughed, “He always knew what to say to people to make them think I was this crazy sex god.”

 

“But I thought you were?” Samandriel chuckled, elbowing Cas’ side gently.

 

“I guess, though lately it doesn’t seem to be the case.” Cas shrugged and tried to make it look like there was nothing eating at him. He wondered if they could see it, written on his face like a skin disease.

 

“Well you need to go out with someone, how long have you been single anyway? I haven’t seen you with anyone in ages.”

 

“Well I had been seeing someone…” Cas trailed off, not sure if he wanted to say but it was far too late now. Samandriel wouldn’t exactly let him say that and not explain.

 

“Shut up, who?” Samandriel hit his shoulder, only after did he see the redness around Cas’ eyes. “Oh, wait, Cas what happened?”

 

“It seems someone hurt him,” Balthazar said quietly, he reached forward tentatively and brushed a stray tear from Cas’ cheek, “Are you alright?”

 

Cas looked at them both and shook his head, “It’s… it’s nothing, please come in. How do you two know each other?”

 

“We’re both in S.I.H.” Balthazar explained cheerily, hoping his mood would rub off a little. “I’m the bass guitarist.”

 

“You always were good with those,” Cas smiled tiredly and rubbed at his face again in the hopes it’d go back to normal as soon as he had. “When did you guys get back in town?”

 

Samandriel kicked his shoes off and dropped onto Cas’ couch, looking up at his clearly heartbroken friend. He wanted to say something about it, figure out what was wrong but he knew he had to at least try and have a normal conversation. “We passed through a month ago near the end of January but we only had time for one night in town, you weren’t at the Jar, Gabriel said you were celebrating someone’s birthday. So instead of bugging you I figured we’d just catch you on our way back through.”

 

“I’m sorry, I wish I had been singing that night.” Cas sighed and sat down as well, Balthazar taking the armchair for his own. “It would have been better than the alternative.”

 

“Cas, seriously, what happened?” Samandriel had little patience for this, his friend was hurting and if he didn’t figure out why it’d drive him mad. He looked at Cas with every ounce of intensity his cute face could muster. “You’re so upset, I can tell even when you try and hide it like this. Just tell me.”

 

“I don’t know how to say it…” Cas sighed heavily, “I guess… remember when you came to see me last year?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Well I was going out with someone… you actually met him.”

 

Samandriel frowned deeply, his brow furrowed, “Wait a second, why didn’t you tell me then? Were you ashamed of him? Was he the hobo I ran into in the street on my way out of the café?”

 

Cas shook his head quickly, “What? No, no he wasn’t- what hobo?”

 

“Never mind, which guy was he?”

 

“He was the guy you sat with during my performance, Dean.” Cas bit his bottom lip after he said the name, letting it sink in and settle before he tried speaking again. “He was afraid of public affection so I kept it secret until he was ready, but… but I don’t know what happened. On his birthday, the night you came to see me, he left abruptly feeling sick. He told me later, when he was drunk out of his mind, that he’d cheated on me…” Cas sniffled and wiped his eyes again, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”

 

Balthazar looked around the room and found a tissue box, he grabbed it and offered it to Castiel. As Cas blew his nose Samandriel sat glaring out the window, “That bastard… Want me to break his teeth?”

 

“No, Michael’s already called dibs…”

 

“Wait, wait, wait.” Balthazar shook his head, and waved his hand at them in an attempt to get in on the conversation. “Hold on, Dean? Like about yey tall, brown, cropped hair, green eyes and freckles Dean?”

 

“Yes… how do you know that?” Cas looked at him curiously, his brow knit together in slight confusion.

 

“We met him, remember?” Balthazar looked at Samandriel, “The bar we ended up in, he was there. ”

 

Samandriel looked just as confused as Cas for a few seconds before it actually dawned on him, “Oh wait, _that_ Dean? Oh yeah, I remember! That guy who was pissed I’d introduced myself as Alfie when you called me on stage as Samandriel! That’s the Dean you’re talking about?”

 

“Yes, that’s the Dean you sat with.” Cas repeated in annoyance, “You didn’t remember that?”

 

“Not… exactly.” Samandriel shrugged sheepishly, “I see a lot of new faces every day, it’s kind of hard to remember all of them, I’m sorry.”

 

“Forgiven,” Cas sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “So what’s the significance of having seen him at the bar? I don’t want to know the details of what he did, alright? I’m fine with just knowing what he said to me, it hurts enough.”

 

“What’d he tell you, exactly?” Balthazar raised an eyebrow, “Because I was there and I can’t remember seeing any cheating. Well, sort of but I’m not sure that counts.”

 

Part of Castiel wanted to demand they get out but he knew that he’d be over reacting. And really, something in him told him it’d be better to finish this conversation. Maybe it’d be therapeutic. “I already told you I don’t want to know and I don’t want to share.” He was stubborn.

 

“Cas, hear him out.” Samandriel put a hand on Castiel’s shoulder, “I kinda get what he’s talking about, please? You might benefit from this.”

 

“Fine,” Cas looked at Balthazar again, this time a little less severely. “He told me he’d fucked every woman in the bar, now while I don’t think he meant every single one, it doesn’t matter. He also told me he hated what I’d turned him into, and that’s why he had sex with all of them.” While it still kind of hurt to say it out loud, Cas felt a little empowered in his anger. He was allowed to be mad and he was explaining to someone else exactly why Dean Winchester never deserved another chance.

 

Balthazar nodded slowly, his hand coming to his chin as he thought it over. “Can I… explain what I saw?”

 

Cas sighed and leaned back on the couch, he wasn’t sure if he was ready for this. Every part of his body showed he was angry, that he wanted to be distant from it, but it failed to express how sad he still was, how torn apart each thought made him. He could function but he missed Dean. He remembered the good times but that memory always came back to him, Dean drunkenly cursing his name in his hallway. “Fine… But I can’t promise how I’ll react.”

 

“No worries, we can handle.” Samandriel grabbed Cas’ hand and gave it a good squeeze, smiling at his old friend.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Balthazar I don’t know about going to weirdo bars, this is just gross.” Alfie frowned as he stared at the entrance, “It’s late, can we go somewhere more fun? Like a club?”_

_“No, no, we always go to clubs. I want to see what the scene is like in a bar like this, where people probably don’t know us.” Balthazar insisted as he walked inside._

_“No one ever notices us, we’re barely even a band.” Alfie sighed and followed his band mate in, cringing at the strange smell. Granted the crowd was pretty decent, for an old man bar anyway. The women were pretty, a bit older but still pretty. It was already fairly late on a Friday night, which meant that a lot of the patrons were already drunk out of their minds._

_One in particular. He sat on a stool at the bar, babbling and grumping about things that Alfie didn’t care to listen to. Balthazar found a spot to sit and for the most part it was entertaining, the guy on the stool almost fell off several times and many times they heard the words ‘I hate him!’ followed by a few sobs and the softest, ‘But I love him so much.’ Balthazar’s attention was over there long before Alfie even cared to laugh at the guy._

_“I wonder what happened to him?” Balthazar mused mostly to himself._

_“Who cares?”_

_“I do, every drunkard at the bar has a story, especially if they’re there alone.” Balthazar stood and walked over to the stranger, sitting down next to him. “Who are you so angry at?”_

_“Me.” The guy looked at him dazedly, the prettiest green eyes he’d seen in a long time._

_“Why’s that?”_

_“I hate what I am.”_

_“Who are you?” Balthazar was trying not to smile, he had way too much fun talking to intoxicated people._

_“Dean, but that’s not what I mean.” He slurred the words and tried to correct his slouched posture. “I’m so conflicted, man. I love him but I’m a coward, I never knew that before I met him. I’m not worth him, I’m such crap next to him and he makes me out to be this great guy.” Dean rubbed at his face, he was clearly frustrated. He grabbed his glass and downed the next shot of whiskey. “He’s made me into a knight in shining armor in his head and I’m just… I’m not worth that image, you know? You get me?”_

_“I get you,” Balthazar nodded, ignoring Alfie as he hissed the ‘I’m leaving’ threat in his ear. “Just go then, I’ll make it back to the hotel on my own.”_

_Dean didn’t seem to notice Alfie’s presence, or if he did he didn’t care. “I used to be this guy in high school, so popular and a chick magnet. I don’t want to be that anymore, he ruined that part of me and I love him for it. I want to be with him forever, but I don’t know what happened. I saw this girl I used to love and… and what if I still love her? What if I actually like women? I don’t know man, I’m so confused…”_

_Balthazar hummed for a moment so Dean felt like he was deep in thought over it. He kind of was, helping drunken people seemed like a fun pass time. Especially if he was never going to meet them again, there were no consequences on his end so why not give his advice? “Sounds to me like you need to test it.”_

_Dean blinked at him slowly, his brow furrowing as his hazy mind tried to grasp that thought. “You think so?”_

_“Yeah, I do. Go and try to kiss one of the women here, that one over there’s been eyeing you for a while now.”_

_“I don’t know man, I don’t think I can do that to him.” Dean shook his head and took another swig of his drink._

_Balthazar didn’t let up there, though, he spent the next few hours talking to Dean, figuring out his weird little problems and after many more drinks he managed to get Dean to believe it was a good idea. Granted Balthazar had to drag Dean over to the women, but it wasn’t so bad. “I’mma… I’m gonna prove it.” Dean muttered, “I’m gonna fuck ‘em all and prove I don’t like ‘em anymore.”_

_“You do that,” Balthazar smiled, “Have at ‘em big boy.”_

_Balthazar watched as Dean tried to hit on the ladies in the bar, he tried and one of them was particularly interested. For a second Balthazar thought he might’ve ruined a relationship, except the follow scene eased that without fail. The woman was kissing Dean all over, her lipstick smearing on his skin like runny paint. Dean had attempted to be interested but he couldn’t do it. Not to mention he could barely stand up anymore. As Romeo dropped to the floor, right out of the woman’s arms, he flailed at her, “Get off!” The words were hardly spoken clearly but they made enough sense for her to get upset._

_Balthazar chuckled and walked over to look down at the disgusted mess on the floor, “How’d it go?”_

_“Gross man. I’d fucked ‘em all and it’s gross.”_

_“You’re so drunk, you know that?” Balthazar laughed and started pulling Dean up to his feet, let’s get you home, huh? You drive?”_

_“Yep…” Dean fumbled for his keys, “Pretty car, Impala outside.”_

_“Alright, let’s get you home then.” Balthazar helped Dean out of the bar and to the only Chevy Impala in the lot. It was a beautiful car to be sure. He put Dean in the passenger seat and hopped into the driver’s. “You point me which way to go, alright?”_

_“’Kay.” Dean sighed and smiled, leaning back in the seat. “I wanna see him.”_

_“Your boyfriend?”_

_“Yeah. Tell ‘im… I did it.” Dean had said a few more things but Balthazar couldn’t make sense of it, he was so far gone. That didn’t mean Balthazar couldn’t egg this dumb gay boy on, he seemed like he needed some encouragement anyway._

_“Yes, and when you see your boyfriend again you tell him. You tell him what you told me tonight; that he ruined the womanizer in you, that you hate the image he’s made in his mind of you because you’re scared you won’t live up to his expectations. You tell him you tested and proved to yourself that you are gay for him by trying to have sex with all the women but you were too grossed out to do it.”_

_“Yeah. I hate this.” Dean slurred tiredly._

_“Hate what?” Balthazar looked at him curiously._

_“Being so mean to him. He ruined that- that part of me. Ruined it. It’s gone now.” Dean babbled and Balthazar could have laughed outwardly at him._

_“Try not to put it that way.”_

_“It’s obvious.” Dean shook his head, “He’ll get it. He gets me.”_

_“Somehow I doubt he’ll be too happy if you say he ruined you.”_

_“Nah, nah my baby gets it.” He was insistent._

 

* * *

 

 

Cas sat quietly watching Balthazar, his mind blank and unable to comprehend what had happened. “…He said… he told me…”

 

“What did he say, exactly?” Balthazar was cringing as he asked, clearly seeing now that maybe he hadn’t helped in a way he thought he had.

 

Cas was silent as he recalled the exact words, “He mumbled a lot, he barely made any sense at all but what he said clearly was; ‘I hate what you’ve made of me,’ ‘You’ve ruined me,’ ‘I fucked them, all those girls at the bar because I hate this,’ ‘I hate what I am so I did them all, every girl there had tasted my’…” Cas trailed off, trying to make sense of it all. Dean had been really drunk but had Cas really missed that much of what he was saying? Or was he just missing parts of the story?

 

“I don’t get it…” Samandriel frowned, “So when Dean tried to explain to Cas that he hates what Cas made of him…?”

 

“He was trying to do like I was telling him,” Balthazar sighed, rubbing his temples, “To tell his boyfriend he hates the image created in his head, that the womanizer in him is ruined, that he tried to prove to himself that he couldn’t have sex with women.”

 

“No, wait,” Cas shook his head, “That doesn’t make any sense. He said that the women there sucked him off, why would he say that?”

 

“I have no idea,” Balthazar shook his head, “He wasn’t exactly sober, Cas. Or even tipsy, he was passing out when I dropped him off outside this building. Kinda stupid too, I ended up walking back to the hotel in the cold.”

 

Castiel sat staring blankly as the other two discussed Balthazar’s meddling stupidity. If that was all true, if that’s what happened… why would Balthazar lie to him? “I don’t… I don’t know what to say… Balthazar, please, please tell me you aren’t lying to me?” Cas turned toward his old high school friend, “Is that true?”

 

“I swear,” Balthazar raised his hand like he was saying an oath. “Castiel I am so sorry, I had no idea he was your boyfriend, and I had no idea he was such a stupid drunk.”

 

Cas got up and tried to find his phone, “I need to call him-“ He stopped when he remembered the bowl of rice on the counter. “Fuck.” He was supposed to leave it for a day at the very least. “Fuck! I dropped my phone in the sink! I have to go!” He turned and bolted out of the apartment, “I’m sorry, I have to go!”

 

Samandriel smiled and waved, “Alright, we’ll be hanging around here okay?” He heard the door slam and shrugged, “I don’t think he heard that.”

 

Balthazar snickered, “I can’t believe this, what the fuck just happened?”

 

“You tell me, you meddling piece of shit! How could something with such good intentions go so wrong? Why the fuck would he say he had sex with all those women if he didn’t?”

 

“Out of his mind. He thought he was saying it, I guess.” Balthazar shook his head, still laughing, “No wait, he said that Cas would understand. Apparently not.”

 

“Apparently. You think he’s looking for him?”

 

“Of course, Cas wouldn’t just let this one go. Did you see the way he acted when he just said the guy’s name? Cassy’s so far gone on this one.”


	38. Chapter 38

Castiel bolted down the street to where he knew Dean should be in class, the University was bustling and people were everywhere. Cas could barely breathe as he ran, he hadn’t run that hard for that long or far in some time. He fumbled around people, barely giving two shits about where they were or if he accidentally knocked them over. He cared a little but just barely. Cas knew which classes Dean had, he didn’t know exactly where but that wasn’t a problem, he could ask. He stumbled around, asking people where a certain class would be held, the most descriptive answers he got at first were ‘probably in this building’ on the campus.

 

Good enough. Castiel ran to the right building, he started asking students there if they knew which room. Many didn’t, most didn’t, in fact no one fucking knew. Cas wanted to hurl himself out a window.

 

Dean _didn’t cheat._ Dean was a drunken, mumbling idiot who was bad with his fucking words. Yes, okay he kept Cas a secret for a year and that was bullshit but Cas would ream him for it later, just as soon as he found him.

 

Castiel stopped in the middle of a hallway, tears starting to form in his eyes as he looked around frantically. He had no choice but to look into each room, so he ran to the nearest room and peered inside. There were so many students, the classes were huge in this university and he had to spot one guy. Just one guy with beautiful brown hair, green eyes, and the prettiest little freckles. Just one.

 

But as Cas ran down the hall and stared into each room he was finding out more and more how impossible it was. Their hour turned and the rooms were opening, students flooding the halls as class let out. He’d never find Dean in that crowd. But he was sure as hell gonna try. Castiel ran through the people, turning anyone who looked vaguely like Dean from behind, just in case his memory wasn’t as good as he thought and he’d glorified him somehow.

 

But no, it was never Dean. Cas reached one of the exits of the building as he watched people just flooding out. “Come on…” he whined, looking around even more desperately.

 

“Cas?”

 

His name made him hopeful but he knew the voice wasn’t Dean’s. “Garth! Garth, where’s Dean?”

 

Garth was surprised to Castiel there, even more so that Cas was looking for Dean but he shook his head all the same, “Not sure, he doesn’t stay very often anymore. He was in this morning but he said he had things he had to go do.”

 

“Did he say where he was going?” Castiel didn’t care how pathetic he looked, how wide his eyes were or the slight panic of his voice.

 

“Honestly I think he said he was going to the community center.” Garth furrowed his brow, looking at Cas a little worriedly. “Did he do something? Is he bugging you?”

 

“No, nothing like that. He… he actually… I’ll explain later, I have to find him. Thank you Garth.” Cas started down the hall again when the smaller man called after him.

 

“Cas! Hold on, he told me something.”

 

Castiel spun around, looking at Garth expectantly. “Yes?”

 

“I didn’t want to say it but I can’t just not. He… he told me to tell you he loves you.”

 

Cas covered his mouth as the tears threatening to fall finally did it, he nodded and started running again, “Thank you!”

 

It was another little while before he made it to the center, his chest aching as he looked around for that familiar face. People looked up, some very happy to see him there even on his day off. “Castiel! It’s good to see you.” One of the other volunteers walked over to him right away, “I didn’t expect to see you today, what a weird coincidence.”

 

“Is there a man looking for me here?” Cas heaved out the words, sweat dripping down his temple. He was panting for air, hoping the answer was yes.

 

“Well there was.”

 

God fucking damn it all.

 

“Where is he? Did he say?” Cas grabbed the guy’s shoulders, shaking him a little.

 

“Uhm not exactly, he said that he needed to visit some more favourite places.”

 

“Right, okay thank you.” Cas turned and started back toward the door, he didn’t care about the pain his body was in, he just needed to get to Dean. To punch him, to kiss him, to strangle him, hug him, beat him, and never let him go.

 

“Are you Castiel?” A complete stranger asked him as he ran out toward the street.

 

“Uh… yes. Yes I am.” He wanted to keep going but Cas couldn’t quite run away from someone when they knew who he was and were trying to talk to him.

 

“Dean loves you.” The woman smiled at him, “He told me to say so.”

 

Cas tilted his head to the side, unsure of what was happening but he accepted it all the same, “Thank you.” He offered a smile and continued on his way, random people looking at him as he went. Their eyes said something he wasn’t quite sure of, at least not until he heard people calling out to him as he ran by.

 

“Dean misses you!”

 

Cas glanced over his shoulder at the little coffee shop he’d passed, people sitting out on the patio and waving. He waved back but didn’t stop, what the hell was happening? Castiel had no idea, but he knew enough that the ‘favourite places’ Dean was visiting would be the ones that Castiel frequented. Why else would he have gone to the center? Those places had to be places that Cas went to.

 

So he went there again. On his way to the animal shelter he heard even more people calling to him. “Castiel, right?”

 

“Yes?” He looked over to the little old couple that were walking casually down the block together.

 

“Dean loves you.” The lady smiled at him and they kept walking.

 

Cas had stopped and stared after them, “What the hell is going on?” He turned to look around and realized that there were posters with his face on them.

 

_‘Please tell Castiel Dean loves him.’_

_‘Dean misses you, Castiel.’_

 

There were several of those, he realized, posted all over the places he’d ever gone or told Dean he went. Evidently many of them were on his routes to his volunteering and work places. Cas covered his mouth and kept going, his heart racing as he almost crashed into the animal shelter. Wheezing he looked at his co-workers, “Is… is there… someone here for me?”

 

“Uhm, no,” The girl blinked at him incredulously a few times, “But a guy did come in, he wanted me to give this to you.” She lifted up a beautiful little art sculpture, one that Castiel had mentioned a long time back that he sort of liked. Dean had made fun of it back then, called it stupid.

 

_“I like it.” Castiel frowned at him, “Don’t mock art, Dean. That’s not very nice.”_

_“I’m not mocking it, I’m just saying I don’t like it, it doesn’t make any sense.” Dean shrugged, keeping his laughter down as much as possible._

_“This is the last time I take you to an art dealer’s shop.”_

 

“Is that…” Cas reached forward and took the little sculpture, an abstract piece of colours and shapes that really didn’t make any sense. “Why?”

 

“Because Dean loves you.” She said it like reciting something she was told to but to Cas it sounded so different.

 

“Did he say where he was going?” Castiel finally asked after pocketing the item, looking at her hopefully.

 

“Something about the park and the zoo.” She shrugged, “Not really sure which one though.”

 

Cas knew the answer was both but he really needed to know which one Dean went to first, or if he’d already gone to those places a long time ago and Cas was following a dead trail. He didn’t care, he had to keep trying.

 

He tried the zoo first, Cas ran around asking everyone if they’d seen Dean, describing him over and over again until he could barely speak or breathe. It was exhausting and starting to drive him crazy. Why the fuck did have to drown his phone? And goddamn those posters of him, they were put up at the entrance of the zoo too.

 

Which probably meant Dean wasn’t there.

 

In fact, Cas realized that the only thing that would indicate Dean’s presence was the _fucking Impala_. One car he hadn’t seen parked in any of the locations he’d been to. Cas smacked himself in the forehead several times before running back out of the zoo. He had to find Dean and the park was the last place he could think of.

 

The park.

 

Castiel came in around the back way, he knew there were several places a car could be parked and therefore the parking lot he passed through that had no Impala in it didn’t mean that Dean wasn’t there. And if Dean were at the park he’d be in one place.

 

His tree house was hidden, not as well in winter but that was okay because people rarely went to the park in the wintertime. Cas could feel the numbness sinking into his face, he’d been rushing around outside for so long, but since he’d been running his body wasn’t sure if it was working itself too hard and sweating or if it were freezing because of the lower temperatures. Castiel got to the base of the tree, he always knew where to go, his heart felt heavy as he looked up through the branches. Dean might be up there.

 

Was he ready? Was he ready to see Dean after so long? To really see him? To talk to him and figure all the crap out, explain what Balthazar had said and figure out where they stood? He was certain that Dean wasn’t hiding anymore, not with all those posters around town, not with random strangers on the street telling him that Dean loved him. All over town, Dean loves Castiel. Dean misses Castiel.

 

Cas swallowed his nerves and climbed up, his pulse racing, his fingers frozen, eyes fixed on the tree house as he climbed up into it. “Dean?” He asked immediately, looking around the space like a child at Christmas.

 

But it was empty.

 

Cas slumped on the floor, his arms feeling limp and his chest hurting too much to continue. Where was he now?

 

And then he heard it; singing.

 

_“We’ll do it all.”_

 

“Dean?” Cas looked around, the voice was so distant.

 

_“Everything, on our own.”_

 

Cas went to the window, he could hear footsteps outside down below him.

 

_“We don’t need anything or anyone.”_

 

It was their song, one they’d sang to each other over and over again. Castiel could feel his body rejecting him as he tried to hold onto his feelings. “Dean…” He whispered the name that had burned his mind for the last month.

 

“If I lay here, if I just lay here, would lie with me and just forget the world?”

 

Dean reached the tree and leaned against the bottom of it, his eyes closed and head tilted up to toward the tree house.

 

_“I don’t know how to say how I feel.”_

 

Castiel wanted to come down but he just couldn’t, he sat down and listened to Dean, listened to the heartache in his voice and how it broke like he was about to cry.

 

_“Those three words are said too much, they’re not enough.”_

 

Cas closed his eyes as well, listen very closely as Dean poured his heart out to a park he thought was empty. He listened quietly, he didn’t want to interrupt, he wanted to hear it all the way through to his favourite part.

 

 _“All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes; they’re all I can see. I don’t know where, confused about how as well. Just know that these things will never change for us at all…”_ Dean couldn’t get through the rest of it, he’d choked up on the last few words and hit his head against the tree. “Cas… what did I do to you?” Dean took a shaky breath before he started to climb, expecting an empty tree house.

 

“That was beautiful.” Cas said softly as Dean appeared in the floorboards.

 

Dean yelped loudly and completely lost his grip, falling right back to the ground.

 

“DEAN!” Cas shouted after him, starting to climb down after him. “Oh my god, are you okay?” He dropped down next to Dean who was staring up at him dazedly, mouth open in a dumb gape. “Dean?”

 

“Is that…” There were tears on Dean’s face and Cas could imagine they were on his too. “Cas? Is that you?”

 

“Yes,” Castiel smiled at him, it was such a gentle smile. He looked at Dean who apparently wasn’t getting up. “I’ll lie with you.” Cas whispered as he knelt down and rolled onto his back next to Dean.

 

“Why?” Dean blubbered the word like it would be his last.

 

“Because… I love you.” Cas swallowed past the growing lump in his throat. “And I miss you too.”

 

“I don’t understand what brought you back to me,” Dean turned his head to look at the perfect human being he’d grown to love more than life itself, Castiel would never make sense to him that way. “But I am so grateful, Cas I am so happy you’re here.”

 

Castiel turned his head as well, their gazes lingering on one another for ages before either of them spoke again. “I met someone you were at the bar with,” Cas’ voice was so soft and gentle that Dean didn’t know how to respond. If he were angry then Cas would have sounded much more harsh.

 

“What… did they say?”

 

“He explained what happened, Dean. He told me that you tried to prove to yourself that you were no longer attracted to women. While I think you still are, I don’t think you’re interested in anyone else.” Cas looked up at the tree house and the sky beyond it. “You tried to tell me that you hated the image I made of you in my head, not that you hate what I made of you. You tried to say that I ruined the womanizer in you, not that I ruined you…” Castiel laughed, a sound that almost made Dean bawl right there. He never thought he’d hear that laugh again. “You’re bad with words, Dean.”

 

“So I… what about the lipstick?” Dean looked so worried and Castiel wanted nothing more than to take that expression off his beloved’s face.

 

“You tried to prove to yourself you didn’t want any woman, and at the suggestion of an idiot you went and hit on someone who had really cheap lipstick.” Cas sighed lightly and closed his eyes again, “I’m not sure what to say…”

 

Dean sat up and leaned over Cas, “Will you… will you forgive me?”

 

They looked at one another again, this time it was deeper, stronger, and far more meaningful. Castiel blinked a few times as he let Dean sweat it out. In Cas’ mind he knew the answer, he wouldn’t have run all over the fucking city if he didn’t. However he waited too long to answer for Dean, he started sniveling and before Cas knew it Dean was pleading with him, face down against his chest.

 

“Cas, please. Please, I need you, I’ve been trying so hard. Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me Cas. I can’t-“ He sobbed as if someone were ripping out his heart right then and there. “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t deserve you but b-but I need you a-a-and I-I-“ He was stuttering so badly and getting so close to hyperventilation that Cas knew he couldn’t let him keep going.

 

“Dean, Dean calm down.” Cas ran his hand through Dean’s hair, he smiled at the feeling, that his boyfriend was there with him again, that he could do this without feeling like he’d throw up for giving in. “I forgive you, I forgive you for being an idiot drunk who can’t talk straight.”

 

Dean smiled and looked up at his boyfriend with the biggest baby face Cas had ever seen, “That’s ‘cuz I’m gay.”

 

Cas blinked at him a few times, “What?”

 

“I can’t talk straight because I’m not.”

 

“You really are terrible.” Cas smiled and tugged at him, “Now kiss me, you idiot.”

 

Dean leaned up to Castiel’s face and did exactly that. An embrace that neither of them expected to ever have again, it was soothing, warm, welcoming, and if Heaven didn’t have hugs like that neither of them wanted to go. They didn’t stop kissing until both needed to gasp for air, and even then they barely took a break. Cas wrapped his arms around Dean so tightly, pulling their bodies together and clinging to him for dear life.

 

“I missed you,” He panted quietly between kisses, both of them were desperate for the other’s touch that talking didn’t seem all that important. But as soon as Dean heard Cas’ voice he’d changed his mind of that, hearing Cas talk, laugh, sing, anything was a blessing for him.

 

“I’m sorry.” Dean replied as he lifted his head to look down at the glistening blue eyes staring back at him. “You should never have had to go through that. It wouldn’t have happened if I’d just told everyone-“

 

“Shut up.” Cas kissed him again, smiling, “I was all over the fucking city today, there were posters of my face everywhere and people kept shouting ‘Dean loves you’ at me. I think you covered that public thing.”

 

Dean laughed out of relief, sighing lightly and nuzzling Cas’ cheek, “Not yet, I need to actually do it in front of everyone that knows you.”

 

“I’m going to have to convince my brothers you aren’t the devil.”

 

“That’s going to be really hard.”

 

Cas giggled and kissed him again, “Yeah… but it’s okay, we’ll figure it out.”

 

“I love you, Cas.”

 

“I love you, too.”


	39. Chapter 39

Castiel dragged Dean up into the tree house with him after that, barely able to keep his hands to himself as they climbed in. Gasping for breath every now and then as he captured Dean’s lips then trailed the kisses down his neck, it was the spot that the stranger from the bar would have kissed a month prior. Cas growled possessively as he recalled that thought, nipping and biting at Dean’s skin aggressively to erase any kind of hint she had been there.

 

Dean had barely managed to get into the structure before Cas had started ravaging him, it was a desperate and alarming kind of touch that Dean’s skin burned under. Cas missed him, Cas actually missed him and to think or hear those words were like music to his ears. Dean gasped and moaned as Castiel pressed him down onto the floor boards, fingers grasping at him and clinging for dear life.

 

The love they made was slow, heated, and more passionate than either of them had experienced. Starting with the kisses, desperate, urgent, and wild, their bodies warmed to one another again as the heat settled between them. Rubbing and grinding on each other like horny teenagers, Dean never thought he’d love just the simple humping motion but there he was already rock hard just by feeling the warmth between Castiel’s legs.

 

The friction was heavenly, Dean sighed and gasped into Cas’ mouth the longer they kept it up. He groped at his boyfriend’s ass and palmed at the front of his jeans, just eating up the whimpering Castiel stuttered into their kisses. The fondling and grasping at one another was sloppy and clumsy as they tried to get everything from one another all at once. Dean smiled up at Cas as they slowed down for a moment just to look at each other, Cas returned the expression before pulling his shirt off and tossing it to the side. The next few seconds involved them both absently removing articles of clothing, ignoring the way the cool air hit their burning skin because nothing mattered more than the lover grabbing hold.

 

Cas leaned down to Dean’s ear as he stroked up and down Cas’ back, “I’m going to teach you a lesson, you know.” He whispered roughly, nipping at Dean’s lobe and dragging it between his teeth.

 

Dean groaned and leaned into the sensation, a shiver running down his spine like lightning. “Cas…”

 

“I’m going to fuck you senseless,” Cas continued, his hands running through Dean’s hair over and over again, “You’re going to scream for me, baby.”

 

Dean smiled and nodded vigorously, grunting a little when Cas’ hands slipped below his waistline, squeezing his cock and starting a strong rhythmic stroke. Dean sighed and thrust into the touch, his hips jerking forward and all over as Castiel worked him up, not that he wasn’t already heated and burning for it. “Cas…” he moaned out his lover’s name like it was the rarest word.

 

Castiel just hummed a response, abandoning Dean moments later to leave him on the cooling floor. It earned him a distraught and mangled little noise from his boyfriend, Cas just chuckled and grabbed a bottle of lube stashed away in the tree house, “Calm down sweetheart, I’m going to teach you a lesson yet, just be patient.”

 

Dean looked up toward the seductive but somewhat mean grin on Cas’ face. It sent a shudder down his spine and made his dick twitch. “Cas-“

 

“Shut up, no more talking.” Castiel went back to him, putting one of those gags in his mouth, the ones Dean had seen in magazines with the bright ball and black leather to strap around someone’s head. He looked at in its general direction then back up at Cas with wide green eyes, expectant and excited all at once. “You aren’t supposed to enjoy this,” he could tell Castiel was joking but his tone was still so dark and heavy that it sent another wave of shivers down his body.

 

Castiel forcibly gripped Dean’s shoulders and spun him around, face down hard into the floor. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears and it made him giddy just to think about it, Cas’ hands were rough and hard as they pulled Dean into position. His ass in the air and completely exposed, legs parted just enough for Cas to see everything he needed to. “You are fucking pretty though, Dean.” Cas purred behind him, he could hear the bottle of lube open and that slick sound as Castiel smeared it around on his fingers. “I’ll be nice enough to ease you open a little bit.”

 

Dean appreciated being told what was happening, while he was intrigued and aroused at the situation it still made him nervous. Just a bit but his legs were already started to shake, Dean licked his lips and gasped into the floor in anticipation. Cas’ hands were a bit cold but the burn in his anus as those nimble fingers slipped inside him covered that right up. Dean hissed and cursed under his breath around the rubber ball, eyes squeezed shut as Castiel pulled at the muscle and defying body tendencies. It hurt more than usual, maybe because Cas wasn’t being extremely careful and sensitive to a man who was kind of stupid about what he liked. He hadn’t used as much lubricant as usual, he didn’t play around his rim or anything and just shoved right in, and if Dean could feel correctly, Cas was using at least two fingers right off the hop. Dean smiled around the gag in his mouth, huffing out breaths and panting already. It was going to feel pretty damn good.

 

Castiel didn’t let up, he rammed his fingers in and out hard, making sure that Dean was at least wide enough that it wouldn’t hurt to push his dick inside. Contrary to popular belief, if the foreskin was pushed back in an awkward way it could hurt and Cas didn’t intended to hurt himself, just Dean. He pulled his fingers out just as he heard Dean moaning, starting to enjoy it and bucking backward into the sensation. “You slut,” Cas slapped his ass, hard, spanking him several times until Dean whimpered and tried to tuck away. Castiel crawled over Dean’s back, his aching cock pressed neatly into Dean crack and just teasing with its presence. Cas reached forward and grabbed a fistful of hair, pulling Dean’s head away from the floor as far as he could. “You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?”

 

Dean tried to nod, whining a response that made Cas grin even more. Dean expected Castiel to say something more but no, he had let go of Dean’s hair and pulled away. Dean waited, hunched forward on the floor with his ass up and presentable, legs trembling and heart racing. Nothing happened for several seconds, he could hear the familiar sound of a condom wrapper, Cas seemed to have those things stashed away all over the goddamn place.

 

And then the push, it hurt and it burned and as much as people would say that the burn made it pleasurable Dean couldn’t quite see that part. He was biting down on his gag and squeezing his eyes shut all over again, Cas wasn’t going terribly slow either, nothing gentle about his baby at that moment. Dean groaned and gasped around the gag as Castiel settled deep inside him, already grazing his prostate and sending fiery tingles up through his body. Dean started to get louder and whimpers turned into an attempt to cry out as Castiel slammed into him, punishing but loving at the same time.

 

Castiel slowed his pace and reached around to remove the gag, dropping it to the floor and wiping Dean’s mouth, saliva having pooled and dripped down his chin. “You’re such a messy little thing,” he whispered sweetly, thrusting forward and raising another outburst from his lover. “Alright, this is where you beg me.”

 

Dean gasped and started to try and form actual words as Castiel really started to fuck him into the floorboards. “Please…” he managed a breathy, mumbled response but Cas slammed harder, “AH! Cas, baby, I’m sorry-“

 

“I can’t hear you.” Castiel growled, giving Dean a good spank as he continued, hips snapping forward rhythmically now. Dean had no idea Cas’ legs were so strong, or his back muscles, or whatever he was using to plow him like that.

 

“I’m sorry! I’m… please, Cas ohhh-AH! Ah, ah, ah, ah ‘m sorry! I won’t –won’t do it again.” Dean had no idea what he was saying, words came to his mind from everywhere and he babbled through them. He meant them, but he couldn’t be asked to repeat them all because he’d never remember what he’d said. “Baby I love you! I love you, Cas! I love you-“ Each word came out strained in its own way as Dean stopped being able to speak right and it became more of a shout and crying out.

 

Castiel grinned, panting and grunting as he pushed his lover to his limits. It was amazing to see Dean come undone again, all for him, because of him. Cas closed his eyes as Dean started to scream, orgasm built up and crashing down like a wave. It was loud, it was messy and pooled all over the floor between them. Cas’ knees felt the splash and he knew he would slip if he tried any funny angling. It was good to hear Dean cry his name, the constant ‘I love you’s and ‘I’m sorry’s were like music to his ears.

 

Finally Cas collapsed on Dean as well, his hips shuddering forward as his climax washed through his body like a wave of pleasure. His mouth was hung open and felt a little dry, like he’d been that way for a little longer than he’d expected. “Dean…” he whispered softly as he kissed the sweaty skin beneath him. “I love you too, I love you so much.”

 

Dean smiled as they pulled apart, used condom tossed toward a waste bin but missing and going splat on the floor nearby. Cas crawled over top of him again, resting on Dean’s body with that weight he’d missed so much. Castiel peered down at him, those blue eyes shining in the dimly lit tree house and displaying every sense of caring and love Dean had ever seen in them previously. It was a relief to have that back, to be able to hold Castiel against him, nothing in the way and their skin sticking from strenuous fucking. “I’m sorry, Cas.” He muttered quietly, brushing little messy hairs away from Castiel’s face.

 

“I forgive you.” Cas leaned down and kissed him sweetly, “For everything.”

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel watched Michael’s face nervously, he could see every little thought that passed through his brother’s mind after hearing the incredible story that Balthazar had originally shared. Cas could see the disbelief and the distrust and everything that Michael was, but he decided to ask anyway. “Don’t you believe me?”

 

“Absolutely not! Castiel are you insane?” Michael was over at Cas’ apartment a few days after they’d gotten together again. Dean was sitting on the couch next to Balthazar and Samandriel, both of which had been staying over at Castiel’s place for the last few nights. Dean wasn’t quite sitting straight but he at least pretended to be.

 

“Michael it’s true, Balthazar was there-“

 

“And if I understand you right, Balthazar caused that whole mess, if it’s actually true-”

 

“Which it is.” Cas interrupted right back, putting his foot down about this. “Dean didn’t do anything more wrong than getting drunk and making an ass of himself. You can stop hating him now, it’s okay Mike.”

 

Michael glowered over at Dean, his eyes still had that terrifying piercing gaze that made Dean feel like his soul was going to be engulfed in flames. “I don’t like it.”

 

“You don’t have to, this is my life Michael and I’m going to live it. Isn’t that why you took on dad’s job?” Cas moved into Michael’s line of sight to bring the attention back to him.

 

Michael wasn’t sure when Cas figured he’d done that but it didn’t matter now, “I didn’t throw everything I could have been away so you could throw yourself at an ungrateful, piece of trash like him!”

 

Cas was about to speak again but Dean stood up and marched right up to Michael, “I get that you’re pissed, I fucked up with Cas and hurt him. Do you think I wasn’t hurting too? Do you believe for even a second I wasn’t on the same edge that Cas was? I love him, with everything I am I love him and I won’t just sit here and let you call me trash anymore. Castiel deserves someone to be amazing for him, and that’s exactly what I’ll be, what I am. Don’t undermine what Cas wants, he believes that he belongs with me and if think I’m trash then you’re ultimately saying that Cas belongs with garbage. I’m not going to sit down and take that anymore! Get used to me, Michael, because I’m here and I’m staying.”

 

Michael growled and took a step forward, challenging Dean right back. “You little-“

 

“Michael!” Cas pushed him away from Dean, “Stop it, that’s enough! Why can’t you see past the mistake?”

 

 _‘Because he wasn’t there when you fell apart, over and over again.’_ Michael thought angrily, looking from Dean to Castiel. “I’m not going to take him at face value any more than I have to. If I see this ‘transformation’ of his, then I’ll believe it. Until,” Michael pointed at Dean as he headed toward the door, “I’ll be watching you. If you hurt Castiel again I’ll risk the jail time.”

 

Dean swallowed as the door slammed behind Michael, looking down at Cas with a half smile, “That… went better than I expected?”

 

“You have some nerve standing up to Michael like that,” Samandriel gawked quietly, “I mean that dude’s got some power, I don’t doubt for a second he’d risk jail time.”

 

“I wonder what he meant by that?” Balthazar raised an eyebrow, “I mean really?”

 

“He’d kill me,” Dean nodded knowingly, “I don’t have a doubt in my mind he’d smear me across a wall.”

 

“Don’t talk like that,” Cas shook his head, “Michael’s not that bad. He’s just protective, give him time and he’ll come around.” He sighed and looked down at his new phone, shiny and clean and not water logged like the last one. “Goddamn chicken ruining my stuff…”

 

“What?” Dean looked at him in confusion, trying not to laugh at the transition.

 

“Oh… uh I dropped my phone in the sink where I was thawing chicken in some warm water… so I’m cursing the… chicken. You know what never mind that. I’m gonna call Gabriel over-“ He stopped when there was a knock at the door. It wouldn’t be Michael, he would’ve stormed all the way home and stayed there for days before he decided to say something; even if he had forgotten it while he was there and remembered seconds after he closed the door. Cas sighed and walked over to the door, opening it to a very excited Gabriel.

 

“SAM TOLD ME EVERYTHING!” Gabe was a mixture of excitement and rage, Cas wasn’t sure which was more terrifying. “Dean, you fucking meatball! What is wrong with you?” He pointed a finger at the Winchester and marched right up to him until his finger was pressed against Dean’s nose, pushing it slightly out of place.  

 

“Uh.. you’ll have to be way more specific.” Dean stepped back, rubbing his face.

 

“You told Sam about what happened, that you’re really stupid with your drunk words. How could you listen to some random dude in a bar!? The guy was an idiot and you would’ve known that if you hadn’t run off on Cas when he was celebrating your birthday!”

 

“Hey, I’m not an idiot.” Balthazar frowned, earning himself a good kick to the shin by Samandriel.

 

“Oh, it was _you_?” Gabriel reeled on Balthazar then, “You’re the one who pretty much brought Cas’ entire relationship to a crashing halt!? What do you have to say for yourself!? Huh? HUH!?”

 

“Gabe calm down, Michael was just in here doing the same thing.” Cas tried to ease his brother but Gabriel was having none of it.

 

“He didn’t do it like I’m doing it!” Gabriel scoffed at Cas and went back to Dean, “Are you keeping it a secret again? Try and sweep this under the proverbial rug?”

 

“No,” Dean swatted Gabriel’s pointing hand away from him, “And stop it, Gabriel. Cas has made up his mind and you should respect his opinion, he’s your older brother.”

 

“Like you guys respect Michael’s?” Gabriel calmed down from his exaggerated antics but he was still glaring at Dean, that intense Novak look.  

 

“Michael and I had a bit of an argument but it’s not going to last, he’ll change his mind.” Dean knew he had to stand up for himself against the onslaught by Castiel’s brothers. It was as much a testament to his determination as anything, Gabriel and Michael would push him and push him and see if it was enough to break him. But Dean refused to budge.

 

And oh how right he had been.

 

The following week was one out of a nightmare. Everywhere Dean went he ran into one of the Novak’s. Michael seemed to crop up far more often than Gabriel, which sucked because Michael was the scary one. What was made it worse were the threats uttered, Michael didn’t get physical very often, the only times he would were when he’d grab Dean by the neck and hold him against a wall.

 

“You will leave Castiel alone,” Michael snarled at him again.

 

And again Dean said; “No.”

 

That was the gist of their interactions for a week, Dean didn’t know what to do anymore. Every time he ran into Gabriel there were similar glaring and angry eyes, demanding he leave Cas alone. It was bombardment and sure he was exhausted from it but that didn’t change a damn thing. He was staying with Castiel, that was that and he wouldn’t take their bullshit. Dean was going to meet Cas on Friday, they planned to meet up at the Jar even though Cas wasn’t going to be performing. Dean had noticed Michael in the crowd once, he didn’t want to make a scene in front of Cas and clearly Michael didn’t either.

 

But it didn’t stay that way. While Cas was chatting with Samandriel who had decided to stay in town for longer than expected, Dean was pulled backward and away from Cas entirely. “You’re not listening to me,” Michael grit his teeth as he spoke, “I’m not kidding around and I’m not testing you Dean, leave him alone.”

 

“I know you had to go through some shit, Michael,” Dean stood his ground like always, hoping maybe this would be the time he convinced Michael not to hate him. “I know you passed up your own freedom for Cas and Gabriel and you don’t want to see them waste that. But did you see Cas without me? He could function and go through life like he did but he wasn’t _living_. Michael, Cas is happy now. Look at him, look at his face.” Dean motioned backward where Castiel was laughing with his friend, entirely carefree.

 

Michael was quiet as he watched his younger brother, it was hard to accept but Dean had a point. Castiel looked so lively and joyful. To try and bring him back to the young man who couldn’t sleep alone and started crying at any given moment would be just as cruel of Michael as anything Dean had actually done. “You may have his trust back but you’re far from earning mine.” He looked away, toward Gabriel who was trying to discretely watch what his oldest brother was going to do. “I’ll tell him to back off as well, but don’t think that means we accept you.”

 

Dean nodded, “I get it, Michael. But thank you, I don’t know how much longer we could have kept that up without Cas figuring it out.”

 

Despite the anger and everything else Michael still chuckled, “Yes, Cas’ temper isn’t something I like to play with.” He turned and walked away after that. Dean sighed and returned to Castiel side, slipping an arm around his waist and kissing him.

 

“Where were you?” Cas looked at him with a smile, curious blue eyes shining in the dim lights.

 

“Bathroom,” Dean returned the smile and kissed him. It felt so free, just to hold Cas whenever and kiss him when he wanted because it really didn’t fucking matter what everyone else thought of them. Dean did notice though that people were watching them. It was a Friday night and Castiel was there, maybe not singing but he was there and people knew him. He had been famous, after all.

 

The room erupted in loud cheering as they realized that Castiel was finally with someone, sure some people were upset like some would be, but the excited ones far out weighed the jealous. Dean smiled as they kissed, Castiel was all that mattered. Winning Michael over would be its own challenge and it would come with time and patience. Gabriel would be pretty easy, once he saw how happy Cas was Dean was certain that Gabriel would ease up and give in. Not to mention Sam would probably vouch for him a little bit.

 

But nothing about Michael and Gabriel mattered just yet; Dean had Cas back, people knew about them, the entire town knew about them, he would be perfect to Castiel.

 


	40. Chapter 40

Dean wasn’t sure what life would be like exactly, Castiel had picked up working his Fridays again at The Jar and his schedule seemed to level out like it always did. Dean still felt like they weren’t seeing enough of each other so he made the suggestion to move in together. And he couldn’t believe the reaction because Castiel nearly lit up like a firecracker. Before he knew it there were countless fliers and printed advertisements and renters’ guides all over the place and emailed to him and text to him and Dean just had to siphon through it all as it came. Castiel was picky about where he lived so Dean made the decision to only agree or disagree.

 

Granted he still had to give his opinion on the place, help Cas find all the bad points and then some. But they found a place, a cute little two-story house in a lovely little neighbourhood. Dean had suggested being slightly outside the city’s limits but Castiel refused, he liked to walk places, which meant they needed something within walking-distance or at least better bus routes. Dean suggested being close to the park but Cas didn’t want to live there, he’d grown up in that part of the city and didn’t feel like doing it again; he could always walk to the park when he wanted to.

 

So all in all Cas ended up picking the place but it was still cute, a small yard for Dean to mow when Cas was busy, a little garden for Castiel to try his hand at, it even had a garage big enough for the Impala. Dean made a mental note to paint the outside of the house and garage because he wasn’t exactly fond of the colour, the off-white was too ‘off’ for his liking.

 

They’d arranged for the moving crew for Castiel’s things but Dean insisted that he get his buddies to help him move his stuff out of the apartment. Jet, Benny, Garth, and Jo were all present, Benny brought his truck and they were all promised pizza and beer. It was quite the moving day, Jet and Dean had started early, packing all his crap into boxes and tossing them toward the door, making a nice pile of stuff to move for when the others finally arrived. The sun beat down on them as spring weather was coming to a close and warming up into summer, they wore jeans, sneakers or boots, and muscle shirts.

 

Castiel didn’t complain when he saw them arriving with a truck piled full of Dean’s stuff. Especially not when he saw how good Dean’s arms looked. “How’d packing it go?” He called as they backed into the driveway, smiling at the crew. The truck was one of those three-seaters, no backseat to be seen. Benny obviously drove, Garth and Jo sat inside with him while Dean and Jet sat precariously perched among the boxes and furniture.

 

“Pretty good,” Jet shouted back as he started to unstrap some of the big stuff. “Would’ve been faster if Jo didn’t carry one box at a time.”

 

“Oh you shut up, Jet!” Jo hopped out of the cab, sunglasses covering her eyes. “I was getting the heavy stuff, you had like bags of clothes and the light luggage!”

 

“Bull.” Jet smirked back at her.

 

Cas never got tired of their bickering. “My stuff’s already here, Charlie, Anna and Gabriel are helping me unpack it.” He would have liked for Balthazar and Samandriel to be there to do the same but they had some recording to do in another state. It was tough being friends with semi-famous people but he didn’t mind so much as long as they returned his calls and messages.

 

“Where’s Sam?” Dean walked over to Cas, taking him in his arms and kissing his baby before actually waiting for an answer. “He was supposed to be with Gabriel helping you today.”

 

“He went to get some of the furniture we don’t have, and some appliances. Michael’s with him.” Cas shrugged, leaning up to return the kiss and headed for the house. Dean pondered the odd combination but he didn’t question it. Out of the people helping on Cas’ end it’d be Sam, Gabriel, and Michael who were most capable of getting the furniture and appliances. Of course Dean thought that Sam would go with Gabriel, not that he was complaining, he didn’t mind not having to be glared at by Michael every step of the way.

 

* * *

 

 

Sam grit his teeth as he hauled up his end of the heavy refrigerator, Michael definitely had more of the load on his end and Sam really didn’t want to make it sound like he was struggling. Once they loaded it up into the rented trailer Sam wanted to drop down and pass out. Of course he knew he couldn’t, but that didn’t make it any more tempting. Michael wiped his brow and headed back for the new couch that Cas had ordered.

 

Sam watched him and groaned once he was almost out of earshot, _‘This guy is hardcore, I thought he had an office job…’_ He thought miserably and hurried back to the building. As soon as he got in though he saw Michael laying across the plastic-covered sofa like a deadbeat. “Come on, we gotta get this back to the house.” Sam nudged him once he realized Michael was staying in one place despite the fact that Sam had caught up.

 

“Not happening.” Michael muttered, “I’m taking a break.” He lifted the arm that had been covering his eyes and frowned up at Sam, “We can’t all be young and inexhaustible like you.”

 

Sam stared at him for a second before laughing, “Alright,” he dropped down and leaned against the couch as well, “Guess we’ll take a break.” He smiled and looked back at his boyfriend’s older brother, he understood where Dean was coming from when he said ‘Michael’s terrifying but in a good way.’

 

“Thank you.” Michael sighed and closed his eyes again.

 

“You know, Dean really looks up to you.” Sam said after a few moments of silence. Michael opened his eyes slowly and glanced over at his other pseudo little brother.

 

“Does he now?”

 

“Yeah,” Sam looked turned his head again to look at Michael’s somewhat confused expression. “Dean always tries to do his best for our family, he’d give and give until he had nothing left if he had to. But he hasn’t had to do more than what he’s already done, we’ve been pretty good with what we have and so Dean’s always been left with those thoughts. You’ve actually done it, you’ve actually lived in a way that puts your family before you and Dean adores you for it. He told me that you’re still pissed at him for what happened between him and Cas, he’s scared you’ll stay that way.”

 

Michael looked down toward his feet for a second then up at the ceiling as if there’d be some kind of answer to what he should say next.

 

“Gabriel’s talked to Cas about all of it a few times by now, and me, he’s keeping an eye on Dean and has that lingering threat of ‘if you do anything again’ or ‘for real’ then he’ll do something unpleasant. But Gabe’s pretty good at letting things go.” Sam continued as he stared out the front door, he could see their trailer so he wasn’t too worried about thieves. Not to mention it’d be hilarious to watch them try and run off with a fridge. “Dean’s not worried about Gabriel, which is probably because he knows I’m there and I’d help talk Gabe down. You… you’re the older brother, you’re the one that Dean wants to impress and get the blessing from. I mean, he’s not the only one. We’ve never met Mr. Novak, so you’re the closest thing we’ve got to their authority figure. You’re the one that’ll skin us alive if we do anything wrong, and you’re the one they look to when they need something.”

 

“What did Dean say exactly?”

 

Sam paused, thinking back to a day or two before, “He was asking me to help Cas move his stuff instead of helping him, I asked why and he wasn’t sure how pissed off you were. If you were mad enough and hated him enough to not help Cas with moving in with someone you didn’t approve of.”

 

“Of course I’d help Cas, he’s… really happy.” Michael sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the couch, sitting normally on it. “He’s come a long way, Dean wasn’t wrong when he told me that Cas wasn’t living without him. It’s still hard to admit though.”

 

“I can imagine,” Sam chuckled, “Dean’s a prick sometimes and he can be a real piece of work but I love him. If I had to I’d lay down my life for him like he’d do for the rest of us, because Dean is more than the pile of screw-ups that he’s made. Maybe you’ll see that someday too.” He got up and went to one end of the sofa, “Now come on, help me get this in there.”

 

Michael nodded and rose to do exactly that, his mind turning with thoughts of Dean and Castiel. He didn’t stop thinking about it the entire time they moved everything into the house, he’d helped Cas with setting up the decorating and choosing what should go where but he just had to watch how Cas functioned with Dean. Really though it was more than functioning, he realized as he saw them together. It was more of a single unit doing things in two different bodies. Cas knew when to move out of Dean’s way, Dean had quite the ability to know what to say when Cas was struggling with certain decisions, it was actually very lovely to see.

 

The day ended when everyone finished putting the boxes where they should go and had unpacked them. The heavy lifters were exhausted, lounging on the newly unwrapped sofa with cold beers in hand – Garth had the sense of mind to buy bags of ice and a little cooler since the fridge obviously wouldn’t have been working yet. Michael didn’t sit down to rest until Cas did, making sure that his little brother wasn’t left working on things while everyone else thought it was done. Gabriel was with lounging with the others, despite not having done a lot of the harder shit. Jet eyed him funny and poked fun though he refrained from too much, just in case big brother decided to get mad at him.

 

“Okay, I think we can order pizza now,” Cas finally said and everyone sighed in exhaustion. Finally.

 

“I love you,” Dean laughed as Castiel pouted at them all. He shared a kiss with his baby, eyes sparkling and a smile to match.

 

Michael chewed on the inside of his cheek for a second before putting a hand on Dean’s shoulder, “You all order the pizza, I need to borrow him.”

 

Cas looked at them worriedly but nodded all the same. He was sure Michael wouldn’t start anything at a moving party. The two stepped outside, Dean feeling just as anxious as Cas had looked.

 

“I talked to Sam while we were getting the furniture,” Michael stepped out onto the front porch, looking at the yard distantly. “He said a few things about you.”

 

Dean swallowed nervously and shrugged, “Uh… good or bad things? You know little brothers.”

 

Michael laughed and it eased Dean’s nausea enough to make him smile as well. “Yes, I am related to Gabriel.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

“I just wanted you to know that I’ve thought about it,” Michael looked at him evenly, no lies or manipulation behind his words, not that Dean had ever heard it before from Michael. “I’m going to trust you with Castiel, but as well I think I understand now that your family has decided to trust him with you. Your brother spoke about you in a way that would be impossible if you were the kind of person I’ve been treating you as. He cares about you, he loves you, and he’d give everything up for you if you needed him to… No one does that unless the person is worth it, especially not someone as smart as Sam.”

 

Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he hadn’t been able to make himself seem worth it on his own. His actions said enough, not to Michael but to _Sam_. And Sam was the one who won Michael over, for both Sam and himself. Dean could feel his smile growing, he’d shown Michael what kind of brother he could be, and to Dean it was a big deal. Michael was an amazing older brother, someone Dean felt he could look up to in that way, and he approved of Dean _based_ on the fact that he’d been so amazing to his own little brother.

 

“Michael I don’t know what to say.”

 

“You don’t have to say anything to me,” Michael smiled and stretched his sore arms, “Just keep up what you’re doing, I have a feeling we’ll get along just fine.”

 

Dean nodded, his hands finding their way to his pockets. He took out a little box and fidgeted with it. “Mike I think I should ask you this, do you think one year is too fast?”

 

Michael looked at him and then looked at the little object he was fiddling with in his hands. “I think, as Cas told me he’d heard from you, there’s no one right speed for any couple.”

 

Dean grinned, “My mom said that to me.”

 

“Well your mother isn’t wrong.” Michael nodded toward the house, “He’s not a fan of extravagant, how about you do it now?”

 

Dean felt like he’d just swallowed his heart because his stomach did a very strange twitch that could have been mistaken for a thump from a heartbeat. “You… you think so?”

 

“You’ve had the nerve to yell back at me before, this should be simple. Go on, you have my blessing.” Michael made the ‘shoo’ motion with his hand and Dean wandered inside feeling like a clumsy idiot.

 

“Cas,” he stood with his hands behind his back, the little box starting to feel sweaty. Or maybe those were his palms?

 

“Hey,” Cas smiled at him, “I ordered a meat lover’s for you, hope that’s alright.”

 

“Oh, yeah that’s cool.” Dean shifted nervously and exhaled as slowly as his brain thought necessary to calm him down. “Cas, you know you mean the world to me.”

 

Castiel stopped and looked at Dean with a little concern, he was starting to question the wisdom of letting Michael outside with Dean in the first place. “Yes? Dean what happened?”

 

“I’ve made some promises that I’ve stumbled over and I know that maybe you don’t trust me when I say I promise to be yours, forever. But Cas, I still have to ask you,” Dean knelt down in front of Cas with the box present in his palm, his boyfriend covering his mouth and doing his best not to scream. “Will you be mine forever? Will you marry me, Castiel?”

 

There was a rush of tears as Castiel dropped down to the floor with Dean and hugged him, “Yes! Yes of course!” he cried, turning his head to kiss Dean’s cheek over and over again.

 

Dean sighed out his relief, his tears mixing with Castiel’s as he kissed back. Jet was the first one to whistle loudly which instigated the clapping from everyone else. Sam smiled down at Gabriel who looked like he was trying not to make similar water works. Michael stood in the doorway behind the couple, smiling mostly to himself as he clapped for them, Castiel had never looked happier.

 

The rest of that day was a celebration, Cas had run up to both of his brothers several times and squealed about the ring Dean had bought him. It was a modest set, each ring with beautiful engravings, Castiel’s read ‘If I lay here’ in tiny script, matching Dean’s ‘I’d lay with you.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay there's one more chapter after this and that'll wrap this baby up!


	41. Epilogue

Weddings don’t just happen the next day, they take careful planning. In the case of Castiel most of that planning went into what could they get away with? It had to look good, fashionable and tactful but cheap and not overly extravagant. Less is more, Castiel had told him. Dean appreciated that, they decided their colour scheme would be primarily white and blue, the odd thing here or there a pale purple colour. There would be one lily placed in a jar on each dining table, the catering was planned out and taken care of by Michael so the cutlery and dishes used were by far the most eloquent things there.

 

John and Mary congratulated them when they finally received word of the intentions, and Dean wasn’t even the one who told them. Cas had gotten so excited he had gone to visit them on his own while Dean was in class. Dean knew because he received a phone call in the middle of a test. It was alright of course, but it still startled the hell out of him, as well as reminded him to turn his phone on silent for the next one. It was the first out of two weddings that Mary and John would be attending, meaning it was important and Mary insisted on helping Cas plan it.

 

Which was just fine by Castiel, he loved working with Mary and just generally being around her. She was his new mom, after all. He loved her, and John as well. His own dad was distant and a busybody, John was definitely a family man and was there for his kids. Mary seemed to keep him in line when he strayed, but didn’t every married couple have something like that in their dynamic?

 

Dean had graduated already, his degree in business under his belt Dean had to decide what exactly he wanted to put it toward. Owning his own shop sounded like fun but Gabriel had informed him that he was taking Sam out on vacation, a tour of the world kind of thing. Which meant they’d be gone for months, maybe longer if Gabriel felt like it. Dean was excited for Sam, and he was even more excited when Gabriel gave him the opportunity to take over The Jar.

 

“You mean it?” Dean stared at him in awe, not sure if Gabriel was serious.

 

“You’ve got the degree, I don’t see why not. Besides, you’re one of our most regular customers, you know how we work better than anyone.” Gabriel grinned back at him.

 

The thing was, Gabriel didn’t intend to come back, meaning he had handed Dean all the documents and papers to sign under that pretense. Dean had no idea until Castiel had excitedly jumped on him.

 

“I can’t believe you own The Jar now! Dean, we can work together, it’s so cute!”

 

“I own what?” Dean had stumbled through the thought as he stuttered out the words. “Gabriel just gave me some stuff to sign so he could go on his trip.”

 

“Yeah, you signed for the property and the shop, it’s yours now.” Cas laughed, ruffling up Dean’s hair, “For a guy who got his degree you sure don’t know much about the papers you were handling.”

 

“Shut up, I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” Dean laughed too but he was actually quite nervous.

 

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you handle it.” Cas smiled sweetly, “I took classes and courses to get me ready for the big company, I think I can handle this with you.”

 

“Right,” Dean smiled back and kissed Cas slowly, really tasting the breath mint he’d recently eaten. “I guess I’m freaking out over nothing, we can make this place run like a mom and pop kinda joint.”

 

To Dean’s great pleasure and relief Castiel agreed, meaning they both owned it and shared responsibilities. Cas immediately took to redecorating it and setting up the employees with better benefits. After all, happy workers made the job place so much better. They worked together happily, granted Dean ended up at the café more often that Castiel did, Cas was out doing is volunteering thing, which was just as important. The girls who had been working at the café since Dean started going there the year before were ecstatic to see him owning the place now, he’d been such a great help at clean up each night and he was always so amazing to talk to. Dean enjoyed his work, even though it didn’t involve the mechanical type of labour he’d expected when he first took on his post-secondary schooling.

 

Sam had done so well in school and though he was offered a free ride into an amazing law school right out of university, he declined. Gabriel’s trip was important to both of them and he figured he could put off finishing his law degree, especially if Gabe would pay the tuition to make up for Sam missing the free years of education. They were young, what was the point in rushing into something like that? Sam knew he’d miss out on all the good memories he could have made, and who would turn down a trip around the world? Not that Winchester.

 

The families had a tendency to get together more often than just holidays. John would break out the barbecue and invite everyone over, Novak’s included. They never did get to meet Jimmy, not that Dean wanted to. He’d moved across the continent where his company had expanded, owning and running the new site. Originally he was going to move Michael but his oldest son had other intentions. This time, with no more leverage held above Michael’s head, Michael said no outright and gave his father every reason why Jimmy should head out to the new company instead of him. One of his favourites being ‘fuck you.’

 

Now with James Novak out of the picture, Michael could run the show any which way he wanted without having his dad’s say in the matter. Michael was brilliant with the company and they soon discovered the value of his leadership as soon as James had stepped down and moved on to the other state. With a greater amount of efficiency and not having his father breathing down his neck about bullshit that didn’t matter, Michael was free to take on hobbies again. Meaning he could get his motorcycle out of the garage. He’d heard from Cas that Dean was pretty good with vehicles so he gave it a whirl and asked his brother in-law if he’d like to help get the bike up and running again.

 

Why would Dean refuse? He was beyond flattered and almost jumped at the opportunity.

 

Castiel spent Mother’s Day with Mary, being one of the only ones able to just drop whatever he was doing and take her out. They got makeovers, spent the day at the spa, and talked the whole while. Dean and Sam had shown up in the evening for the dinner they usually had with her and discovered she had been pampered and sweetened up by Castiel’s presence the whole day. Dean loved seeing it, seeing Castiel just slip into their family like it was the most obvious step in the world.

 

And slipping into the family was exactly what it seemed like he’d done. Castiel was so naturally apart of the Winchester family that they hardly noticed the difference, none could really think of what would change as soon as Dean and Cas exchanged rings. They decided that when they did put the rings on one another’s fingers it’d be the same ones that they’d been wearing since their engagement. Instead of wedding rings or wedding bands they decided to get tattoos, cool little patterns wrapping around the ring finger on their left hand to indicate the permanence. That way they could never take it off or lose it, and if it would ever have to be removed it’d be just as painful as everything else would inevitably be.

 

Dean stood anxiously in his dressing room on the day they’d chosen, it was almost a year later on February 14, Valentine’s Day and the anniversary of when they’d first met. Dean thought it was the best day, easy to remember, easy to celebrate, and it meant something for them both. Castiel was more than happy to agree.

 

He tugged at the collar of his tux and inhaled deeply, expecting a nice slow exhale but it never came. Instead he got a good jab to the side, which made him choke a little.

 

“You look nervous, man.” Jet grinned at him, all cleaned up and looking pretty dapper in his suit.

 

“And you look weird.”

 

Jet shrugged and nudged him again, “C’mon, it’s time to get out there and do this thing. Seal the deal, right?”

 

“Right.” Dean smiled and looked back in the mirror, “I’m ready.”

 

The hall they’d chosen to do it in was gorgeous and Dean felt so overwhelmed as he walked inside. It wasn’t overly done but it still took his breath away. So many people had shown up, the pews were full and he felt more important than ever. He was about to take Castiel to be his, in front of all of them without a single hesitation of fear. Dean was ready. He walked up to his side, his three ‘best men’ lined up beside him; Sam, Jet, and Jo, respectfully. On the other side were Castiel’s chosen friends, of course his two brothers Michael and Gabriel, as well as Charlie. Dean smiled at them, earning himself a grin from Gabriel and Charlie who both gave thumbs up. Michael wasn’t there yet, he was the one who would be walking Castiel down the aisle.

 

Dean looked around at his family and friends in the audience, feeling the tears well up in his eyes as he watched Mary blow her nose for the fourth time, John take a steady deep breath and smile proudly up at his son, and even when Garth had to wipe his eyes with his sleeve several times. He was really doing this.

 

The doors opened and the flower girl pranced down the aisle first, a young girl that Jo baby-sat once in a while. Dean smiled at her excitement but his eyes were drawn to the young man who all but demanded a spotlight on him. Castiel smiled at the back of the room and Dean could feel it, fluttering in his stomach like butterflies. The light from outside was so bright it almost silhouetted Castiel’s figure as he came forward, a trim man in a fitted suit courtesy of Michael’s tastes.

 

Only for a moment Dean fooled himself into thinking Castiel couldn’t be _that_ beautiful, that it was the wedding bells ringing in his mind that made his baby look like an angel in a man’s skin. But who was he kidding? Everything about his walk caught the eye; the slight sway of his hips and shift of his back was subtle but provocative. He reached the podium where Michael let him go and walked over to join the other two at Castiel’s side. “Hello, Dean.” Cas smiled at him, they hadn’t seen each other all day.

 

Dean nearly melted in his shoes. Cas’ voice still had some kind of power over him. And that _face,_ those _eyes_ , he was beautiful. Dean was certain he couldn’t feel his legs anymore. “Hi Cas.”

 

The ceremony was lost to him and he almost didn’t care what was said, all that mattered was what Castiel said, was what Cas did, that was all that he cared about it. Cas’ gaze was so intense Dean wondered if he wasn’t listening either. But they both managed to get through their vows without any mishaps.

 

The I do’s were said and they stared at one another, in that instant it was just them, their future and their world. Dean could feel the chill of February’s bite in the building, it wasn’t that well circulated and his fingers were cold. But the moment Castiel took his hand and they stepped together he felt like a fire raged inside him. He finally understood that concept, the coldest nights made the warmest memories. It wasn’t just the contrast, it was the symbolism behind it. In cold weather you bundled up, you snuggled close, you became more intimate. The cold would yank at your body and try to weasel its way through, but that only made the warm touch of another so much stronger in its wake. Dean held Castiel’s hands tightly and smiled, he’d never let go of that moment.

 

“You may now kiss your partner.”

 

And they did, Dean couldn’t help but make it more than the simple little peck on the lips he’d seen in so many weddings. His hands found their way to cupping Castiel’s cheek, the other bracing the back of his head. Their mouths locked in a kiss they’d shared so many times and nothing compared to this one. This one was the final promise, the seal and the start to the rest of their lives.

 

Finally Dean let him go, gasping lightly they looked at each other again, Castiel’s eyes so bright and lively they made Dean smile even wider. “I love you, Castiel.”

 

“I love you too, Dean. Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story reached over 100 kudos before I posted this chapter. First time for me! Yay! Have an epilogue :3


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